here i am again.

[black_waltz_13]

it is 4 am, and i sit here stairing at my un finished directors book. i am almost done, and most of it is english paper type stuff so i should be able to get through it no problem. but still i put it off. it seems i am only productive when i know i don't HAVE to do something. this is due tomorow, and i check my face book, i go thorough friends journal archives, i look up songs on youtube. WHY DO I DO THIS? do i get some kind of masochistic joy from fucking myself over? i need sleep, i could have finished this hours ago, but i can't go to sleep till its done. this was a project i could have had fun with if i started it earlier. i was going to do it last weekend, but then i got sick. but i am better now, and stil i just can't focus. i have 4 more sections to do. 3 of them are rather short, one is annoying and tedious, but helpfull. but now i have to do it because i HAVE to do it, and that makes me put it off and screw myself over......i want to go to bed, but only i am keeping me up.

im a frigging broken record when it comes to school work. i am a walking absurdist play, a human waiting for godot.