Even the wrong words seem to rhyme...
So, this last week of summer has been pretty rocky. It was really great up until about the time Band Camp was over. Lots of spare time, to reflect and think. I just wasn't having a lot of fun. Yesterday I felt very anti-social. I guess everything just built up inside of me that I've been keeping in for the past week and that on top of sweat and exhaustion me in a bad mood in front of people I would usually LOVE to be around. Luckily I was able to play it off as "being extremely tired." I don't know what it is. It may be the fact that I don't have the comfort of a job (even though I disliked it and was planning on getting another one, I wasn't going to quit until I had another job so I could at least have money coming in). I fucked up the back bumper on my car so now I have extra expenses I have to save up for. Plus gas, which the price for is severely rising. I just see myself falling into a bigger money hole then I think I am gonna be able to handle. I wish this would have happened in the beginning of the summer, not right as school was about to start.
I also have been agitated by the way I care too much about certain people. I don't get why I do, I don't get why people I don't like bother me so much. I should be able to just let it go, but for some reason I can't. I have this problem with wanting to know everything and when I don't I dwell (just for you Anna) on it and it eats away at me. I don't know why I have to care or waste my time thinking about stupid things or people. Agh, speaking of things that bother me, I have realized how much of my thoughts are completely negative. I would be willing to bet that almost 85% of my thoughts and what I think about are negative and all pessimistic.I really hate myself for it sometimes.
I hate how boys play games with girls. Not me (this time) but my friends. I hate how they're such hypocrites when they say that "women play games" but in all actuality they play worse games then we do. Yes, I admit we like to play games, but we don't sit there (at least the majority of us) and mess around with their emotions and say you like them and have feelings for them when all you're really trying to do is get a piece of ass. I hate people who play with other people. I hate people who juggle more then one person at a time. I hate cheating. I don't get the point of it. I never have. I hate relationships that go bad for no reason or that aren't taken seriously. Why have a relationship if you're just in it to dick around? I should probably stop due to the fact that I'm probably going to offend someone, but I really don't care, you can shove it up your ass.
School starts tomorrow, which I guess is why I'm venting so much right now. Just trying to clear the slate and start the year with everything that's bothering me out in the open. I feel a little better now that I am on the phone. First with Anna, then Kevin.
Dalla: I love you!!! I hope you feel better.
Ick...bedtime for me cause school is tomorrow.
Out of the doubt that fills my mind, I somehow find you and I collide.