Ghastly Garden Gnomes
Some people think garden gnomes are cute and wonderful little creatures. Some think they are the world's worst garden ornament. Some others think that they should be rounded up and burnt, sending enormous quanitities of polluting gases into the atmosphere, possibly rupturing the ozone layer and potentially ending life on earth. (Not recommended for dial-up users)
We all know that gnomes are mischevious, shifty characters, but did you know that they carry out all manner of illegal crimes across the world? Below is my evidence.
Lurking in bushes is classed in some countries as a crime...
Binge drinking is a revolting habit and is frowned upon by many societies...
In London Underground stations, busking is illegal unless you have a permit. Do you think this rather innocent-looking gnome has a permit upon his person?
Even gnomes peacefully sleeping in publically used parks can be removed by the local police...
Although in some countries, canabis is used as a 'medicine' to many ailments...but in Britain it is illegal. I don't think this gnome has been informed..
Damage to local habitats and wildlife is a crime in Britain. This includes picking flowers, berries and falsely luring animals from their habitats to kill them for dinner...
One of the most shocking crimes is rape. However, even more shocking is the raping of wild animals...this gnome, if caught, could face a long prison sentence..
Although rare, Highwaymen still exist. They are predominatly old gnomes who have no home or family. These gnomes come across to be nice and friendly, but don't be fooled by their niceness for they will con you out of your money given half a chance. The best approach to these criminals is to run away from them (they have short legs, they will no be able to keep up) and report them to your local police station immediately.
This group of gnomes were captured hanging on street corners. They were arrested and issued with Anti-Social Behaviour Orders.
The worst kind of crime - murder! This gnome looks to have been on a killing spree. Do no approach such characters! They may tear ligaments in your ankles with their knives..
A simple woodchopper? Or a axe-wielding mass murderer? You decide...
But, no matter how innocent or terrible the crime, my view is that all gnomes should be executed like this one...act now! Report your gnome to the Gnome Execution Front and you will be rewarded with a plastic replica of your 'beloved' gnome for you to cherish for the rest of your days.