CAUTION:Steamblowng in progress. PASS WITH CARE.
CAREFUL: If you aren't up for reading this, then don't.
Where to begin and how when there's much to be said....*SIIIGGGGGHHHHH*
First, let's start with the pissy mood I'm stuck in. And why. (With stuck being the word of the week)
When I wake up, and it's usually well on into the morning,(if not working) I'm a sight for sore eyes. Cranky. Irrational. And nothing makes me madder then a wet hen then to be awakened by a quarrelsome ex. (Well, there ARE other things, but I won't go into them until I am provoked into posting on my other pet peeves.)
Add being at the mercy of other's for charity and I'm known to breath fire from my nostril's. I did that today and things I'm not sure I should in fear that I might frighten the likes of you ppl. When I am thrown to the wolves, this turns my usual sunny, happy-go-lucky disposition into a dark one.
According to a CERTAIN person (no not saying who), I am pushing away everyone with my sordid dispostion. Good to know. Why don't you lick it, stamp it, and mail it to somebody who gives a fuck.
Most of you- if not already- have guessed by now who I'm referring to. Out of 'respect' for his privacy, I agreed that I would name any names. Though if he continues to provoke, that promise may be terminated.
Ya know, I got to thinking after he left that maybe it's not that I'm snuffing everyone else out of my life, maybe it's just him. Yeah, he's been there for me through thick and thin. Yeah, he's stuck by me when I could count the number of ppl on one hand that I could depend on in life. YE-AH, he's carried me when I've been unemployed and without financial resources. But DON'T think for one MINUTE he didn't make it known that there were strings attached.
He's always griping to me about how ppl only give so they can take later. Then he'll turn RIGHT the fuck around and tell me that you don't get unless you give in this life, which he thinks is something I need do more of. It's the same wretched story with him, and as we are all guilty of: We only see what WE do. So neither one of us is any more self-righteous then the other. And if he's gonna hold every minisclule favorhe does on my behalf over my head, then I'd rather he not do a GODDAMN thing at all to HELP me out. Leave me to dig my way outta the trenches on my own; I'd rather it be that way anyhow.
I DON'T deserve this sort of treatment and I'll be damned if it's the treatment I'm subjected to. I don't get it. I mean, everywhere I go ppl are always telling me what a beautiful girl I am. To not settle; sell myself short. That I could hook any suitor I well pleased. If that's the case, then I AM dumbing down. And it has nothing to do with his looks. I just feel that he's constantly nagging me over this, that, or the other. I've gotten to the point to where I don't know what subjects I'm allowed to address and what not. I know Fantasm and Vinyl are forbidden.
Today, I guess you could say, was the last straw. He OFFERED,( not me begging) OFFERED NOW, to take an envelope to the mail since I'm in a hell of a predicament. Upon his entry, I said something that didn't set too well with him and that caused a 30 minute, exhausting battle; bullets flying, etc, etc. I have a temper from haites, I know, and hurled the books in my lap across the room. (Think I'll go sign up for anger management classes now.)I realize that that is childish as all get out, but I'd rather blow off steam that way then directly at him. I've tried everything anyways. Walking away, ignoring his antagonizing remarks, leaving the scene. But he's not one to be reckoned with. And he thinks that about me. :)
BURNS.ME.UP.
I would have went with him to his show, even though I had invites to two parties happening around town. But after that sarcastic comment he made,"Oh, aren't we the popular one tonight?"WTF?, I thought better of it. Why would I wanna be couped up in a car with him for 4+ hours when I could be around ppl that are uplifting and laid back?? Tell me that.After accusing me of being critical and cynical of him, yeah, that's reeaalllllyyyy what I'm give my eye-tooth to do. Thanks but no thanks. I'll have my low-key night of lonliness in front of the boobtube over tension that is so thick it couldn't be cut with a knife.
When all is said and done, that is ACTUALLY what busted the both of us up. Or one of the things. I just got fed up with him not wanting me to have friends or be involved with my peers. And then he would dispute my word by telling me that he DID want me to have a life. I said, ok, then if you do want me to so big, then introduce me to your friends. Go ahead, what's stopping you? He'd brush it off by accusing me of disliking them. *sigh* No way around anything with him. This is WHY I didn't ask him to move in with me when I relocated. He'd be kicked to the curb after a week, if he lasted that long. Cause I don't take SHIT. My life is TOO freakin' short to be subjected to constant knock-down, drag-out arguments on a regualr basis.
I don't think we'll be seeing too much of each other for a while.We need a cooling down period. In fact, I think that this time I went too far. Jussssstttt a tad. ESPECIALLY when I told him that I was better off without his sorry-ass that smelt like it had been soaked in battery acid. Heh, I often times act before thinking. Don't we all....
I think I've said all that I SHOULD and that's TOO much. Overlook it, I'm just the being the bitchy bitch anyhow b/c it's PMS week and things aren't going my way. And if I don't get off this damn machine and get a lift, I will have missed parties that I'm sure ARE sure to be the SHIT. And I'll be damend if I let him ruin my fun.Gotta scram, I told vampy that if I hadn't shown my face by 11:30, to call. And the time is drawing near.
Thank you, BAT has leffftttttt the buiiiillllling.
Where to begin and how when there's much to be said....*SIIIGGGGGHHHHH*
First, let's start with the pissy mood I'm stuck in. And why. (With stuck being the word of the week)
When I wake up, and it's usually well on into the morning,(if not working) I'm a sight for sore eyes. Cranky. Irrational. And nothing makes me madder then a wet hen then to be awakened by a quarrelsome ex. (Well, there ARE other things, but I won't go into them until I am provoked into posting on my other pet peeves.)
Add being at the mercy of other's for charity and I'm known to breath fire from my nostril's. I did that today and things I'm not sure I should in fear that I might frighten the likes of you ppl. When I am thrown to the wolves, this turns my usual sunny, happy-go-lucky disposition into a dark one.
According to a CERTAIN person (no not saying who), I am pushing away everyone with my sordid dispostion. Good to know. Why don't you lick it, stamp it, and mail it to somebody who gives a fuck.
Most of you- if not already- have guessed by now who I'm referring to. Out of 'respect' for his privacy, I agreed that I would name any names. Though if he continues to provoke, that promise may be terminated.
Ya know, I got to thinking after he left that maybe it's not that I'm snuffing everyone else out of my life, maybe it's just him. Yeah, he's been there for me through thick and thin. Yeah, he's stuck by me when I could count the number of ppl on one hand that I could depend on in life. YE-AH, he's carried me when I've been unemployed and without financial resources. But DON'T think for one MINUTE he didn't make it known that there were strings attached.
He's always griping to me about how ppl only give so they can take later. Then he'll turn RIGHT the fuck around and tell me that you don't get unless you give in this life, which he thinks is something I need do more of. It's the same wretched story with him, and as we are all guilty of: We only see what WE do. So neither one of us is any more self-righteous then the other. And if he's gonna hold every minisclule favorhe does on my behalf over my head, then I'd rather he not do a GODDAMN thing at all to HELP me out. Leave me to dig my way outta the trenches on my own; I'd rather it be that way anyhow.
I DON'T deserve this sort of treatment and I'll be damned if it's the treatment I'm subjected to. I don't get it. I mean, everywhere I go ppl are always telling me what a beautiful girl I am. To not settle; sell myself short. That I could hook any suitor I well pleased. If that's the case, then I AM dumbing down. And it has nothing to do with his looks. I just feel that he's constantly nagging me over this, that, or the other. I've gotten to the point to where I don't know what subjects I'm allowed to address and what not. I know Fantasm and Vinyl are forbidden.
Today, I guess you could say, was the last straw. He OFFERED,( not me begging) OFFERED NOW, to take an envelope to the mail since I'm in a hell of a predicament. Upon his entry, I said something that didn't set too well with him and that caused a 30 minute, exhausting battle; bullets flying, etc, etc. I have a temper from haites, I know, and hurled the books in my lap across the room. (Think I'll go sign up for anger management classes now.)I realize that that is childish as all get out, but I'd rather blow off steam that way then directly at him. I've tried everything anyways. Walking away, ignoring his antagonizing remarks, leaving the scene. But he's not one to be reckoned with. And he thinks that about me. :)
BURNS.ME.UP.
I would have went with him to his show, even though I had invites to two parties happening around town. But after that sarcastic comment he made,"Oh, aren't we the popular one tonight?"WTF?, I thought better of it. Why would I wanna be couped up in a car with him for 4+ hours when I could be around ppl that are uplifting and laid back?? Tell me that.After accusing me of being critical and cynical of him, yeah, that's reeaalllllyyyy what I'm give my eye-tooth to do. Thanks but no thanks. I'll have my low-key night of lonliness in front of the boobtube over tension that is so thick it couldn't be cut with a knife.
When all is said and done, that is ACTUALLY what busted the both of us up. Or one of the things. I just got fed up with him not wanting me to have friends or be involved with my peers. And then he would dispute my word by telling me that he DID want me to have a life. I said, ok, then if you do want me to so big, then introduce me to your friends. Go ahead, what's stopping you? He'd brush it off by accusing me of disliking them. *sigh* No way around anything with him. This is WHY I didn't ask him to move in with me when I relocated. He'd be kicked to the curb after a week, if he lasted that long. Cause I don't take SHIT. My life is TOO freakin' short to be subjected to constant knock-down, drag-out arguments on a regualr basis.
I don't think we'll be seeing too much of each other for a while.We need a cooling down period. In fact, I think that this time I went too far. Jussssstttt a tad. ESPECIALLY when I told him that I was better off without his sorry-ass that smelt like it had been soaked in battery acid. Heh, I often times act before thinking. Don't we all....
I think I've said all that I SHOULD and that's TOO much. Overlook it, I'm just the being the bitchy bitch anyhow b/c it's PMS week and things aren't going my way. And if I don't get off this damn machine and get a lift, I will have missed parties that I'm sure ARE sure to be the SHIT. And I'll be damend if I let him ruin my fun.Gotta scram, I told vampy that if I hadn't shown my face by 11:30, to call. And the time is drawing near.
Thank you, BAT has leffftttttt the buiiiillllling.