FANFIC: "Rising Sun: Rage, Hurt & Strength" (FlashFic) (JYJ/HoMin YunJae)
Title: Rising Sun: Rage, Hurt & Strength
Pairings: YunJae, YooSu
Writer: black_prophet (Midsummer_Slave)
Genre: FlashFic, Angst, Fluff
Rating: PG13
Warning: Long, raging, painful, broken!Jaejoong, angry!Yoochun, worried!Junsu, annoyed!Jiji. Use of obscure details to maintain some realism.
ShoutOut of Love: Hey thesilveramazon. Another Happy Birthday wish for you. And a little bit of something angsty because I couldn't not.
A/N: I stayed up late last night after (finally) making it through Rising Sun with just HoMin... (Yes, this is written for their first 'duo' performance of Rising Sun, and yes it nearly killed me.) And I wrote. I tried to write out the ache in my heart, and the tears in my eyes, and the worry in my soul... They didn't go away, I still have them, but I was able to at least settle enough to sleep. There may or may not be more to this, I don't really know. I love my Five Gods, I love Cassiopeia.
Disclaimer: I do not own these gorgeous, wonderful amazing men. I never have, and I probably never will. I'm just a proud citizen of the Red Ocean, a believer in Five, one of the many hearts in Cassiopeia. This fic was written to express emotions and thoughts, mostly my own. I do not claim this actually happened, or that I witnessed it. I'll just sit back in my heart of hearts and wait for OT5, because I still believe.
***
Yoochun winced as Jaejoong pushed past him and practically bolted out of the elevator and down the hallway. Junsu winced as a resounding BANG told them that Jae had literally hit the front door of his apartment, and the younger male shot his boyfriend a worried look. Sighing, Yoochun caught Junsu’s hand and shook his head slightly, leading the reluctant dolphin after their older brother.
“Maybe we should have let him be alone?” Junsu whispered, wincing as the door slammed open, and then shut. “Then again, if he locks us out…”
“Jae won’t do that.” Yoochun replied with more strength than he felt.
There was every possibility that Jae would seize the chance he’d been granted by their lingering in the elevator. Every chance they fey singer would slam the door closed and chain-lock the door. Yoochun wasn’t sure he’d go as far as breaking the door in to make a point… Particularly when Jaejoong might very well be waiting on the other side of it with a wooden spoon and a foul temper.
“Yeah, probably not going to be that stupid today.” Yoochun muttered.
Junsu glanced at him, arching a questioning brow. “Chun-ah?”
“Nothing Susu.” Yoochun smiled faintly, shaking the thoughts off and turning the door handle.
Silently thanking every god he’d ever heard of, Yoochun carefully nudged the door open and stepped into the apartment. He slipped his shoes off and sighed at the sight of Jaejoong’s boots, the laces half-pulled from the eyelets and the shoes themselves scattered down the hall. Jaejoong probably hadn’t even stood still to take them of.
Moving into the living room, Yoochun warily eyed the sight of Jae’s jacket and bag thrown on the island bar that separated the kitchen from the sitting area. Keys, wallet and three of Jae’s phones were also on the marble surface. The way they lay indicated they’d been tossed in carelessness or anger.
Checking the phones, Yoochun relaxed slightly when he noted that none of them appeared to be broken. He also didn’t see the phone he knew Yunho usually called. Exhaling a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding since he entered the apartment, Yoochun leaned against the bar and debated the wisdom of chasing Jae into his room.
“Chun-ah?” Junsu murmured behind him, pressing against his back. “I don’t see the cats…”
Glancing around, Yoochun caught sight of a snapping gray tail that appeared and disappeared beneath the chair across the living room. Seeing the hair spiked out to twice its normal size, he winced. “Jiji knows his father is upset.”
Junsu followed his glance and made a worried noise, slinking across the room with a crooning whisper to the cat. “Jijiii! Jae-ah didn’t mean it…”
Leaving the less confrontational dolphin to handle the cat -because chances were that Jiji wouldn’t scratch Junsu anyway, no matter how mad he was- Yoochun paced down the hall to Jaejoong’s bedroom. This door was also shut, probably slammed like the front door had been. Another phone lay on the floor outside the door, also unharmed.
Yoochun sighed and picked it up, silently opening the door and stepping into the room. Jae leaning against the wall to the left of the door was surprising, but the older male’s biting greeting was not.
“Go away, Yoochun.”
“Not even a nickname, hyung?” He murmured, pacing over to the bedside table and setting the phone down. “That mad at me?”
Jaejoong threw his arms up over his face, hands clenching in his hair and elbows hiding his face. His voice was a choked, broken whisper. “Go away, Chunnie.”
“I don’t think so, Joongie.” Yoochun murmured as softly as he could.
Taking a seat on the corner of the King-sized bed that dominated the wall opposite the tormented singer, Yoochun considered him mutely. Jae had planted himself between the door to his walk-in closet and the master bathroom, another phone sat abandoned by his feet. His belt was gone, as was his scarf and the cardigan he’d been wearing. The black tank top stretched over his tension-taut muscles, dark against his skin’s paleness.
“Jae-ah.” Yoochun murmured in a crooning tone as he watched the lead shift slightly to balance his weight on his uninjured leg. The knee that Jaejoong had torn so badly during rehearsal for Rising Sun was trembling slightly, but the older male quickly hid it by bending his knee and bracing his foot on the wall. “Sit?”
“No!” Jaejoong snapped, his voice a harsh and tear-filled sound. “Get out Yoochun.”
“No.” Yoochun replied softly, keeping his voice level and his expression blank. “Talk to me.”
“No. I want you to leave.”
“Jaejoong…”
“Go away!”
“Talk to me, SoulMate.”
“Don’t call me that.” Jae snapped, voice raw and half-way to a scream, arms suddenly down and eyes narrowed in rage.
Yoochun saw the other man’s arms move and ducked just in time. The last of Jaejoong’s phones was suddenly flying through the air, shattering against the wall just above the headboard of the bed. At worst, it would have clipped Yoochun’s shoulder. Jaejoong’s aim wasn’t the best, even when the singer wasn’t crying.
With the sound of splintering technology in his ears, Yoochun watched Jaejoong gasp and slide to the floor in a boneless heap. With a muttered oath he threw himself off the bed, wanting to catch Jae before he hit the floor and knowing he was too late. Instead he wrapped himself around the shuddering body, pulling Jae into his chest.
“It’s alright, it’s alright SoulMate.” Yoochun whispered over and over again, not even twitching when Jae turned into him and nails dug into his shoulder. “I’ve got you, Jae, I promise I’ve got you.”
Jaejoong shuddered soundlessly in his arms for a few moments, the hand on his shoulder tightening and tears soaking his shirt. Rocking Jae slightly, Yoochun shook his head slightly at Junsu when the other appeared in the doorway and physically jostled the older singer. “Breathe Jae, damn it. Don’t do this to yourself, breathe before you pass out.”
Junsu made a pained noise and took a step half-way through the door, freezing when Yoochun gave him a firmly commanding look. With a frown, the dolphin shot a speaking look in reply. ‘I thought we had practice right at that moment to ensure this didn’t happen?’
Jaejoong’s suddenly raw gasp made Yoochun’s eyes close in sympathy and mute denial of the sound. Arms sliding more firmly around Jae’s shoulders as those first harsh breaths shook them both, Yoochun held the older male as much as he could. The screaming first sobs made Junsu jump and slam into the doorframe when he backpedaled.
Yoochun’s eyes flew open at the sound and he watched his boyfriend’s eyes fill with tears, and then nodded understandingly when Junsu moved to the doorway. ‘It’s alright…’ He mouthed. ‘I’ll take care of it…’
Junsu nodded and slunk away, moving back to the living room to cuddle the still irate cats and hide from Jae’s broken rage.
“Let it out, Jae.” Yoochun soothed, resettling himself against the wall and rocking the body half-curled in his lap. “It’s alright, you know I understand… You know I won’t tell.”
“Don’t tell them I’m weak.” Jae keened against his throat, body trembling. “Don’t tell them this… Don’t let them know…”
“I won’t, you know I won’t.” Yoochun promised instantly, rubbing his cheek against Jae’s silken hair. “You know I wouldn’t do that to you.”
“They did this just to hurt us. Just to dig the knife a little deeper, to give it another twist.” Jae made a keening noise, a hand clenching between his body and Yoochun’s.
The younger male knew instantly that Jae dug harsh nails into his own skin, rather than inflicting pain on his band-mate. Threading one hand between them, he tried to catch Jae’s wrist. “Jae-ah.”
“Aren’t they satisfied with how broken we already are?” Jae whispered. “They have the best of me, Yoochun. We can’t perform on half the shows we want to, the radio stations won’t play our music, they don’t want to count our album sales, and they’ve wiped us out from under our own name… What’s left to destroy?”
“We’re not done yet, Jae. You know we’re not done.” Yoochun argued, trying to extricate the hand from their tangled bodies. “Jae, you’re hurting yourself…”
“Now they’re after our past…” Jae keened again, hand clenching when Yoochun finally freed it, curling and gripping the younger male’s arm. “Now they’re taking our old songs, our songs, and making it like five never were… Like there were only two.”
“You know that isn’t true though, Jae.” Yoochun muttered demandingly, shaking the male slightly to emphasize his words. “You know there were five of us. Junsu knows, I know.”
“Stop, Yoochun.” Jae pleaded softly. “Don’t…”
He ignored the weak whimper, shaking the prone figure again, voice continuing harsh and sharp. “Changmin knows, Cassiopeia knows-”
“STOP IT!” Jae shouted, throwing himself away from Yoochun’s body.
The younger male kept a hold of Jaejoong’s arm, not letting the older get far as his voice raised in a shout. “YUNHO KNOWS, JAE.”
“Stop it, Yoochun!”
“No, damn it!” Yoochun hissed, hauling the other back to face him. “Look at me!”
“Go away!”
“Stop running away from this, Jae.” Yoochun caught the older male’s chin, held it even though Jae tried to jerk away, baring his tear-stained face to the light. “Stop running.”
“I don’t want to do this.” Jae whimpered, eyes closing firmly when he could find no other escape. “Let me go, Yoochun.”
“I’m not letting you run, Jae.”
“You say I can’t run. They’ve broken everything in me, and you won’t even let me run?”
“Don’t let them break you, Jae.” Yoochun gave up demanding and settled for pleading, his hand moving from Jae’s chin to his other shoulder. “Don’t let them do this.”
Jae snorted, a noise of bitter dismissal. “I think we’ve proved that no one can stop them from doing whatever they want to do.”
“Where is Jaejoong?” Yoochun snarled, shaking the beautiful man in his arms. “Where the hell is my SoulMate Jaejoong? Where’s Junsu’s hyung, Jaejoong? Where is Changmin’s Umma Jaejoong?”
“Stop doing this, Chunnie.” Jae pleaded, dark eyes wide and red with fresh tears. “Please just stop, please.”
Yoochun’s voice lifted to a shout. “Where is Yunho’s Kim Jaejoong?”
“HE DIED WITH YUNJAE!” Jae screamed back.
“Don’t you dare lie to me!” Yoochun glared at him, distracted by a sudden glint of silver made obvious in Jae’s weak attempts to escape. Letting one shoulder go again, the younger man instead snatched the chain and tugged it free from Jae’s shirt. Curling his hand so that the ‘charms’ lay over his clawed fingers, Yoochun shook the necklace so the chiming of metal was heard.
“What is this, Jaejoong?” He demanded, shaking the chain again. There were at least three different rings caught in the table of silver chain and flesh, and he knew exactly what they were. YunJae couple rings, gifts from Cassiopeia and Yunho himself. “WHAT ARE THESE?”
“Let me go, Yoochun!” Jae snapped, one hand curling over the rings as though to hide them from sight.
“I know Kim Jaejoong that Cassiopeia Loves is still there.” Yoochun hissed. “I know that the Kim Jaejoong that cooks way too much for Changmin -just because he wants to- is there. I know the Kim Jaejoong that sneaks out onto the balcony to have cigarettes with me at three in the morning is there. I know the Kim Jaejoong that Junsu came out to with tears of self-hatred and the terror that he was damned for loving me, is still here. The same Kim Jaejoong who reassured his dongsaeng that love was something to celebrate and pursue with all his heart, not to despise.”
Jae whimpered, turning away as much as he could with the grip on his arm and necklace. The chain tightened slightly when he tried to tug away, Yoochun’s hold never wavering. Caught by the metal around his throat, Jae froze.
Yoochun’s voice gentled. “I know with all my heart, SoulMate, that Yunho’s Kim Jaejoong is alive and here. And I know he’s hurting, I can’t even understand exactly how much… But he can’t give up now, understand? He can’t let them win. He can’t let all of this be for nothing.”
“He doesn’t have the strength for this anymore, Yoochun…” Jae whispered, obediently following the hand that caught his chin. Sorrow filled his gaze as he looked on Yoochun again. “He can’t do this anymore.”
“That’s not true.” Yoochun argued, shaking his head. “It’s not, Jae. He was strong enough to leave SM in order to protect me and Junsu. He was strong enough to stand up for all of us that way. And when the other two… When things changed, he was strong enough to step up and lead us away even though he had to leave them behind. He can’t suddenly be weak now, I know him better than that.”
Jae shivered, gently pulling away from the other and wrapping his arms around himself. “He’s gone, Yoochun-ah. He couldn’t do this anymore, and he’s gone. Now please, please just go…”
**
Junsu sat curled up on the couch, both cats in his lap and face buried into the intersection of the arm and back of the couch itself. Yoochun doubted the other was asleep, but quietly crossed the living room and draped a light blanket over him, smiling faintly at the soft mutter.
“Chun-ah?” Junsu murmured, glancing over his shoulder.
“Hey, Susu.” Yoochun murmured, kissing his forehead. “Did you manage to actually fall asleep?”
“You are aware that you and Jaejoong were screaming at each other for nearly an hour.” The dolphin muttered crossly. “It’s impossible to sleep through that.”
“So you were just pretending you couldn’t hear us?” Yoochun murmured, nudging Junsu aside enough to sit between him and the arm of the couch.
Curling against his boyfriend’s chest, Junsu shrugged. “Something like that.”
Yoochun frowned at the ceiling, his head resting on the back of the couch. “Susu-ah?”
“Hmmm?”
“What did you do?”
“Nothing.”
“The kind of nothing that it would be smart for us to be home for? Rather than here?”
Junsu considered the question for a moment. “Yeah, that kind of nothing.”
Closing his eyes, Yoochun sighed. ‘Figures he would say that.’
“Chun-ah?” Junsu whispered.
“Hmmm?”
“That kind of nothing… It, takes affect pretty fast.”
“… Does it?”
“Yes.”
“How fast, Susu-ah?” Yoochun muttered, lifting his head and eyeing his boyfriend.
“We… should get going.”
“Now!?”
“Yes, now would be good…”
“Aish! What in the hell did you do?”
“Nothing…”
“… Never has “nothing” been so terrifying as it is with you, Susu-ah.”
“Lucky you’re so brave, hmmm?”
“Ask me that when we’re safe at home… Come on. I need a drink before I ask you exactly what ‘nothing’ entails.”
Junsu let Yoochun off the couch, murmuring goodbyes to the cats as he carefully nudged them and the blanket onto the cushions. Standing and following Yoochun toward the door, he paused a moment to glance at Jaejoong’s bedroom door and then sighed. “Chunnie? You’ll probably want more than a drink…”
Yoochun sighed. “I love you.”
“I know.”
“You terrify me.”
Junsu beamed. “I know.”
Yoochun shook his head, opening the door and ushering his softly-smiling boyfriend out ahead of him. “Changmin would be so proud.”
“I’ll have to call him later and tell him this newest one…”
“I’m sure he’ll love that.”
“He loves it when I call him about nothing!”
“Oh I believe you, Baby. Trust me, I believe you.”
**
Jaejoong shuddered faintly, a physical denial of the softly trilling phone that rested on the bed beside him. Even in his worst moment, he hadn’t broken the phone that only Yunho called. He wished he had, now he’d have to make up something to tell his sisters when he called them with the new number.
And he had to face the device that sat not a foot away from him, ringing. That was probably the worst part of it… The most terrifying thing yet, that ringing phone.
The ringing stopped. Began again. Stopped again. Began again.
It looked like Yunho wouldn’t just leave a voicemail and have it all done. But then, that had never been his way. Not when he really wanted to say something.
“Y-y-yoboseyo?” He whimpered, not even realizing he’d picked up the phone.
The same resolve-melting voice purred in his ear, touched with remorse and worry. “Jae? Boo?”
Oh god not that… Let him call me anything but that. Jae pleaded futilely, biting at the inside of his cheek to stifle a sob.
“BooJae.” Yunho murmured again, demanding this time.
“Please.” Jae whispered. “Please don’t.”
“Don’t what?” Yunho murmured as he braced his cell-phone against his shoulder and worked at unlocking the door in front of him. Opening it quietly he grabbed his suitcase and slipped into the room, setting the case aside and kicking off his shoes. “Don’t call, don’t care, don’t love you anymore… What, Baby?”
“Don’t hurt me.” Jae’s soft whisper made the Leader bite his tongue, closing his eyes and exhaling sharply through his nose. “Please don’t hurt me, Yunnie.”
“Baby, you know I never hurt you on purpose.” Yunho worked at keeping his voice even. To hear those words hurt, but not nearly as much as Jae’s broken tone.
“Sometimes I wish you would. Sometimes I wish it was on purpose, just to see if it hurt half as badly as the times you didn’t want to hurt me… But it happened anyway.”
Yunho swore under his breath. “You watched it.”
“How could I not?” Jae demanded, the beginnings of tears making his reply raw. “How could I not, Yunho? Do you not know me at all?”
“I asked you not to watch it baby.”
“Which only made it worse!”
“Did you do this to prove something, Jae? To prove you were strong enough?”
Jae hissed instead of giving into the sobs building in his throat. “I stood up, to prove I was strong enough. I walked out, to prove I was strong enough. I stayed gone, to prove that I was strong enough. I kept singing and dancing even though the blocked me at every turn, to prove I was strong enough.” Jae choked back a whimper. “You know what though, Yunnie?”
“What, Boo?” Yunho whispered, peeling off his jacket and button-down shirt and throwing them over the arm of the couch as he passed it.
“It didn’t prove a damn thing except how well I can lie… Because I’m not strong enough for this, I never was.”
“Don’t say that babe.” Yunho murmured. “Don’t, please. I know you; I know how strong you are.”
“I’m not strong enough to stand outside and watch you, Yunho… I’m not strong enough to be without you now… I don’t think my knee was the only thing I damaged at SM… I think… I think you’re my biggest injury, and I think you’ll kill me before the end.”
“Baby-” Yunho tried to cut in.
“I can’t be strong enough for three and two, Yunho… Five, five I could handle… But there’s something about three and two that I just can’t take.” Shaking his head and wiping away tears, Jae half-buried his face into his pillows. “Be strong for me.”
“Jae?” Yunho demanded into the cell-phone, hissing as the line cut out. “Jaejoong!”
Throwing his cell-phone onto the kitchen counter, Yunho stalked down the hall toward the bedroom. He threw the door open with a growl, stalking over the bed and throwing himself onto it.
His body formed a cage over the very-startled occupant. “Hello Jaejoong.”
Nearly black eyes were wide as they fixed on him through the muddled twilight of the darkened room. “Yunho?”
“If you’re strong enough to say goodbye, then you can say it to my face. And I warn you, Kim Jaejoong, you had better mean it. Goodbye takes a hell of a lot more strength than what we’re doing right now, so I don’t believe you when you say you’re not strong enough for this anymore.”
Jaejoong rolled from his side to his back, staring at the singer who had appeared over him. The same singer he wasn’t exactly sure was real. “Yunnie?”
“Tell me goodbye, and mean it, Kim Jaejoong.” Yunho demanded softly, one hand rising to stroke the rings that rested against his lover’s chest. “Or tell me you’re strong enough for us, and make me forget what it was like to be on that stage singing your words and hearing your voice echo in my head and heart… But not hearing it singing with me. Tell. Me.”
“Yun-?”
The Leader cut in, tone demanding. “Tell me, Jae.”
The graceful male shivered, his voice barely a whisper. “I love you.”
He smiled fiercely and stole a swift kiss. “Show me, my Kim Jaejoong. Show me how strongly you love.”
Jaejoong wasn’t fully convinced that it was actually his lover above him until Yunho lowered his head and nuzzled the rings, making silver and gold circles chime and sing against each other. He remained still as Yunho nudged them again until they rested on the bare skin of his upper-chest, above the neckline of the tank top.
“How did you get here?” He whispered, stretching and obediently lifting his arms when Yunho began to peel the shirt off.
“Junsu texted me to tell me that you were rehearsing at the time the performance was showing… And then he called me awhile ago because you and Yoochun were fighting.” The Leader admitted as he tossed the black cotton away and brushed his lips over the words inscribed in ink over Jaejoong’s heart. “Don’t let them get away with this now, Boo… Don’t let them break us now.”
“Tell me that didn’t hurt you.” Jae whimpered as Yunho slid down his body, breath catching at each lingering kiss and brush of fingertips over his skin.
“You watched.” Yunho replied, hesitating at Jae’s navel and mouthing the skin that used to house his favorite piercing. The hole remained, a testament to the fact that Jae often wore his jewelry when he knew it wouldn’t be photographed. “You know.”
Jae sucked in a breath as Yunho nipped at the skin, wishing he’d put the jewelry back in when he’d gotten home. The newest piece he’d had created was something he knew the leader would approve of. “I know it nearly killed me as soon as the music started, I cried when you two did the opening jump, and listening to you two sing our parts broke my heart.”
“If you watched, you already know how much we hated it… How much it hurt, how empty it was.” Yunho straightened, meeting Jaejoong’s eyes again. “Don’t tell me you’re going to let go now, Boo. We can’t do this if you won’t hold on for us.”
“It hurts so much to do this… To see you two, and…” Jae trailed off, shaking his head as he lifted one hand to trace Yunho’s cheekbones. Pain had carved away some of the dreamy expression that used to linger there, and time had honed the rest to determination and focus.
“I’m still here.” Yunho promised, turning his head to rub his lips against questing fingers. “I’m still yours, Babe. I’m still their Leader, and we will come back from this. I just need you to hold on for me a little longer, for my sake and Changmin’s. We’ll need you, when the end starts.”
“Just when I think I couldn’t hate Rising Sun anymore than I did when I tore my knee apart…” Jae murmured, pulling the other singer down to him. “I do, just seeing two of you perform it. You were wonderful, Yunho, and you know that… But I hated it.”
“I did too, Babe.” The Leader agreed, draping himself over the other male. “But give it a little bit longer… And we’ll show them what happens when the Gods of the East really rise.”
“Soon?” Jae begged softly, shivering at the contact and the light kiss.
“Soon…” Yunho promised against his mouth. “Soon.”
***
I couldn't not... I just couldn't not... Comments, hugs, cookies, something... Cassiopeia? Stay Strong with me. Always Keep The Faith with me... Support Five Eternally with me. Saranghae & Kamsahamnida.
Pairings: YunJae, YooSu
Writer: black_prophet (Midsummer_Slave)
Genre: FlashFic, Angst, Fluff
Rating: PG13
Warning: Long, raging, painful, broken!Jaejoong, angry!Yoochun, worried!Junsu, annoyed!Jiji. Use of obscure details to maintain some realism.
ShoutOut of Love: Hey thesilveramazon. Another Happy Birthday wish for you. And a little bit of something angsty because I couldn't not.
A/N: I stayed up late last night after (finally) making it through Rising Sun with just HoMin... (Yes, this is written for their first 'duo' performance of Rising Sun, and yes it nearly killed me.) And I wrote. I tried to write out the ache in my heart, and the tears in my eyes, and the worry in my soul... They didn't go away, I still have them, but I was able to at least settle enough to sleep. There may or may not be more to this, I don't really know. I love my Five Gods, I love Cassiopeia.
Disclaimer: I do not own these gorgeous, wonderful amazing men. I never have, and I probably never will. I'm just a proud citizen of the Red Ocean, a believer in Five, one of the many hearts in Cassiopeia. This fic was written to express emotions and thoughts, mostly my own. I do not claim this actually happened, or that I witnessed it. I'll just sit back in my heart of hearts and wait for OT5, because I still believe.
***
Yoochun winced as Jaejoong pushed past him and practically bolted out of the elevator and down the hallway. Junsu winced as a resounding BANG told them that Jae had literally hit the front door of his apartment, and the younger male shot his boyfriend a worried look. Sighing, Yoochun caught Junsu’s hand and shook his head slightly, leading the reluctant dolphin after their older brother.
“Maybe we should have let him be alone?” Junsu whispered, wincing as the door slammed open, and then shut. “Then again, if he locks us out…”
“Jae won’t do that.” Yoochun replied with more strength than he felt.
There was every possibility that Jae would seize the chance he’d been granted by their lingering in the elevator. Every chance they fey singer would slam the door closed and chain-lock the door. Yoochun wasn’t sure he’d go as far as breaking the door in to make a point… Particularly when Jaejoong might very well be waiting on the other side of it with a wooden spoon and a foul temper.
“Yeah, probably not going to be that stupid today.” Yoochun muttered.
Junsu glanced at him, arching a questioning brow. “Chun-ah?”
“Nothing Susu.” Yoochun smiled faintly, shaking the thoughts off and turning the door handle.
Silently thanking every god he’d ever heard of, Yoochun carefully nudged the door open and stepped into the apartment. He slipped his shoes off and sighed at the sight of Jaejoong’s boots, the laces half-pulled from the eyelets and the shoes themselves scattered down the hall. Jaejoong probably hadn’t even stood still to take them of.
Moving into the living room, Yoochun warily eyed the sight of Jae’s jacket and bag thrown on the island bar that separated the kitchen from the sitting area. Keys, wallet and three of Jae’s phones were also on the marble surface. The way they lay indicated they’d been tossed in carelessness or anger.
Checking the phones, Yoochun relaxed slightly when he noted that none of them appeared to be broken. He also didn’t see the phone he knew Yunho usually called. Exhaling a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding since he entered the apartment, Yoochun leaned against the bar and debated the wisdom of chasing Jae into his room.
“Chun-ah?” Junsu murmured behind him, pressing against his back. “I don’t see the cats…”
Glancing around, Yoochun caught sight of a snapping gray tail that appeared and disappeared beneath the chair across the living room. Seeing the hair spiked out to twice its normal size, he winced. “Jiji knows his father is upset.”
Junsu followed his glance and made a worried noise, slinking across the room with a crooning whisper to the cat. “Jijiii! Jae-ah didn’t mean it…”
Leaving the less confrontational dolphin to handle the cat -because chances were that Jiji wouldn’t scratch Junsu anyway, no matter how mad he was- Yoochun paced down the hall to Jaejoong’s bedroom. This door was also shut, probably slammed like the front door had been. Another phone lay on the floor outside the door, also unharmed.
Yoochun sighed and picked it up, silently opening the door and stepping into the room. Jae leaning against the wall to the left of the door was surprising, but the older male’s biting greeting was not.
“Go away, Yoochun.”
“Not even a nickname, hyung?” He murmured, pacing over to the bedside table and setting the phone down. “That mad at me?”
Jaejoong threw his arms up over his face, hands clenching in his hair and elbows hiding his face. His voice was a choked, broken whisper. “Go away, Chunnie.”
“I don’t think so, Joongie.” Yoochun murmured as softly as he could.
Taking a seat on the corner of the King-sized bed that dominated the wall opposite the tormented singer, Yoochun considered him mutely. Jae had planted himself between the door to his walk-in closet and the master bathroom, another phone sat abandoned by his feet. His belt was gone, as was his scarf and the cardigan he’d been wearing. The black tank top stretched over his tension-taut muscles, dark against his skin’s paleness.
“Jae-ah.” Yoochun murmured in a crooning tone as he watched the lead shift slightly to balance his weight on his uninjured leg. The knee that Jaejoong had torn so badly during rehearsal for Rising Sun was trembling slightly, but the older male quickly hid it by bending his knee and bracing his foot on the wall. “Sit?”
“No!” Jaejoong snapped, his voice a harsh and tear-filled sound. “Get out Yoochun.”
“No.” Yoochun replied softly, keeping his voice level and his expression blank. “Talk to me.”
“No. I want you to leave.”
“Jaejoong…”
“Go away!”
“Talk to me, SoulMate.”
“Don’t call me that.” Jae snapped, voice raw and half-way to a scream, arms suddenly down and eyes narrowed in rage.
Yoochun saw the other man’s arms move and ducked just in time. The last of Jaejoong’s phones was suddenly flying through the air, shattering against the wall just above the headboard of the bed. At worst, it would have clipped Yoochun’s shoulder. Jaejoong’s aim wasn’t the best, even when the singer wasn’t crying.
With the sound of splintering technology in his ears, Yoochun watched Jaejoong gasp and slide to the floor in a boneless heap. With a muttered oath he threw himself off the bed, wanting to catch Jae before he hit the floor and knowing he was too late. Instead he wrapped himself around the shuddering body, pulling Jae into his chest.
“It’s alright, it’s alright SoulMate.” Yoochun whispered over and over again, not even twitching when Jae turned into him and nails dug into his shoulder. “I’ve got you, Jae, I promise I’ve got you.”
Jaejoong shuddered soundlessly in his arms for a few moments, the hand on his shoulder tightening and tears soaking his shirt. Rocking Jae slightly, Yoochun shook his head slightly at Junsu when the other appeared in the doorway and physically jostled the older singer. “Breathe Jae, damn it. Don’t do this to yourself, breathe before you pass out.”
Junsu made a pained noise and took a step half-way through the door, freezing when Yoochun gave him a firmly commanding look. With a frown, the dolphin shot a speaking look in reply. ‘I thought we had practice right at that moment to ensure this didn’t happen?’
Jaejoong’s suddenly raw gasp made Yoochun’s eyes close in sympathy and mute denial of the sound. Arms sliding more firmly around Jae’s shoulders as those first harsh breaths shook them both, Yoochun held the older male as much as he could. The screaming first sobs made Junsu jump and slam into the doorframe when he backpedaled.
Yoochun’s eyes flew open at the sound and he watched his boyfriend’s eyes fill with tears, and then nodded understandingly when Junsu moved to the doorway. ‘It’s alright…’ He mouthed. ‘I’ll take care of it…’
Junsu nodded and slunk away, moving back to the living room to cuddle the still irate cats and hide from Jae’s broken rage.
“Let it out, Jae.” Yoochun soothed, resettling himself against the wall and rocking the body half-curled in his lap. “It’s alright, you know I understand… You know I won’t tell.”
“Don’t tell them I’m weak.” Jae keened against his throat, body trembling. “Don’t tell them this… Don’t let them know…”
“I won’t, you know I won’t.” Yoochun promised instantly, rubbing his cheek against Jae’s silken hair. “You know I wouldn’t do that to you.”
“They did this just to hurt us. Just to dig the knife a little deeper, to give it another twist.” Jae made a keening noise, a hand clenching between his body and Yoochun’s.
The younger male knew instantly that Jae dug harsh nails into his own skin, rather than inflicting pain on his band-mate. Threading one hand between them, he tried to catch Jae’s wrist. “Jae-ah.”
“Aren’t they satisfied with how broken we already are?” Jae whispered. “They have the best of me, Yoochun. We can’t perform on half the shows we want to, the radio stations won’t play our music, they don’t want to count our album sales, and they’ve wiped us out from under our own name… What’s left to destroy?”
“We’re not done yet, Jae. You know we’re not done.” Yoochun argued, trying to extricate the hand from their tangled bodies. “Jae, you’re hurting yourself…”
“Now they’re after our past…” Jae keened again, hand clenching when Yoochun finally freed it, curling and gripping the younger male’s arm. “Now they’re taking our old songs, our songs, and making it like five never were… Like there were only two.”
“You know that isn’t true though, Jae.” Yoochun muttered demandingly, shaking the male slightly to emphasize his words. “You know there were five of us. Junsu knows, I know.”
“Stop, Yoochun.” Jae pleaded softly. “Don’t…”
He ignored the weak whimper, shaking the prone figure again, voice continuing harsh and sharp. “Changmin knows, Cassiopeia knows-”
“STOP IT!” Jae shouted, throwing himself away from Yoochun’s body.
The younger male kept a hold of Jaejoong’s arm, not letting the older get far as his voice raised in a shout. “YUNHO KNOWS, JAE.”
“Stop it, Yoochun!”
“No, damn it!” Yoochun hissed, hauling the other back to face him. “Look at me!”
“Go away!”
“Stop running away from this, Jae.” Yoochun caught the older male’s chin, held it even though Jae tried to jerk away, baring his tear-stained face to the light. “Stop running.”
“I don’t want to do this.” Jae whimpered, eyes closing firmly when he could find no other escape. “Let me go, Yoochun.”
“I’m not letting you run, Jae.”
“You say I can’t run. They’ve broken everything in me, and you won’t even let me run?”
“Don’t let them break you, Jae.” Yoochun gave up demanding and settled for pleading, his hand moving from Jae’s chin to his other shoulder. “Don’t let them do this.”
Jae snorted, a noise of bitter dismissal. “I think we’ve proved that no one can stop them from doing whatever they want to do.”
“Where is Jaejoong?” Yoochun snarled, shaking the beautiful man in his arms. “Where the hell is my SoulMate Jaejoong? Where’s Junsu’s hyung, Jaejoong? Where is Changmin’s Umma Jaejoong?”
“Stop doing this, Chunnie.” Jae pleaded, dark eyes wide and red with fresh tears. “Please just stop, please.”
Yoochun’s voice lifted to a shout. “Where is Yunho’s Kim Jaejoong?”
“HE DIED WITH YUNJAE!” Jae screamed back.
“Don’t you dare lie to me!” Yoochun glared at him, distracted by a sudden glint of silver made obvious in Jae’s weak attempts to escape. Letting one shoulder go again, the younger man instead snatched the chain and tugged it free from Jae’s shirt. Curling his hand so that the ‘charms’ lay over his clawed fingers, Yoochun shook the necklace so the chiming of metal was heard.
“What is this, Jaejoong?” He demanded, shaking the chain again. There were at least three different rings caught in the table of silver chain and flesh, and he knew exactly what they were. YunJae couple rings, gifts from Cassiopeia and Yunho himself. “WHAT ARE THESE?”
“Let me go, Yoochun!” Jae snapped, one hand curling over the rings as though to hide them from sight.
“I know Kim Jaejoong that Cassiopeia Loves is still there.” Yoochun hissed. “I know that the Kim Jaejoong that cooks way too much for Changmin -just because he wants to- is there. I know the Kim Jaejoong that sneaks out onto the balcony to have cigarettes with me at three in the morning is there. I know the Kim Jaejoong that Junsu came out to with tears of self-hatred and the terror that he was damned for loving me, is still here. The same Kim Jaejoong who reassured his dongsaeng that love was something to celebrate and pursue with all his heart, not to despise.”
Jae whimpered, turning away as much as he could with the grip on his arm and necklace. The chain tightened slightly when he tried to tug away, Yoochun’s hold never wavering. Caught by the metal around his throat, Jae froze.
Yoochun’s voice gentled. “I know with all my heart, SoulMate, that Yunho’s Kim Jaejoong is alive and here. And I know he’s hurting, I can’t even understand exactly how much… But he can’t give up now, understand? He can’t let them win. He can’t let all of this be for nothing.”
“He doesn’t have the strength for this anymore, Yoochun…” Jae whispered, obediently following the hand that caught his chin. Sorrow filled his gaze as he looked on Yoochun again. “He can’t do this anymore.”
“That’s not true.” Yoochun argued, shaking his head. “It’s not, Jae. He was strong enough to leave SM in order to protect me and Junsu. He was strong enough to stand up for all of us that way. And when the other two… When things changed, he was strong enough to step up and lead us away even though he had to leave them behind. He can’t suddenly be weak now, I know him better than that.”
Jae shivered, gently pulling away from the other and wrapping his arms around himself. “He’s gone, Yoochun-ah. He couldn’t do this anymore, and he’s gone. Now please, please just go…”
**
Junsu sat curled up on the couch, both cats in his lap and face buried into the intersection of the arm and back of the couch itself. Yoochun doubted the other was asleep, but quietly crossed the living room and draped a light blanket over him, smiling faintly at the soft mutter.
“Chun-ah?” Junsu murmured, glancing over his shoulder.
“Hey, Susu.” Yoochun murmured, kissing his forehead. “Did you manage to actually fall asleep?”
“You are aware that you and Jaejoong were screaming at each other for nearly an hour.” The dolphin muttered crossly. “It’s impossible to sleep through that.”
“So you were just pretending you couldn’t hear us?” Yoochun murmured, nudging Junsu aside enough to sit between him and the arm of the couch.
Curling against his boyfriend’s chest, Junsu shrugged. “Something like that.”
Yoochun frowned at the ceiling, his head resting on the back of the couch. “Susu-ah?”
“Hmmm?”
“What did you do?”
“Nothing.”
“The kind of nothing that it would be smart for us to be home for? Rather than here?”
Junsu considered the question for a moment. “Yeah, that kind of nothing.”
Closing his eyes, Yoochun sighed. ‘Figures he would say that.’
“Chun-ah?” Junsu whispered.
“Hmmm?”
“That kind of nothing… It, takes affect pretty fast.”
“… Does it?”
“Yes.”
“How fast, Susu-ah?” Yoochun muttered, lifting his head and eyeing his boyfriend.
“We… should get going.”
“Now!?”
“Yes, now would be good…”
“Aish! What in the hell did you do?”
“Nothing…”
“… Never has “nothing” been so terrifying as it is with you, Susu-ah.”
“Lucky you’re so brave, hmmm?”
“Ask me that when we’re safe at home… Come on. I need a drink before I ask you exactly what ‘nothing’ entails.”
Junsu let Yoochun off the couch, murmuring goodbyes to the cats as he carefully nudged them and the blanket onto the cushions. Standing and following Yoochun toward the door, he paused a moment to glance at Jaejoong’s bedroom door and then sighed. “Chunnie? You’ll probably want more than a drink…”
Yoochun sighed. “I love you.”
“I know.”
“You terrify me.”
Junsu beamed. “I know.”
Yoochun shook his head, opening the door and ushering his softly-smiling boyfriend out ahead of him. “Changmin would be so proud.”
“I’ll have to call him later and tell him this newest one…”
“I’m sure he’ll love that.”
“He loves it when I call him about nothing!”
“Oh I believe you, Baby. Trust me, I believe you.”
**
Jaejoong shuddered faintly, a physical denial of the softly trilling phone that rested on the bed beside him. Even in his worst moment, he hadn’t broken the phone that only Yunho called. He wished he had, now he’d have to make up something to tell his sisters when he called them with the new number.
And he had to face the device that sat not a foot away from him, ringing. That was probably the worst part of it… The most terrifying thing yet, that ringing phone.
The ringing stopped. Began again. Stopped again. Began again.
It looked like Yunho wouldn’t just leave a voicemail and have it all done. But then, that had never been his way. Not when he really wanted to say something.
“Y-y-yoboseyo?” He whimpered, not even realizing he’d picked up the phone.
The same resolve-melting voice purred in his ear, touched with remorse and worry. “Jae? Boo?”
Oh god not that… Let him call me anything but that. Jae pleaded futilely, biting at the inside of his cheek to stifle a sob.
“BooJae.” Yunho murmured again, demanding this time.
“Please.” Jae whispered. “Please don’t.”
“Don’t what?” Yunho murmured as he braced his cell-phone against his shoulder and worked at unlocking the door in front of him. Opening it quietly he grabbed his suitcase and slipped into the room, setting the case aside and kicking off his shoes. “Don’t call, don’t care, don’t love you anymore… What, Baby?”
“Don’t hurt me.” Jae’s soft whisper made the Leader bite his tongue, closing his eyes and exhaling sharply through his nose. “Please don’t hurt me, Yunnie.”
“Baby, you know I never hurt you on purpose.” Yunho worked at keeping his voice even. To hear those words hurt, but not nearly as much as Jae’s broken tone.
“Sometimes I wish you would. Sometimes I wish it was on purpose, just to see if it hurt half as badly as the times you didn’t want to hurt me… But it happened anyway.”
Yunho swore under his breath. “You watched it.”
“How could I not?” Jae demanded, the beginnings of tears making his reply raw. “How could I not, Yunho? Do you not know me at all?”
“I asked you not to watch it baby.”
“Which only made it worse!”
“Did you do this to prove something, Jae? To prove you were strong enough?”
Jae hissed instead of giving into the sobs building in his throat. “I stood up, to prove I was strong enough. I walked out, to prove I was strong enough. I stayed gone, to prove that I was strong enough. I kept singing and dancing even though the blocked me at every turn, to prove I was strong enough.” Jae choked back a whimper. “You know what though, Yunnie?”
“What, Boo?” Yunho whispered, peeling off his jacket and button-down shirt and throwing them over the arm of the couch as he passed it.
“It didn’t prove a damn thing except how well I can lie… Because I’m not strong enough for this, I never was.”
“Don’t say that babe.” Yunho murmured. “Don’t, please. I know you; I know how strong you are.”
“I’m not strong enough to stand outside and watch you, Yunho… I’m not strong enough to be without you now… I don’t think my knee was the only thing I damaged at SM… I think… I think you’re my biggest injury, and I think you’ll kill me before the end.”
“Baby-” Yunho tried to cut in.
“I can’t be strong enough for three and two, Yunho… Five, five I could handle… But there’s something about three and two that I just can’t take.” Shaking his head and wiping away tears, Jae half-buried his face into his pillows. “Be strong for me.”
“Jae?” Yunho demanded into the cell-phone, hissing as the line cut out. “Jaejoong!”
Throwing his cell-phone onto the kitchen counter, Yunho stalked down the hall toward the bedroom. He threw the door open with a growl, stalking over the bed and throwing himself onto it.
His body formed a cage over the very-startled occupant. “Hello Jaejoong.”
Nearly black eyes were wide as they fixed on him through the muddled twilight of the darkened room. “Yunho?”
“If you’re strong enough to say goodbye, then you can say it to my face. And I warn you, Kim Jaejoong, you had better mean it. Goodbye takes a hell of a lot more strength than what we’re doing right now, so I don’t believe you when you say you’re not strong enough for this anymore.”
Jaejoong rolled from his side to his back, staring at the singer who had appeared over him. The same singer he wasn’t exactly sure was real. “Yunnie?”
“Tell me goodbye, and mean it, Kim Jaejoong.” Yunho demanded softly, one hand rising to stroke the rings that rested against his lover’s chest. “Or tell me you’re strong enough for us, and make me forget what it was like to be on that stage singing your words and hearing your voice echo in my head and heart… But not hearing it singing with me. Tell. Me.”
“Yun-?”
The Leader cut in, tone demanding. “Tell me, Jae.”
The graceful male shivered, his voice barely a whisper. “I love you.”
He smiled fiercely and stole a swift kiss. “Show me, my Kim Jaejoong. Show me how strongly you love.”
Jaejoong wasn’t fully convinced that it was actually his lover above him until Yunho lowered his head and nuzzled the rings, making silver and gold circles chime and sing against each other. He remained still as Yunho nudged them again until they rested on the bare skin of his upper-chest, above the neckline of the tank top.
“How did you get here?” He whispered, stretching and obediently lifting his arms when Yunho began to peel the shirt off.
“Junsu texted me to tell me that you were rehearsing at the time the performance was showing… And then he called me awhile ago because you and Yoochun were fighting.” The Leader admitted as he tossed the black cotton away and brushed his lips over the words inscribed in ink over Jaejoong’s heart. “Don’t let them get away with this now, Boo… Don’t let them break us now.”
“Tell me that didn’t hurt you.” Jae whimpered as Yunho slid down his body, breath catching at each lingering kiss and brush of fingertips over his skin.
“You watched.” Yunho replied, hesitating at Jae’s navel and mouthing the skin that used to house his favorite piercing. The hole remained, a testament to the fact that Jae often wore his jewelry when he knew it wouldn’t be photographed. “You know.”
Jae sucked in a breath as Yunho nipped at the skin, wishing he’d put the jewelry back in when he’d gotten home. The newest piece he’d had created was something he knew the leader would approve of. “I know it nearly killed me as soon as the music started, I cried when you two did the opening jump, and listening to you two sing our parts broke my heart.”
“If you watched, you already know how much we hated it… How much it hurt, how empty it was.” Yunho straightened, meeting Jaejoong’s eyes again. “Don’t tell me you’re going to let go now, Boo. We can’t do this if you won’t hold on for us.”
“It hurts so much to do this… To see you two, and…” Jae trailed off, shaking his head as he lifted one hand to trace Yunho’s cheekbones. Pain had carved away some of the dreamy expression that used to linger there, and time had honed the rest to determination and focus.
“I’m still here.” Yunho promised, turning his head to rub his lips against questing fingers. “I’m still yours, Babe. I’m still their Leader, and we will come back from this. I just need you to hold on for me a little longer, for my sake and Changmin’s. We’ll need you, when the end starts.”
“Just when I think I couldn’t hate Rising Sun anymore than I did when I tore my knee apart…” Jae murmured, pulling the other singer down to him. “I do, just seeing two of you perform it. You were wonderful, Yunho, and you know that… But I hated it.”
“I did too, Babe.” The Leader agreed, draping himself over the other male. “But give it a little bit longer… And we’ll show them what happens when the Gods of the East really rise.”
“Soon?” Jae begged softly, shivering at the contact and the light kiss.
“Soon…” Yunho promised against his mouth. “Soon.”
***
I couldn't not... I just couldn't not... Comments, hugs, cookies, something... Cassiopeia? Stay Strong with me. Always Keep The Faith with me... Support Five Eternally with me. Saranghae & Kamsahamnida.