(no subject)
Before I begin with this, I want you all to understand that I'm not looking for pity, or advice, or criticism, so much as I'm just looking to vent, and not have the only eyes who see it. Seriously, I'm not. I'm already dealing with this myself, and so are my parents. I just want to get my thoughts down in writing, because let's face it, sometimes it helps. Sorry if it seems unorganized and ranty, I'm exhausted at this point.
I never thought I'd end up really saying this but lately it just seems like Cody doesn't care enough to really try to keep things together. He's been here for several months now promising me not to worry, because he knows that we'll get by okay, and that he will be able to find a job. That was back in May. It's now almost October. I'm just managing to afford the rent every month. His parents are paying for some of our bills, like internet and such, and now my parents have started to help us with gas and groceries... And he hasn't been taking his job search seriously. I just don't understand why. My family has done so much to help him so far. My dad is speaking to employers for him, trying to explain the situation so that they'll sign the forms he needs to get a work permit here. My mom and I have been keeping an eye out for any job fairs, and any 'looking to hire' signs that we can find. And yet he just barely even tries. Just how long does he think we can live off of our families? How long does he think he can freeload off of me? He says he wants to stay in Canada and eventually get his citizenship, but he's taking any steps towards actually getting it done. It's frustrating me. It's stressing me out and pushing me beyond my limit, and yet he had the nerve to snap at me for not keeping my temper, after I've been putting up with this for so long.
I'm still doing what I can for him. My parents sat with him earlier in the evening and really helped me push him to get serious about things already, so all I can do is hope that he meant it when he said he understood and would try, first thing in the morning. But that doesn't leave me any less scared right now. I'm just starting to feel like he doesn't want to stay here. Like he thinks he can just live off of someone else's money for as long as he wants, or until some job just magically falls into his lap. Why is it so hard for him to understand that it doesn't work that way? Why doesn't he try, knowing that if he wants to stay here, he has to take things seriously? Our parents can't afford to keep helping him forever. My parents can't even afford it now... they just got parts of both the house AND the cottage remodeled. That cost them a lot, they're still recovering from it. It's not fair to them. And it's not fair to me, being the only one working at all, that I'm paying for him to have a place to stay, so that he can sit inside on the computer all day doing nothing.
I just hope he's finally got this through his head already. He has so many people trying to help him here, and he needs to take it this time. He tells me he wants to stay here, but now he needs to show me as well. I know this is difficult for him right now, I know he's coming from the States and I can only imagine how much of a struggle all of this is. But he needs to get his ass in gear. For both our sakes. Because despite everything (and maybe I'm insane for thinking this), I still love him. I still care about him. And I don't want to have to lose him, not like this. I want to share the rest of my life with him, I know that we've gotten through worse before and have come out stronger than ever. So I just hope he understands already, how much I love him, how much my family loves him, and how we want to do what we can for him. But we've done what we can, and now he has to do his part.
I never thought I'd end up really saying this but lately it just seems like Cody doesn't care enough to really try to keep things together. He's been here for several months now promising me not to worry, because he knows that we'll get by okay, and that he will be able to find a job. That was back in May. It's now almost October. I'm just managing to afford the rent every month. His parents are paying for some of our bills, like internet and such, and now my parents have started to help us with gas and groceries... And he hasn't been taking his job search seriously. I just don't understand why. My family has done so much to help him so far. My dad is speaking to employers for him, trying to explain the situation so that they'll sign the forms he needs to get a work permit here. My mom and I have been keeping an eye out for any job fairs, and any 'looking to hire' signs that we can find. And yet he just barely even tries. Just how long does he think we can live off of our families? How long does he think he can freeload off of me? He says he wants to stay in Canada and eventually get his citizenship, but he's taking any steps towards actually getting it done. It's frustrating me. It's stressing me out and pushing me beyond my limit, and yet he had the nerve to snap at me for not keeping my temper, after I've been putting up with this for so long.
I'm still doing what I can for him. My parents sat with him earlier in the evening and really helped me push him to get serious about things already, so all I can do is hope that he meant it when he said he understood and would try, first thing in the morning. But that doesn't leave me any less scared right now. I'm just starting to feel like he doesn't want to stay here. Like he thinks he can just live off of someone else's money for as long as he wants, or until some job just magically falls into his lap. Why is it so hard for him to understand that it doesn't work that way? Why doesn't he try, knowing that if he wants to stay here, he has to take things seriously? Our parents can't afford to keep helping him forever. My parents can't even afford it now... they just got parts of both the house AND the cottage remodeled. That cost them a lot, they're still recovering from it. It's not fair to them. And it's not fair to me, being the only one working at all, that I'm paying for him to have a place to stay, so that he can sit inside on the computer all day doing nothing.
I just hope he's finally got this through his head already. He has so many people trying to help him here, and he needs to take it this time. He tells me he wants to stay here, but now he needs to show me as well. I know this is difficult for him right now, I know he's coming from the States and I can only imagine how much of a struggle all of this is. But he needs to get his ass in gear. For both our sakes. Because despite everything (and maybe I'm insane for thinking this), I still love him. I still care about him. And I don't want to have to lose him, not like this. I want to share the rest of my life with him, I know that we've gotten through worse before and have come out stronger than ever. So I just hope he understands already, how much I love him, how much my family loves him, and how we want to do what we can for him. But we've done what we can, and now he has to do his part.