(no subject)
the last couple days have been pretty good
hung out with the boy monday and tuesday
i worked last night
today went to ashleys in the morning
then went to school.
did the school thing.
walked partially home.
was suppost to chill with the boy
but he didnt get off work till later..so you know.
i had a bath
and did a bunch of thinking
i dont kno why
but after a couple days of smoking weed
i get really emotional
i do a hell of a lot of thinking.
and i dont kno
but i realised that i do a lot of complaining.
when really i have and is given a hole lot.
i have the most amazing boyfriend
i mean we have our arguments
but who doesnt
and i have the most amazing friends
and the most amazing people to party with
and my family.
as much as we argue and we dont get along
there great
i take a lot of things in my life for grantit
i always ask and ask for more
and my mom
well shes constantly willing to give,
i asked her to help me pay for a car
and shes giving me a thousand dollars.
and i know that even after that
ill still run my mouth
and still have an attitude.
and lately ive been feeling really distant from a friend
and you know who you are
i guess i just know that everything is going to completly change at the end of this year
and im not ready for it
i cant stand thinking that i wont be around the same people
im going to be starting new whereever i am
to think of it
i dont even know where i will be in a year
and that scares me
i have no idea what i want to do
i have no idea what i want out of life
all i know is the people i have around me now
i dont want to say bye too
i guess im just scared
because everything in life comes and goes so easily
its amazing how in one instint a person is gone
whether by death
or just moved on or moved away
i look around the halls at school
and i see everyone ive been such good friends with before
and mayb over a fight
or new friends
or just lost touch
sometimes we dont even say hello in the halls
or sometimes its just a quick hello
and mayb a month or a year ago
they were the people you confided in most
i guess im just amazed at how fast things change
and ive adjusted to those changes
and im so happy
im so happy with how life is right now
but like i said before when grade 12 is over
its a hole new reality
a reality im not sure im ready for.
and the boy
i love him soo much
and im scared of change in that as well.
i try not to think about it
but im afraid to lose him.
were amazing right now.
i couldnt be happier with how things are going
and i just want things to be like this
i over analyse every situation
whether its with my friends
or mark
or family
or anything
and i always make the problem out to be worse then it is
i just want to be happy
thats all i got for now.
theres more to talk about,
but i can only ramble for so long.