¡crash!
i haven't really been writing in here a lot cuz i really have nothing good to say and frankly im sick of even using the computer. plus i dont think anyone really reads my entries either. lately my entire life has pretty much evolved around basketball. practice or a game every day cept sundays, and when im not playing i seem to be going to a game or watching college ball. not that im unhappy with that. i love basketball so much. my favorite sport ever, and i hope i keep gettin better and learning new things.
it's just im unhappy with how my life is going. how everything in it is happening sucks. and there's pretty much nothing i can do about anything. sometime everything is just waaay too much stress for me to handle. trying to do good at practice and in games, and get good grades is rough. i don't know if im a strong enough person to handle it alone.
right now i feel like no one understands. usually i have people i can talk to about this stuff but i feel like they're all gone now. i don't know what happened. things got worse, they just don't understand what im feeling. i don't know if anyone can understand it, since i barely get it myself. what i do understand is that it is the worst feeling in the world to have.
im losing people that i used to be close with. that sucks, but i don't know. i feel like i need to go out and meet some more new people and hang out with different people. i stil love my friends, im just saying i need variety and like i don't know. i have no idea what im even talking about right now.
i just wish someone would understand. i don't even really have anyone who will listen anymore. i can't handle holding it all inside. when i do that the littlest thing then makes me cry, like yesterday. all i want, all i've ever wanted, is someone who will listen to me, and care, and not think badly of me for being messed up like i am and be able to make me laugh and smile. but i don't really think that there is anyone like that for me.
i've realized how stupid i was thinking, how i once did. haha ya right, i should have known that something good happening to me for once would lead to me being extremely unhappy. everything has it's price right? =\ just once... i wish it could be me. everyone seems so happy and stuff. i just want a reason to be happy like that. but i really don't. and im so sick of people saying cheer up! how in the fuckin world can i cheer up? i have nothing to be cheery about, and they don't get it so you people might as well stop saying it cuz it's annoying.
i love how people show like no consideration to my feelings. it's not like im gunna tell someone i don't wanna hear about their problems. i mean i have to listen other wise id be a shitty friend. plus i don't realy mind, the thing that bothers me is how they won't listen åbout mines, and when i try to tell them the subject gets changed or something. im so sick of it all. the song in the entry before this explains it perfect. im sick of being sick...im sick of being alone and havin no one care really.
i've pretty much just given up. this weekend shows that. i haven't done anything nor made any attempt to. i just sit around pretty much. and i don't even care, because i don't feel able to do anything. i have no will power i guess you could say. =[ i've given up....
it's just im unhappy with how my life is going. how everything in it is happening sucks. and there's pretty much nothing i can do about anything. sometime everything is just waaay too much stress for me to handle. trying to do good at practice and in games, and get good grades is rough. i don't know if im a strong enough person to handle it alone.
right now i feel like no one understands. usually i have people i can talk to about this stuff but i feel like they're all gone now. i don't know what happened. things got worse, they just don't understand what im feeling. i don't know if anyone can understand it, since i barely get it myself. what i do understand is that it is the worst feeling in the world to have.
im losing people that i used to be close with. that sucks, but i don't know. i feel like i need to go out and meet some more new people and hang out with different people. i stil love my friends, im just saying i need variety and like i don't know. i have no idea what im even talking about right now.
i just wish someone would understand. i don't even really have anyone who will listen anymore. i can't handle holding it all inside. when i do that the littlest thing then makes me cry, like yesterday. all i want, all i've ever wanted, is someone who will listen to me, and care, and not think badly of me for being messed up like i am and be able to make me laugh and smile. but i don't really think that there is anyone like that for me.
i've realized how stupid i was thinking, how i once did. haha ya right, i should have known that something good happening to me for once would lead to me being extremely unhappy. everything has it's price right? =\ just once... i wish it could be me. everyone seems so happy and stuff. i just want a reason to be happy like that. but i really don't. and im so sick of people saying cheer up! how in the fuckin world can i cheer up? i have nothing to be cheery about, and they don't get it so you people might as well stop saying it cuz it's annoying.
i love how people show like no consideration to my feelings. it's not like im gunna tell someone i don't wanna hear about their problems. i mean i have to listen other wise id be a shitty friend. plus i don't realy mind, the thing that bothers me is how they won't listen åbout mines, and when i try to tell them the subject gets changed or something. im so sick of it all. the song in the entry before this explains it perfect. im sick of being sick...im sick of being alone and havin no one care really.
i've pretty much just given up. this weekend shows that. i haven't done anything nor made any attempt to. i just sit around pretty much. and i don't even care, because i don't feel able to do anything. i have no will power i guess you could say. =[ i've given up....