Bored at Barnes and Noble
This is what I wrote on my old receipts when I was bored out of my mind at barnes and noble on July 16, 2005:
I am sitting here at Barnes and Noble waiting for Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince to be released. During my wait, I have been reading Pride and Prejudice. It is a good book, but I can hardly contain my excitement for Harry Potter. Being stuck in this store is like locking a kid in an ice-cream shop for 6 hours. Its is taking every ounce of restraint for me to sit here without buying half of the books in the store. I have a feeling that I will amass a pretty good sized library buy the time I am out of graduate school.
Passing by the spanish and travel books places me in a mod of slight loneliness. After a year of being away from Jose, I still miss him greatly. I still have dreams of him and I think of him daily. In fact, I had a dream that scared me out of my wits last night. While the dream was slightly long and weird, the basic plot was that Jose and I were secretly married. This thought frightened me because I'm not quite sure how I would respond if he asked me to marry him. I've always been cynical about love except a small part of me that has developed into a hopeless romantic. It's all of those romantic movies I suspect. Anyway, while I believe that I am still in love with Jose, I could be completely wrong. What if I tricked myself into believing that I love him just because I want to be in love with him? How do I know if it's real? How do I know if I will be truly happy with him? While he has an equal intelligence level, he does not share my interest in books nor my other nerdy habits. On the other hand, his personality complements me well. When I am with him, I stop worrying about the stupid little things. I let go and have fun. I can be a complete person without him, but he brings out a part of me that is free to have fun and still have nerdy quirks. I think that's why I still miss him so much, and then a part of me wonders how we both have changes since he left. I know that we both are essentially the same person, but I wonder that as we grow to adulthood without each other, will we grow in a way that complements the other? Thoughts such as these cross my mind almost everyday. As if the complication of the tremendous distance between us wasn't enough, I am left to ponder these thoughts until I am able to see him again. The most difficult part of this all is leaving this up to God. I still want to control it, yet I know that in the end, God will put me where he wants me to be. As for me, I have to figure out what I want before I can pretend to control my life.
I am sitting here at Barnes and Noble waiting for Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince to be released. During my wait, I have been reading Pride and Prejudice. It is a good book, but I can hardly contain my excitement for Harry Potter. Being stuck in this store is like locking a kid in an ice-cream shop for 6 hours. Its is taking every ounce of restraint for me to sit here without buying half of the books in the store. I have a feeling that I will amass a pretty good sized library buy the time I am out of graduate school.
Passing by the spanish and travel books places me in a mod of slight loneliness. After a year of being away from Jose, I still miss him greatly. I still have dreams of him and I think of him daily. In fact, I had a dream that scared me out of my wits last night. While the dream was slightly long and weird, the basic plot was that Jose and I were secretly married. This thought frightened me because I'm not quite sure how I would respond if he asked me to marry him. I've always been cynical about love except a small part of me that has developed into a hopeless romantic. It's all of those romantic movies I suspect. Anyway, while I believe that I am still in love with Jose, I could be completely wrong. What if I tricked myself into believing that I love him just because I want to be in love with him? How do I know if it's real? How do I know if I will be truly happy with him? While he has an equal intelligence level, he does not share my interest in books nor my other nerdy habits. On the other hand, his personality complements me well. When I am with him, I stop worrying about the stupid little things. I let go and have fun. I can be a complete person without him, but he brings out a part of me that is free to have fun and still have nerdy quirks. I think that's why I still miss him so much, and then a part of me wonders how we both have changes since he left. I know that we both are essentially the same person, but I wonder that as we grow to adulthood without each other, will we grow in a way that complements the other? Thoughts such as these cross my mind almost everyday. As if the complication of the tremendous distance between us wasn't enough, I am left to ponder these thoughts until I am able to see him again. The most difficult part of this all is leaving this up to God. I still want to control it, yet I know that in the end, God will put me where he wants me to be. As for me, I have to figure out what I want before I can pretend to control my life.