(no subject)

[black_summer]

so it seems that if im not really hyper and loud, everyone thinks im pissed.everyone. you know people i can have more than one emotion. last time i checked that was aloud. i wasnt pissed and im not. im like 23439830 emoitions right now and thats not one of them. im just really worried about everything and everyone especially my mom and all. and im tired of being telling me not to worry because im sorry but i just cant do that, if i care about someone in my life then your automatic instinct is to worry about them and there wellbeing. i just want whats best for everyone. somehow i say this and care less about myself than others. it just makes me wonder,sometimes curiostiy gets the best of me. im stressed for no apparent reason though and thats another thing i dont get. but im trying to make a coralation between all my emotions and the possible links so i guess i can just blame that one on being me or something stupid like hormones. (isnt that what people always say?) i miss everything. i feel like we are all so different from what or who we use to be. and i've learned that high school is all about changing and finding your own indiviual identity so its quite common for us to change from year to year (even more often in others.) So im not ridiculing anyone for that, i know ive changed a lot, some for the better and some for the worst. Petty stupid things that people do are a big aggravation right now and i actually take offense to it when people say or do stupid shit or just things that i find aggravating. i need to stop that. its not the right thing to do. Spiritually im struggling as well. And i know this sounds dumb but its what i agree with, i think that if more teenagers put their heart into beliving in a higher deity that things would work in their favor. I mean really, what is the downfall of having something to belive in. But theres bits and pieces of many religions that i agree with and cant find full belief in just one. Wicca, Buddhism, Christiany, i dont think its fair that you must stay dedicated completely to one religion or you are not a true follower. If i believe in one God, (just not most of the Bible,) and belive in the aspects of Buddhism and Wicca, then what do i qualify as? Why do I have to qualify as anything? Why is not socially acceptable to have more than one belief? I'm tired of people saying they don't care either (cause i think we all hear that about one thing or another way too often.) because the truth is living in a socail setting that we were all raised upon you really do care, just some less than others. I know i've said this abuot things before and looking back on it i know it was/is a lie. Do we say things like that to try and portray a certain image. Or to uphold a certain social standard? Why?...thats all i want to know to everything, WHY? I wish the answers would unfold in front of me, like a deck of tarot cards. Why does trying to do the right thing hurt so bad?

i really had to get that out there so sorry if it seems like ive been freaking out towards you lately

damn i really need to stop paying attention in sociology