In my solitude...
This weekend was the first that I've spent almost 100% without Grant. We spoke a couple of times and texted infrequently, but for the most part it was just me... going about my business.
And ya know... it feels weird, but not in an awful way. I can definitely remember what it was like before.
I think this week it finally clicked for me. It's over... really and truly. And it's okay... I'm going to be okay. Before when I told myself it was over it just felt awful. Like the world was over.
Something he said to me really struck a chord... he said, "I wish you didn't have so much animosity towards me." Wow... he was so right. I have been so angry and hurt. I couldn't leave it alone, like a wound I had to keep picking at. It's like I needed to be sure that he was as miserable as I was. What I see now is that he was right to call it off. He did the absolutely correct thing. If he's not sure about me, then, no matter how much it hurts me, we definitely should not be together. I deserve so much better than that.
It's a little confusing trying to stay friends while going through this, but I feel in a much better place to handle it now. I definitely see where we need some separation for awhile. So this weekend has been really good for me I think. Usually my weekends are built around what things we will be doing together. I need to know how to keep myself occupied and to be able to work our time with him around my schedule. Not the other way around.
And ya know... it feels weird, but not in an awful way. I can definitely remember what it was like before.
I think this week it finally clicked for me. It's over... really and truly. And it's okay... I'm going to be okay. Before when I told myself it was over it just felt awful. Like the world was over.
Something he said to me really struck a chord... he said, "I wish you didn't have so much animosity towards me." Wow... he was so right. I have been so angry and hurt. I couldn't leave it alone, like a wound I had to keep picking at. It's like I needed to be sure that he was as miserable as I was. What I see now is that he was right to call it off. He did the absolutely correct thing. If he's not sure about me, then, no matter how much it hurts me, we definitely should not be together. I deserve so much better than that.
It's a little confusing trying to stay friends while going through this, but I feel in a much better place to handle it now. I definitely see where we need some separation for awhile. So this weekend has been really good for me I think. Usually my weekends are built around what things we will be doing together. I need to know how to keep myself occupied and to be able to work our time with him around my schedule. Not the other way around.