DR 5 is bad for your health.
I punched a Luas once.
In fairness, the Luas was being kind of a dick.
Well, the Luas itself wasn't, obviously. I'm not so short sighted as to attribute the petty frustrations of everyday life to inaminate objects. I am, however, apparently short sighted enough not to think through the immediate and negative consequences of punching half inch thich glass really quite hard.
This is not the first time the Luas and I have had issues, oh no.
I have, on previous occasions, stamped my foot like a child, shouted like a madman, screamed like a maniac and swore like a trooper at the bloody thing. This, however, is the first case of actual physical violence I have perpetrated against it. And, barring some investment in a sledgehammer and serious planning and commitment on my part, probably the last as well.
Before you come to the (quite reasonable) conclusion that I am a tram hating maniac, some context may be in order.
It is not, of course, the tram itself with which I have had occasion to become infuriated with. It's grey and yellow colour does not offend me, the sight of it's tracks do not feel me with a curious hate, nor does it's electric rattle and whirr rouse in me an inexplicable loathing. Oh, no.
But the men and women responsible for operating the bloody things, they can fuck right off.
I don't know whether it is a perverse company policy to close the doors of the tram more or less at random, or whether it's an impulse brought on by some sort of malign spirit that lurks in the tracks, but the closing of the doors in preperation for the tram to pull away from the station seems to bear absolutely no relation to the disposition of people either entering or leaving the tram (which, in my case is surly).
One particularily busy day, I have saw a stream of people exiting the tram, with a horde of others waiting on the platform to board, only for the doors to close actually on the people getting off the tram. They'd clearly missed their window of opportunity, as the doors kept trying to close repeatedly even as people continued to try to get off. They had to wedge the doors open in order to leave.
As for my last encounter, I had gone to the trouble of running to catch the Luas, preceeded it to the station (which was Abbey Street) realised that the girl in front of me was not queing, but rater begging for change, circumvented her, got my ticket, got my change, avoided her again, ran to the Luas...only to have the doors close right in front of me.
I wouldn't have felt quite so hard done by, but after the initial rush of people getting on and off, I was the only person left on the platform. The doors remained open for a good 10-15 seconds, with my good self being the only person that was going to benefit from their non-closed status. This gave me the (clearly mistaken) impression that the Luas operator was, on some level waiting for me. Had the Luas just upped and whirred off after everyone had boarded, I wouldn't really have cared so much, But it was the tantalising illusion that I could make it that dashed my spirits all the more when it was dispelled.
I think the whole doors thing might actually be a company policy, becasue they were clearly expecting violence when they designed the thing. The glass on the doors is a good half inch thick, and though it does make a satisfying bang when thumped, the consequences of doing so are not entirely unlike exerting violence against a very smooth, very hard, wall.
On the bright side, I like to think that I got the very best outcome that could possibly have occured from this event:
1) I hurt my hand. Enough that I'll think twice about pointless and foolish acts of violence against my environment in future, but not so much so that when I did eventually get to work, it was as an employee instead of a patient.
2) I didn't actually break the glass. Cutting up my hand would have really ruined my day.
3) Prosecution for Luas punching would be a ridiculous way to land in jail.
As the swelling decreases, the bruising increases, it's like some sort of injuryous equillibrium. The deep purple shadows and yellow tint does make it look a little like I've been playing KOTOR and overdoing it on the dark side, but at least this way I can blame this piece of monumental foolishness on my evil hand.