Fanfic: Building a Family 5/?
Title- Building a Family 5/?
Fandom- Suits
Ship- Harvey/Mike
Rating- PG-13 overall for now
Genre- slash, first-time, domestic/family/kid fic, fluff, drama, plotty
Wordcount- 3790
Disclaimer- I do not own Suits. Harvey and Mike belong to their creators, but Kayla, Amy, Malcolm, and Janet are all mine!
Overall Summary- Mike and Harvey both deal with family issues, while on the way forming a family of their own.
Chapter Summary- Kayla goes to the hospital, Mike panicks, Harvey comes to a realization.
A/N- originally written for a kidfic prompt here at suitsmeme.
*** Previous Chapter *** Master Post *** Next Chapter ***
Mike’s mind was still on what Malcolm had said as he stepped out of his cab in front of the Pearson Hardman office building. Harvey’s little brother was going into witness protection. This was his last chance to see Harvey and to make amends. Mike knew he had to convince Harvey to go see him, but he worried that Harvey wouldn’t want to after what he’d heard about how their relationship had fallen apart. Harvey had done everything he could to help his brother, and Malcolm had just thrown it back in his face. That had to cause a great deal of resentment.
But maybe Harvey had also reached a point where he wanted to forgive Malcolm. Mike couldn’t help but think that Harvey had hired him out of guilt, at least in part, over not trying to help his brother when he got mixed up with drugs again. Maybe Mike could use that to his advantage. If Harvey felt guilty, he probably wanted to fix things; it was just that, like Malcolm, he had no way of getting into contact with his brother, and his pride had prevented him from trying to find one. But this would be Harvey’s last chance. In just a few weeks, they would never be able to see each other or even talk on the phone ever again. That, Mike hoped, would be enough to convince him to put his pride aside and meet with his little brother one last time.
As Mike stepped off the elevator on Harvey’s floor, he was going over in his mind the words he planned to use to convince Harvey to see his brother. He was caught off guard, however, when he saw Harvey coming towards him, a serious look on his face. Mike could only look up at Harvey apprehensively as the older lawyer grabbed his shoulder and shoved him back into the elevator, pressing the button for the ground floor and then the button the keep them from stopping on the way down.
“What’s going on?” Mike asked nervously, wondering if Harvey had found out about the case file he’d unwittingly given Mike. He was totally unprepared for Harvey’s answer:
“Kayla’s in the hospital.”
Mike was out of the town car and running for the hospital doors before the car had come to a complete stop. Harvey stayed behind only long enough to tell Ray that he would call when they were ready to leave before following Mike inside. They met one of the daycare teachers, Mrs. Hood, in the lobby and she quickly explained that Kayla had started having trouble breathing after eating some brownies that a classmate had brought in for his birthday. The nurse, she told them, suspected that Kayla might be allergic to the walnuts in the brownies, but now that they had given her some epinephrine she should be alright.
As Mrs. Hood left, a nurse came over and told them that Kayla was still being treated, but they would be notified as soon as she was ready to have visitors. Both men thanked her profusely. After the nurse went back to her rounds Harvey sank down into a chair with a heavy sigh, obviously relieved to hear that Kayla was going to be alright. Mike, on the other hand, was still much too panicked to sit.
“Allergic,” Mike muttered to Harvey as he paced around the waiting room. “Why didn’t I know that my baby was allergic? Why didn’t I know that?!” He turned to Harvey in desperation, wanting the other man to give him some sort of answer even though he knew it was ridiculous. Harvey had even less of a reason to know about Kayla’s allergies than Mike did. Harvey just shook his head, and Mike resumed pacing.
“Why did you know before I did?” Mike asked after a moment, turning to Harvey again. Harvey looked up at him from where he was sitting, trying to remain calm but obviously struggling.
“They said they’d tried to call you but couldn’t get through,” Harvey replied. There was no accusation in his tone, but the words still felt like a slap in the face to Mike. With a sinking feeling he remembered turning his cell phone off when he’d handed it over to the guard at the prison. He’d never turned it on after he’d gotten it back.
“I didn’t have my cell phone on,” Mike muttered, pacing again. “I didn’t have my cell phone on, and my baby could have died.”
“Don’t blame yourself, Mike,” Harvey told him, sounding exhausted. “There are lots of times when your cell phone shouldn’t be on, and no one can blame you for that. That’s why I gave the daycare my number and Donna’s as extra emergency contacts.”
“You did that?” Mike asked, stopping in his pacing to look at Harvey curiously. “Made yourself one of Kayla’s emergency contacts?”
Harvey shrugged and glanced away. He seemed almost embarrassed. “Like I said, there were bound to be times when they couldn’t get in touch with you. There should always be at least two emergency contacts for a child.”
Mike nodded, not pressing the matter. He turned away from Harvey and started pacing again, though it was less frantic this time. Knowing that Harvey cared enough for Kayla to make himself an emergency contact, knowing that Harvey would always be able to take care of her even if Mike couldn’t, was such a reassurance he didn’t know what to say to express his gratitude. As panicked as he was by how close to danger Kayla had come, he couldn’t help but feel that as long as Harvey was around nothing bad could ever happen to her, no matter how badly he himself screwed up. Harvey would always fix it. Mike hoped Harvey would never stop being a part of his and Kayla’s lives.
By the time the nurse finally came and told them that they could see Kayla, Mike was both emotionally and physically exhausted. He still felt, despite everything Harvey had tried to tell him, that he had failed his daughter, and that it was only because Harvey had taken precautions Mike had completely forgotten about that she was alright now. He felt incredibly guilty, and couldn’t help but wonder if this would have happened with Amy around. If Kayla had been in Amy’s care, would she have known about the allergies? Would she have had her cell phone off? Would Kayla have been better off with her mother? He thought of what would happen when Amy picked Kayla up at the end of the month, and wondered if he should even bother asking for visitation rights. Did he deserve them, after what he’d let happen?
Mike followed meekly as the nurse led them to Kayla’s room. Harvey must have sensed his guilt and uncertainty somehow, for as they walked he slipped his hand into Mike’s and squeezed it comfortingly. Mike squeezed back, and swallowed down a lump in his throat. He was glad that Harvey was with him. He was glad that Harvey had kept his phone on, and had made himself an emergency contact. As long as Harvey was there to help him with Kayla, Mike hoped, nothing could really go wrong.
Even as they reached the door of Kayla’s room and the nurse left them with the doctor, Harvey continued to hold Mike’s hand. Mike was a little surprised that he hadn’t let go, even with people around to see it, but he didn’t object. It was reassuring, and he liked knowing that Harvey cared about him enough to offer physical comfort even in public.
The doctor, a tall blonde woman with dark eyes, explained that Kayla had gone into anaphylactic shock due to an allergic reaction to walnuts. She assured Mike that it was perfectly normal for parents not to know their children’s allergies when they were so young, and that as long as he was careful to read labels and check for walnut products, Kayla should be just fine. She told them that Kayla would be cleared to go home in a few hours, but for now they wanted to continue observing her incase the symptoms reappeared. Afterwards she would be able to leave, but would have to be on bed rest for at least the rest of the day and possibly longer. While she was under observation, the doctor said, visitation was limited to family.
Harvey glanced at Mike and started to drop his hand away when the doctor mentioned family, but Mike tightened his grip on Harvey’s hand and glared at him. As far as he was concerned, Harvey was family, and he knew they could pass for a couple well enough. The doctor didn’t say anything when Mike pulled Harvey with him into Kayla’s hospital room and Harvey didn’t try to get away, though Mike could tell from the set of Harvey’s jaw that he disapproved of Mike pretending that they were a couple.
Little Kayla was wide awake in her bed, and when they entered she grinned up at them. “Daddy! Uncle Harvey!” Kayla called, holding her arms out for a hug. Mike immediately dropped Harvey’s hand and ran over to her, sweeping his daughter into his arms. He held her close and felt her soft hair tickle his cheeks as he breathed in her little girl scent mixed with strawberry shampoo. He was almost shaking with relief.
“Daddy loves you, baby,” Mike whispered to her as Kayla wrapped her little arms around his neck. “I’m never going to let you go, not ever!” He squeezed her tightly, and Kayla giggled.
“Daaaaddyyyyy,” Kayla whined, grinning. “Too tight! Let go!”
“No!” Mike answered playfully, a grin spreading across his face as he gave Kayla another squeeze. He poked his fingers into her little belly, tickling her and making her squeal. He laughed with her, feeling the tension draining from his body. The nurse standing beside the bed gave him a disapproving look, but Mike ignored her. Finally he stopped his tickling and simply held Kayla close against him, smiling down at her as he petted her hair. He looked up at Harvey, who smiled back at him. Mike beckoned Harvey over, and after a moment’s hesitation the other man sat gingerly beside Mike on the little bed.
“Hey, Kayla,” he murmured softly to her. Kayla wiggled over onto her stomach in Mike’s lap and crawled toward Harvey so that her head was in Harvey’s lap and her legs across Mike’s. Then she rolled onto her back again and raised one hand.
“Hi, Uncle Harvey!” she answered with a smile as she tapped the end of one tiny finger against his nose. Harvey chuckled softly and grabbed her little hand, holding it tenderly in his large one.
“How are you feeling, baby?” Harvey asked her gently, reaching out with his other hand to stroke her hair away from her face.
“Feels good!” Kayla replied brightly. “Got sick at daycare. Doctor said ‘cause of the wall peanuts in Aaron’s brownies. That felt bad. But the doctors made me all better!” She grinned up at Harvey, and he nodded.
“That’s good, baby,” Harvey said tenderly. “I’m glad you feel better.”
Kayla pulled her hand from Harvey’s and looked over at Mike, a serious expression on her face. “Wall peanuts are bad,” she told him gravely. Mike struggled to keep a straight face as he nodded.
“Yes. Walnuts are very bad for Kayla. No more walnuts for you.”
There was a lull in the conversation as Mike and Harvey gazed down at Kayla, both of them incredibly relieved that she was well. The nurse cleared her throat gently, and at her prompting the two men moved Kayla back into bed and sat in the chairs next to it, while the nurse checked the IV drip in Kayla’s arm. They listened to Kayla talk about her day, about the craft she’d done in the morning, a dinosaur out of paper plates; about the story she’d heard, of a dragon that couldn’t blow fire; about how they’d all sung Happy Birthday to her classmate Aaron and eaten the brownies his mother brought. After three hours without Kayla showing any more symptoms, the nurse cleared her to leave.
* * *
Harvey carried Kayla from the car up the stairs to Mike’s apartment. She had fallen asleep on the ride back from the hospital, exhausted from her day. Harvey had assured Mike that he didn’t need to worry about coming back to work for the rest of the day. As far as he was concerned, Mike needed to stay home with his daughter.
Mike opened the door to his apartment and Harvey carried Kayla’s sleeping form inside. Mike pulled back the covers of his bed and Harvey leaned down to place Kayla in it. He watched with a tender smile as Mike slid Kayla’s tiny shoes off her feet and pulled the blanket over her. Mike leaned down and pressed a light kiss to the top of the little girl’s head. He froze when she sighed and turned her head towards him, but when she didn’t wake Mike sighed in relief and straightened up. He gave Harvey a tired smile, which Harvey returned.
Mike sank down on his lumpy couch with a heavy but quiet sigh, and Harvey sat beside him. “I can’t believe I didn’t have my phone on,” Mike said softly. “What if it had been something worse? What if she’d really been hurt?”
“If that had happened,” Harvey said gently, “I would have gone to the hospital to be with her and told Donna to find you as fast as possible.” Mike nodded but didn’t say anything. He sighed softly and tilted his head back against the couch, closing his eyes.
Harvey looked over the young father, taking in his exhausted appearance. He knew that no matter what he said, Mike would continue to blame himself. Mike was Kayla’s father, her parent, and there was nothing Harvey could say to make him believe he didn’t have absolute responsibility for Kayla’s well-being.
Harvey reached out and laid a hand on Mike’s knee, knowing that the younger man would probably respond more to touch than to words. Mike hesitated for a moment, but then his hand rose from his side and settled on top of Harvey’s. His skin was warm and soft but Harvey could feel the slight tremor in his hand, left over from his panic over his daughter’s safety.
Harvey wanted to pull back. There was something too intimate to this, something he knew he shouldn’t allow himself to feel for his associate, although really if he was honest it was probably too late. But he couldn’t take his hand away, not when he knew that the simple touch helped Mike. Instead he squeezed Mike’s knee, to assure him that he wasn’t going anywhere. He heard Mike sigh and saw some of the tension leave his shoulders as he leaned back against the couch.
“It wasn’t your fault,” Harvey said, because he felt he had to say something. He saw Mike nod, the first acknowledgment he’d given yet of his powerlessness to control the random events that had caused Kayla’s hospitalization.
A little giggle from their left interrupted their silent contemplation. Mike opened his eyes and turned to look over at Kayla, who had snuck from her bed to stand beside the arm of the couch, peering over it at them with a coy smile. “What’re you doing up?” Mike asked her with a tired smile.
“Want bedtime story,” Kayla replied. Harvey noticed that she was clutching the threadbare rabbit doll, Ruffles, in her arms.
“Oh, a bedtime story, is it?” Mike asked as he stood up from the couch and swept Kayla into his arms. “A bedtime story for Kayla-lou?”
“Bedtime story, Daddy!” Kayla cried.
“Alright, one story, and then you stay in bed, little miss!” Mike said, poking her little nose. Harvey smiled as he watched Mike drop Kayla unceremoniously onto the bed, making her laugh when she bounced against the mattress. “Okay,” Mike sighed as he settled himself on the bed next to Kayla. “A bedtime story. Uncle Harvey, why don’t you get over here and help me tell it?” He looked up at Harvey with a grin. Harvey shook his head, smiling despite himself.
“Yeah! Help tell the story, Uncle Harvey!” Kayla begged. Harvey sighed heavily and heaved himself up from the couch, making a show of it as though he was terribly inconvenienced by the request. He sat on the bed next to Mike with a soft groan.
“I don’t know any bedtime stories,” he said to no one in particular.
“That’s alright; I usually make them up as I go along,” Mike replied with a smile.
“Story!” Kayla whined, and both men laughed.
“Alright, Pumpkin, a story,” Mike said. Kayla snuggled down into the covers and pulled her rabbit close, looking up at them with wide and expectant blue eyes. “Once upon a time,” Mike began, “in a kingdom far, far away, there was a little princess named… Hmm, now what was that princess’ name again?” he asked playfully, looking to Harvey for assistance.
“Kayla!” the little girl shouted. “Princess Kayla!”
“Oh, yes, that’s right!” Mike said with a grin. “Princess Kayla. And this beautiful little princess…”
“Kayla,” the little girl supplied.
“She was the daughter of the king and queen of the kingdom, and she lived in a big castle, with hundreds and hundreds of rooms. She had seven bedrooms, but her favorite was all bright orange, with green polka dots, and it had a red racecar bed.” Kayla giggled and nodded happily.
“Princess Kayla rode ponies every day in the royal fields, and she had a hutch full of bunnies in the back yard. Her favorite bunny was named Ruffles, and he went with her everywhere. Nobody else in the castle knew it, not the royal bunny keeper, or the royal babysitter, or even the king and queen, but Ruffles was a magical bunny, and he could talk.”
“One day Kayla and Ruffles were at the…”
“Beach!” Kayla said.
“Were at the beach,” Mike picked up without missing a beat. Harvey watched in amazement, surprised to find that the nonsense Mike was spouting was actually very entertaining. “And they met a…”
“Mermaid!”
“That’s right, a mermaid! Hey, you seem to know how this story goes. Have you heard it before?” Mike gave Kayla a suspicious look, and she giggled and shook her head. “Okay. So Princess Kayla and talking bunny Ruffles were at the beach, and they met a mermaid. And the mermaid asked them to come with her to save her underwater kingdom from an evil shark.”
Half an hour later, Mike was finishing up a nonsense story of mermaids and unicorns and space monkeys, and Kayla was blinking sleepily and rubbing her eyes. “Good night, baby,” Mike said softly.
“Night, Daddy,” Kayla answered. She yawned hugely and blinked again, eyes falling closed. “Ni’ Unca Hawvey,” she mumbled as she turned her head into the pillow and fell asleep.
“Good night, Kayla,” he answered, even though he knew she couldn’t hear. He looked down at the little girl, feeling the weight of fondness in his chest. It might have surprised him to realize that he wasn’t even thinking about how astounding it was that he had come to love this little girl so much. He had accepted it as a fact, and didn’t wonder how it had come to be.
Mike leaned back against Harvey’s chest and sighed softly as he looked down at his daughter. Harvey instinctively looped an arm around Mike’s waist. At any other time he would have considered that too inappropriate to do, but for the moment he wasn’t second-guessing himself. His heart was filled with a great affection -dare he say it, love- for both Kayla and her father. He didn’t want to break that by thinking about how he shouldn’t feel such things towards Mike.
The two men sat together in silence, simply enjoying each other’s company and watching the little girl they both loved as she slept. Finally after several long minutes, Mike shifted and stood up with a groan. He stretched his arms above his head and sighed. “It’s getting late,” he murmured softly. “Are you sure you don’t want me to work on anything for tomorrow?”
Mike was talking about work. Harvey forced his mind to change gears, and wondered when it had happened that he started considering spending time with Mike to be his personal life rather than his work life. “No,” he said as he stood up from the little bed. “You take the rest of the day. Relax. If Kayla’s not feeling up to school tomorrow, you can take that day off too. Just tell me when I drop by to pick you up.”
“Don’t say that around her,” Mike said, putting a finger to his lips with a smile. “She’ll hear you, and then she’ll be faking sick to stay home with me.” Harvey smiled and shook his head. He followed Mike to the door of the apartment, and stood by as he opened it. Harvey hesitated for a moment, looking out into the hallway. He wasn’t surprised to find that he didn’t want to leave. He didn’t want to leave this apartment, to leave Kayla, and Mike. He wanted to stay with them, but even as he glanced back into the tiny apartment he knew there was no room for him, both literally and figuratively. He wasn’t Kayla’s parent. He wasn’t a part of this family. Even if he truly wanted to be.
“I’ll see you tomorrow?” Harvey said as he forced himself to step over the threshold of the apartment.
“Yeah, I’ll see you,” Mike assured him. Harvey turned back, facing Mike awkwardly. As he looked at the man standing in the doorway, Harvey felt the sudden urge to seize him and kiss him, to push his way back into the apartment and to ask to stay the night with Mike and his daughter. But he knew he couldn’t do any of that.
Mike gazed back at him, seeming conflicted. Twice he opened his mouth to speak, but stopped before any words came out. Finally he just said, “Good night.”
“Good night,” Harvey answered. Mike nodded awkwardly and turned back into the apartment, closing the door in Harvey’s face. He stood staring at it for several minutes before turning away and leaving the apartment building. As he looked out the window of his town car on the way back to the office for the last few hours, Harvey couldn’t help but think how large and empty the place he would be going home to felt.
*** Previous Chapter *** Master Post *** Next Chapter ***
Fandom- Suits
Ship- Harvey/Mike
Rating- PG-13 overall for now
Genre- slash, first-time, domestic/family/kid fic, fluff, drama, plotty
Wordcount- 3790
Disclaimer- I do not own Suits. Harvey and Mike belong to their creators, but Kayla, Amy, Malcolm, and Janet are all mine!
Overall Summary- Mike and Harvey both deal with family issues, while on the way forming a family of their own.
Chapter Summary- Kayla goes to the hospital, Mike panicks, Harvey comes to a realization.
A/N- originally written for a kidfic prompt here at suitsmeme.
*** Previous Chapter *** Master Post *** Next Chapter ***
Mike’s mind was still on what Malcolm had said as he stepped out of his cab in front of the Pearson Hardman office building. Harvey’s little brother was going into witness protection. This was his last chance to see Harvey and to make amends. Mike knew he had to convince Harvey to go see him, but he worried that Harvey wouldn’t want to after what he’d heard about how their relationship had fallen apart. Harvey had done everything he could to help his brother, and Malcolm had just thrown it back in his face. That had to cause a great deal of resentment.
But maybe Harvey had also reached a point where he wanted to forgive Malcolm. Mike couldn’t help but think that Harvey had hired him out of guilt, at least in part, over not trying to help his brother when he got mixed up with drugs again. Maybe Mike could use that to his advantage. If Harvey felt guilty, he probably wanted to fix things; it was just that, like Malcolm, he had no way of getting into contact with his brother, and his pride had prevented him from trying to find one. But this would be Harvey’s last chance. In just a few weeks, they would never be able to see each other or even talk on the phone ever again. That, Mike hoped, would be enough to convince him to put his pride aside and meet with his little brother one last time.
As Mike stepped off the elevator on Harvey’s floor, he was going over in his mind the words he planned to use to convince Harvey to see his brother. He was caught off guard, however, when he saw Harvey coming towards him, a serious look on his face. Mike could only look up at Harvey apprehensively as the older lawyer grabbed his shoulder and shoved him back into the elevator, pressing the button for the ground floor and then the button the keep them from stopping on the way down.
“What’s going on?” Mike asked nervously, wondering if Harvey had found out about the case file he’d unwittingly given Mike. He was totally unprepared for Harvey’s answer:
“Kayla’s in the hospital.”
Mike was out of the town car and running for the hospital doors before the car had come to a complete stop. Harvey stayed behind only long enough to tell Ray that he would call when they were ready to leave before following Mike inside. They met one of the daycare teachers, Mrs. Hood, in the lobby and she quickly explained that Kayla had started having trouble breathing after eating some brownies that a classmate had brought in for his birthday. The nurse, she told them, suspected that Kayla might be allergic to the walnuts in the brownies, but now that they had given her some epinephrine she should be alright.
As Mrs. Hood left, a nurse came over and told them that Kayla was still being treated, but they would be notified as soon as she was ready to have visitors. Both men thanked her profusely. After the nurse went back to her rounds Harvey sank down into a chair with a heavy sigh, obviously relieved to hear that Kayla was going to be alright. Mike, on the other hand, was still much too panicked to sit.
“Allergic,” Mike muttered to Harvey as he paced around the waiting room. “Why didn’t I know that my baby was allergic? Why didn’t I know that?!” He turned to Harvey in desperation, wanting the other man to give him some sort of answer even though he knew it was ridiculous. Harvey had even less of a reason to know about Kayla’s allergies than Mike did. Harvey just shook his head, and Mike resumed pacing.
“Why did you know before I did?” Mike asked after a moment, turning to Harvey again. Harvey looked up at him from where he was sitting, trying to remain calm but obviously struggling.
“They said they’d tried to call you but couldn’t get through,” Harvey replied. There was no accusation in his tone, but the words still felt like a slap in the face to Mike. With a sinking feeling he remembered turning his cell phone off when he’d handed it over to the guard at the prison. He’d never turned it on after he’d gotten it back.
“I didn’t have my cell phone on,” Mike muttered, pacing again. “I didn’t have my cell phone on, and my baby could have died.”
“Don’t blame yourself, Mike,” Harvey told him, sounding exhausted. “There are lots of times when your cell phone shouldn’t be on, and no one can blame you for that. That’s why I gave the daycare my number and Donna’s as extra emergency contacts.”
“You did that?” Mike asked, stopping in his pacing to look at Harvey curiously. “Made yourself one of Kayla’s emergency contacts?”
Harvey shrugged and glanced away. He seemed almost embarrassed. “Like I said, there were bound to be times when they couldn’t get in touch with you. There should always be at least two emergency contacts for a child.”
Mike nodded, not pressing the matter. He turned away from Harvey and started pacing again, though it was less frantic this time. Knowing that Harvey cared enough for Kayla to make himself an emergency contact, knowing that Harvey would always be able to take care of her even if Mike couldn’t, was such a reassurance he didn’t know what to say to express his gratitude. As panicked as he was by how close to danger Kayla had come, he couldn’t help but feel that as long as Harvey was around nothing bad could ever happen to her, no matter how badly he himself screwed up. Harvey would always fix it. Mike hoped Harvey would never stop being a part of his and Kayla’s lives.
By the time the nurse finally came and told them that they could see Kayla, Mike was both emotionally and physically exhausted. He still felt, despite everything Harvey had tried to tell him, that he had failed his daughter, and that it was only because Harvey had taken precautions Mike had completely forgotten about that she was alright now. He felt incredibly guilty, and couldn’t help but wonder if this would have happened with Amy around. If Kayla had been in Amy’s care, would she have known about the allergies? Would she have had her cell phone off? Would Kayla have been better off with her mother? He thought of what would happen when Amy picked Kayla up at the end of the month, and wondered if he should even bother asking for visitation rights. Did he deserve them, after what he’d let happen?
Mike followed meekly as the nurse led them to Kayla’s room. Harvey must have sensed his guilt and uncertainty somehow, for as they walked he slipped his hand into Mike’s and squeezed it comfortingly. Mike squeezed back, and swallowed down a lump in his throat. He was glad that Harvey was with him. He was glad that Harvey had kept his phone on, and had made himself an emergency contact. As long as Harvey was there to help him with Kayla, Mike hoped, nothing could really go wrong.
Even as they reached the door of Kayla’s room and the nurse left them with the doctor, Harvey continued to hold Mike’s hand. Mike was a little surprised that he hadn’t let go, even with people around to see it, but he didn’t object. It was reassuring, and he liked knowing that Harvey cared about him enough to offer physical comfort even in public.
The doctor, a tall blonde woman with dark eyes, explained that Kayla had gone into anaphylactic shock due to an allergic reaction to walnuts. She assured Mike that it was perfectly normal for parents not to know their children’s allergies when they were so young, and that as long as he was careful to read labels and check for walnut products, Kayla should be just fine. She told them that Kayla would be cleared to go home in a few hours, but for now they wanted to continue observing her incase the symptoms reappeared. Afterwards she would be able to leave, but would have to be on bed rest for at least the rest of the day and possibly longer. While she was under observation, the doctor said, visitation was limited to family.
Harvey glanced at Mike and started to drop his hand away when the doctor mentioned family, but Mike tightened his grip on Harvey’s hand and glared at him. As far as he was concerned, Harvey was family, and he knew they could pass for a couple well enough. The doctor didn’t say anything when Mike pulled Harvey with him into Kayla’s hospital room and Harvey didn’t try to get away, though Mike could tell from the set of Harvey’s jaw that he disapproved of Mike pretending that they were a couple.
Little Kayla was wide awake in her bed, and when they entered she grinned up at them. “Daddy! Uncle Harvey!” Kayla called, holding her arms out for a hug. Mike immediately dropped Harvey’s hand and ran over to her, sweeping his daughter into his arms. He held her close and felt her soft hair tickle his cheeks as he breathed in her little girl scent mixed with strawberry shampoo. He was almost shaking with relief.
“Daddy loves you, baby,” Mike whispered to her as Kayla wrapped her little arms around his neck. “I’m never going to let you go, not ever!” He squeezed her tightly, and Kayla giggled.
“Daaaaddyyyyy,” Kayla whined, grinning. “Too tight! Let go!”
“No!” Mike answered playfully, a grin spreading across his face as he gave Kayla another squeeze. He poked his fingers into her little belly, tickling her and making her squeal. He laughed with her, feeling the tension draining from his body. The nurse standing beside the bed gave him a disapproving look, but Mike ignored her. Finally he stopped his tickling and simply held Kayla close against him, smiling down at her as he petted her hair. He looked up at Harvey, who smiled back at him. Mike beckoned Harvey over, and after a moment’s hesitation the other man sat gingerly beside Mike on the little bed.
“Hey, Kayla,” he murmured softly to her. Kayla wiggled over onto her stomach in Mike’s lap and crawled toward Harvey so that her head was in Harvey’s lap and her legs across Mike’s. Then she rolled onto her back again and raised one hand.
“Hi, Uncle Harvey!” she answered with a smile as she tapped the end of one tiny finger against his nose. Harvey chuckled softly and grabbed her little hand, holding it tenderly in his large one.
“How are you feeling, baby?” Harvey asked her gently, reaching out with his other hand to stroke her hair away from her face.
“Feels good!” Kayla replied brightly. “Got sick at daycare. Doctor said ‘cause of the wall peanuts in Aaron’s brownies. That felt bad. But the doctors made me all better!” She grinned up at Harvey, and he nodded.
“That’s good, baby,” Harvey said tenderly. “I’m glad you feel better.”
Kayla pulled her hand from Harvey’s and looked over at Mike, a serious expression on her face. “Wall peanuts are bad,” she told him gravely. Mike struggled to keep a straight face as he nodded.
“Yes. Walnuts are very bad for Kayla. No more walnuts for you.”
There was a lull in the conversation as Mike and Harvey gazed down at Kayla, both of them incredibly relieved that she was well. The nurse cleared her throat gently, and at her prompting the two men moved Kayla back into bed and sat in the chairs next to it, while the nurse checked the IV drip in Kayla’s arm. They listened to Kayla talk about her day, about the craft she’d done in the morning, a dinosaur out of paper plates; about the story she’d heard, of a dragon that couldn’t blow fire; about how they’d all sung Happy Birthday to her classmate Aaron and eaten the brownies his mother brought. After three hours without Kayla showing any more symptoms, the nurse cleared her to leave.
* * *
Harvey carried Kayla from the car up the stairs to Mike’s apartment. She had fallen asleep on the ride back from the hospital, exhausted from her day. Harvey had assured Mike that he didn’t need to worry about coming back to work for the rest of the day. As far as he was concerned, Mike needed to stay home with his daughter.
Mike opened the door to his apartment and Harvey carried Kayla’s sleeping form inside. Mike pulled back the covers of his bed and Harvey leaned down to place Kayla in it. He watched with a tender smile as Mike slid Kayla’s tiny shoes off her feet and pulled the blanket over her. Mike leaned down and pressed a light kiss to the top of the little girl’s head. He froze when she sighed and turned her head towards him, but when she didn’t wake Mike sighed in relief and straightened up. He gave Harvey a tired smile, which Harvey returned.
Mike sank down on his lumpy couch with a heavy but quiet sigh, and Harvey sat beside him. “I can’t believe I didn’t have my phone on,” Mike said softly. “What if it had been something worse? What if she’d really been hurt?”
“If that had happened,” Harvey said gently, “I would have gone to the hospital to be with her and told Donna to find you as fast as possible.” Mike nodded but didn’t say anything. He sighed softly and tilted his head back against the couch, closing his eyes.
Harvey looked over the young father, taking in his exhausted appearance. He knew that no matter what he said, Mike would continue to blame himself. Mike was Kayla’s father, her parent, and there was nothing Harvey could say to make him believe he didn’t have absolute responsibility for Kayla’s well-being.
Harvey reached out and laid a hand on Mike’s knee, knowing that the younger man would probably respond more to touch than to words. Mike hesitated for a moment, but then his hand rose from his side and settled on top of Harvey’s. His skin was warm and soft but Harvey could feel the slight tremor in his hand, left over from his panic over his daughter’s safety.
Harvey wanted to pull back. There was something too intimate to this, something he knew he shouldn’t allow himself to feel for his associate, although really if he was honest it was probably too late. But he couldn’t take his hand away, not when he knew that the simple touch helped Mike. Instead he squeezed Mike’s knee, to assure him that he wasn’t going anywhere. He heard Mike sigh and saw some of the tension leave his shoulders as he leaned back against the couch.
“It wasn’t your fault,” Harvey said, because he felt he had to say something. He saw Mike nod, the first acknowledgment he’d given yet of his powerlessness to control the random events that had caused Kayla’s hospitalization.
A little giggle from their left interrupted their silent contemplation. Mike opened his eyes and turned to look over at Kayla, who had snuck from her bed to stand beside the arm of the couch, peering over it at them with a coy smile. “What’re you doing up?” Mike asked her with a tired smile.
“Want bedtime story,” Kayla replied. Harvey noticed that she was clutching the threadbare rabbit doll, Ruffles, in her arms.
“Oh, a bedtime story, is it?” Mike asked as he stood up from the couch and swept Kayla into his arms. “A bedtime story for Kayla-lou?”
“Bedtime story, Daddy!” Kayla cried.
“Alright, one story, and then you stay in bed, little miss!” Mike said, poking her little nose. Harvey smiled as he watched Mike drop Kayla unceremoniously onto the bed, making her laugh when she bounced against the mattress. “Okay,” Mike sighed as he settled himself on the bed next to Kayla. “A bedtime story. Uncle Harvey, why don’t you get over here and help me tell it?” He looked up at Harvey with a grin. Harvey shook his head, smiling despite himself.
“Yeah! Help tell the story, Uncle Harvey!” Kayla begged. Harvey sighed heavily and heaved himself up from the couch, making a show of it as though he was terribly inconvenienced by the request. He sat on the bed next to Mike with a soft groan.
“I don’t know any bedtime stories,” he said to no one in particular.
“That’s alright; I usually make them up as I go along,” Mike replied with a smile.
“Story!” Kayla whined, and both men laughed.
“Alright, Pumpkin, a story,” Mike said. Kayla snuggled down into the covers and pulled her rabbit close, looking up at them with wide and expectant blue eyes. “Once upon a time,” Mike began, “in a kingdom far, far away, there was a little princess named… Hmm, now what was that princess’ name again?” he asked playfully, looking to Harvey for assistance.
“Kayla!” the little girl shouted. “Princess Kayla!”
“Oh, yes, that’s right!” Mike said with a grin. “Princess Kayla. And this beautiful little princess…”
“Kayla,” the little girl supplied.
“She was the daughter of the king and queen of the kingdom, and she lived in a big castle, with hundreds and hundreds of rooms. She had seven bedrooms, but her favorite was all bright orange, with green polka dots, and it had a red racecar bed.” Kayla giggled and nodded happily.
“Princess Kayla rode ponies every day in the royal fields, and she had a hutch full of bunnies in the back yard. Her favorite bunny was named Ruffles, and he went with her everywhere. Nobody else in the castle knew it, not the royal bunny keeper, or the royal babysitter, or even the king and queen, but Ruffles was a magical bunny, and he could talk.”
“One day Kayla and Ruffles were at the…”
“Beach!” Kayla said.
“Were at the beach,” Mike picked up without missing a beat. Harvey watched in amazement, surprised to find that the nonsense Mike was spouting was actually very entertaining. “And they met a…”
“Mermaid!”
“That’s right, a mermaid! Hey, you seem to know how this story goes. Have you heard it before?” Mike gave Kayla a suspicious look, and she giggled and shook her head. “Okay. So Princess Kayla and talking bunny Ruffles were at the beach, and they met a mermaid. And the mermaid asked them to come with her to save her underwater kingdom from an evil shark.”
Half an hour later, Mike was finishing up a nonsense story of mermaids and unicorns and space monkeys, and Kayla was blinking sleepily and rubbing her eyes. “Good night, baby,” Mike said softly.
“Night, Daddy,” Kayla answered. She yawned hugely and blinked again, eyes falling closed. “Ni’ Unca Hawvey,” she mumbled as she turned her head into the pillow and fell asleep.
“Good night, Kayla,” he answered, even though he knew she couldn’t hear. He looked down at the little girl, feeling the weight of fondness in his chest. It might have surprised him to realize that he wasn’t even thinking about how astounding it was that he had come to love this little girl so much. He had accepted it as a fact, and didn’t wonder how it had come to be.
Mike leaned back against Harvey’s chest and sighed softly as he looked down at his daughter. Harvey instinctively looped an arm around Mike’s waist. At any other time he would have considered that too inappropriate to do, but for the moment he wasn’t second-guessing himself. His heart was filled with a great affection -dare he say it, love- for both Kayla and her father. He didn’t want to break that by thinking about how he shouldn’t feel such things towards Mike.
The two men sat together in silence, simply enjoying each other’s company and watching the little girl they both loved as she slept. Finally after several long minutes, Mike shifted and stood up with a groan. He stretched his arms above his head and sighed. “It’s getting late,” he murmured softly. “Are you sure you don’t want me to work on anything for tomorrow?”
Mike was talking about work. Harvey forced his mind to change gears, and wondered when it had happened that he started considering spending time with Mike to be his personal life rather than his work life. “No,” he said as he stood up from the little bed. “You take the rest of the day. Relax. If Kayla’s not feeling up to school tomorrow, you can take that day off too. Just tell me when I drop by to pick you up.”
“Don’t say that around her,” Mike said, putting a finger to his lips with a smile. “She’ll hear you, and then she’ll be faking sick to stay home with me.” Harvey smiled and shook his head. He followed Mike to the door of the apartment, and stood by as he opened it. Harvey hesitated for a moment, looking out into the hallway. He wasn’t surprised to find that he didn’t want to leave. He didn’t want to leave this apartment, to leave Kayla, and Mike. He wanted to stay with them, but even as he glanced back into the tiny apartment he knew there was no room for him, both literally and figuratively. He wasn’t Kayla’s parent. He wasn’t a part of this family. Even if he truly wanted to be.
“I’ll see you tomorrow?” Harvey said as he forced himself to step over the threshold of the apartment.
“Yeah, I’ll see you,” Mike assured him. Harvey turned back, facing Mike awkwardly. As he looked at the man standing in the doorway, Harvey felt the sudden urge to seize him and kiss him, to push his way back into the apartment and to ask to stay the night with Mike and his daughter. But he knew he couldn’t do any of that.
Mike gazed back at him, seeming conflicted. Twice he opened his mouth to speak, but stopped before any words came out. Finally he just said, “Good night.”
“Good night,” Harvey answered. Mike nodded awkwardly and turned back into the apartment, closing the door in Harvey’s face. He stood staring at it for several minutes before turning away and leaving the apartment building. As he looked out the window of his town car on the way back to the office for the last few hours, Harvey couldn’t help but think how large and empty the place he would be going home to felt.
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