Just another day...
Just another annoying day that won't end!!!
Annoyed of my life.
Annoyed of all people.
Annoyed of myself.
Just need a break!!!
Mad as hell, everything's fucked up, it's one in the morning, I have to get up for work tomorrow at 5:30, my grandma is sick, my brother has left me for Kentucky, I had a seisure on the bus last week, and just as soon as I thought I was going to start getting my bills paid off, then I just make more. This time it is only $4,000 for two hours of torture in damn Alameda Hospital. I have hella forms to fill out, still have to get my perscription, I feel sick as hell (I'm spitting up green and yellow loogies that I can feel roll up my throat about every ten seconds, about the size of a marble) and then I catch myself not breathing anymore, and then I will panic and gasp for air for the next minute or two. I always feel scared... ( I get dizzy, and everything goes blurry like how everything went right before I had my seisure, and I always think that I am going to have another one, and I wonder what the next time waking up will be like. I wonder who will see? I hate thinking about that. I wish it would go away, I almost don't want to wake up anymore because I know I have to face a day of worrying about that. Then I worry about my grandma all day, she isn't doing well at all. She can't walk by herself anymore, and she shits in a garbage can in her room because she can't make it to the toilet. She passed out the other morning on me at about five o clock in the morning, she was going to the living room to turn the heater on, and she just fell smack on the hardwood floor, leaving her with the worst headache, and it took me four tries before I could get her back to her bed. She kept passing back out once I got her standing up. It's really scary. Then... Hector and I of course are going thru hard times right now, which stress me out even more, and I just feel so lonley all the time. I feel like everything is up to me or it won't get done. My grandma can't get things done anymore, my brother is just too busy, Hector is too lazy, and then who's left... me. I just can't do it all. Today after work, I went to get toilet paper, paper towels, and tissue at Grocery Outlet...Gram has gotten so sick that we ran out of all paper products, when she is one who will have a closet stocked full of any supplies imaginable. Tomorrow I am working all day, but I have to fit in sometime to get cat food too... we ran out of that too, and many other things, that normally you wouldn't catch our house without. I just wish I had a friend that understands me. Normally Hector is that friend, but latley he has just been treating me horrible, and doing or saying things that I would never expect from him. He's really been hurting me more and more each day. He's just been so out of it latley, I don't know what's wrong with him. He's never acted like this with me. He just doesn't listen to anything I am telling him, and he doesn't get anything done. I don't know what to do... but until I think of something...I am just going to have to see how things go. I must get going. Like I said... work tomorrow... very early, and I can't sleep right now because Hector is totally ignoring me, and being wierd for no reason, and I just feel too angry and depressed to sleep. Tomorrow is going to be a long day!!!
I'll update more soon, I need to start writing in here. I don't have any friends to talk to about my problems anymore. It sucks, but then again... maybe it is better keeping everything to yourself.
Life goes on.
Annoyed of my life.
Annoyed of all people.
Annoyed of myself.
Just need a break!!!
Mad as hell, everything's fucked up, it's one in the morning, I have to get up for work tomorrow at 5:30, my grandma is sick, my brother has left me for Kentucky, I had a seisure on the bus last week, and just as soon as I thought I was going to start getting my bills paid off, then I just make more. This time it is only $4,000 for two hours of torture in damn Alameda Hospital. I have hella forms to fill out, still have to get my perscription, I feel sick as hell (I'm spitting up green and yellow loogies that I can feel roll up my throat about every ten seconds, about the size of a marble) and then I catch myself not breathing anymore, and then I will panic and gasp for air for the next minute or two. I always feel scared... ( I get dizzy, and everything goes blurry like how everything went right before I had my seisure, and I always think that I am going to have another one, and I wonder what the next time waking up will be like. I wonder who will see? I hate thinking about that. I wish it would go away, I almost don't want to wake up anymore because I know I have to face a day of worrying about that. Then I worry about my grandma all day, she isn't doing well at all. She can't walk by herself anymore, and she shits in a garbage can in her room because she can't make it to the toilet. She passed out the other morning on me at about five o clock in the morning, she was going to the living room to turn the heater on, and she just fell smack on the hardwood floor, leaving her with the worst headache, and it took me four tries before I could get her back to her bed. She kept passing back out once I got her standing up. It's really scary. Then... Hector and I of course are going thru hard times right now, which stress me out even more, and I just feel so lonley all the time. I feel like everything is up to me or it won't get done. My grandma can't get things done anymore, my brother is just too busy, Hector is too lazy, and then who's left... me. I just can't do it all. Today after work, I went to get toilet paper, paper towels, and tissue at Grocery Outlet...Gram has gotten so sick that we ran out of all paper products, when she is one who will have a closet stocked full of any supplies imaginable. Tomorrow I am working all day, but I have to fit in sometime to get cat food too... we ran out of that too, and many other things, that normally you wouldn't catch our house without. I just wish I had a friend that understands me. Normally Hector is that friend, but latley he has just been treating me horrible, and doing or saying things that I would never expect from him. He's really been hurting me more and more each day. He's just been so out of it latley, I don't know what's wrong with him. He's never acted like this with me. He just doesn't listen to anything I am telling him, and he doesn't get anything done. I don't know what to do... but until I think of something...I am just going to have to see how things go. I must get going. Like I said... work tomorrow... very early, and I can't sleep right now because Hector is totally ignoring me, and being wierd for no reason, and I just feel too angry and depressed to sleep. Tomorrow is going to be a long day!!!
I'll update more soon, I need to start writing in here. I don't have any friends to talk to about my problems anymore. It sucks, but then again... maybe it is better keeping everything to yourself.
Life goes on.