you dont know what you've got till its gone...
so today... i thought it would be great, i thought hey today i might not screw anything up like i usually do, but i was wrong like i usualy tend to be about this sorta "thing". i may never forgive myself even if the person i did wrong dose, i broke something that i to hold so close to me that i've broken up with guys before over it. i feel dirty and grose, i knew what i had done but it hadnt hit me until now, i logged off line and sat in my room with only candles burning, i made shadow puppets, i made them fight....the girl shadow puppet just almost always seems to lose that to which she holds close....i couldnt sleep, i lied there for about 15 min. knowing that i would never go to sleep that way. now the shadow puppets...one hates the other and the other begs...but for what she begs she dosent knw, nothing can be done now, its the past and it cant be changed. i now think....i regret so much of what i do but the great moments i share with certain ppl almost make the sacrfices worth it but i knw that this time the sacrfice was too great to be worth having the time spent with the person never possible again. i say things i dont mean and when i mean something ppl dont take me seriously....a simple bite changed everything around me so fast that i think that even if i was paid that i would never bite and kiss anyone ever again, i regret what i did i feel stupid for not being more aware of my actions, but why i wirte all this i dont know, its not like it can change anything, i only fucked things up even more when i tried to "fix" things i could make my words fit right...that seems to happen when i'm sad...i'm so pathetic that even tho i hate when ppl pity me ....i pity myself right now for being so stupid. theres not much else to say.... its all already been said....i dont knw what to do any more...i guess this'll be the last time that i write in here....for a while any way. i need to try to sleep.
much love krisin
much love krisin