FANFIC: "8: Letter to My Love" (JYJ/HoMin- YunJae & YooSu)
Title: "Letter to my Love"
Pairings: YunJae (Yunho&Jaejoong), YooSu (Yoochun&Junsu), (All Others As Friends/Brothers)
Writer: black_prophet (Midsummer_Slave)
Genre: Angsty Drabble/ Randomness
Length: Mini-Series, Part 8.
Rating: PG
Warning: Emotionalness? Drabble-Factors.
A/N: Letters continues on! This series is for: onichick & stmerry, thanks for reading darlings. I hope you all are enjoying!
Disclaimer: I don't own them, never will, they belong to themselves and each other. And I'm ok with that, as long as they don't belong to any asshole companies. *cough*
Previous Chapters: "1: Letter to a Leader" "2: Letter to a Lover" "3: Letter From the Leaving" "4: Letter From the Listener" "5: Letter to the Little Brother" "6: Letter to a Lyricist" "7: Letter to a Loudmouth"
***
Jaejoong stared at the scraps of paper once again littering his room, idly wondering why he seemed to have regressed. Yes, at the beginning his letters had looked like this: scattered from one end of his room to the other. But once he got those first few hurdles (namely his own mind) out of the way, it became almost as easy as talking to Yunho had been when they were together as five.
Now, all of a sudden, he had returned to this?
Picking up one of the discarded sheets, Jae frowned at the cramped writing. You would not believe how long Junsu cheered about the letter from Changmin… If I didn’t know exactly how he felt, I probably would have lost my temper and strangled him.
“Oh.” Jaejoong laughed softly to himself, crumpling the paper and pitching it into the trashcan. “No wonder that one got thrown out…”
As soon as they were five again, Yunho would tell Yoochun that he had said that… And his SoulMate would get revenge for his beloved dolphin, somehow. As that would be soon, Jae had no wish to incite Yoochun to revenge methods. Better to just rewrite the letter.
**
Curled upon his bed, Jae idly stroked a hand over one of the decorative pillows. The faux-mink rippled beneath his fingertips, glinting softly in the light as he brushed it. One moment he stroked it to lay flat, the next he ran his fingers against the flow of fur and watched the path his fingers traced appear. Idly he smoothed the surface once again, and then roughed it. Smoothed the surface, then traced letters.
J.Y. & K.J.
Y & J.
He managed to smile through his tears, and reached again for paper and pen.
My Only Love,
I don’t even know what I’m doing right now… But it seems the best thing to do even when I don’t know what to do is to find you… And I can’t right now. It’s too late in the evening, I’m sure we’d never get away with it. So I won’t call either, though I so dearly want to hear your voice… Instead I’ll write you, and that will have to be enough.
I’d wonder what to say, but I know the truth is best… Though not pleasant, it is best. So, here it is: I’ve spent another evening crying… And I wish I could say it helped, but it doesn’t. I wish I could say why I’m telling you, but I can’t. Not really, at any rate. I could guess, I have guessed to be honest, but it wouldn’t be right. I’m not telling you this to make you feel bad, to guilt you or depress you… I’m not telling you because I expect you to fix it, that wouldn’t be fair. I’m telling you because I need to tell someone, I need to get it out, and you… You’re the best one to tell, the only one to tell.
Didn’t we promise ages ago to have no secrets? Not as friends, not as brothers, though that is part of it. No, as us… We made a promise to ourselves, to each other, that we would have no secrets.
You are the other half of my soul, I have no secrets from you. Most days you know what I’m thinking and feeling before I do, to be honest. That, if nothing else, would prove how much a part of me you really are. Still, you’re so far away I find myself wondering if you can feel what I feel, know what I know.
Sitting on the other side of the city, can you hear the shards of my heart as they crash against each other? Can you hear my muffled sobs, feel my tears? I take a breath and I almost taste you, but I know if I open my eyes you won’t be here. That makes my heart hurt even worse, you know.
Of course you know, you always know. And that is the charm behind your name, is it not? I love the story you tell everyone, about wanting to be known to them all… Perhaps I love it because I know the real story. In the end, it leads back to us. I love that so much… In the end, you say I am your hero and you always know what I’m thinking and feeling.
I’m thinking of you again, and feeling so alone… You know I miss you, you know I need you, you know I love you.
You know, U-know, you always know.
Oh gods I miss you so much.
~Jaejoong
“Hyung?” Changmin called as he paced through the seemingly empty apartment.
“Here, Min-ah.” Yunho called softly.
Following the sound to the balcony, Changmin paused in the doorway and considered his leader and friend. As usual, Yunho sat curled in the chair he once shared with Jaejoong. And as usual a dozen memories of the couple cuddling in that same chair surfaced, making the maknae’s heart twist. “Hyung?”
“Come on out here, Changmin-ah.” Yunho murmured, turning his head slightly to view the reluctant younger man. “What’s on your mind, dongsaeng?”
“I just wanted to see if you were alright.” The younger singer offered, shuffling closer with a subtle resistance that was entirely childlike.
His hyung noticed and smiled, patting the empty space. “Sit.”
Changmin hesitated, eying the chair. “Eh-”
“I won’t tell Joongie if you won’t, Min-ah.” Yunho smiled gently. “Now sit.”
“If he finds out, I’m telling him that you forced me to do this, entirely against my will.” The maknae muttered quickly under his breath, and then sat, smiling as he leaned against his brother. “I know this is your place, and his.”
“Joongie wouldn’t mind.” Yunho argued, curling an arm around Changmin’s shoulders as the younger male leaned against him and relaxed. Smiling as he settled the younger man closer to his side, Yunho inhaled deeply and then relaxed, resting his cheek on his dongsaeng’s hair. “You’ve been in our bed, Min-ah. I would say he’s slightly more possessive of that than a chair… And you’ve always been his favorite anyway. Has he ever denied you a single thing?”
“Not as long as you weren’t there.” Changmin replied smugly. “If you were, he might tell me ‘not now’… But I learned quickly that merely meant: ‘Not right now because your father will argue with me and then we will fight and it will be your fault. And because it would be your fault that your father and I are fighting, I won’t feed you very well until we’ve made up. Thus it is much easier for me to look at you and say “not now” because then Yunho and I don’t have to argue about it, my darling son. As soon as he is out of the room, I will say yes.’”
Yunho sat in silence for a moment, and then sighed. “I never had a hope of understanding your and Joongie’s code, you know.”
Changmin’s smug smile widened and he nuzzled closer to his hyung with a contented sound. “I know, we’re beyond the grasp of mortal intellect. Don’t worry, Joongie-ah is convinced you’re a god too, even if I’m not so sure sometimes. Still, you two are happily married, so there’s not much to worry about.”
Yunho grunted. “I hate you sometimes.”
“You’re just jealous because hyung never tells me no.” Changmin laughed, then mutely considered something. “Then again, I don’t think he ever tells you no either, hyung… So I don’t know why you’d have a reason to be jealous.”
Again Yunho grunted, though there was amusement under the sound. “You’re lucky I love you, maknae.”
The younger male smirked. “I know, but the real luck is Jae-hyung loving me. Because even if you didn’t, you’d have to pretend to, as he would still love me.”
“It somewhat worries me that you’ve thought all of this out.” Yunho considered the stars, mutely begging for divine assistance. It was denied, yet again. “Greatly worries me, actually.”
“I went through all of that the first year we were together, hyung. That’s all old news.” Changmin yawned, getting drowsier by the moment. “My plans have grown significantly since then.”
“It’s amazing you’re not ruling the world yet.”
Another tired smile. “One day at a time, hyung… One day at a time. So, did we get a letter?”
“Yes maknae, we did… And I think that ‘one day’ is a lot closer than you think.” Yunho lifted one hand to ruffle Changmin’s hair. “Come on, let’s go inside before you fall asleep on me. It’s hard to wrestle your giraffe self into bed all on my own.”
“I’ll be glad when Umma is back to help you carry me to bed then.” Changmin mumbled around a yawn as Yunho hauled him to his feet, burying his face against Yunho’s neck as they stumbled inside. “I miss that…”
“I do too, dongsaeng.” Yunho grinned, rubbing his cheek against Changmin’s hair as he closed the balcony door behind them. “I do too.”
***
"Ch 9. Letter to My Light"
Hello my darlings... La is in an angsty mood tonight, so Joongie is too... And I spent a half an hour toying with one of my decorative pillows, so I pinned that on him too. I hope you guys like this, can't promise any updates until class is over. I have a giant paper due before the end, so, yeah... Still, have a little something. It's nearly 2am, let's see who gets the first comment. ^.^ Walking at the edge of the RedOcean, talk to me Cassiopeia! AKTF & Saranghae. ♥
Pairings: YunJae (Yunho&Jaejoong), YooSu (Yoochun&Junsu), (All Others As Friends/Brothers)
Writer: black_prophet (Midsummer_Slave)
Genre: Angsty Drabble/ Randomness
Length: Mini-Series, Part 8.
Rating: PG
Warning: Emotionalness? Drabble-Factors.
A/N: Letters continues on! This series is for: onichick & stmerry, thanks for reading darlings. I hope you all are enjoying!
Disclaimer: I don't own them, never will, they belong to themselves and each other. And I'm ok with that, as long as they don't belong to any asshole companies. *cough*
Previous Chapters: "1: Letter to a Leader" "2: Letter to a Lover" "3: Letter From the Leaving" "4: Letter From the Listener" "5: Letter to the Little Brother" "6: Letter to a Lyricist" "7: Letter to a Loudmouth"
***
Jaejoong stared at the scraps of paper once again littering his room, idly wondering why he seemed to have regressed. Yes, at the beginning his letters had looked like this: scattered from one end of his room to the other. But once he got those first few hurdles (namely his own mind) out of the way, it became almost as easy as talking to Yunho had been when they were together as five.
Now, all of a sudden, he had returned to this?
Picking up one of the discarded sheets, Jae frowned at the cramped writing. You would not believe how long Junsu cheered about the letter from Changmin… If I didn’t know exactly how he felt, I probably would have lost my temper and strangled him.
“Oh.” Jaejoong laughed softly to himself, crumpling the paper and pitching it into the trashcan. “No wonder that one got thrown out…”
As soon as they were five again, Yunho would tell Yoochun that he had said that… And his SoulMate would get revenge for his beloved dolphin, somehow. As that would be soon, Jae had no wish to incite Yoochun to revenge methods. Better to just rewrite the letter.
**
Curled upon his bed, Jae idly stroked a hand over one of the decorative pillows. The faux-mink rippled beneath his fingertips, glinting softly in the light as he brushed it. One moment he stroked it to lay flat, the next he ran his fingers against the flow of fur and watched the path his fingers traced appear. Idly he smoothed the surface once again, and then roughed it. Smoothed the surface, then traced letters.
J.Y. & K.J.
Y & J.
He managed to smile through his tears, and reached again for paper and pen.
My Only Love,
I don’t even know what I’m doing right now… But it seems the best thing to do even when I don’t know what to do is to find you… And I can’t right now. It’s too late in the evening, I’m sure we’d never get away with it. So I won’t call either, though I so dearly want to hear your voice… Instead I’ll write you, and that will have to be enough.
I’d wonder what to say, but I know the truth is best… Though not pleasant, it is best. So, here it is: I’ve spent another evening crying… And I wish I could say it helped, but it doesn’t. I wish I could say why I’m telling you, but I can’t. Not really, at any rate. I could guess, I have guessed to be honest, but it wouldn’t be right. I’m not telling you this to make you feel bad, to guilt you or depress you… I’m not telling you because I expect you to fix it, that wouldn’t be fair. I’m telling you because I need to tell someone, I need to get it out, and you… You’re the best one to tell, the only one to tell.
Didn’t we promise ages ago to have no secrets? Not as friends, not as brothers, though that is part of it. No, as us… We made a promise to ourselves, to each other, that we would have no secrets.
You are the other half of my soul, I have no secrets from you. Most days you know what I’m thinking and feeling before I do, to be honest. That, if nothing else, would prove how much a part of me you really are. Still, you’re so far away I find myself wondering if you can feel what I feel, know what I know.
Sitting on the other side of the city, can you hear the shards of my heart as they crash against each other? Can you hear my muffled sobs, feel my tears? I take a breath and I almost taste you, but I know if I open my eyes you won’t be here. That makes my heart hurt even worse, you know.
Of course you know, you always know. And that is the charm behind your name, is it not? I love the story you tell everyone, about wanting to be known to them all… Perhaps I love it because I know the real story. In the end, it leads back to us. I love that so much… In the end, you say I am your hero and you always know what I’m thinking and feeling.
I’m thinking of you again, and feeling so alone… You know I miss you, you know I need you, you know I love you.
You know, U-know, you always know.
Oh gods I miss you so much.
~Jaejoong
“Hyung?” Changmin called as he paced through the seemingly empty apartment.
“Here, Min-ah.” Yunho called softly.
Following the sound to the balcony, Changmin paused in the doorway and considered his leader and friend. As usual, Yunho sat curled in the chair he once shared with Jaejoong. And as usual a dozen memories of the couple cuddling in that same chair surfaced, making the maknae’s heart twist. “Hyung?”
“Come on out here, Changmin-ah.” Yunho murmured, turning his head slightly to view the reluctant younger man. “What’s on your mind, dongsaeng?”
“I just wanted to see if you were alright.” The younger singer offered, shuffling closer with a subtle resistance that was entirely childlike.
His hyung noticed and smiled, patting the empty space. “Sit.”
Changmin hesitated, eying the chair. “Eh-”
“I won’t tell Joongie if you won’t, Min-ah.” Yunho smiled gently. “Now sit.”
“If he finds out, I’m telling him that you forced me to do this, entirely against my will.” The maknae muttered quickly under his breath, and then sat, smiling as he leaned against his brother. “I know this is your place, and his.”
“Joongie wouldn’t mind.” Yunho argued, curling an arm around Changmin’s shoulders as the younger male leaned against him and relaxed. Smiling as he settled the younger man closer to his side, Yunho inhaled deeply and then relaxed, resting his cheek on his dongsaeng’s hair. “You’ve been in our bed, Min-ah. I would say he’s slightly more possessive of that than a chair… And you’ve always been his favorite anyway. Has he ever denied you a single thing?”
“Not as long as you weren’t there.” Changmin replied smugly. “If you were, he might tell me ‘not now’… But I learned quickly that merely meant: ‘Not right now because your father will argue with me and then we will fight and it will be your fault. And because it would be your fault that your father and I are fighting, I won’t feed you very well until we’ve made up. Thus it is much easier for me to look at you and say “not now” because then Yunho and I don’t have to argue about it, my darling son. As soon as he is out of the room, I will say yes.’”
Yunho sat in silence for a moment, and then sighed. “I never had a hope of understanding your and Joongie’s code, you know.”
Changmin’s smug smile widened and he nuzzled closer to his hyung with a contented sound. “I know, we’re beyond the grasp of mortal intellect. Don’t worry, Joongie-ah is convinced you’re a god too, even if I’m not so sure sometimes. Still, you two are happily married, so there’s not much to worry about.”
Yunho grunted. “I hate you sometimes.”
“You’re just jealous because hyung never tells me no.” Changmin laughed, then mutely considered something. “Then again, I don’t think he ever tells you no either, hyung… So I don’t know why you’d have a reason to be jealous.”
Again Yunho grunted, though there was amusement under the sound. “You’re lucky I love you, maknae.”
The younger male smirked. “I know, but the real luck is Jae-hyung loving me. Because even if you didn’t, you’d have to pretend to, as he would still love me.”
“It somewhat worries me that you’ve thought all of this out.” Yunho considered the stars, mutely begging for divine assistance. It was denied, yet again. “Greatly worries me, actually.”
“I went through all of that the first year we were together, hyung. That’s all old news.” Changmin yawned, getting drowsier by the moment. “My plans have grown significantly since then.”
“It’s amazing you’re not ruling the world yet.”
Another tired smile. “One day at a time, hyung… One day at a time. So, did we get a letter?”
“Yes maknae, we did… And I think that ‘one day’ is a lot closer than you think.” Yunho lifted one hand to ruffle Changmin’s hair. “Come on, let’s go inside before you fall asleep on me. It’s hard to wrestle your giraffe self into bed all on my own.”
“I’ll be glad when Umma is back to help you carry me to bed then.” Changmin mumbled around a yawn as Yunho hauled him to his feet, burying his face against Yunho’s neck as they stumbled inside. “I miss that…”
“I do too, dongsaeng.” Yunho grinned, rubbing his cheek against Changmin’s hair as he closed the balcony door behind them. “I do too.”
***
"Ch 9. Letter to My Light"
Hello my darlings... La is in an angsty mood tonight, so Joongie is too... And I spent a half an hour toying with one of my decorative pillows, so I pinned that on him too. I hope you guys like this, can't promise any updates until class is over. I have a giant paper due before the end, so, yeah... Still, have a little something. It's nearly 2am, let's see who gets the first comment. ^.^ Walking at the edge of the RedOcean, talk to me Cassiopeia! AKTF & Saranghae. ♥