Fanfic: Building a Family 6/?
Title- Building a Family 6/?
Fandom- Suits
Ship- Harvey/Mike
Rating- PG-13 overall for now
Genre- slash, first-time, domestic/family/kid fic, fluff, drama, plotty
Wordcount- 4660
Disclaimer- I do not own Suits. Harvey and Mike belong to their creators, but Kayla, Amy, Malcolm, and Janet are all mine!
Overall Summary- Mike and Harvey both deal with family issues, while on the way forming a family of their own.
Chapter Summary- Mike and Harvey worry about their relationship, and Mike tries to talk to Harvey about Malcolm.
A/N- originally written for a kidfic prompt here at suitsmeme.
*** Previous Chapter *** Master Post *** Next Chapter ***
Mike watched as the sleek black town car pulled up to the curb where he stood with Kayla balanced on his hip. The little girl moaned softly and rubbed at her eyes, clearly not pleased with having to be up so early. Two days before she had been in the hospital, and when she had seemed so tired the next morning Mike had decided to let her have a second day home from daycare. He had met Harvey at the curb and told him he would be staying home with Kayla, and that short and somewhat stilted conversation was all they’d seen of each other that day.
Now, after the awkwardness of their goodbyes two nights earlier and the awkwardness of their one conversation the previous day, Mike was worried how things would go when he saw Harvey again. He could clearly recall the look in Harvey’s eyes when he left after helping Mike bring Kayla home. He had seen the unconcealed longing in Harvey’s gaze, and felt an answering pang in his own heart. Mike had always tried to ignore the attraction he felt for his boss, had always told himself that nothing could come of it except heartbreak and a complication of their solid working relationship. But since Kayla had come back into his life and they had started to spend more time together, since they had started to feel like a family, that simple physical attraction had grown into something else; something deeper, stronger, and more tender.
Something Mike didn’t want to think about, because he didn’t think it could ever end well. But he had seen in Harvey’s eyes when they said goodbye that Harvey felt the same. It would have been so, so easy to just give in to it at that moment, when his emotional walls had been wrecked by worry over Kayla, and Mike had little doubt that he would have gone along if Harvey had pushed the situation.
But he hadn’t, and Mike had had some time to think about everything since then. He had come to the conclusion that he couldn’t acknowledge his feelings for Harvey, no matter what happened between them. Or at least, he couldn’t do that yet. At the moment Mike’s life was far too complicated to add more to it. In exactly a week Amy would be back for Kayla, and Mike needed to be focused solely on that. He had no idea what she wanted - full custody, shared custody, a reconciliation? If Amy wanted to get back together with him so they could raise Kayla as a family, Mike knew he couldn’t say no. Even though he knew he was no longer in love with Amy, he couldn’t deny his daughter a chance to grow up in a home with both her father and her mother. Kayla was his first priority. He couldn’t even consider starting something with Harvey when he knew that he would get back with Amy if he could, if only for Kayla’s sake.
Mike was broken from his thoughts when the town car stopped in front of him and the door swung open. In his arms Kayla mumbled something about Mike’s bicycle being better than the car, and Mike laughed softly as he leaned down to put Kayla inside, settling her in the car seat that Harvey had insisted on having put in when he first started picking them up. Then he dropped his messenger bag on the floor and climbed in himself. Mike glanced furtively at Harvey before closing the door, but he couldn’t tell from the other man’s expression what was going through his mind.
Neither of them spoke as the car pulled away from the curb. Mike strapped Kayla into the car seat without looking at Harvey, acutely aware that the sound of the buckles clicking into place and Kayla’s little mumblings were the only noise in the car.
Mike glanced at Harvey one more time as he settled back into his seat, but found the older lawyer gazing resolutely at the floor in front of his shoes. Mike gulped and turned away. He had expected this. He had known it would be difficult to talk to Harvey after what had passed between them, but it still hurt to be unable to speak with him naturally. The conversation between them had always flowed easily, whether it was witty exchanges at the office or more personal discussions after they had started to meet outside of work. The sudden wall between them saddened Mike. Since he had cut things off with Trevor, Harvey was the closest friend Mike had. To have this distance between them was almost painful.
The silence stretched longer, and Mike squirmed in his seat. He glanced at Harvey again and licked his lips, trying to think of something -anything!- to say that would make things go back to normal. Harvey was still looking away from him. Mike sighed softly and looked out his window, unable to work up the courage to speak.
“I want a sleepover,” Kayla’s little voice said suddenly.
Mike took a moment to process the words as he turned to look at her, seeing out of the corner of his eye that Harvey did the same. “What do you mean, baby?” Mike asked her, though he thought he already knew.
“At Uncle Harvey’s house!” Kayla pointed to the man in question. Mike glanced up at Harvey, who was still refusing to meet his eyes. Instead he was looking down at Kayla with a tender smile on his face.
“We need another sleepover,” Kayla insisted. “I didn’t get to bring Ruffles last time. So we need to do it again so I can.”
Harvey chuckled softly. “Can’t argue with that logic,” he said with a smile, facing Mike for the first time since he’d entered the car.
And just like that, the tension was broken. Mike grinned at Harvey and shook his head. “I guess not,” he agreed. “It depends on how work goes, Pumpkin,” he told Kayla.
“And to the park?” Kayla asked excitedly.
“Are you sure you want to go to the park again?” Harvey asked the little girl. “We could go someplace new.”
“Where?”
“Lots of places,” he assured her. “Like the zoo. Or an aquarium. The children’s museum, or maybe the Museum of Natural History. It’s got dinosaur bones.” As Harvey spoke, Kayla’s eyes widened with excitement. “The Empire State Building and the Statue of Liberty - you can see the whole city from there. The Boardwalk, maybe. You don’t have to go to the same place every time.”
“I wanna go eeeeeverywhere!” Kayla said, stretching her arms out wide.
Harvey laughed. “Well, you can’t go everywhere in one day.” Kayla pouted, and he laughed again. Mike couldn’t help but grin as he watched the two of them. “Don’t worry; you’ve got time. Pick one place and we’ll go there,” Harvey told Kayla. “And we’ll go someplace else after the next sleepover.”
Mike’s smile faded as he listened to Harvey’s words. Harvey had said that Kayla had time, but that might not be true. As far as he knew Amy was still staying with her parents, and she had told him they lived in New Jersey. Depending on what they worked out, it might not be possible to bring Kayla to places in New York for the day. This could well be the last weekend they had to take her around the city.
“Saturday?” Kayla asked.
“If it’s alright with your father,” Harvey said. Mike looked between them, at Harvey’s brown eyes, silently begging for something, though he couldn’t tell what, and Kayla’s big baby blues, pleading with him to let her do something fun over the weekend.
“Think we’ll catch a case before them?” Mike asked Harvey. He didn’t want to be hauling work with him to the zoo to get it done on time.
“I got one yesterday, but it looks pretty open and shut.”
“Think we can have it finished in three days?”
“Definitely,” Harvey assured him with a raise of his eyebrows, like he was asking if Mike doubted his ability.
Mike’s face split into a grin. “Then, definitely.” Kayla cheered happily, and Harvey held out his hand, grinning when the little girl have him a high five. Mike just smiled as he watched them together. “I’ll have to pack a bag,” he mused out loud.
“Pack for two nights,” Harvey told him. “You can stay all weekend. That way we can hit one place each day.” He said the last to Kayla, accompanied with a tap of a finger on her button nose, and she giggled.
“The zoo!” she said. “Defnamaly, defamaly, the zoo! And the Ferris wheel!”
“The zoo on Saturday, and the Boardwalk on Sunday,” Harvey summarized.
“Yes.” Kayla nodded definitively, and Mike covered a grin. He settled back in his seat and watched as Harvey talked with Kayla about the zoo and all of the animals they might see. He was glad things seemed to have gone back to normal. He just hoped they could stay that way as the week went by, and even after. He didn’t want to give this up.
Mike was in a good mood when he sat down at his desk. Things seemed to have returned to normal between him and Harvey very quickly. After they had dropped Kayla off at the daycare Harvey had started telling him about their case, which did indeed seem fairly simple, though Mike had to wonder if it would stay that way.
Their client, a wealthy woman named Mrs. Beckford, was suing a gossip magazine for libel. They had published an article claiming that she smoked pot, but they didn’t seem to have any solid proof, and there was nothing in her record to suggest she used drugs. It seemed like the kind of story the gossip rags printed to sell copies, the kind they could afford to print because they made more from writing the stuff than they ever had to pay when someone challenged it. Nonetheless, Harvey wanted to be sure, so he had asked Mike to dig into Mrs. Beckford’s contacts and see if he could find any connection to the dealer the magazine claimed had sold her the weed.
Mike started by tracking down Mrs. Beckford’s secretary. He wasn’t planning on asking her about the drugs; he knew she would probably be too worried about her job to tell him anything. He wanted to know who had worked for Mrs. Beckford before her. Once he got that list of names, he planned to talk to anyone who had been fired or quit, figuring they wouldn’t have any problem with telling whatever secrets their former boss might have.
As Mike started to settle in for a long day of phone calls, he dropped his messenger bag in the desk and opened it, pulling out whatever it was he’d been working on in the days before. The office he’d called had just put him on hold, and he glanced down over the papers. With a jolt of guilt he recognized the name on the file: Malcolm Specter. With Kayla in the hospital, Mike had completely forgotten about his meeting with Harvey’s brother. He hadn’t said a word to Harvey about it. And time was running out.
Mike stood outside Harvey’s office, waiting for Jessica to leave. She had somehow found out that Mike had been digging into Mrs. Beckford’s contacts, and was lecturing Harvey about violating the client’s privacy when he was supposed to be focused on getting a settlement out of the gossip magazine. Mike had made all the calls he needed to and had found that although Mrs. Beckford had no connection to the alleged marijuana dealer, she did have a history of drug use. Mike had come with the excuse of reporting his finds to Harvey, but that wasn’t the only thing he was hoping to talk about.
Mike had been so worried about Kayla being hospitalized that he had completely forgotten about Malcolm Specter, Harvey’s estranged younger brother who would soon be going into the witness protection program. They hadn’t spoken in over ten years, and if Mike couldn’t convince Harvey to reconcile with him, they would never be able to again. Mike had neglected to tell Harvey about it for a day and a half while he took off work. Now that he was back at the office, back with Harvey, Mike knew he needed to talk to him about his brother as soon as possible.
Mike had no idea how Harvey might respond to the news that his brother wanted to speak to him, though given how he had talked about Malcolm the one time he had mentioned him Mike suspected it wouldn’t be positively. Mike knew that Harvey had stuck his neck out for Malcolm, had pulled strings to get his first two drug offenses knocked down. He knew Harvey must have been angry when Malcolm went back to the drugs and the effort was wasted. He knew Harvey must have felt hurt that his brother hadn’t seemed to care that Harvey was trying to help him. But surely, surely Harvey wouldn’t let that stand in the way when this may very well be their last chance to see each other?
Mike was broken from his thoughts when the door of Harvey’s office opened and Jessica walked out. He glanced after her as she walked past, then looked back at Harvey. He could tell from the older lawyer’s expression as he stared down at his desk that he was hardly in a good mood after the lecture he’d received. If there would ever be a good time to talk to him about Malcolm, this probably wasn’t it, but what else could Mike do? He had wasted enough time already. He had to tell him, and the sooner he did, the better.
Mike took a deep breath, steeling himself for whatever Harvey’s reaction might be, and pushed open the office door.
* * *
Harvey looked up from his desk as he heard the door open and saw Mike enter, looking nervous. Harvey guessed Mike had probably seen Jessica leaving, and knew that she had been talking to him about having Mike dig into their client’s past. “Don’t worry,” Harvey assured him tiredly. “It’s not you she’s mad at.”
Mike didn’t answer, but instead looked at the floor and fumbled with the edge of his jacket. Harvey forced a smile onto his face. “So, am I going to be able to go back to Jessica and tell her the digging turned something up, or did I deserve that lecture about the client's privacy?”
“She did cocaine,” Mike said, raising his eyes to look at Harvey. “But not in the past five years and not from the guy they said she bought from. She’s done drugs, but not recently, and pretty much everything in the article was wrong.”
Harvey nodded slowly, considering the information Mike had brought him. If what was printed was untrue, they should still be able to win the case. He just needed to make sure that the opposition didn’t find out about the digging he’d had Mike do. If Jessica was upset about him looking into their client’s past, she’d be even more upset if the opposition found out about it and decided to take a deeper look themselves.
“Alright,” Harvey said. “What they printed wasn’t true, so our case is still solid. I’ll set up a meeting for tomorrow and hopefully we can reach the settlement then. Good work,” he added, because he knew Mike was encouraged by the praise, and probably needed it after the week he’d been having.
Mike nodded stiffly, but didn’t go to the door. He still seemed nervous, and Harvey wondered with a sinking feeling if it wasn’t because of what had happened two days earlier. He hadn’t said or done anything then, but he knew he hadn’t exactly been subtle, either. When things had seemed so tense between them that morning, he had known that Mike probably knew or at least suspected how Harvey felt about him. With Kayla there, the awkwardness had ended quickly, and he had hoped they’d gotten past it altogether, but it seemed that wasn’t the case.
Harvey was in love with Mike. He had been attracted to him from the first, and then as their relationship had progressed that attraction became mixed with fondness, then concern, then affection. There was no denying the way he felt. But that didn’t mean he was going to act on it.
There were too many factors against him, against the possibility of them having a relationship. He had no reason to believe that Mike was interested in men, for one, especially considering his past relationship with Amy. To add to that, even if Mike were interested in men, Harvey rather doubted that he was the type of man Mike would want. Mike was open and caring, passionate about everything. Harvey, who guarded his emotions carefully, could never be a good fit for him. To even bring up his feelings for Mike would only ruin what they had built. And even with that aside, Mike was in no position to be starting a relationship with anyone. Harvey knew that his young associate was preoccupied with worry over the upcoming meeting with Amy. He didn’t need his life complicated beyond that. Lastly, as if all of that weren’t enough, Harvey was Mike’s boss. While Harvey didn’t think that the power balance of their relationship was so unequal that Mike would feel pressured to accommodate Harvey, he knew that neither of them could afford the appearance of impropriety.
There was no way that Harvey could act on what he felt. If anything was going to happen between them, it would be because Mike made the first move. There was no other way it could go.
“It’s not just that,” Mike said slowly. “I need to talk to you about something else.”
Harvey straightened up in his chair. He could feel his pulse begin to quicken, but tried to remain calm. It was one thing to know that his feelings for his associate probably weren’t returned. It would be quite another to have Mike confront him about them and say outright that he didn’t feel the same. “Go on,” Harvey said as calmly as he could manage.
“I… You…,” Mike bit his lip and gave Harvey a pained look, like he was struggling to say the words. Harvey wished he wouldn’t.
“You said you had a brother, right?”
Of all the things Harvey had been expecting, that certainly wasn’t one of them. His eyes widened in surprise, and he gave Mike an odd look. “Yes,” he said slowly.
“You said you hadn’t talked to him since he got arrested the third time,” Mike went on, the words tumbling out quickly now that he had started speaking. “You said you were in law school then, so that’s what, at least ten years?”
“Yes,” Harvey said again. He was starting to feel uneasy again, though now for a completely different reason.
“Well… I mean, have you ever tried to talk to him? Ten years, that’s a long time not to talk to someone who’s family.”
“Is that what this is about?” Harvey asked with a sigh. “You’re worried about losing your family, so you want me to make nice with mine?”
“Maybe,” Mike said, though his blush made Harvey think he was right.
“Malcolm made his choice. Three times, in fact. I tried to be the good brother and help him, but he ignored it. He didn’t want anything I had to offer, so there’s no point in trying.”
“But he’s your brother,” Mike insisted. “He’s family. Harvey, don’t you worry about him?”
“He made his choice,” Harvey said stubbornly. He wanted this conversation to be over. He didn’t want to think about Malcolm.
“And people can surprise you, if you give them another chance.”
“Malcolm isn’t like you,” Harvey replied, knowing where Mike was going with this and wanting to cut it off at the head. “He didn’t drop out of school because he cheated to get money. He just stopped going. He never cared about making his life better. You got a second chance and you ran with it. He got a second and a third, and he threw them away. There’s no reason for me to give him another.”
“So you’re seriously telling me you have no intention of ever reaching out to him? You’ll never try to talk to him, for the rest of your life? You could die happy without ever seeing him again?”
“Mike. Stop. He made his choice, and I’ve made mine. There’s nothing more that needs to be said here.”
“But there is!” Mike insisted, spreading his arms wide. “Harvey, you have no idea what’s happening in his life. He could die tomorrow, Harvey. He could get hit by a bus and die, and then if you change your mind about looking for him it’ll be too late. Do you really want to be talking to a gravestone when you finally decide to seek him out?”
“That’s enough.” Harvey stood abruptly from his chair and glared at Mike. He could feel it now, the guilt starting to tug at his heart, the edge of panic at the reminder that he had no idea where his brother was, his baby brother whom he was supposed to protect and take care of. He ruthlessly beat back those emotions, locking them away in the recesses of his mind. They would tear him apart, if he let them.
“That’s enough,” Harvey repeated. “You worry about your family; don’t ask about mine. It is none of your business. Now go.” He saw the hurt expression on Mike’s face as the younger lawyer turned away, but the stab of guilt he felt at that couldn’t compete with the anger he felt at having his break with Malcolm dredged up again. He had decided a long time ago that until Malcolm was ready to stop the drugs and get his life back on track, until he was ready to ask for another chance and use it, Harvey wasn’t going to just give him one arbitrarily. He wasn’t going to be the first one to reach out. He had too much pride for that.
As Harvey watched Mike’s retreating form through the glass wall of the office, he sank back into his chair with a sigh. He could see Donna, who had probably heard the entire conversation, watching him from her desk with a concerned expression. He gave her a dismissive wave, trying to communicate that it was no big deal and that he was fine. Donna gave him a disapproving look that clearly said “You are not fine,” but turned back to her desk all the same.
Harvey sighed and ran a hand over his eyes, trying to get his emotions back under control. After a moment he straightened up and glanced outside the office. Donna had gone back to work and no one was watching him. Harvey reached into one of his desk drawers and dug in the bottom, under a legal handbook and several pens and stacks of sticky notes, until his fingers brushed something smooth and flat. He pulled out the faded, bent photograph and held it before his eyes. It was of him and Malcolm as children, seated on the couch in their living room. They had just come in from a game of catch, and Malcolm was proudly holding Harvey’s glove and baseball. Harvey had been maybe sixteen at the time, Malcolm around nine. They had been happy then. That had all changed after Harvey went off to college.
On some level, he knew it wasn’t fair to lay the blame for their broken relationship solely at Malcolm’s feet. After all, he was the one who had left home. He was the one who had unintentionally condoned Malcolm’s behavior by only going back when Malcolm was in trouble. And if Malcolm had never reached out to him after the last fight, Harvey had never tried to contact him either. He could have done more. But he hadn’t, and so much time had passed that it seemed impossible to do anything now. He wouldn’t even know how to go about finding Malcolm.
Harvey sighed and shook his head. He placed the photo back in his desk drawer and, with one last, long look at it, slid the drawer firmly closed. Then he picked up a pen and turned his attention back to the papers scattered over his desk.
* * *
Mike dropped into his chair with a heavy sigh. He had known Harvey probably wouldn’t want to talk to Malcolm, but he hadn’t expected him to be so hostile about it. Mike wondered if he would ever be able to convince Harvey to see Malcolm in time. Then he forced that thought from his mind. No, he would convince Harvey. He had to.
Mike wished he’d had the courage to tell Harvey the truth about what was going on. The analogy of Malcolm dying before Harvey could see him was the closest Mike had been able to come to telling Harvey that his brother was going into witness protection in a few weeks. But Mike hadn’t wanted to admit that he had talked with Malcolm, and Harvey had given him a good excuse by asking if Mike was bringing up Harvey’s family because he was worried about his own. He worried that Harvey would be mad at him if he found out he’d met with Malcolm, and he knew he’d only made it worse by letting Harvey believe something that wasn’t true. If he was going to convince Harvey to reconcile with his brother, Mike knew he would probably need to explain just how urgent the situation was. He would need to tell the truth. Nothing else would change Harvey’s mind.
“Mike Ross?” a voice asked, interrupting his thoughts. Mike opened his eyes and sat up straight, turning in his chair to face a young black woman standing at the entrance of his cubicle. She looked like a paralegal, but he didn’t recognize her.
“Yes?” Mike asked tiredly.
“You’ve been served,” she said with a somewhat sympathetic smile, holding out an envelope to him. Mike took it, stunned, and stared at it for a moment as she turned and walked away.
“Geez, Ross, what did you do?” Gregory asked, coming over from his cubicle across the hall.
“I don’t know,” Mike said, mentally running through the list of things he’d done recently and trying to think if any of them might have gotten him sued. “I don’t even recognize the name of this law firm.”
Gregory snatched the envelope from him and examined it. Then he grinned. “Anders and Wicket handles divorce and custody cases. You knock some girl up, Golden Boy?”
Mike didn’t answer. Instead he snatched the envelope back and tore it open, skimming over the letter quickly before turning back the way he had just come.
* * *
Harvey’s head shot up as the door of his office swung violently open. He was about to demand that Mike get out of his office, but stopped short when he saw the panicked expression on the younger man’s face. It wasn’t a Jessica-is-angry-at-us sort of panic. It wasn’t even an I-lost-the-witness sort of panic. It was full on Kayla’s-in-the-hospital panic, and whatever angry words Harvey had been about to say fled his mind when he saw it. He rose from his desk and met Mike half way, ready to say or do whatever he had to in order to make things right.
Mike thrust a piece of paper into Harvey’s hands. “It’s from Amy’s lawyer,” Mike said in a strained voice as Harvey held the letter up to read it. “It says she wants full custody of Kayla.”
*** Previous Chapter *** Master Post *** Next Chapter ****
Fandom- Suits
Ship- Harvey/Mike
Rating- PG-13 overall for now
Genre- slash, first-time, domestic/family/kid fic, fluff, drama, plotty
Wordcount- 4660
Disclaimer- I do not own Suits. Harvey and Mike belong to their creators, but Kayla, Amy, Malcolm, and Janet are all mine!
Overall Summary- Mike and Harvey both deal with family issues, while on the way forming a family of their own.
Chapter Summary- Mike and Harvey worry about their relationship, and Mike tries to talk to Harvey about Malcolm.
A/N- originally written for a kidfic prompt here at suitsmeme.
*** Previous Chapter *** Master Post *** Next Chapter ***
Mike watched as the sleek black town car pulled up to the curb where he stood with Kayla balanced on his hip. The little girl moaned softly and rubbed at her eyes, clearly not pleased with having to be up so early. Two days before she had been in the hospital, and when she had seemed so tired the next morning Mike had decided to let her have a second day home from daycare. He had met Harvey at the curb and told him he would be staying home with Kayla, and that short and somewhat stilted conversation was all they’d seen of each other that day.
Now, after the awkwardness of their goodbyes two nights earlier and the awkwardness of their one conversation the previous day, Mike was worried how things would go when he saw Harvey again. He could clearly recall the look in Harvey’s eyes when he left after helping Mike bring Kayla home. He had seen the unconcealed longing in Harvey’s gaze, and felt an answering pang in his own heart. Mike had always tried to ignore the attraction he felt for his boss, had always told himself that nothing could come of it except heartbreak and a complication of their solid working relationship. But since Kayla had come back into his life and they had started to spend more time together, since they had started to feel like a family, that simple physical attraction had grown into something else; something deeper, stronger, and more tender.
Something Mike didn’t want to think about, because he didn’t think it could ever end well. But he had seen in Harvey’s eyes when they said goodbye that Harvey felt the same. It would have been so, so easy to just give in to it at that moment, when his emotional walls had been wrecked by worry over Kayla, and Mike had little doubt that he would have gone along if Harvey had pushed the situation.
But he hadn’t, and Mike had had some time to think about everything since then. He had come to the conclusion that he couldn’t acknowledge his feelings for Harvey, no matter what happened between them. Or at least, he couldn’t do that yet. At the moment Mike’s life was far too complicated to add more to it. In exactly a week Amy would be back for Kayla, and Mike needed to be focused solely on that. He had no idea what she wanted - full custody, shared custody, a reconciliation? If Amy wanted to get back together with him so they could raise Kayla as a family, Mike knew he couldn’t say no. Even though he knew he was no longer in love with Amy, he couldn’t deny his daughter a chance to grow up in a home with both her father and her mother. Kayla was his first priority. He couldn’t even consider starting something with Harvey when he knew that he would get back with Amy if he could, if only for Kayla’s sake.
Mike was broken from his thoughts when the town car stopped in front of him and the door swung open. In his arms Kayla mumbled something about Mike’s bicycle being better than the car, and Mike laughed softly as he leaned down to put Kayla inside, settling her in the car seat that Harvey had insisted on having put in when he first started picking them up. Then he dropped his messenger bag on the floor and climbed in himself. Mike glanced furtively at Harvey before closing the door, but he couldn’t tell from the other man’s expression what was going through his mind.
Neither of them spoke as the car pulled away from the curb. Mike strapped Kayla into the car seat without looking at Harvey, acutely aware that the sound of the buckles clicking into place and Kayla’s little mumblings were the only noise in the car.
Mike glanced at Harvey one more time as he settled back into his seat, but found the older lawyer gazing resolutely at the floor in front of his shoes. Mike gulped and turned away. He had expected this. He had known it would be difficult to talk to Harvey after what had passed between them, but it still hurt to be unable to speak with him naturally. The conversation between them had always flowed easily, whether it was witty exchanges at the office or more personal discussions after they had started to meet outside of work. The sudden wall between them saddened Mike. Since he had cut things off with Trevor, Harvey was the closest friend Mike had. To have this distance between them was almost painful.
The silence stretched longer, and Mike squirmed in his seat. He glanced at Harvey again and licked his lips, trying to think of something -anything!- to say that would make things go back to normal. Harvey was still looking away from him. Mike sighed softly and looked out his window, unable to work up the courage to speak.
“I want a sleepover,” Kayla’s little voice said suddenly.
Mike took a moment to process the words as he turned to look at her, seeing out of the corner of his eye that Harvey did the same. “What do you mean, baby?” Mike asked her, though he thought he already knew.
“At Uncle Harvey’s house!” Kayla pointed to the man in question. Mike glanced up at Harvey, who was still refusing to meet his eyes. Instead he was looking down at Kayla with a tender smile on his face.
“We need another sleepover,” Kayla insisted. “I didn’t get to bring Ruffles last time. So we need to do it again so I can.”
Harvey chuckled softly. “Can’t argue with that logic,” he said with a smile, facing Mike for the first time since he’d entered the car.
And just like that, the tension was broken. Mike grinned at Harvey and shook his head. “I guess not,” he agreed. “It depends on how work goes, Pumpkin,” he told Kayla.
“And to the park?” Kayla asked excitedly.
“Are you sure you want to go to the park again?” Harvey asked the little girl. “We could go someplace new.”
“Where?”
“Lots of places,” he assured her. “Like the zoo. Or an aquarium. The children’s museum, or maybe the Museum of Natural History. It’s got dinosaur bones.” As Harvey spoke, Kayla’s eyes widened with excitement. “The Empire State Building and the Statue of Liberty - you can see the whole city from there. The Boardwalk, maybe. You don’t have to go to the same place every time.”
“I wanna go eeeeeverywhere!” Kayla said, stretching her arms out wide.
Harvey laughed. “Well, you can’t go everywhere in one day.” Kayla pouted, and he laughed again. Mike couldn’t help but grin as he watched the two of them. “Don’t worry; you’ve got time. Pick one place and we’ll go there,” Harvey told Kayla. “And we’ll go someplace else after the next sleepover.”
Mike’s smile faded as he listened to Harvey’s words. Harvey had said that Kayla had time, but that might not be true. As far as he knew Amy was still staying with her parents, and she had told him they lived in New Jersey. Depending on what they worked out, it might not be possible to bring Kayla to places in New York for the day. This could well be the last weekend they had to take her around the city.
“Saturday?” Kayla asked.
“If it’s alright with your father,” Harvey said. Mike looked between them, at Harvey’s brown eyes, silently begging for something, though he couldn’t tell what, and Kayla’s big baby blues, pleading with him to let her do something fun over the weekend.
“Think we’ll catch a case before them?” Mike asked Harvey. He didn’t want to be hauling work with him to the zoo to get it done on time.
“I got one yesterday, but it looks pretty open and shut.”
“Think we can have it finished in three days?”
“Definitely,” Harvey assured him with a raise of his eyebrows, like he was asking if Mike doubted his ability.
Mike’s face split into a grin. “Then, definitely.” Kayla cheered happily, and Harvey held out his hand, grinning when the little girl have him a high five. Mike just smiled as he watched them together. “I’ll have to pack a bag,” he mused out loud.
“Pack for two nights,” Harvey told him. “You can stay all weekend. That way we can hit one place each day.” He said the last to Kayla, accompanied with a tap of a finger on her button nose, and she giggled.
“The zoo!” she said. “Defnamaly, defamaly, the zoo! And the Ferris wheel!”
“The zoo on Saturday, and the Boardwalk on Sunday,” Harvey summarized.
“Yes.” Kayla nodded definitively, and Mike covered a grin. He settled back in his seat and watched as Harvey talked with Kayla about the zoo and all of the animals they might see. He was glad things seemed to have gone back to normal. He just hoped they could stay that way as the week went by, and even after. He didn’t want to give this up.
Mike was in a good mood when he sat down at his desk. Things seemed to have returned to normal between him and Harvey very quickly. After they had dropped Kayla off at the daycare Harvey had started telling him about their case, which did indeed seem fairly simple, though Mike had to wonder if it would stay that way.
Their client, a wealthy woman named Mrs. Beckford, was suing a gossip magazine for libel. They had published an article claiming that she smoked pot, but they didn’t seem to have any solid proof, and there was nothing in her record to suggest she used drugs. It seemed like the kind of story the gossip rags printed to sell copies, the kind they could afford to print because they made more from writing the stuff than they ever had to pay when someone challenged it. Nonetheless, Harvey wanted to be sure, so he had asked Mike to dig into Mrs. Beckford’s contacts and see if he could find any connection to the dealer the magazine claimed had sold her the weed.
Mike started by tracking down Mrs. Beckford’s secretary. He wasn’t planning on asking her about the drugs; he knew she would probably be too worried about her job to tell him anything. He wanted to know who had worked for Mrs. Beckford before her. Once he got that list of names, he planned to talk to anyone who had been fired or quit, figuring they wouldn’t have any problem with telling whatever secrets their former boss might have.
As Mike started to settle in for a long day of phone calls, he dropped his messenger bag in the desk and opened it, pulling out whatever it was he’d been working on in the days before. The office he’d called had just put him on hold, and he glanced down over the papers. With a jolt of guilt he recognized the name on the file: Malcolm Specter. With Kayla in the hospital, Mike had completely forgotten about his meeting with Harvey’s brother. He hadn’t said a word to Harvey about it. And time was running out.
Mike stood outside Harvey’s office, waiting for Jessica to leave. She had somehow found out that Mike had been digging into Mrs. Beckford’s contacts, and was lecturing Harvey about violating the client’s privacy when he was supposed to be focused on getting a settlement out of the gossip magazine. Mike had made all the calls he needed to and had found that although Mrs. Beckford had no connection to the alleged marijuana dealer, she did have a history of drug use. Mike had come with the excuse of reporting his finds to Harvey, but that wasn’t the only thing he was hoping to talk about.
Mike had been so worried about Kayla being hospitalized that he had completely forgotten about Malcolm Specter, Harvey’s estranged younger brother who would soon be going into the witness protection program. They hadn’t spoken in over ten years, and if Mike couldn’t convince Harvey to reconcile with him, they would never be able to again. Mike had neglected to tell Harvey about it for a day and a half while he took off work. Now that he was back at the office, back with Harvey, Mike knew he needed to talk to him about his brother as soon as possible.
Mike had no idea how Harvey might respond to the news that his brother wanted to speak to him, though given how he had talked about Malcolm the one time he had mentioned him Mike suspected it wouldn’t be positively. Mike knew that Harvey had stuck his neck out for Malcolm, had pulled strings to get his first two drug offenses knocked down. He knew Harvey must have been angry when Malcolm went back to the drugs and the effort was wasted. He knew Harvey must have felt hurt that his brother hadn’t seemed to care that Harvey was trying to help him. But surely, surely Harvey wouldn’t let that stand in the way when this may very well be their last chance to see each other?
Mike was broken from his thoughts when the door of Harvey’s office opened and Jessica walked out. He glanced after her as she walked past, then looked back at Harvey. He could tell from the older lawyer’s expression as he stared down at his desk that he was hardly in a good mood after the lecture he’d received. If there would ever be a good time to talk to him about Malcolm, this probably wasn’t it, but what else could Mike do? He had wasted enough time already. He had to tell him, and the sooner he did, the better.
Mike took a deep breath, steeling himself for whatever Harvey’s reaction might be, and pushed open the office door.
* * *
Harvey looked up from his desk as he heard the door open and saw Mike enter, looking nervous. Harvey guessed Mike had probably seen Jessica leaving, and knew that she had been talking to him about having Mike dig into their client’s past. “Don’t worry,” Harvey assured him tiredly. “It’s not you she’s mad at.”
Mike didn’t answer, but instead looked at the floor and fumbled with the edge of his jacket. Harvey forced a smile onto his face. “So, am I going to be able to go back to Jessica and tell her the digging turned something up, or did I deserve that lecture about the client's privacy?”
“She did cocaine,” Mike said, raising his eyes to look at Harvey. “But not in the past five years and not from the guy they said she bought from. She’s done drugs, but not recently, and pretty much everything in the article was wrong.”
Harvey nodded slowly, considering the information Mike had brought him. If what was printed was untrue, they should still be able to win the case. He just needed to make sure that the opposition didn’t find out about the digging he’d had Mike do. If Jessica was upset about him looking into their client’s past, she’d be even more upset if the opposition found out about it and decided to take a deeper look themselves.
“Alright,” Harvey said. “What they printed wasn’t true, so our case is still solid. I’ll set up a meeting for tomorrow and hopefully we can reach the settlement then. Good work,” he added, because he knew Mike was encouraged by the praise, and probably needed it after the week he’d been having.
Mike nodded stiffly, but didn’t go to the door. He still seemed nervous, and Harvey wondered with a sinking feeling if it wasn’t because of what had happened two days earlier. He hadn’t said or done anything then, but he knew he hadn’t exactly been subtle, either. When things had seemed so tense between them that morning, he had known that Mike probably knew or at least suspected how Harvey felt about him. With Kayla there, the awkwardness had ended quickly, and he had hoped they’d gotten past it altogether, but it seemed that wasn’t the case.
Harvey was in love with Mike. He had been attracted to him from the first, and then as their relationship had progressed that attraction became mixed with fondness, then concern, then affection. There was no denying the way he felt. But that didn’t mean he was going to act on it.
There were too many factors against him, against the possibility of them having a relationship. He had no reason to believe that Mike was interested in men, for one, especially considering his past relationship with Amy. To add to that, even if Mike were interested in men, Harvey rather doubted that he was the type of man Mike would want. Mike was open and caring, passionate about everything. Harvey, who guarded his emotions carefully, could never be a good fit for him. To even bring up his feelings for Mike would only ruin what they had built. And even with that aside, Mike was in no position to be starting a relationship with anyone. Harvey knew that his young associate was preoccupied with worry over the upcoming meeting with Amy. He didn’t need his life complicated beyond that. Lastly, as if all of that weren’t enough, Harvey was Mike’s boss. While Harvey didn’t think that the power balance of their relationship was so unequal that Mike would feel pressured to accommodate Harvey, he knew that neither of them could afford the appearance of impropriety.
There was no way that Harvey could act on what he felt. If anything was going to happen between them, it would be because Mike made the first move. There was no other way it could go.
“It’s not just that,” Mike said slowly. “I need to talk to you about something else.”
Harvey straightened up in his chair. He could feel his pulse begin to quicken, but tried to remain calm. It was one thing to know that his feelings for his associate probably weren’t returned. It would be quite another to have Mike confront him about them and say outright that he didn’t feel the same. “Go on,” Harvey said as calmly as he could manage.
“I… You…,” Mike bit his lip and gave Harvey a pained look, like he was struggling to say the words. Harvey wished he wouldn’t.
“You said you had a brother, right?”
Of all the things Harvey had been expecting, that certainly wasn’t one of them. His eyes widened in surprise, and he gave Mike an odd look. “Yes,” he said slowly.
“You said you hadn’t talked to him since he got arrested the third time,” Mike went on, the words tumbling out quickly now that he had started speaking. “You said you were in law school then, so that’s what, at least ten years?”
“Yes,” Harvey said again. He was starting to feel uneasy again, though now for a completely different reason.
“Well… I mean, have you ever tried to talk to him? Ten years, that’s a long time not to talk to someone who’s family.”
“Is that what this is about?” Harvey asked with a sigh. “You’re worried about losing your family, so you want me to make nice with mine?”
“Maybe,” Mike said, though his blush made Harvey think he was right.
“Malcolm made his choice. Three times, in fact. I tried to be the good brother and help him, but he ignored it. He didn’t want anything I had to offer, so there’s no point in trying.”
“But he’s your brother,” Mike insisted. “He’s family. Harvey, don’t you worry about him?”
“He made his choice,” Harvey said stubbornly. He wanted this conversation to be over. He didn’t want to think about Malcolm.
“And people can surprise you, if you give them another chance.”
“Malcolm isn’t like you,” Harvey replied, knowing where Mike was going with this and wanting to cut it off at the head. “He didn’t drop out of school because he cheated to get money. He just stopped going. He never cared about making his life better. You got a second chance and you ran with it. He got a second and a third, and he threw them away. There’s no reason for me to give him another.”
“So you’re seriously telling me you have no intention of ever reaching out to him? You’ll never try to talk to him, for the rest of your life? You could die happy without ever seeing him again?”
“Mike. Stop. He made his choice, and I’ve made mine. There’s nothing more that needs to be said here.”
“But there is!” Mike insisted, spreading his arms wide. “Harvey, you have no idea what’s happening in his life. He could die tomorrow, Harvey. He could get hit by a bus and die, and then if you change your mind about looking for him it’ll be too late. Do you really want to be talking to a gravestone when you finally decide to seek him out?”
“That’s enough.” Harvey stood abruptly from his chair and glared at Mike. He could feel it now, the guilt starting to tug at his heart, the edge of panic at the reminder that he had no idea where his brother was, his baby brother whom he was supposed to protect and take care of. He ruthlessly beat back those emotions, locking them away in the recesses of his mind. They would tear him apart, if he let them.
“That’s enough,” Harvey repeated. “You worry about your family; don’t ask about mine. It is none of your business. Now go.” He saw the hurt expression on Mike’s face as the younger lawyer turned away, but the stab of guilt he felt at that couldn’t compete with the anger he felt at having his break with Malcolm dredged up again. He had decided a long time ago that until Malcolm was ready to stop the drugs and get his life back on track, until he was ready to ask for another chance and use it, Harvey wasn’t going to just give him one arbitrarily. He wasn’t going to be the first one to reach out. He had too much pride for that.
As Harvey watched Mike’s retreating form through the glass wall of the office, he sank back into his chair with a sigh. He could see Donna, who had probably heard the entire conversation, watching him from her desk with a concerned expression. He gave her a dismissive wave, trying to communicate that it was no big deal and that he was fine. Donna gave him a disapproving look that clearly said “You are not fine,” but turned back to her desk all the same.
Harvey sighed and ran a hand over his eyes, trying to get his emotions back under control. After a moment he straightened up and glanced outside the office. Donna had gone back to work and no one was watching him. Harvey reached into one of his desk drawers and dug in the bottom, under a legal handbook and several pens and stacks of sticky notes, until his fingers brushed something smooth and flat. He pulled out the faded, bent photograph and held it before his eyes. It was of him and Malcolm as children, seated on the couch in their living room. They had just come in from a game of catch, and Malcolm was proudly holding Harvey’s glove and baseball. Harvey had been maybe sixteen at the time, Malcolm around nine. They had been happy then. That had all changed after Harvey went off to college.
On some level, he knew it wasn’t fair to lay the blame for their broken relationship solely at Malcolm’s feet. After all, he was the one who had left home. He was the one who had unintentionally condoned Malcolm’s behavior by only going back when Malcolm was in trouble. And if Malcolm had never reached out to him after the last fight, Harvey had never tried to contact him either. He could have done more. But he hadn’t, and so much time had passed that it seemed impossible to do anything now. He wouldn’t even know how to go about finding Malcolm.
Harvey sighed and shook his head. He placed the photo back in his desk drawer and, with one last, long look at it, slid the drawer firmly closed. Then he picked up a pen and turned his attention back to the papers scattered over his desk.
* * *
Mike dropped into his chair with a heavy sigh. He had known Harvey probably wouldn’t want to talk to Malcolm, but he hadn’t expected him to be so hostile about it. Mike wondered if he would ever be able to convince Harvey to see Malcolm in time. Then he forced that thought from his mind. No, he would convince Harvey. He had to.
Mike wished he’d had the courage to tell Harvey the truth about what was going on. The analogy of Malcolm dying before Harvey could see him was the closest Mike had been able to come to telling Harvey that his brother was going into witness protection in a few weeks. But Mike hadn’t wanted to admit that he had talked with Malcolm, and Harvey had given him a good excuse by asking if Mike was bringing up Harvey’s family because he was worried about his own. He worried that Harvey would be mad at him if he found out he’d met with Malcolm, and he knew he’d only made it worse by letting Harvey believe something that wasn’t true. If he was going to convince Harvey to reconcile with his brother, Mike knew he would probably need to explain just how urgent the situation was. He would need to tell the truth. Nothing else would change Harvey’s mind.
“Mike Ross?” a voice asked, interrupting his thoughts. Mike opened his eyes and sat up straight, turning in his chair to face a young black woman standing at the entrance of his cubicle. She looked like a paralegal, but he didn’t recognize her.
“Yes?” Mike asked tiredly.
“You’ve been served,” she said with a somewhat sympathetic smile, holding out an envelope to him. Mike took it, stunned, and stared at it for a moment as she turned and walked away.
“Geez, Ross, what did you do?” Gregory asked, coming over from his cubicle across the hall.
“I don’t know,” Mike said, mentally running through the list of things he’d done recently and trying to think if any of them might have gotten him sued. “I don’t even recognize the name of this law firm.”
Gregory snatched the envelope from him and examined it. Then he grinned. “Anders and Wicket handles divorce and custody cases. You knock some girl up, Golden Boy?”
Mike didn’t answer. Instead he snatched the envelope back and tore it open, skimming over the letter quickly before turning back the way he had just come.
* * *
Harvey’s head shot up as the door of his office swung violently open. He was about to demand that Mike get out of his office, but stopped short when he saw the panicked expression on the younger man’s face. It wasn’t a Jessica-is-angry-at-us sort of panic. It wasn’t even an I-lost-the-witness sort of panic. It was full on Kayla’s-in-the-hospital panic, and whatever angry words Harvey had been about to say fled his mind when he saw it. He rose from his desk and met Mike half way, ready to say or do whatever he had to in order to make things right.
Mike thrust a piece of paper into Harvey’s hands. “It’s from Amy’s lawyer,” Mike said in a strained voice as Harvey held the letter up to read it. “It says she wants full custody of Kayla.”
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