Rainy Mood and Semi-rants
So I fell asleep with www.rainymood.com/ playing on my PC, and I had two dreams; one was about traveling, and the other was a really creepy dream about a werewolf. The travel dream started out a bit randomly; I think it started with themes from Mass Effect 2, then it went on to me being chased and shot at by a very tiny space ship that looked like it belonged in Star Wars, then to electrically stimulating crabs to walking through pizzerias then to being in an airport. The airport was chaotic and I almost got lost. But we got to wherever we were going, and we were driving down the coast of some country. The waves were very high and the houses on the rocky shoreline very small. I wondered how they survived down there. I was taking pictures and we drove into a town. We got out of our car and started walking, and it became night. It stopped there and cut to my werewolf dream. (I think this dream was influenced by this AdultSwim game I played at Gela's house, titled CreamWolf [I know it sounds sexual but it isn't] where you're a werewolf ice cream man and you turn little children into ice cream flavors... It's a really creepy 8-bit flash game.) The werewolf dream played out like a horror movie in my head; the weaknesses and evils of the heart, grotesque disfigured bodies and people getting mauled and massacred. It was dark and disturbing, and left me feeling bothered when I woke up.
I've been a bit out of it lately; I'm going back to my 'whatever' lifestyle of just doing... whatever. I have to stay focused though, until acads are over and I have an OJT ready for the summer. The pressure is on to not fall into a rut; things aren't going too well for my brother in Hawaii, and I guess it's my duty to not give my parents anything more to worry about.
I haven't logged into WoW for a while; I can't really say that I've missed it. At this point in time it's just something else to keep me occupied, but with the way I've been going about things I haven't had the chance to play. At some point or another I figure I'll just stop playing games in general; not because I'll grow out of it or because it's boring, but most likely because I'll just find other things to do instead. Though I suppose they'll always be there just in case, since I rarely uninstall games from my PC anyway.
Sometimes, I feel like I'm becoming a bitter person. I can see myself changing; the things I do, the way I act and react, the way I think and see things.I remember telling others that one should never expect anything, as that gives way to misunderstandings and disappointment. I expected the people whom I've surrounded myself with to be more caring and conscious of those around them; they aren't. I expected maturity; I got egos. I expected a reply; I never got one. I expected. And it fell through. At this point I don't think my life is shattered; the world isn't a cruel evil place, but still, it was a slap to the face. (I've been getting lots of those lately, haven't I?) A lot of people aren't as I thought they were. I feel as if I was previously living in some perfect place where people genuinely cared about each other; apparently I was just ignorant of the true nature of things. I think I'm just too idealistic, like my head is in the clouds of a social utopia while my foot is stuck in the concrete of reality. I don't know. People in general are unreliable, myself included. We think people will do certain things, but they don't. We think we'll do certain things, but we don't. Fight, defend, love, hate. We think we'll do it, but we surprise ourselves, or disappoint ourselves. Sometimes people don't understand how powerful they are; how they have the power to create themselves and how they have the power to destroy others. All the time people are too busy destroying others to create themselves. Sometimes people don't even know that they destroy others, so cluelessly.
Bitter bitter bitter. Hahaha.
Please excuse me. I've been reduced to rubble a number of times already, and even now I'm still in the slow process of putting myself back together.
I've been a bit out of it lately; I'm going back to my 'whatever' lifestyle of just doing... whatever. I have to stay focused though, until acads are over and I have an OJT ready for the summer. The pressure is on to not fall into a rut; things aren't going too well for my brother in Hawaii, and I guess it's my duty to not give my parents anything more to worry about.
I haven't logged into WoW for a while; I can't really say that I've missed it. At this point in time it's just something else to keep me occupied, but with the way I've been going about things I haven't had the chance to play. At some point or another I figure I'll just stop playing games in general; not because I'll grow out of it or because it's boring, but most likely because I'll just find other things to do instead. Though I suppose they'll always be there just in case, since I rarely uninstall games from my PC anyway.
Sometimes, I feel like I'm becoming a bitter person. I can see myself changing; the things I do, the way I act and react, the way I think and see things.I remember telling others that one should never expect anything, as that gives way to misunderstandings and disappointment. I expected the people whom I've surrounded myself with to be more caring and conscious of those around them; they aren't. I expected maturity; I got egos. I expected a reply; I never got one. I expected. And it fell through. At this point I don't think my life is shattered; the world isn't a cruel evil place, but still, it was a slap to the face. (I've been getting lots of those lately, haven't I?) A lot of people aren't as I thought they were. I feel as if I was previously living in some perfect place where people genuinely cared about each other; apparently I was just ignorant of the true nature of things. I think I'm just too idealistic, like my head is in the clouds of a social utopia while my foot is stuck in the concrete of reality. I don't know. People in general are unreliable, myself included. We think people will do certain things, but they don't. We think we'll do certain things, but we don't. Fight, defend, love, hate. We think we'll do it, but we surprise ourselves, or disappoint ourselves. Sometimes people don't understand how powerful they are; how they have the power to create themselves and how they have the power to destroy others. All the time people are too busy destroying others to create themselves. Sometimes people don't even know that they destroy others, so cluelessly.
Bitter bitter bitter. Hahaha.
Please excuse me. I've been reduced to rubble a number of times already, and even now I'm still in the slow process of putting myself back together.