Comcast is for complete sucks. We are chumps.
HERE IS THE STORY OF COMCAST.
Comcast is for complete sucks. We are chumps.
Our internet has completely licked nads for like 6 months. Ten hundred times
a day for 5-500 minutes our ping times start to beliiiiiiiiiiieve they can
flyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy / they believe they can touch the
skyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. When your ping to google is two seconds, to say
you are connected to the internet is akin to saying "I did not have sexual
relations with that woman."
They sent a guy out some number of months ago who updated the firmware on
our router--no small feat when you consider that his head was wedged quite
squarely up his asshole the entire time. He then left to huff spray paint in
his van. His complete failure to make any attempt to figure out what was
actually wrong brought about no discernable improvement in our service,
which is terribly surprising because his heart was in the right place.
Apparently it's not just the thought that counts in cable repair.
A month ago, I became fed up once again with the shit-poor quality of
service we receive and called Comcast. They said, and I quote verbatim,
"lolz we c4nt help u 'less u call wh1le ur service is b4d." They also
mentioned that our modem was reporting a weak upstream signal. I called them
several times over the next 2 days during our ping tornadoes but only
managed on the 4th or 5th try to navigate through their byzantine phone
menus to an actual human being before the service returned to normal. "lolz
prankd ur m0d3m's upZtream is w34k." Thanks.
I scheduled an appointment for the same day, but I guess "appointment" means
"Maybe somebody will show up if they feel like it. Don't wait up or
anything." I called again and they said somebody would call me to
reschedule. It transpired that this, too, was naught but a tale of sound and
fury, signifying nothing.
This Tuesday I called again and scheduled another appointment. The CSR I
spoke with was clearly high off his ass, but he did managed to schedule
something for Wednesday. I was assured that somebody would call me before
arriving. I assumed both the appointment and the promise of a call were
lies, but I was pleasantly surprised to find that only the phone call was a
wild fantasy borne out of the opium den that is Comcast customer service.
What's more, the man who showed up at our door was polite and (most shocking
of all) competent. He knew what the words "ping time" signify. I showed him
a ping time graph and he understood that it represented miserable service.
He immediately agreed that the usual excuses--you use a router so that's
causing all your problems, we can't be sure that all your modem's lights are
flashing when you have a problem so fuck off, and so on--were not the cause
of our problems. He had a gash on his forehead and was asian, so he is
probably a rogue cable ninja who assassinates Comcast techs and takes over
their appointments for the good of mankind.
After an inspection of our wiring and some tests, he determined that our
main cable needed replacement and that running a cable through the heating
system was a really terrible idea. Unfortunately, the cable runs through the
Secret Room. Fari nor Mr. Awesome were home, so I was cold fucked. The ninja
said to call again when we could get in there. "Don't go..." I whispered
hoarsely, tears welling from my eyes, but he had already vanished across the
rooftops.
I arranged for Mr. Awesome to be available and scheduled another appointment
for this morning. I told the CSR I needed a phone call before anybody showed
up so I could call Mr. Awesome and tell him to come over.
"d00d that's how it works. they always call. dumbass."
"But the guy who showed up yesterday didn't call, and I really need a call
so I can tell our landlord to come over."
"i t0ld u f4gg0t they always call. and nobody came to your house yesterday."
"but..."
"stfu"
Dude shows up at our door 15 minutes before the end of the window, having
failed utterly to call. It is not the same guy. I die a little inside. I
call Fari's but nobody picks up. I die a little more.
I explain our situation and tell him the guy who came out on Wednesday said
we need a cable replaced. He tells me no guy came out on Wednesday. He is
very insistent on this point. I am now 100% dead inside. Eventually, I give
up and show him the fucked cable and he agrees that it is pretty much
fucked, so at least there's that.
I call Fari again and she picks up. Maybe I'm only 99% dead inside. She says
Mr. Awesome is here, at the house, right now. I hang up and look for him.
Unless he is invisible or deliberately hiding, he is not here. The dude is
like "I can't stay long. I'm leaving soon." 105% dead inside. I explain that
he should have fucking called me, and he says quite matter-of-factly that
nobody asked to be called. I murder him and bury his body in our compost
pile.. I mean, I call Fari again. She is very confused that Mr. Awesome, who
should have been here long ago, is not here.
Blessedly, he shows up during this phone conversation. I become religious.
He unlocks the Secret Door and leaves. Was that all? Mother fuck. The Secret
Room contains a small amount of furniture, three mattresses, four paint cans
plus a roller and paint tray, and a ladder. It is a very disappointing
Secret Room. I spit on Fari's secrets. Ptew.
The dude is highly surly. He likes very much to tell me how stupidly we have
our cable set up. He says the amplifier is killing our TVs somehow. I ask
him why but he does not answer me, instead walking away to do something
else. He does this every single time I ask him a question. He is possibly
the rudest human being I have ever met in a professional capacity. He
complains that it is impossible for him to reroute the cable, at which point
I tell him how the guy from Wednesday suggested we do it. He reminds me that
nobody came on Wednesday before saying that oh, yeah, that totally works. He
delights in informing me that we will be charged for this service call. Joy.
I play solitaire while he re-cables our house. Every time he walks by me he
says "you lost!" I suppress my urge to kill, securing my eventual sainthood.
At one point I move Keith's DVD rack for him, and the Super Scope falls to
the floor. If it has gone on to the great pile of ET cartridges in the sky,
replacements can be had on eBay several times a day for substantially less
than the original retail price.
I sign a work order and he finally goes away. Our TVs and our internet work.
The TV reception seems to be much better than it was. I remove the amplifier
and unplug the cable that runs through our heating system (now that it is
connected to nothing). The reception is still good on both TVs--yes,
including
the Sci-Fi Channel.
So, that problem with snowy TV reception we started having a week or two ago
is now fixed. Our more general ping time problems that also showed up
recently (erratic pings in the 50-150ms range) are also gone. However, the
real, crippling problem with our internet service--the intermittent 1-2
second ping times--seems to be exactly as bad as it was, since that has
already happened once in the hour since that surly bastard quit our hearth.
This is not terribly surprising, since a marginal cable is a much less
likely explanation than poor QoS protocols on one of Comcast's routers
allowing somebody else on the block to throttle our internet with their own
traffic.
If it's not too much trouble, I would like to die now, please.
- via the web from someone named Nate
Comcast is for complete sucks. We are chumps.
Our internet has completely licked nads for like 6 months. Ten hundred times
a day for 5-500 minutes our ping times start to beliiiiiiiiiiieve they can
flyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy / they believe they can touch the
skyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. When your ping to google is two seconds, to say
you are connected to the internet is akin to saying "I did not have sexual
relations with that woman."
They sent a guy out some number of months ago who updated the firmware on
our router--no small feat when you consider that his head was wedged quite
squarely up his asshole the entire time. He then left to huff spray paint in
his van. His complete failure to make any attempt to figure out what was
actually wrong brought about no discernable improvement in our service,
which is terribly surprising because his heart was in the right place.
Apparently it's not just the thought that counts in cable repair.
A month ago, I became fed up once again with the shit-poor quality of
service we receive and called Comcast. They said, and I quote verbatim,
"lolz we c4nt help u 'less u call wh1le ur service is b4d." They also
mentioned that our modem was reporting a weak upstream signal. I called them
several times over the next 2 days during our ping tornadoes but only
managed on the 4th or 5th try to navigate through their byzantine phone
menus to an actual human being before the service returned to normal. "lolz
prankd ur m0d3m's upZtream is w34k." Thanks.
I scheduled an appointment for the same day, but I guess "appointment" means
"Maybe somebody will show up if they feel like it. Don't wait up or
anything." I called again and they said somebody would call me to
reschedule. It transpired that this, too, was naught but a tale of sound and
fury, signifying nothing.
This Tuesday I called again and scheduled another appointment. The CSR I
spoke with was clearly high off his ass, but he did managed to schedule
something for Wednesday. I was assured that somebody would call me before
arriving. I assumed both the appointment and the promise of a call were
lies, but I was pleasantly surprised to find that only the phone call was a
wild fantasy borne out of the opium den that is Comcast customer service.
What's more, the man who showed up at our door was polite and (most shocking
of all) competent. He knew what the words "ping time" signify. I showed him
a ping time graph and he understood that it represented miserable service.
He immediately agreed that the usual excuses--you use a router so that's
causing all your problems, we can't be sure that all your modem's lights are
flashing when you have a problem so fuck off, and so on--were not the cause
of our problems. He had a gash on his forehead and was asian, so he is
probably a rogue cable ninja who assassinates Comcast techs and takes over
their appointments for the good of mankind.
After an inspection of our wiring and some tests, he determined that our
main cable needed replacement and that running a cable through the heating
system was a really terrible idea. Unfortunately, the cable runs through the
Secret Room. Fari nor Mr. Awesome were home, so I was cold fucked. The ninja
said to call again when we could get in there. "Don't go..." I whispered
hoarsely, tears welling from my eyes, but he had already vanished across the
rooftops.
I arranged for Mr. Awesome to be available and scheduled another appointment
for this morning. I told the CSR I needed a phone call before anybody showed
up so I could call Mr. Awesome and tell him to come over.
"d00d that's how it works. they always call. dumbass."
"But the guy who showed up yesterday didn't call, and I really need a call
so I can tell our landlord to come over."
"i t0ld u f4gg0t they always call. and nobody came to your house yesterday."
"but..."
"stfu"
Dude shows up at our door 15 minutes before the end of the window, having
failed utterly to call. It is not the same guy. I die a little inside. I
call Fari's but nobody picks up. I die a little more.
I explain our situation and tell him the guy who came out on Wednesday said
we need a cable replaced. He tells me no guy came out on Wednesday. He is
very insistent on this point. I am now 100% dead inside. Eventually, I give
up and show him the fucked cable and he agrees that it is pretty much
fucked, so at least there's that.
I call Fari again and she picks up. Maybe I'm only 99% dead inside. She says
Mr. Awesome is here, at the house, right now. I hang up and look for him.
Unless he is invisible or deliberately hiding, he is not here. The dude is
like "I can't stay long. I'm leaving soon." 105% dead inside. I explain that
he should have fucking called me, and he says quite matter-of-factly that
nobody asked to be called. I murder him and bury his body in our compost
pile.. I mean, I call Fari again. She is very confused that Mr. Awesome, who
should have been here long ago, is not here.
Blessedly, he shows up during this phone conversation. I become religious.
He unlocks the Secret Door and leaves. Was that all? Mother fuck. The Secret
Room contains a small amount of furniture, three mattresses, four paint cans
plus a roller and paint tray, and a ladder. It is a very disappointing
Secret Room. I spit on Fari's secrets. Ptew.
The dude is highly surly. He likes very much to tell me how stupidly we have
our cable set up. He says the amplifier is killing our TVs somehow. I ask
him why but he does not answer me, instead walking away to do something
else. He does this every single time I ask him a question. He is possibly
the rudest human being I have ever met in a professional capacity. He
complains that it is impossible for him to reroute the cable, at which point
I tell him how the guy from Wednesday suggested we do it. He reminds me that
nobody came on Wednesday before saying that oh, yeah, that totally works. He
delights in informing me that we will be charged for this service call. Joy.
I play solitaire while he re-cables our house. Every time he walks by me he
says "you lost!" I suppress my urge to kill, securing my eventual sainthood.
At one point I move Keith's DVD rack for him, and the Super Scope falls to
the floor. If it has gone on to the great pile of ET cartridges in the sky,
replacements can be had on eBay several times a day for substantially less
than the original retail price.
I sign a work order and he finally goes away. Our TVs and our internet work.
The TV reception seems to be much better than it was. I remove the amplifier
and unplug the cable that runs through our heating system (now that it is
connected to nothing). The reception is still good on both TVs--yes,
including
the Sci-Fi Channel.
So, that problem with snowy TV reception we started having a week or two ago
is now fixed. Our more general ping time problems that also showed up
recently (erratic pings in the 50-150ms range) are also gone. However, the
real, crippling problem with our internet service--the intermittent 1-2
second ping times--seems to be exactly as bad as it was, since that has
already happened once in the hour since that surly bastard quit our hearth.
This is not terribly surprising, since a marginal cable is a much less
likely explanation than poor QoS protocols on one of Comcast's routers
allowing somebody else on the block to throttle our internet with their own
traffic.
If it's not too much trouble, I would like to die now, please.
- via the web from someone named Nate