FANFIC: "Thinking" (JYJ- YooSu (Yoochun x Junsu))
Title: "Thinking"
Pairing: YooSu (Yoochun x Junsu)
Writer: black_prophet (Midsummer_Slave)
Genre: Fluffy, FirstPerson ShortStory
Rating: PG13 (JIC?)
Warning: Fluffy, FirstPerson, Randomness.
A/N: This is just because it wouldn't get out of my head, so I wrote it down.
Disclaimer: THIS IS A FANFICTION. It is a work of Fiction starring real people that I sadly do not own in any way, shape, or form except for CDs, and DVDs and an impressive collection of pictures, which should count but doesn't, no matter how hard I try to believe otherwise. *SAD FACE*
I’ve been sitting here for awhile, in this chair, watching the photographer direct you. Not that any of us need much direction after all these years, but he’s one of those ‘have to prove myself’ types… So any little thing he can find to complain about -which isn’t much and that only makes it worse- is pointed out with great attention. Still, you’ve calmly followed his direction and changed when and what he has asked, even if he told you to do whatever you’re now changing in the first place.
It doesn’t matter; I’m still sitting here enjoying watching you. And while I’ve been sitting here I’ve been thinking. By now if you knew, you’d be teasing me. “Shocking!” I’m sure you would say, but with that smile that means I can’t be mad at you. I know you don’t mean it to be mean, you’re just teasing me. But yes, thinking. Mostly it’s about you, but you probably guess that every time you look at me and smile.
I can’t ever resist you, I always smile back.
“I’ll never regret giving you my smiles, Suyah.” You told me once.
“Not even the best ones?” I had managed a shy smile when I’d asked you that, in spite of the fear I felt.
For awhile I wondered if you knew how afraid I was when I let that question past my lips. I was terrified, I freely admit that now. So terrified of what you would say. What if you thought about it and said no? I worried you’d break my heart then and there.
But you’ve never broken my heart. You treat it so much more gently than anything and everything in your possession. Better than your own heart, your own body, your health… You put me above everything. I don’t know why or even how I could have been afraid of you in that moment, but I think it’s the natural reaction of anyone offering up their heart on a silver platter.
Though it was foolish to fear, it had always belonged to you anyway.
You had smiled so gently at me, did you know even then? Did you know how scared I was, how much I loved you? “Not even the best ones, Junsuyah… They were always yours anyway.”
I’m sitting here in the present, and I know you don’t really mean it. You don’t mean it when you bow and apologize to the photographer as he yells at you for smiling at the wrong moment, because you’re smiling at me. I know you don’t care when he yells at you for smiling at me. And I’m glad you don’t mean it, because I love your smiles. Especially my smiles.
You know the ones, don’t you? The best ones, the perfect ones. The ones you send to me, only me. Like you've always said, my smiles. Yes, my smiles. I love them so much I lock each one away in my heart and soul, and the nights you aren’t there, I play them over and over again until you appear and give me a new one. And though I hate it when you leave me, that first smile when you come back is always so perfect, I wonder how there could be anything I love more.
Yes, love. I love your smiles, your smiles for me, the smiles you give me when you come back to our apartment from wherever you’ve gone. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been gone an hour, or a day, or a week. Those smiles are somehow a thousand times brighter and better than your usual smiles, and I don’t even know how to describe how perfect your ‘usual’ smiles are.
How do you constantly outdo yourself, Yoochun? How is it that just when I think I’ve seen the most perfect expression in your dark eyes, you look at me, and I’m in turmoil all over again?
I hate it, and I love it. Mostly I love it. I love you.
I know I probably don’t say it enough, but I love you. And not just one thing, not just your amazing voice or how well you dance -not as well as me, you always say, though I don’t know why you always point that out- or how handsome you are. I’m not like the fan girls -they mean well, I know they do- when I say I love you, because I mean it. And they might mean it in their way, but their way certainly isn’t mine. After all, they only love what they see, they only love what you show them. And you only show them the parts that you can tolerate them to see.
I see everything, you know. Everything you show them, and everything they’ll never see. I see what you don’t want anyone to see, and what you think you’ve successfully hidden from us all. Because you’ve never had any secrets from me, Yoochun, never. Not in the same way you and Jaejoong don’t have secrets… Because I know you SoulMates are close.
But we’re different, you and I.
A different kind of SoulMate? Maybe. I know you’re my SoulMate, but it’s not like it is with Jae. With Jae, I know you’re best friends, I know you love and depend on each other. I know that since everything with the lawsuits, Jaejoong depends on you more than ever. And I don’t mind, not really. I know how hard it is for him to be away from Yunho, at least I can guess. I remember how hard it was for me to be away from you, and that was only for a day or a week, not like this. This is…
I won’t say this is forever, I won’t even think it. Because it isn’t. You know it isn’t, and so do I. And I think Jae does to, at least, I hope he does. I hope he still believes in Yunho, because I know we do. We have to, he’s our Leader, and he’s never let us down yet. Not for anything.
I don’t see him starting now. Especially not with Jae.
So no, this isn’t forever. But it has been a long time, longer than Jae should have to be without ‘His Lovely Yunho’. So he turns to you, and that’s good. I’m glad that you’re close enough to be there when he needs you. I know I’m here for him too, but you reach some place different than I do. That’s ok. I’m not jealous.
At least, not of your connection to him. There are days I feel jealous of his connection with you… But those days are usually limited to mere hours, because as soon as you look at me you give me one of my smiles, and I can’t be upset anymore. Not when you’re still giving those smiles only to me. And I know you are, because I’ve never seen them directed elsewhere.
And I love it when Jae notices it too, because he usually smiles at us. Not just at you, or me, but us. As a couple. I’m glad we make him smile, even if it’s only because we amuse him. He doesn’t smile enough. None of us do, but I don’t think I would smile at all without you here.
In that way I know Jae is stronger than me, because he can smile without Yunnie around. At least he can smile at us, but that’s still something. I don’t think I could smile without you. Not even if I had the others trying to make me laugh. See what you’ve done? You’ve ruined me and I don’t really mind. I really didn’t like it when you were filming your drama. I know you loved acting, and I love watching you, I love it that you were happy.
But I hated not having you here with me. I hated sharing you with them, your fellow cast and crew. I especially despised sharing you with her, though I tried not to show it. I went to visit and spent time with them, and they were nice, but I still didn’t like sharing them with you. I didn’t like that you were late to break for lunch…
But seeing you so happy, I didn’t say anything. I still won’t say anything. I’ll just be glad you had that opportunity, and that you enjoyed it, and that you’re back with me. Back to being the ‘Y’ in JYJ, because there are days that Jaejoong and I grate on each others nerves. And I know it’s just because we’re missing our other halves, but at the time it doesn’t help.
You make me so jealous, and selfish. I thought love was supposed to bring out the best in someone? In loving you, I express the best in me, yes. But when you’re gone? Well, it’s like you’ve taken the best of me with you, and left all the worst things behind.
“Are you alright Junsu?” Jaejoong takes a seat beside me, offering a faint smile. Have I managed to worry him simply by sitting here? It looks like it.
“Fine.” I offer in reply, and I can feel a wide smile stretching over my face when you walk over.
“What were you doing?” You ask me, and I lean into the hand you raise to my cheek.
“Hmm? Me?” I give you my best innocent look. “If I say nothing, will you believe me?”
“Zoned out again, Suyah?” You tsk playfully at me. “You should have been doing something.”
“I was thinking.” I’m pouting at you now.
The look you give me is priceless. See? I just knew you’d react like that. “Thinking?”
“Yes. About how much I love you.”
And there’s another one of my smiles, and you’re leaning down towards me. “How much?”
“How long was I thinking?” I tease.
“Long enough. Time to show me.”
And I can almost feel Jae smiling at us but I’m too busy kissing you to care.
Something I just found out? My smiles taste just as good as they look.
Saranghae, Park Yoochun.
Please tell me what you think because I just don't know and it was random and I never write in this style but I wanted to prove I've done something because I promised you guys fics and I just got eaten by RL and my damned paper and THIS.
Pairing: YooSu (Yoochun x Junsu)
Writer: black_prophet (Midsummer_Slave)
Genre: Fluffy, FirstPerson ShortStory
Rating: PG13 (JIC?)
Warning: Fluffy, FirstPerson, Randomness.
A/N: This is just because it wouldn't get out of my head, so I wrote it down.
Disclaimer: THIS IS A FANFICTION. It is a work of Fiction starring real people that I sadly do not own in any way, shape, or form except for CDs, and DVDs and an impressive collection of pictures, which should count but doesn't, no matter how hard I try to believe otherwise. *SAD FACE*
I’ve been sitting here for awhile, in this chair, watching the photographer direct you. Not that any of us need much direction after all these years, but he’s one of those ‘have to prove myself’ types… So any little thing he can find to complain about -which isn’t much and that only makes it worse- is pointed out with great attention. Still, you’ve calmly followed his direction and changed when and what he has asked, even if he told you to do whatever you’re now changing in the first place.
It doesn’t matter; I’m still sitting here enjoying watching you. And while I’ve been sitting here I’ve been thinking. By now if you knew, you’d be teasing me. “Shocking!” I’m sure you would say, but with that smile that means I can’t be mad at you. I know you don’t mean it to be mean, you’re just teasing me. But yes, thinking. Mostly it’s about you, but you probably guess that every time you look at me and smile.
I can’t ever resist you, I always smile back.
“I’ll never regret giving you my smiles, Suyah.” You told me once.
“Not even the best ones?” I had managed a shy smile when I’d asked you that, in spite of the fear I felt.
For awhile I wondered if you knew how afraid I was when I let that question past my lips. I was terrified, I freely admit that now. So terrified of what you would say. What if you thought about it and said no? I worried you’d break my heart then and there.
But you’ve never broken my heart. You treat it so much more gently than anything and everything in your possession. Better than your own heart, your own body, your health… You put me above everything. I don’t know why or even how I could have been afraid of you in that moment, but I think it’s the natural reaction of anyone offering up their heart on a silver platter.
Though it was foolish to fear, it had always belonged to you anyway.
You had smiled so gently at me, did you know even then? Did you know how scared I was, how much I loved you? “Not even the best ones, Junsuyah… They were always yours anyway.”
I’m sitting here in the present, and I know you don’t really mean it. You don’t mean it when you bow and apologize to the photographer as he yells at you for smiling at the wrong moment, because you’re smiling at me. I know you don’t care when he yells at you for smiling at me. And I’m glad you don’t mean it, because I love your smiles. Especially my smiles.
You know the ones, don’t you? The best ones, the perfect ones. The ones you send to me, only me. Like you've always said, my smiles. Yes, my smiles. I love them so much I lock each one away in my heart and soul, and the nights you aren’t there, I play them over and over again until you appear and give me a new one. And though I hate it when you leave me, that first smile when you come back is always so perfect, I wonder how there could be anything I love more.
Yes, love. I love your smiles, your smiles for me, the smiles you give me when you come back to our apartment from wherever you’ve gone. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been gone an hour, or a day, or a week. Those smiles are somehow a thousand times brighter and better than your usual smiles, and I don’t even know how to describe how perfect your ‘usual’ smiles are.
How do you constantly outdo yourself, Yoochun? How is it that just when I think I’ve seen the most perfect expression in your dark eyes, you look at me, and I’m in turmoil all over again?
I hate it, and I love it. Mostly I love it. I love you.
I know I probably don’t say it enough, but I love you. And not just one thing, not just your amazing voice or how well you dance -not as well as me, you always say, though I don’t know why you always point that out- or how handsome you are. I’m not like the fan girls -they mean well, I know they do- when I say I love you, because I mean it. And they might mean it in their way, but their way certainly isn’t mine. After all, they only love what they see, they only love what you show them. And you only show them the parts that you can tolerate them to see.
I see everything, you know. Everything you show them, and everything they’ll never see. I see what you don’t want anyone to see, and what you think you’ve successfully hidden from us all. Because you’ve never had any secrets from me, Yoochun, never. Not in the same way you and Jaejoong don’t have secrets… Because I know you SoulMates are close.
But we’re different, you and I.
A different kind of SoulMate? Maybe. I know you’re my SoulMate, but it’s not like it is with Jae. With Jae, I know you’re best friends, I know you love and depend on each other. I know that since everything with the lawsuits, Jaejoong depends on you more than ever. And I don’t mind, not really. I know how hard it is for him to be away from Yunho, at least I can guess. I remember how hard it was for me to be away from you, and that was only for a day or a week, not like this. This is…
I won’t say this is forever, I won’t even think it. Because it isn’t. You know it isn’t, and so do I. And I think Jae does to, at least, I hope he does. I hope he still believes in Yunho, because I know we do. We have to, he’s our Leader, and he’s never let us down yet. Not for anything.
I don’t see him starting now. Especially not with Jae.
So no, this isn’t forever. But it has been a long time, longer than Jae should have to be without ‘His Lovely Yunho’. So he turns to you, and that’s good. I’m glad that you’re close enough to be there when he needs you. I know I’m here for him too, but you reach some place different than I do. That’s ok. I’m not jealous.
At least, not of your connection to him. There are days I feel jealous of his connection with you… But those days are usually limited to mere hours, because as soon as you look at me you give me one of my smiles, and I can’t be upset anymore. Not when you’re still giving those smiles only to me. And I know you are, because I’ve never seen them directed elsewhere.
And I love it when Jae notices it too, because he usually smiles at us. Not just at you, or me, but us. As a couple. I’m glad we make him smile, even if it’s only because we amuse him. He doesn’t smile enough. None of us do, but I don’t think I would smile at all without you here.
In that way I know Jae is stronger than me, because he can smile without Yunnie around. At least he can smile at us, but that’s still something. I don’t think I could smile without you. Not even if I had the others trying to make me laugh. See what you’ve done? You’ve ruined me and I don’t really mind. I really didn’t like it when you were filming your drama. I know you loved acting, and I love watching you, I love it that you were happy.
But I hated not having you here with me. I hated sharing you with them, your fellow cast and crew. I especially despised sharing you with her, though I tried not to show it. I went to visit and spent time with them, and they were nice, but I still didn’t like sharing them with you. I didn’t like that you were late to break for lunch…
But seeing you so happy, I didn’t say anything. I still won’t say anything. I’ll just be glad you had that opportunity, and that you enjoyed it, and that you’re back with me. Back to being the ‘Y’ in JYJ, because there are days that Jaejoong and I grate on each others nerves. And I know it’s just because we’re missing our other halves, but at the time it doesn’t help.
You make me so jealous, and selfish. I thought love was supposed to bring out the best in someone? In loving you, I express the best in me, yes. But when you’re gone? Well, it’s like you’ve taken the best of me with you, and left all the worst things behind.
“Are you alright Junsu?” Jaejoong takes a seat beside me, offering a faint smile. Have I managed to worry him simply by sitting here? It looks like it.
“Fine.” I offer in reply, and I can feel a wide smile stretching over my face when you walk over.
“What were you doing?” You ask me, and I lean into the hand you raise to my cheek.
“Hmm? Me?” I give you my best innocent look. “If I say nothing, will you believe me?”
“Zoned out again, Suyah?” You tsk playfully at me. “You should have been doing something.”
“I was thinking.” I’m pouting at you now.
The look you give me is priceless. See? I just knew you’d react like that. “Thinking?”
“Yes. About how much I love you.”
And there’s another one of my smiles, and you’re leaning down towards me. “How much?”
“How long was I thinking?” I tease.
“Long enough. Time to show me.”
And I can almost feel Jae smiling at us but I’m too busy kissing you to care.
Something I just found out? My smiles taste just as good as they look.
Saranghae, Park Yoochun.
Please tell me what you think because I just don't know and it was random and I never write in this style but I wanted to prove I've done something because I promised you guys fics and I just got eaten by RL and my damned paper and THIS.