[Series] Drowning Angel, Kihae
Title : Drowning Angel
Chapter: 1,2,3,4, and Epilogue
Author : freedomthisway
Word count: 10.976 words
Rating : almost NC-17
Pairing: KiHae, minor SiChul, minor MinBum (or is it KiMin? Idk)
Genre: Host Club!AU, angst.
Summary: Kibum is the #1 host at Perish, a host club for male owned by Heechul. Donghae became his client one night and Kibum’s world is suddenly changed. (I know, I fail at making summary)
Author’s Note: This is a special birthday fic for skadihelias.
Happy 22nd birthday, darling! I hope you like it. xDxD
I’m sorry I can only give you this worthless fic. But you are a whore for Kihae fic anyway and I have no money to give you something better.
So just kiss me, and hug me, and love me like you used to do and all will be just fine. :D
Miss you so much! <333
And yes, even if this is Kihae, I’ve managed to squash in one of my OTP. *grin*
Oh, and hope you guys enjoy this.
Chapter 1
It’s a busy night in Perish like always and Kibum is taking a break. His guest earlier, a sweaty middle aged man, was rushing home after his cell rang and Kibum could hear his wife yelled at him on the phone.
The long sofa in the workers lounge is comfortable and tempting, but Kibum tries to be satisfied just by resting his head back on the couch. He cursed Sungmin for not letting him get enough sleep on his day off yesterday, and now he has to bear the consequences. That guy really doesn’t know when to stop.
But Kibum should’ve known that before inviting Sungmin to come and have a nice round of casual sex to get rid his bore, so it’s partly his fault. Sungmin is never satisfied with just one or two fucks, especially if it is with Kibum.
He is resisting the impulse to just lay on the leather surface and take a nap for a minute or two when from the corner of his eyes he saw the connecting door is opened and a newbie host whose name he hasn’t yet had a chance to remember walks in.
“Kibum-sshi, you have a guest waiting for you in table 3.” The junior informs him after bowing deeply towards his direction.
Kibum is holding back his sighs as he stands up and walks towards the glass door separating the workers lounge and the host club’s main room to peek at the direction of the said table.
His eyebrows are shot up because from his point of view, he can see that the guest sitting in table 3 is clearly a boy, if not a very young man. Frowning, he nods his thanks at the junior who nods back and leaves him alone to prepare himself.
It is very rare for Perish to accept a very young man as a guest.
This host club Kibum has worked in for almost a year now has a quite good reputation and Heechul-hyung, as reckless as he can be sometimes, won’t risk crossing the law or losing the District’s Head of Police’s trust that can lead to the end of his club.
Fact that Heechul-hyung is the Head of Police’s secret lover won’t even help if the club is caught for allowing an underage boy to enter the club.
Kibum guesses, as he is fixing his black tie in front of the mirror, that this guest must have been either an adult with a baby face or a kid with a lot of money. Kibum bets on the latter, because apparently the guest has asked for Kibum’s companion tonight.
As the #1 host in the club, Kibum knows how ridiculously expensive his price is.
Finished preparing himself, Kibum walks out through the door, passes through lines of tables in the main room, each has one or two hosts in it who are spreading their best fake smile, pouring drinks and throwing out flirty jokes with pseudo-enthusiasm, trying their best to entertain the male guests they are accompanying tonight.
The club is full of customers at the moment, but Kibum knows that as the night goes darker, the seat will be emptied one by one. Sometimes because the guests will finally have had enough of good times for the night and decide to go back to their lover or their wife before their cells rings. But mostly, it’s because the host and the guest will have reached a deal which definitely will involve a motel room, packs of condoms, and at the very least: a blowjob.
Despite that fact, Kibum never think of him and his co-hosts as in the same ground as hustlers. That would have been terribly unjust for those hustlers.
Hosts, Kibum has always thought, are much worse than hustlers. Hustlers perhaps only fake their moans. But they never fake their smile, or their words, or their feelings. For them, it’s as simple as fuck and pay. They never pretend to adore or to like or to love or to lust over someone they don’t. They never do things all hosts in the world do:
They never hide behind layers and layers of masks and turn themselves into the epitome of hypocrisy.
It’s not like he cares, though.
Kibum enjoys working as a host and if being a hypocrite is what it takes to do his job then he’ll do it.
Kibum stops his lines of thought as he reaches table 3 and when he looks up to greet the guest, he can’t help but staring.
There, at the table, is the most attractive guest Kibum’s ever had.
He doesn’t notice Kibum’s presence though because apparently he is busy blowing bubbles into his glass of soda through the straw. But Kibum knows a beauty when he sees it.
Kibum’s best description about the guest’s face is that it is a perfect combination of handsome, adorable, cute, and sensual.
Unlike any other host club which is aimed for female customers, Perish is one of the rare host clubs in town that is reserved only for male. And unlike the female host clubs, whose customers are often beautiful lonely women, male host clubs are most of the time filled with dirty old closeted gay men that are either fat or bald.
But this guy --with his rascally shining eyes amusedly staring at the bubbles formed inside the glass and the way his concentration shown by pink tongue slipping between his luscious red lips-- is creating such contradiction for anyone’s sight, making him a precise image of breathtaking indecency beneath an angelic look.
He is wearing a grey wool sweater with the collar opened wide, showing white smooth skin and beautifully defined collar bones beneath it. A long and thin silver chain with silver cross pendant gleams erotically from under the layer of wool. His hair is black and --to Kibum’s taste-- stretches long. The end of it falls lightly, a bit passes the shoulder. Strands of hair cover his forehead, almost reaching his eyes and adding the adorable effect.
Kibum feels his mood increasing at the sight of this current guest of his. It has been so long since he had an interesting night with a customer. Underage or not, if things go right tonight, Kibum is certain he’ll return home with great satisfaction.
“Good evening, Sir.” Kibum bows deeply for a moment, makes sure to set his voice tone to his long practiced seductive mode: low, but not too rough; very warm, yet not too hot; lingering and pleasing. “I am Kim Kibum. I’ll be your company for tonight.”
Kibum lifts his head up and a pair of curious black eyes meets his gaze. The guy cocks his head to the side a little before smiling to Kibum and scoots on his seat, signaling Kibum to sit beside him.
“You are very handsome.” The guest says all of a sudden, looking directly to Kibum’s eyes, a second after Kibum takes his seat.
A bit taken aback by the sudden statement, Kibum just smiles back, fully aware that the guy is still staring at him with total interest, the soda and the straw suddenly neglected on the table in front of them.
Kibum’s back stare is no less intense. “May I please have the pleasure of knowing your name, Sir?”
The guy smiles widely, showing perfect pearly white teeth. Kibum can feel his lips twitch, unconsciously widens his smile too.
“My name is Lee Donghae.” He said with a soft voice. “And in case you are wondering, I am 20 years old this year. The big bald guy outside didn’t believe that I am old enough to enter this kind of place. Not even after I showed him my ID.” He stops to take a breath and Kibum watches in awe as those red lips form a pout.
“But then this beautiful man came out from the club and he was so beautiful that I forgot my intention to kick the bald guy and stared at him instead. I think this guy is this club’s owner or something because the bald guy bowed at him respectfully.” His pout is replaced with an excitement and Kibum notices that his tone has been raised gradually as he continues his chattering explanation. “I couldn’t help myself, you know, so I praised him. And then he just looked at me for a long time, before asking how much money I have with me. I don’t like lying, so I told him that I only brought 500.000 won in my wallet. And just like that, he kindly told the bad guy to let me in. So, here I am.” Donghae said, smiling happily.
Kibum holds the urge to roll his eyes. If there are things that can make a Kim Heechul turns into a kind person, it would be praise and money. And this Donghae, unknowingly has given him both. The fact that it turns out both his guesses are only half true is also not unnoticed by Kibum. This Lee Donghae apparently is an adult (hell, he is even older than Kibum) with a baby face and a lot of money.
“How old are you?” Donghae blurts the question.
“I am 19 this year, Sir.” Kibum said, wondering how Donghae will react to that.
Donghae grins. “Please, just call me Hae.”
Kibum doesn’t know if it’s possible, but Donghae looks even giddier than before. “So you are younger than me! Can I call you Kibummie?”
Kibum blinks.
Nobody ever calls him Kibummie anymore. Not ever since he was 16, running away from his first foster home to live on the street.
Even when he was still young and happy, only his mom used to call him that.
The thought sends warmth spreading through his chest and Kibum finds his smile to the still grinning Donghae becomes different, still wide and all teeth, but it’s genuine this time. Kibum decides he doesn’t mind at all if Donghae keeps calling him that all night.
“Sure, Hae.” Kibum leans forward on his seat, elbows on his thighs, enjoying Donghae’s fragrance that smells like tree and rain. “So, what would you like to do tonight?”
And just like that, Donghae’s expression changes.
One second his grin is goofy, the next second his smile turns sultry. His eyes narrowed and Kibum can see desire swirls in them. Slowly, Donghae cocks his head to the side; eyes never leave Kibum’s. His hair gleams due to the lights as he moves and Kibum feels sudden need to swallow his saliva.
“I was wondering, Kibummie. Do you know some place where we can crash tonight?” Donghae asks with voice soft and breathy. “Place that isn’t a hotel room? I hate it.”
Hearing the proposal, it surprises Kibum that it takes all he can do to not lean forward and kiss Donghae. Right here, right now. Especially when it’s clear that Donghae expects him to do so. Licking his lips wet every now and then, Donghae’s eyes glazed and Kibum can see his reflection in Donghae’s eyes.
He realizes that the attraction he feels to Donghae is so strong and Kibum can feel himself getting dizzy with all the sexual tension suddenly floats overwhelmingly on the air.
And it also makes Kibum wonders, because when Donghae asked for a place to crash, the only thing popped up in his mind is his apartment. His sanctuary. Bought and fixed from scratch. The only place to where he would never bring in any of his clients. It’s his rule because it’s a place that is his and only his.
But just imagining how great Donghae’s skin must feel beneath him on his sheet --on his own bed-- is enough to make Kibum willing to bend that rules with pleasure.
That’s when Kibum notices that this guy sitting beside him, in a period not longer than an hour has made Kibum feel things he never feels before.
He really thinks he should have listen to an alarm suddenly ringing in his head.
But then Donghae leans towards him and whispers huskily, “How is it, Kibummie? Do you have one in mind?”
Oh yeah, Kibum thinks and answers with a grin.
---00o00---
As the night goes darker, almost all tables in Perish are emptied, including table number 3.
Chapter 2
Kibum knows that with him on the driver seat of Donghae’s convertible, driving it on normal speed, it will only take 20 minutes to get to his apartment.
But still, he steps harder on the gas pedal, causing the car to zoom faster through the traffic.
Donghae is sitting beside him; his eyes never leave Kibum, fully ignoring the beautiful sight outside the window created by the blurring and merging lights in the night.
It gives Kibum primal satisfaction to know that Donghae’s attention is his and only his, and he almost frowns because he has never been this territorial over someone he just met and it is also unusual for him for wanting someone so badly like he does now.
The car is parked at Kibum’s apartment’s basement ten minutes faster.
Coming out of the car, Kibum drags unprotesting Donghae by the hand. Silently urges Donghae to walk faster by tugging his hand harder as they walk passing halls and -after quick fumbling with the key- through Kibum’s door and onto Kibum’s bed.
And there, in his own room, on his own bed, with Donghae beneath him and Donghae’s feet tangled with his, finally Kibum kisses him.
And he can feel, more than hear, Donghae’s breathy moans as he kisses Kibum back with the same intense heat that leaves Kibum’s world spinning.
Although his body feels like it is on fire, the kiss is frighteningly sweet. The sweetest kiss Kibum has ever felt. Donghae’s lips feel exactly like how Kibum has imagined, and more.
Kibum pulls Donghae deeper into his embrace as his hands start exploring, caressing Donghae’s body, sliding down to cup Donghae’s firm ass beneath his jeans, slipping his finger through the band of Donghae’s pants to settle his fingers on the hotness hidden by his boxer.
Donghae lets out a very adorable mewl when Kibum’s finger starts to move and caress his sensitive skin. The mewl turns into moans, head thrown backwards, as Kibum tears his lips from Donghae’s to trail kisses along his beautiful collarbone.
Kibum’s other hand is fumbling to open the buttons on Donghae’s shirt when Donghae suddenly puts his hand on top of Kibum’s, stopping him. Kibum lifts his head and stares questioningly at Donghae.
“We have all night, Kibummie.” Donghae says with husky voice, eyes fixed on Kibum’s and a lazy smile is formed on his wet lips, clearly stating that what he wants is a slow, sensual and thorough worship over his body and not a sudden and rushing lust.
Another night, another person, Kibum won’t even consider to comply. But strangely, Kibum can only feel more aroused at the thought of just kissing Donghae slowly, intensely, and without stopping until he can feel Donghae gasping for breath, clutching him tighter, ready to give Kibum everything.
So he does it, giving Donghae all he wants, and taking from Donghae what he wants.
Donghae’s hands grab the sheet tighter as Kibum’s exploring hand beneath finally touches him and Kibum’s lips returns to kiss Donghae, tenderly at first, before it became stronger and deeper.
Donghae is going crazy with all the sensation assaulting him, Kibum can see that clearly on his face. And Kibum can hear him writhing and screaming as Kibum tightens his fingers around Donghae and moves faster.
Donghae’s body tenses all of a sudden. He lets out a choking noise as he jerks, once and then twice. Something warm spills over Kibum’s fingers.
Kibum watches as Donghae regains his breath, opening his eyes only to find Kibum’s leaning down to kiss him, softly and slowly.
Kibum is pleased when he sees into Donghae’s eyes and still finds lust darkening them. Kibum’s mouth forms a lazy smile as he says with a low voice, “Want some more, Hae?”
Donghae stares fierily at Kibum. “Yes…” His hands move downwards to open Kibum’s zipper and Kibum gasps audibly when Donghae’s cold fingers find him, caressing him slowly.
“Please.”, he says and kisses Kibum hard.
Kibum hears someone’s moaning as he moves away from Donghae’s warm body to take off his pants. But with all the bloods rushing in his ears, he isn’t really sure whose moaning it is.
Kibum feels Donghae reaching out for him again, only to find that he already has the condom on. As Kibum kisses him again, all heat and passion, he notices something has changed. It suddenly feels like the attraction between them is ready to burst.
That’s when Kibum knows that this time; whatever he will do to Donghae is going to be nowhere near slow or tender.
Rushing, Kibum prepares Donghae to accept him. He is fully aware that with every stroke of his fingers inside, more moaning comes out of Donghae’s mouth and Kibum realizes that his self control gets thinner with each passing seconds.
Donghae’s eyes glazed with wants, and Kibum can feel Donghae’s hips moving, searching.
That’s when Kibum loses himself.
He needs to be inside Donghae and he needs it now.
So he lifts Donghae’s one leg up. His other hand grips Donghae’s hips, stilling him before he finally enters Donghae with one swift hard thrust.
“Oh, God, yes….” Donghae’s chanting is like a music to Kibum’s ears as he start moving, slowly at first, careful as to not hurting Donghae.
“Fuck!” Kibum curses.
But this feels amazing.
Kibum is certain that nobody should ever be allowed to feel this good.
He kisses Donghae again as he rolls himself down to his back, bringing Donghae along so that now he sits on top of Kibum.
They are in sync and their movements are unrestrained. Each tries hard to bring out the utmost pleasure from the other.
And Kibum must grit his teeth hard so he can focus on watching Donghae’s expression through the haze of white stars suddenly blurring his view as they come together, hard.
When the pleasure wave has passed, Donghae flops onto the bed beside him. Kibum can’t help but think that what they’ve just had is a very satisfying sex.
Kibum won’t even deny that it is earth-shattering.
He isn’t even surprised to find that he doesn’t mind at all at Donghae’s slipping himself into his hand and snuggling into the comfort of his chest to get some shut eye.
But when he wakes up the next morning and finds Donghae’s gone with nothing but a pile of money left on his nightstand, Kibum is really surprised at the feeling of loss suddenly grows on his chest.
---00o00---
Kibum finds Donghae being Perish’s regular customer from then on.
Donghae comes four nights a week, sometimes three, but never in the weekend. And he always asks for Kibum.
The sexual attraction between them never wears out; their every date always ends up on bed, or on sofa, twice on dining table, and at least once on every other possible flat surface in Kibum’s apartment.
But their meetings also get more and more personal, with both of them taking times to know and understand each other through the toasts and jokes and stories told between them. And before long, Kibum finds himself searching for Donghae’s presence every time he finished accompanying a guest.
Kibum rarely talks. He enjoys listening and his customers choose him basically on his good looks, his mysterious aura and his well-known skills on bed rather than his abilities to strike a good conversation anyway.
But with Donghae, conversation always comes easy. Donghae speaks enough for both of them and Kibum never fails to feel amused on every silly stories coming out of Donghae’s mouth. Even Donghae, with a grin on his face, says that Kibum looks best when he smiles without saying anything.
So Kibum does, a lot.
The only exception is when they are on bed, naked. Seeing Donghae’s flushed skin beneath him or hearing his husky moans every time Kibum thrusts deep into him, Kibum can’t help but open his mouth and whispers sweet words in Donghae’s ear. And Donghae always succeeds in drawing curses out of him every time he gets Kibum inside his hot silky mouth and milks him for his worth.
Being with Donghae is comfortable, and it keeps Kibum occupied. It keeps Kibum’s mind off things like how new this kind of feeling is for him; or how scary the way Donghae manages to drag him into a deep and intimate relationship without him feeling like drowning; or how Kibum has promised himself to never let feelings and emotions towards anyone gets the better of him.
Being with Donghae makes Kibum forget that he is a host that values no such things as real feelings.
Being with Donghae, all Kibum can remember is how Donghae’s laughter sounds like a chirping bells in Kibum’s ears; how excitedly he ran around the apartment, chasing after Boxer --Kibum’s Siberian Husky-- in his useless effort to bathe it; how adorable his expression is when he clutches Kibum’s arm tightly in fear as they are laying side by side on the sofa, watches late night horror show on TV; how intense Donghae’s eyes are when he gazes at Kibum; and how tight and hot Donghae feels around him as he moves inside him with strength and softness.
But only when the sun rises, as the morning birds are chirping and Kibum wakes up to realize that Donghae has gone sometime around the dawn, Kibum finally remembers to feel afraid.
Beyond the loss of Donghae’s warmth beside him, the fear lingers. And it’ll stay until it is night again and Donghae’s figure appears in Perish, eyes searching Kibum and only Kibum. That’s when the fear disappears.
The cycle is vicious. And it’s a lie if Kibum says he isn’t aware of it. But it’s also the truth that Donghae always manages to make it invisible to Kibum only by a mere gaze.
And for now, there is nothing Kibum can do about it.
----00oo00----
As an active talker in most of their conversations, Donghae is an open book in some ways.
But there are still so many unspoken questions caught up in Kibum’s mind about him.
Like what makes Donghae, a 20 years old male, believe in alien. Or how come, of all those sweet food he enjoys, he loves strawberry cakes the most. Or reasons behind the fact that Donghae never takes off the silver bracelet he is wearing in his right wrist.
Or the one thing that intrigues Kibum the most: why Donghae never shows up in Perish in the weekend.
But Kibum rarely talks. He enjoys listening. He hates interfering with other people’s business.
And there is still that fear.
It clutches him from time to time, forcing him to think that it is one thing for wanting to be with Donghae all the time but it is a completely different matter for wanting to know all about him.
Kibum is still a host. And Donghae is just one of his customers.
So it’s a given that Kibum never, even once, asks about things Donghae doesn’t tell.
Until Donghae shows up one Monday night, and on the next Monday night, and on the next with a grin formed on his torn lips and some visible bruises on several parts of his body. Once he even flinches when Kibum puts a hand on his thigh. But he talks and he laughs and he drinks and he fucks Kibum and he says nothing about it.
That’s when Kibum decides that to smile and stay silent is not an option this time.
“Hae,” Kibum says lightly one night after the fourth time Donghae comes to him after the weekend with smiles on his face and visible wounds on his body. “What’s with the bruises?”
Donghae stops his attempt of telling jokes on hearing Kibum’s question.
Smiling, Donghae pours the Dom Perignon into his glass. “Will you buy it if I say I fell and hurt myself?”
Kibum lifts his eyebrows. “You have a habit of falling and hurt yourself every weekend?”
Donghae laughs. “I guess you won’t buy it, then.” Taking a sip of his drink, Donghae’s expression suddenly turns solemn as his eyes scanning over lines of tables in the club’s main room. “In that case, will you stop asking questions if I say I don’t wanna talk about it, Kibummie?”
Kibum stares for a long time at Donghae, who seems to refuse to stare back. If he does, he will certainly see Kibum’s twitching jaw.
“Will it please you, Sir?”
Donghae’s head turns quickly to Kibum. Surprise is stated clearly on his face as he answers Kibum’s question. “Yes….” He licks his lips nervously. “Yes, it will please me.”
Kibum stops his staring and moves to calmly take a sip of his own drink. “Very well, then.” Kibum fights the urge to relax his tense jaw. It is indeed has been a while since he gave Donghae one of his fake smiles. “Shall we go to my apartment now?”
Donghae stares at Kibum but then just nods quietly.
Kibum ignores one of his co-host’s stare as he and Donghae leave Perish without even finishing their drinks.
---00oo00---
As they both arrived at Kibum’s apartment, Kibum can tell that Donghae has suspected that he is angry.
Hell, how could he not? Kibum doesn’t even try to hide it.
He confirms Donghae’s suspicion by roughly taking off Donghae’s clothes; roughly kissing Donghae’s lips, almost not giving him a chance to breathe; roughly flipping Donghae onto his stomach and thrusting into him hard with a very minimum preparation; roughly biting Donghae in the back of his neck, ignoring Donghae’s writhes and suppressed screams; and roughly gripping Donghae’s hips as he reaches his completion, pays only little attention towards bruises that are even more visible now when there are no clothes covering them.
Kibum is certain that it’s obvious for Donghae that he is furious.
But it’s impossible for Donghae to know the reason behind Kibum’s anger. It’s definitely impossible because even Kibum himself is not sure as to why he feels the need to be angry.
It’s certainly ridiculous to think that the reason is because Donghae refused to share his problem with Kibum.
It’s unlikely for a Kim Kibum to feel pissed off just because a client keeps a serious problem to himself and leaves Kibum oblivious like Kibum is just some stranger that has nothing to do with him.
Right now, lying on his bed, trying hard to catch his breath, regret is starting to creep into his heart as he can see Donghae lies unmoving beside him from the corner of his eyes. But still Kibum doesn’t understand the cause of his fury. And Kibum is sure that Donghae doesn’t understand either.
Or maybe he does.
Because slowly Donghae lifts his body up and sits on his feet. He looks at Kibum and all Kibum can see is soft smiles on his mouth and apology in his eyes. Without words, Donghae moves to lay his body besides Kibum, slipping inside his arms with ease, and closes his eyes to sleep.
Kibum spends the night staring at Donghae’s sleeping face.
Chapter 3
The dawn is breaking and Kibum is still awake when Donghae wakes up.
Wincing as he arises, Donghae steps off the bed to collect his scattered clothes and wears them in silence.
Kibum is about to say sorry, really he is.
But Donghae -now is fully clothed-just stands there, looking at Kibum with gaze so meaningful that Kibum finds his words stuck in his throat.
“I’ll see you tonight then, Kibummie?” Donghae tells him with a smile in the end and Kibum knows that the words also means I know you’re sorry and I’m sorry, too and let’s just forget about this.
Kibum forces himself to crack a smile. “Yeah.” He says, fully realizing that his voice is hoarse and rough.
Long after Donghae disappeared from the room, Kibum is still lying on his bed and staring at the ceiling.
---00oo00---
Kibum has succeeded in bringing himself together by the time Perish is opened for business that night.
Donghae is there with his eyes on Kibum’s, as he promised, and Kibum welcomes him with a smile that is almost genuine.
Because Kibum’s concluded in the end that it’s silly to work himself up over his customer’s problem. If Donghae doesn’t want him to know, so be it. It’s probably for the better.
And that’s how the memory of the incident yesterday is pushed into the back of Kibum’s head, although it is never really gone.
Somehow, it still lingers and when it does, both of them always try hard to ignore it.
Even Donghae seems like he is being more cautious now. Kibum rarely sees him in Monday or Tuesday. And he still never shows up in the weekend.
The fragile balance doesn’t last long.
Donghae shows up one night, face bruised and lips torn.
But Kibum doesn’t ask anything. Not even when they are sitting on one table and Kibum can see Donghae grimaces in pain as his bruised and trembling left hand is lifting his glass.
“Hey,” Kibum says after long silence stretches between them. He gulps his bourbon and imitates Donghae, who is staring around the room full of people in front of them.
Donghae turns his eyes at him.
“I have a friend who has a friend who has a lot of fun things we can use tonight. You know, gags and cuffs and stuff. I heard he even has a nice long leather whip.”
Kibum looks at Donghae’s confused expression and shrugs. “Aren’t you into that sort of thing? It’s fine by me if you want to play rough sometimes.”
Understanding dawns on Donghae’s face before he laughs.
Kibum finds nothing funny so he puts on his solemn face and waits until Donghae stops laughing before asking calmly. “You’re not a masochist then?”
Donghae looks at Kibum long before shaking his head.
Kibum stares at him back.
“I’m worried, Hae.” And it’s all Kibum can say before his self control is back and grips his throat tight, blocking upcoming questions about how or why which are definitely not his business as a mere host.
But apparently it’s enough because he can see Donghae’s eyes get bigger at hearing his words and his lips suddenly trembling.
Donghae’s voice is hoarse when he says, “Will you take me to your place now, Kibummie?”
Kibum answers only by grabbing Donghae’s car key laid on the table and dragging Donghae by his right hand towards the door.
---00o00---
It’s almost 3 o’clock in the morning but Kibum is still wide awake, lying on the big sofa in his living room with Donghae leaning on his chest.
Kibum can feel Donghae’s steady heartbeat beneath one of his arms circling Donghae’s body as he stays silent, listening to a story flowing out of Donghae’s mouth.
The story is about a boy whose life, once, went beyond perfect.
The boy was born in summer and it’s a jolly day for his family because he was the long awaited heir of the glory and richness his family was possessing. And so for the next seven years, with a father who was so proud of him and a mother who was so in love with him, the boy’s life was filled with all the happiness a child could have.
But then his mother had fallen into sickness.
Cancer, they said.
All the money his father had just couldn’t save her and she died three months later.
It was all happened so fast that the boy was left in confusion and sadness of how sudden and unpredictable the event was.
Except that a few years later he found out that his mother’s death was not as unpredictable as he was thought.
His father -with hate in his eyes and a bottle of alcohol gripped so tightly in his hand- had told him that.
“You see, Kibummie,” Donghae says, carefully places his broken left hand on top of Kibum’s before continuing his story
Even in his young age, the boy could tell that his father loves his mother more than anything in the world.
And the day his mother died in his father’s arms on the hospital bed was the day when his father started drinking.
It keeps him at bay of madness, they said, though the boy couldn’t understand what it meant.
He too couldn’t understand why his father suddenly turned his back on him, started to act cold and distant, leaving him lost and craved for love.
Though it wasn’t until the boy turned 13 that his father started to yell at him and beating him black and blue whenever he was drunk.
“You killed my wife!” He screamed, over and over again between his punches and his slaps -and sometimes- his kicks.
His father always felt sorry about that, though.
The boy knew because at night, with traces of tears lined on his cheeks, the boy always tried as hard as he could to pretend to sleep so he could feel his father’s warm hand caressing his hair softly. He even sobbed sometimes, the boy could hear.
So one time, when his father was sober, the boy straightened his back and pushed away his fear.
“Why?” The boy asked him.
With a sigh and frown on his tired face, his father told him. “Your mother…. Actually, she had been diagnosed for having cervix cancer not long after our fifth wedding anniversary. It was almost bad but the doctor said it was curable as long as we treat it well.
But then your mother was pregnant with you and things started to go downhill from there. The doctor strongly advised her to abort her pregnancy because he feared that it’d worsen her condition. But she refused and begged me to allow her to have you with tears in her eyes. We’d waited for so long to have a child and when the chance finally arrived, she didn’t want to lose it. And there was nothing I could do about it. Before long, I found myself dragged into her spirit and happiness of having you, our son, in our family. By the time I finally realized that her disease had become much more complicated due to the labor process, it was already too late .It was easy for her to hide her pain and sickness year by year from me who was always busy, so it was a big shock for me when I found her faint on the floor with blood flowing like mad from between her feet. The doctor couldn’t do anything and the only thing I could do was holding her in my arms as she took her last breath.” His father ended his story and left him to search for drinks.
That night, his father yelled at him again before beating him, punching him, and kicked him hard once in the stomach.
But the boy held back his tears because he finally understood that all of it was his fault. As his father’s hand touched his hair that night, he purposefully opened his eyes wide to show that he was awake and aware; knowing fully that his father would never come to his room again if he did that.
Then the boy lived on his life, carefully covered each and every bruises he got every time from the world’s eyes to protect his father, keeping his feelings inside because that was his consequences.
Even when his father claimed that he couldn’t stand the sight of him and moved to his other house, coming back only on the weekend with reeks of alcohol in his breath and loathe in his gaze, the boy knew that that was nothing he didn’t deserve.
This life of his, is his redemption.
“And the story ends that way.” Kibum can hear Donghae’s thick voice from on top of Donghae’s head.
No one says anything for a while. Because Kibum doesn’t have to ask Donghae about who the boy in the story is and Donghae doesn’t have to explain why he has tears in his eyes.
Kibum also thinks that it is going to be useless to tell Donghae that his mother’s death is not his fault because Kibum knows that Donghae isn’t stupid enough to actually believe what his father has accused him of.
Donghae just needs reason, because it’ll hurt more if he doesn’t have one.
It isn’t something Kibum knows but it is something he can understand so he just tightens his hold over Donghae’s lithe form until they both are lulled to sleep.
---00o00---
Kibum stares at Donghae from behind the counter where he is preparing some sandwiches for breakfast.
Donghae woke Kibum up this morning and instead of leaving like he used to do, he whined and demanded Kibum to fix up something for him to eat.
Kibum is still trying to grasp the fact that:
a. Donghae always leave in the morning, but there he is, sitting over his dining table while playing razzle with Boxer. And,
b. Their nights together always includes -at least once- sex, but he spent last night with Donghae without having any.
Kibum also can’t shake this strange feeling he has because the fear usually haunting him after Donghae leaves him in the morning is still there, but at the same time, watching Donghae laughing at Boxer’s licking him, somehow Kibum can’t erase smile forming on his lips.
It’s bad, Kibum knows, and if it’s not because of Donghae had just spilled his sad story to Kibum last night, Kibum would have politely asked Donghae to go.
But Donghae still has something to say, and Kibum intends to listen, so he resumes on making sandwiches without a word.
---00o00---
“It’s not like I want your pity, you know.” Donghae suddenly blurts out between his chews on his sandwich.
Kibum stops halfway from putting his own to his mouth. His eyebrows are lifted questioningly at Donghae’s words.
Donghae looks at him and shrugs. “I guess I’m just not as strong as I thought.”
Kibum says nothing because, really, what can he say to that? It’ll be a lie if he tells Donghae that he understands and It’s okay, Hae. You can lean on me.
Though he finds it hard to not reach over the table and puts his hand over Donghae’s.
This thing between them, Kibum wants to think, is just not that kind of thing.
Kibum knows he is being unfair because although he didn’t force Donghae to tell him everything, but he can’t bear to not know the reason. And now that he does, the urge to step back and runaway is so overwhelming.
This contradiction is just so scary and the fact that Kibum never, even once in his life, feels this kind of thing doubles the fear.
“Actually it’s not like he drunks and beats me every time he’s home. It had been happened much rarer than it used to be ever since he moved out.” Donghae says again.
Kibum can see Boxer wagging his tail under the glass table and he really wants to ask Donghae to take Boxer out for a walk. Anything to stop this conversation which Kibum is sure will drag him deeper into Donghae’s life.
“I think part of the reason why he is so mad lately is because of you, Kibummie.”
See?
Kibum suppresses a groan and chews his sandwich slowly instead. It feels awful.
“Why?” Kibum coughs.
Donghae grins. “I told him about a certain host I know who always make my nights.” Then his expression turns grim. “It has always been hard for him, knowing that I am a gay. And the fact that I spend most of my nights in a guy’s place lately doesn’t impress him at all.”
Kibum watches as Donghae swallows his last bite.
“At first I didn’t even want to show up at Perish with all the bruises I was sporting. But apparently you are too big of a temptation for me.” Donghae teases and as he smiles and licks some sandwich crumbs left all over his lips, Kibum has to hold the urge to lean forward and licks it himself.
Donghae seems to notice that though, because he leans back on his chair and lifts his arms to stretch his body up.
He is moaning as he does that. And it’s on purpose, Kibum is sure.
“So, Mr. Host,” Donghae says between his stretching. “I’m a bit sore after spending the night on you last night.”
Kibum can see a glimpse of his slim waist under his shirt and he puts down his half-eaten sandwich in a useless effort to calm himself.
“I am wondering if you know some massage tricks you can use on me.” Then Donghae stands up and walks towards the bedroom, definitely expecting Kibum to follow him.
All the fear and doubt leaves Kibum’s mind completely, replaced with wants and lusts, as he stands up to meet Donghae’s expectation.
---00o00---
It’s already night when they finally just lay down side by side, Donghae is inside Kibum’s arms as usual.
Lying there, listening to Donghae’s slow breathing, Kibum starts to recall all the things Donghae told him.
“What are you thinking?” Donghae asks sleepily.
Kibum looks down at him and he can see that some of the bruises on his arms and face beginning to turn angry blue.
Kibum doesn’t answer. He is afraid that the words that’ll come out of his mouth will be a proposal for Donghae to just leave his miserable life and live with him instead.
Kibum has nothing to offer.
He is too afraid to offer anything and Donghae’s life won’t be better even if he stays with Kibum.
Donghae never asks to be saved anyway and Kibum feels relieved because he can’t afford to be a knight in a shining armor for anyone.
But he can’t stop his fingers from moving to caress Donghae’s cheeks.
“This thing happened to you,” Kibum says softly when his fingers reach Donghae’s torn lips, emphasizing his words. “This is just not right, Hae.”
Donghae only stares at Kibum’s eyes long before his lips form a smile beneath Kibum’s touch. Then he lifts his head up and kisses Kibum long and deep.
“I love you, Kibummie.” He says the second their lips part.
And if Donghae didn’t see Kibum’s expression hardened a moment after hearing that, it is not because Kibum tries to hide it.
It’s just because Donghae has fallen asleep.
Chapter 4
“Kibum-sshi, Donghae-sshi is here.”
Kibum looks at the new host standing in front of him. He’s another new face in Perish whose name once again Kibum hasn’t been bothered to know.
“Tell him that I am fully booked tonight.” Kibum says dismissively and reaches his glass.
The newbie hesitates a bit and Kibum knows that the reason of it is because he can see that Kibum is obviously in the middle of a break, sipping some liquor in the workers lounge, which means that he is totally client-less at the moment.
But Kibum pays no attention to him and after a moment the newbie bows at him and leaves.
Kibum sighs.
It’s not that he lies. Kibum is indeed always fully booked. But he always made time for Donghae.
Made is being the keyword.
It’s been a week and a half since their last night together and it’s the seventh time he refuses to accompany Donghae.
This thing he does to Donghae, is a cowardice act and it’s vicious and rude and now that he has done this, Kibum knows it makes him an official bastard.
But Donghae said that he loves Kibum. What else can he do but backing away?
What Donghae had said and and all the things that he had wordlessly asked from Kibum that night; those are definitely not in Kibum’s territory.
Kibum never loves anyone. He isn’t even sure he can love anyone. And it scares him to imagine about loving someone so he doesn’t want to be in love with anyone.
He likes how he is right now: using people for their money and his pleasure. Never uses his heart and when they bore him, he dumps them.
That is his modus operandi and it is what he is doing to Donghae.
Except Donghae never bores him and judging from the way Kibum feels so restless right now proves that this time, his heart has been taking to account.
“Fuck!” Kibum curses out loud and finishes his drink in one gulp.
---00o00---
“Kibummie, what the hell do you think you’re doing?”
Kibum groans. He really doesn’t want anyone’s interference into his problem he has with Donghae, and Heechul’s nagging is the last thing he needs.
But Donghae is a customer, and Heechul is his boss. So Kibum knows that facing Heechul is inevitable.
“I don’t do anything, hyung.” Kibum says ignorantly, hoping it’ll shut Heechul up.
Yeah, right.
“I hired you to accompany our clients without exception. I thought you’ve understood the concept that your time belongs to whomever rich enough to pay you.” Heechul moves to stand in front of Kibum, his hands on his waist. “I know that the boy waiting for you out there has more than enough won to buy your time even for a whole month. So why are you hiding here?”
Kibum doesn’t answer.
Heechul looks at him long before sighing. “You, little brat. Haven’t I told you before to never fall in love to a customer?”
Kibum can sense concerns in his tone and his remark is right on the spot so Kibum fixes his gaze down.
Heechul sits beside Kibum and snags his glass, filling it again, half full. “I thought you’ve learned your lessons from me.”
Heechul empties the drink and Kibum knows that he talks about him and Siwon, the Head of Police.
“Did you feel this scared the first time, hyung?” Kibum asks; eyes still on the floor.
Heechul laughs. “Worse than you can imagine. You do realize that I was much more heartless than you are back then, don’t you?”
Kibum laughs a little too because he just can’t agree more to that statement.
He looks at Heechul. “Then why you do it?”
Heechul lifts one of his eyebrows. “Falling in love, you mean?”
Kibum nods. “Yeah, that.”
The older man shrugs. “I am always a bitch and I hate being chained. Even my mom knows it. But then he came: a perfect example of everything I hate. He’s clingy; his job is the worst in the world; he is one of those closeted homosexual bastard with wife and child, and he really hates rough sex. Well, at least at first, anyway.”
Heechul giggles. “But the fact remains: he turned my life upside down. And at one point, he was just becoming too much for me. So I cast him aside. He did everything he could to get me back and I did the same to get him out of my life. But then I was finally alone and I realized that my life feels shitty without him. So I came back to his side.”
Kibum watches in awe when he sees Heechul’s rare smile formed on his lips.
“Love can fuck us up if we are not ready for it. But the thing is: we will never be ready for it. That’s why I told you to be careful. If you can’t escape it, then just jump down head first because trust me, running away is not a solution. Even for me, the fear is still there and sometimes I am this close to strangle his neck. But somehow I am happier than I was. I guess that’s the most important thing.” Then Heechul puts one of his hands on Kibum’s thigh.
“Kibummie,” Heechul smiles and it makes Kibum suddenly feel the need to swallow his saliva. “If you don’t take care of this mess after making me telling you this old cheesy advice that makes me want to gag myself, then you and I will have so many things to talk about.”
Satisfied with his threat, Heechul stands up and leaves Kibum alone.
---00o00---
The middle aged guy in front of Kibum keeps on trying restlessly to catch his attention and Kibum swears absentmindedly, client or no client, this guy’s nose will be broken if he keeps squeezing Kibum’s crotch under the table that way.
But Donghae is there on the corner table, and the host accompanying him is Kyuhyun. He is a new young host whose popularity rises fast and he tails Kibum tightly behind in host ranking. With handsome looks and cold personality, he is a lot like Kibum.
The only difference is this kid has too much brain, and along with it, a smart mouth.
He can see Donghae is chatting with him and fuck if Kyuhyun isn’t sitting too close to Donghae. Kibum’s hands are fisting unconsciously.
Then Donghae’s eyes meet his, and Kibum looks away instantly.
Turning to his client with a fake smile and gritted teeth, Kibum politely shakes off the guy’s hands and spends the night trying hard to be professional.
---00o00---
Kyuhyun stops beside Kibum who is trying to take off his bow tie in the locker room. “Kibum-sshi, if you have time, I would like to give you a message from my earlier client, Lee Donghae. I’m sure you know him.”
Kibum’s fingers stops for a moment before resuming their movement, faster this time. “Spill, then.”
Kibum watches from the corner of his eyes as Kyuhyun folds his arms on his chest and leans his back on the locker beside his.
“He asked me to tell you that he’s sorry for giving you troubles for these past months. He also asked me to tell you that he won’t come to Perish anymore and he wants me to give you his thanks for everything you’ve done for him.”
Kibum throws his bow tie into his locker and closes the door with a bang before turning to Kyuhyun. “He said that?”
Kyuhyun shrugs. “He did.”
“What else did he tell you?”
Kyuhyun smirks. “Now, now, Kibum-sshi. You know perfectly well that what’s been said by a client shouldn’t be heard by others, don’t you?”
Kibum grits his teeth and glares at Kyuhyun, but the younger man doesn’t show signs of budging. So Kibum turns his back, determined to walk out of the room, away from the host as quickly as he can. But Kyuhyun’s next words stop him.
“He just asked me some questions.” Kyuhyun says and moves to sit on a bench close by.
Kibum stares at him behind his shoulder. “Yeah? What are they?”
“He asked me what did I feel when I sat beside him.” Kibum gives no reaction and Kyuhyun continues. “I said that I felt lucky to be able to sit beside such handsome guy as him.”
Kibum finally turns with eyes narrowed dangerously at that. Kyuhyun grins.
“He smiled, saying it was nice of me to say that. Then he asked me if I’d ever get close to someone who was sensed like he’s drowning. You know, those kinds who always make you just a bit uncomfortable, even though they are good people. You sense they are struggling, but you’re afraid to get too close lest they ‘pull you into the water’ with them. Consequently, no matter how much you want to help, you always hold back.”
Kyuhyun returns Kibum’s glare. “I told him that no, I had never met that kind of people. Then he looked at me in the eyes and said that yes, I’d met one now. So he wanted me to tell you that he understood perfectly if you chose to stay away from him because of that. He wanted you to forget everything he had said because all of that just didn’t matter anymore.” Kyuhyun says before standing up and starts to walk towards the door.
He stops when he reaches Kibum’s side. “I personally think that it’s a shame to let that kind of adorable person to feel such thing. So I gave him my number and told him to call me if he ever needs anything. Considering how eagerly you avoid him lately, Kibum-sshi, I’m sure that you wouldn’t mind it one bit, aren’t you?” Then he resumes on walking without waiting for Kibum’s answer.
Kibum finds that he just can’t figure out what to say to that anyway.
---00o00---
Kibum wants to believe that he doesn’t know what makes him stand in Donghae’s front door.
But he does.
As cliché as it is, Heechul is right: Kibum feels shitty and Donghae has everything to do with it.
And Kyuhyun, though Kibum hates to admit, has a little bit to do with it too.
Because likes it or not, Kibum has fallen in love with Donghae. And all he can do right now is just jumping down, head first.
The bell rang twice before finally the door opened, revealing a young man who seems to be the same age as Donghae with red hair and skin as white as snow.
He smiles politely and Kibum can see his gum peeking beneath his upper lips. It would have been looked ridiculous on most of people, and on the young man, it is not an exception. But most people won’t look as cute as that in their ridiculous state.
Kibum wonders if he is one of the Lee families. Donghae’s cousin, perhaps. Maybe the cuteness is genetics.
Just a cousin, Kibum hopes.
“Yes?” He says.
“Is Donghae home?” Kibum asks, pasting one of his charming smiles on his face.
“And you are…?”
“I’m Kibum.”
And just like that, the young man’s smile disappears.
“Donghae is not here at the moment.” He folds his armss on his chest as he says that, and Kibum can see that he tries to look as menace as he can, which would have been successful if he removes the adorable pout he has on his face.
“Hyuk?” Donghae’s voice suddenly heard from behind the half opened door. “Who is it?”
And Kibum can’t help but smiling as he watches the young man’s face turns red.
“It’s just some annoying salesman, Hae. I’ll take care of him.” He says before glaring at Kibum, daring him to say something.
Kibum takes the dare, of course. He is here on a mission after all.
“It’s me, Hae.”
For a moment, nobody says anything. Then Donghae appears from behind the door. His eyes widens as he sees Kibum.
“Kibummie…” Donghae gapes.
Kibum’s stomach starts to twist as he nods to Donghae. Damn, but even with black circle around his big eyes Donghae still looks perfect and Kibum feels nervous as hell.
“I need to talk to you.” Kibum blurts and he can hear the young man beside Donghae snorts.
Donghae stares at Kibum.
“Um…” He glances at the young man beside him. “Kibummie, this is my friend, Lee Hyukjae. Hyuk, this is Kim Kibum. He’s…”
“The bad-ass host you’ve told me about, I know.” He cuts Donghae, ignoring Kibum’s raised eyebrow.
Donghae glares at Hyukjae. “Hyuk, don’t be rude.” And he throws apologetic look at Kibum before dragging Hyukjae inside, out of Kibum’s hearing range.
Kibum is watching as they both seem like they are being involved in a serious argument. Whatever it is about, a few minutes later, Hyukjae walks out the door with glares fixed on Kibum on every step he takes.
“I’ll call you later.” Donghae yells behind him before turning his attention on Kibum.
“Come in.” He says after a while and turns around.
Donghae leads him into a magnificent living room with antique furniture seen here and there.
Kibum has heard that Donghae’s father is filthy rich, but looking at this room -and the house as a whole- Kibum finally understands just how wealthy Lee family is. And it puts another obstacle in Kibum’s plan.
“Listen,” Donghae says, gaze to the floor, as he stops and turns to face Kibum. “If it’s about the last night we’re together, I am really sorry. I forgot to pay you. I can fetch the money right now if you want.”
Kibum frowns. “No.”
Donghae looks at him with a lost look and Kibum holds the urge to step forward and hugs him for all his worth. “God, Hae, it’s not what I came here for.”
“I missed you.” Kibum tells him.
Donghae looks perplexed and Kibum can’t blame him.
“Your friend is right. I am a bad ass and to tell you the truth, it never bothered me before but it does now.” Kibum’s hands fist on his side. “The feelings I have for you… it’s just so new to me. And I thought I wasn’t ready for it. But…”
Kibum brushes his hair roughly because he suddenly feels so frustrated. He really hopes Donghae can understand what he is going to say. What he finds so hard to say.
Hell, Kibum is never good with words and to talk about his deepest feeling always makes him feel lost.
Donghae stares at him for a long time before a soft smile formed on his lips.
“But, here you are.” He says and Kibum really wants to cross the room and kiss Donghae hard because understanding a Kim Kibum is nearly impossible but Donghae always has this ability to read him like an open book.
Kibum loves him; there is no doubt about it anymore. So he says, “Hae, will you leave this place and live with me?”
Kibum’s heart is beating like mad and it hurts as he sees Donghae smiles sadly at hearing his words.
“I know, I know. Your house, compared to my apartment: no brainer. But you can be free from your father and you don’t have to suffer anymore.” He is blabbering, Kibum is aware. But he is panic and Donghae keeps giving him that heart-wrenching smile.
“My room is upstairs.” Donghae finally says and offers his hand at Kibum. “Come with me?”
And Kibum takes it because all his words suddenly stuck inside and it’s the only thing he can do.
Upstairs, on Donghae’s silk sheet, Kibum makes love to him, slowly and tenderly, and for once there are no words said between them as Kibum kisses, caresses, and takes them both so high, leaving them out of breath in the end.
It’s already morning when Kibum awakes and finds Donghae already up and sitting beside him, his gaze on Kibum.
“I’m sorry, Kibummie.” He says and Kibum can see his eyes glazed with tears as he continues. “But he has no one left but me.”
Kibum can only watch him helplessly as he shakes his head slowly. “I can’t leave him. Not like this.”
Kibum holds the urge to look away from Donghae. He really wants to tell him that he understands but the thing is: he doesn’t.
So he just gives Donghae a smile. A real smile, because no matter how much it hurts, Kibum still loves him.
“I’ll wait for you in Perish.” Kibum tells Donghae as he stands outside the front door, ready to leave the house.
Donghae laughs a little. “You do that.” He says.
---00o00---
But Donghae doesn’t come. Not on Tuesday, not on Friday, not on the weekend. Not for weeks.
At this rate, Kibum has fallen too deep to go back and it has been to hell with professionalism for him.
At the end of the month, Kibum can’t even bring himself to care when Heechul is throwing disappointed glare at him as he removes Kibum’s picture from the #1 spot on Perish wall and replaces it with Kyuhyun’s.
No, he simply blames it all on Donghae.
And Kibum has tried his best to get over him.
But when one night Kibum hears his door bell rings and opens the door to find Donghae standing in front of him with three fully packed canvas bags in his hand, it amazes him how his heart is still beating faster and how it begins to be filled with warmth of renewed hopes.
Donghae stands there with a grin and God, how Kibum missed him.
That’s why when suddenly Donghae puts all his bags at once with a thud and throws himself into Kibum’s arms, mouth demanding and wild, Kibum can only responds with the same intense kisses.
As their mouth part, there is nothing Kibum wants more than to just strips them both and makes love to Donghae right there on his apartment entrance. All the neighbors can just go to hell.
But Donghae’s appearing in his apartment tonight changes many things.
For one, as much as Kibum likes it, both of them really need to stop communicating with only sex.
And judging by Donghae’s constant groping and searching mouth, it looks like Kibum has to be the one with the common sense here.
Because secondly, he needs an explanation and he can’t get it with Donghae distracting him, clinging and rubbing his lower body on Kibum.
So he gives Donghae one last peck before he untangles himself.
“We need to talk, Hae.” Kibum tells Donghae, then with his left hand on Donghae’s and his right one grabbing and dragging Donghae’s bags inside, Kibum kicks his door closed.
---00o00---
But five minutes later -as Donghae’s lips continues their assault on Kibum’s sensitive nape- Kibum decides that a serious talk can wait because, really, both of them have all the time in the world now.
He always thinks that words are overrated anyway.
And his sofa looks so tempting with Donghae beneath him.
And damn, but Donghae really knows how to use his teeth.
Besides, the most important thing is: Donghae is here now and he loves Kibum as much as Kibum loves him.
EPILOGUE
“Go, my son.”
Donghae stares at his father’s glazed eyes. It’s been so long since he allowed himself to look at his father’s tears and regrets but now he takes it all in, because in truth, this is what he always craves and needs.
And when his father’s hand reaches out to touch his cheek, Donghae has to hold back a flinch because the feel of his father’s calloused hand is just so alien to him.
But his father notices it, and his smile is so sad as he drops his hand and says, “I’ve been ruined by my own feelings and emotions and I can’t change it. Stay here and I’ll just keep hurting you.”
And it takes long minutes before Donghae finally smiles back to his father and turns around to leave this place he has called home for so many years, Kibum’s face fleeting in his mind.
---00o00---
Kibum is growling. He can’t stop it and he grips Donghae’s hips tighter to bring himself deeper.
“But Kibummie,” Donghae whines, his voice is hoarse in his effort to try to catch his breath between Kibum’s wild thrusts inside him. “I just want to say thanks to him.”
Kibum simply ignores him and reaches his hand forward to jerk Donghae.
The older man moans but Donghae is persevering. “I mean, we can be like this partly because of Kyuhyunnie, right?”
So Kibum kisses him hard to shut him up.
---00o00---
“You know,” Donghae says as he splashes some water on his hands. “I really prefer your bathtub than mine.”
Kibum is mesmerized as he watches a bead of water runs down Donghae’s smooth back. “Yeah?” He says distractedly. “But isn’t yours are bigger than mine? Don’t forget the Jacuzzi stuff you have in there.”
Donghae laughs, huskily. “Sure, it is. But in my bathtub, I can’t do this.” And Kibum gasps as he feels Donghae’s naked butt wriggling, rubbing on him underneath the foamy water.
It’s going to be another long bath, Kibum thinks, letting out a groan before using his hand to turn Donghae’s face to him so he can eat up his luscious lips.
Kibum knows Donghae says this kind of thing not just because he means it but because Donghae understands how much Kibum needs it: a confirmation that he can bring a complete happiness to the one he loves.
---00o00---
“Hyukjae and me?” Donghae asks with a giggle.
“Yes.” Kibum tries to keep his voice stern and he frowns when Donghae just laughs.
“Oh, Kibummie. Don’t be silly.” The older man grins and fixes his position on Kibum’s lap.
They are currently watching Sesame Street and somehow it has become one of their routines in the morning.
“Kangin-hyung will kill me if I ever dare to touch his property.”
Kibum stares at Donghae who ignores him and keeps watching the program.
“Who’s Kangin?” Kibum asks again.
“Hmm?” Donghae hums; obviously distracted by Elmo and another puppet Kibum doesn’t recognize doing something funny on screen. He turns to Kibum. “Oh, he’s my father’s most trusted man. I played matchmaker for him and Hyukkie and look how nice it works. Kangin is a bit over-territorial when it concerns his belonging.” Donghae smiles teasingly. “Just like someone I know.”
“Who? Me?” Kibum acts stupid and grins at Donghae rolling his eyes.
“Yeah. Just like you.”
---00o00---
“So, does this mean I have to stop being a host?”
“Well, if you want to remain alive then yes, you have to.”
“Fine, then I’ll just start to leech from my rich boyfriend from now on.”
END
Chapter: 1,2,3,4, and Epilogue
Author : freedomthisway
Word count: 10.976 words
Rating : almost NC-17
Pairing: KiHae, minor SiChul, minor MinBum (or is it KiMin? Idk)
Genre: Host Club!AU, angst.
Summary: Kibum is the #1 host at Perish, a host club for male owned by Heechul. Donghae became his client one night and Kibum’s world is suddenly changed. (I know, I fail at making summary)
Author’s Note: This is a special birthday fic for skadihelias.
Happy 22nd birthday, darling! I hope you like it. xDxD
I’m sorry I can only give you this worthless fic. But you are a whore for Kihae fic anyway and I have no money to give you something better.
So just kiss me, and hug me, and love me like you used to do and all will be just fine. :D
Miss you so much! <333
And yes, even if this is Kihae, I’ve managed to squash in one of my OTP. *grin*
Oh, and hope you guys enjoy this.
Chapter 1
It’s a busy night in Perish like always and Kibum is taking a break. His guest earlier, a sweaty middle aged man, was rushing home after his cell rang and Kibum could hear his wife yelled at him on the phone.
The long sofa in the workers lounge is comfortable and tempting, but Kibum tries to be satisfied just by resting his head back on the couch. He cursed Sungmin for not letting him get enough sleep on his day off yesterday, and now he has to bear the consequences. That guy really doesn’t know when to stop.
But Kibum should’ve known that before inviting Sungmin to come and have a nice round of casual sex to get rid his bore, so it’s partly his fault. Sungmin is never satisfied with just one or two fucks, especially if it is with Kibum.
He is resisting the impulse to just lay on the leather surface and take a nap for a minute or two when from the corner of his eyes he saw the connecting door is opened and a newbie host whose name he hasn’t yet had a chance to remember walks in.
“Kibum-sshi, you have a guest waiting for you in table 3.” The junior informs him after bowing deeply towards his direction.
Kibum is holding back his sighs as he stands up and walks towards the glass door separating the workers lounge and the host club’s main room to peek at the direction of the said table.
His eyebrows are shot up because from his point of view, he can see that the guest sitting in table 3 is clearly a boy, if not a very young man. Frowning, he nods his thanks at the junior who nods back and leaves him alone to prepare himself.
It is very rare for Perish to accept a very young man as a guest.
This host club Kibum has worked in for almost a year now has a quite good reputation and Heechul-hyung, as reckless as he can be sometimes, won’t risk crossing the law or losing the District’s Head of Police’s trust that can lead to the end of his club.
Fact that Heechul-hyung is the Head of Police’s secret lover won’t even help if the club is caught for allowing an underage boy to enter the club.
Kibum guesses, as he is fixing his black tie in front of the mirror, that this guest must have been either an adult with a baby face or a kid with a lot of money. Kibum bets on the latter, because apparently the guest has asked for Kibum’s companion tonight.
As the #1 host in the club, Kibum knows how ridiculously expensive his price is.
Finished preparing himself, Kibum walks out through the door, passes through lines of tables in the main room, each has one or two hosts in it who are spreading their best fake smile, pouring drinks and throwing out flirty jokes with pseudo-enthusiasm, trying their best to entertain the male guests they are accompanying tonight.
The club is full of customers at the moment, but Kibum knows that as the night goes darker, the seat will be emptied one by one. Sometimes because the guests will finally have had enough of good times for the night and decide to go back to their lover or their wife before their cells rings. But mostly, it’s because the host and the guest will have reached a deal which definitely will involve a motel room, packs of condoms, and at the very least: a blowjob.
Despite that fact, Kibum never think of him and his co-hosts as in the same ground as hustlers. That would have been terribly unjust for those hustlers.
Hosts, Kibum has always thought, are much worse than hustlers. Hustlers perhaps only fake their moans. But they never fake their smile, or their words, or their feelings. For them, it’s as simple as fuck and pay. They never pretend to adore or to like or to love or to lust over someone they don’t. They never do things all hosts in the world do:
They never hide behind layers and layers of masks and turn themselves into the epitome of hypocrisy.
It’s not like he cares, though.
Kibum enjoys working as a host and if being a hypocrite is what it takes to do his job then he’ll do it.
Kibum stops his lines of thought as he reaches table 3 and when he looks up to greet the guest, he can’t help but staring.
There, at the table, is the most attractive guest Kibum’s ever had.
He doesn’t notice Kibum’s presence though because apparently he is busy blowing bubbles into his glass of soda through the straw. But Kibum knows a beauty when he sees it.
Kibum’s best description about the guest’s face is that it is a perfect combination of handsome, adorable, cute, and sensual.
Unlike any other host club which is aimed for female customers, Perish is one of the rare host clubs in town that is reserved only for male. And unlike the female host clubs, whose customers are often beautiful lonely women, male host clubs are most of the time filled with dirty old closeted gay men that are either fat or bald.
But this guy --with his rascally shining eyes amusedly staring at the bubbles formed inside the glass and the way his concentration shown by pink tongue slipping between his luscious red lips-- is creating such contradiction for anyone’s sight, making him a precise image of breathtaking indecency beneath an angelic look.
He is wearing a grey wool sweater with the collar opened wide, showing white smooth skin and beautifully defined collar bones beneath it. A long and thin silver chain with silver cross pendant gleams erotically from under the layer of wool. His hair is black and --to Kibum’s taste-- stretches long. The end of it falls lightly, a bit passes the shoulder. Strands of hair cover his forehead, almost reaching his eyes and adding the adorable effect.
Kibum feels his mood increasing at the sight of this current guest of his. It has been so long since he had an interesting night with a customer. Underage or not, if things go right tonight, Kibum is certain he’ll return home with great satisfaction.
“Good evening, Sir.” Kibum bows deeply for a moment, makes sure to set his voice tone to his long practiced seductive mode: low, but not too rough; very warm, yet not too hot; lingering and pleasing. “I am Kim Kibum. I’ll be your company for tonight.”
Kibum lifts his head up and a pair of curious black eyes meets his gaze. The guy cocks his head to the side a little before smiling to Kibum and scoots on his seat, signaling Kibum to sit beside him.
“You are very handsome.” The guest says all of a sudden, looking directly to Kibum’s eyes, a second after Kibum takes his seat.
A bit taken aback by the sudden statement, Kibum just smiles back, fully aware that the guy is still staring at him with total interest, the soda and the straw suddenly neglected on the table in front of them.
Kibum’s back stare is no less intense. “May I please have the pleasure of knowing your name, Sir?”
The guy smiles widely, showing perfect pearly white teeth. Kibum can feel his lips twitch, unconsciously widens his smile too.
“My name is Lee Donghae.” He said with a soft voice. “And in case you are wondering, I am 20 years old this year. The big bald guy outside didn’t believe that I am old enough to enter this kind of place. Not even after I showed him my ID.” He stops to take a breath and Kibum watches in awe as those red lips form a pout.
“But then this beautiful man came out from the club and he was so beautiful that I forgot my intention to kick the bald guy and stared at him instead. I think this guy is this club’s owner or something because the bald guy bowed at him respectfully.” His pout is replaced with an excitement and Kibum notices that his tone has been raised gradually as he continues his chattering explanation. “I couldn’t help myself, you know, so I praised him. And then he just looked at me for a long time, before asking how much money I have with me. I don’t like lying, so I told him that I only brought 500.000 won in my wallet. And just like that, he kindly told the bad guy to let me in. So, here I am.” Donghae said, smiling happily.
Kibum holds the urge to roll his eyes. If there are things that can make a Kim Heechul turns into a kind person, it would be praise and money. And this Donghae, unknowingly has given him both. The fact that it turns out both his guesses are only half true is also not unnoticed by Kibum. This Lee Donghae apparently is an adult (hell, he is even older than Kibum) with a baby face and a lot of money.
“How old are you?” Donghae blurts the question.
“I am 19 this year, Sir.” Kibum said, wondering how Donghae will react to that.
Donghae grins. “Please, just call me Hae.”
Kibum doesn’t know if it’s possible, but Donghae looks even giddier than before. “So you are younger than me! Can I call you Kibummie?”
Kibum blinks.
Nobody ever calls him Kibummie anymore. Not ever since he was 16, running away from his first foster home to live on the street.
Even when he was still young and happy, only his mom used to call him that.
The thought sends warmth spreading through his chest and Kibum finds his smile to the still grinning Donghae becomes different, still wide and all teeth, but it’s genuine this time. Kibum decides he doesn’t mind at all if Donghae keeps calling him that all night.
“Sure, Hae.” Kibum leans forward on his seat, elbows on his thighs, enjoying Donghae’s fragrance that smells like tree and rain. “So, what would you like to do tonight?”
And just like that, Donghae’s expression changes.
One second his grin is goofy, the next second his smile turns sultry. His eyes narrowed and Kibum can see desire swirls in them. Slowly, Donghae cocks his head to the side; eyes never leave Kibum’s. His hair gleams due to the lights as he moves and Kibum feels sudden need to swallow his saliva.
“I was wondering, Kibummie. Do you know some place where we can crash tonight?” Donghae asks with voice soft and breathy. “Place that isn’t a hotel room? I hate it.”
Hearing the proposal, it surprises Kibum that it takes all he can do to not lean forward and kiss Donghae. Right here, right now. Especially when it’s clear that Donghae expects him to do so. Licking his lips wet every now and then, Donghae’s eyes glazed and Kibum can see his reflection in Donghae’s eyes.
He realizes that the attraction he feels to Donghae is so strong and Kibum can feel himself getting dizzy with all the sexual tension suddenly floats overwhelmingly on the air.
And it also makes Kibum wonders, because when Donghae asked for a place to crash, the only thing popped up in his mind is his apartment. His sanctuary. Bought and fixed from scratch. The only place to where he would never bring in any of his clients. It’s his rule because it’s a place that is his and only his.
But just imagining how great Donghae’s skin must feel beneath him on his sheet --on his own bed-- is enough to make Kibum willing to bend that rules with pleasure.
That’s when Kibum notices that this guy sitting beside him, in a period not longer than an hour has made Kibum feel things he never feels before.
He really thinks he should have listen to an alarm suddenly ringing in his head.
But then Donghae leans towards him and whispers huskily, “How is it, Kibummie? Do you have one in mind?”
Oh yeah, Kibum thinks and answers with a grin.
---00o00---
As the night goes darker, almost all tables in Perish are emptied, including table number 3.
Chapter 2
Kibum knows that with him on the driver seat of Donghae’s convertible, driving it on normal speed, it will only take 20 minutes to get to his apartment.
But still, he steps harder on the gas pedal, causing the car to zoom faster through the traffic.
Donghae is sitting beside him; his eyes never leave Kibum, fully ignoring the beautiful sight outside the window created by the blurring and merging lights in the night.
It gives Kibum primal satisfaction to know that Donghae’s attention is his and only his, and he almost frowns because he has never been this territorial over someone he just met and it is also unusual for him for wanting someone so badly like he does now.
The car is parked at Kibum’s apartment’s basement ten minutes faster.
Coming out of the car, Kibum drags unprotesting Donghae by the hand. Silently urges Donghae to walk faster by tugging his hand harder as they walk passing halls and -after quick fumbling with the key- through Kibum’s door and onto Kibum’s bed.
And there, in his own room, on his own bed, with Donghae beneath him and Donghae’s feet tangled with his, finally Kibum kisses him.
And he can feel, more than hear, Donghae’s breathy moans as he kisses Kibum back with the same intense heat that leaves Kibum’s world spinning.
Although his body feels like it is on fire, the kiss is frighteningly sweet. The sweetest kiss Kibum has ever felt. Donghae’s lips feel exactly like how Kibum has imagined, and more.
Kibum pulls Donghae deeper into his embrace as his hands start exploring, caressing Donghae’s body, sliding down to cup Donghae’s firm ass beneath his jeans, slipping his finger through the band of Donghae’s pants to settle his fingers on the hotness hidden by his boxer.
Donghae lets out a very adorable mewl when Kibum’s finger starts to move and caress his sensitive skin. The mewl turns into moans, head thrown backwards, as Kibum tears his lips from Donghae’s to trail kisses along his beautiful collarbone.
Kibum’s other hand is fumbling to open the buttons on Donghae’s shirt when Donghae suddenly puts his hand on top of Kibum’s, stopping him. Kibum lifts his head and stares questioningly at Donghae.
“We have all night, Kibummie.” Donghae says with husky voice, eyes fixed on Kibum’s and a lazy smile is formed on his wet lips, clearly stating that what he wants is a slow, sensual and thorough worship over his body and not a sudden and rushing lust.
Another night, another person, Kibum won’t even consider to comply. But strangely, Kibum can only feel more aroused at the thought of just kissing Donghae slowly, intensely, and without stopping until he can feel Donghae gasping for breath, clutching him tighter, ready to give Kibum everything.
So he does it, giving Donghae all he wants, and taking from Donghae what he wants.
Donghae’s hands grab the sheet tighter as Kibum’s exploring hand beneath finally touches him and Kibum’s lips returns to kiss Donghae, tenderly at first, before it became stronger and deeper.
Donghae is going crazy with all the sensation assaulting him, Kibum can see that clearly on his face. And Kibum can hear him writhing and screaming as Kibum tightens his fingers around Donghae and moves faster.
Donghae’s body tenses all of a sudden. He lets out a choking noise as he jerks, once and then twice. Something warm spills over Kibum’s fingers.
Kibum watches as Donghae regains his breath, opening his eyes only to find Kibum’s leaning down to kiss him, softly and slowly.
Kibum is pleased when he sees into Donghae’s eyes and still finds lust darkening them. Kibum’s mouth forms a lazy smile as he says with a low voice, “Want some more, Hae?”
Donghae stares fierily at Kibum. “Yes…” His hands move downwards to open Kibum’s zipper and Kibum gasps audibly when Donghae’s cold fingers find him, caressing him slowly.
“Please.”, he says and kisses Kibum hard.
Kibum hears someone’s moaning as he moves away from Donghae’s warm body to take off his pants. But with all the bloods rushing in his ears, he isn’t really sure whose moaning it is.
Kibum feels Donghae reaching out for him again, only to find that he already has the condom on. As Kibum kisses him again, all heat and passion, he notices something has changed. It suddenly feels like the attraction between them is ready to burst.
That’s when Kibum knows that this time; whatever he will do to Donghae is going to be nowhere near slow or tender.
Rushing, Kibum prepares Donghae to accept him. He is fully aware that with every stroke of his fingers inside, more moaning comes out of Donghae’s mouth and Kibum realizes that his self control gets thinner with each passing seconds.
Donghae’s eyes glazed with wants, and Kibum can feel Donghae’s hips moving, searching.
That’s when Kibum loses himself.
He needs to be inside Donghae and he needs it now.
So he lifts Donghae’s one leg up. His other hand grips Donghae’s hips, stilling him before he finally enters Donghae with one swift hard thrust.
“Oh, God, yes….” Donghae’s chanting is like a music to Kibum’s ears as he start moving, slowly at first, careful as to not hurting Donghae.
“Fuck!” Kibum curses.
But this feels amazing.
Kibum is certain that nobody should ever be allowed to feel this good.
He kisses Donghae again as he rolls himself down to his back, bringing Donghae along so that now he sits on top of Kibum.
They are in sync and their movements are unrestrained. Each tries hard to bring out the utmost pleasure from the other.
And Kibum must grit his teeth hard so he can focus on watching Donghae’s expression through the haze of white stars suddenly blurring his view as they come together, hard.
When the pleasure wave has passed, Donghae flops onto the bed beside him. Kibum can’t help but think that what they’ve just had is a very satisfying sex.
Kibum won’t even deny that it is earth-shattering.
He isn’t even surprised to find that he doesn’t mind at all at Donghae’s slipping himself into his hand and snuggling into the comfort of his chest to get some shut eye.
But when he wakes up the next morning and finds Donghae’s gone with nothing but a pile of money left on his nightstand, Kibum is really surprised at the feeling of loss suddenly grows on his chest.
---00o00---
Kibum finds Donghae being Perish’s regular customer from then on.
Donghae comes four nights a week, sometimes three, but never in the weekend. And he always asks for Kibum.
The sexual attraction between them never wears out; their every date always ends up on bed, or on sofa, twice on dining table, and at least once on every other possible flat surface in Kibum’s apartment.
But their meetings also get more and more personal, with both of them taking times to know and understand each other through the toasts and jokes and stories told between them. And before long, Kibum finds himself searching for Donghae’s presence every time he finished accompanying a guest.
Kibum rarely talks. He enjoys listening and his customers choose him basically on his good looks, his mysterious aura and his well-known skills on bed rather than his abilities to strike a good conversation anyway.
But with Donghae, conversation always comes easy. Donghae speaks enough for both of them and Kibum never fails to feel amused on every silly stories coming out of Donghae’s mouth. Even Donghae, with a grin on his face, says that Kibum looks best when he smiles without saying anything.
So Kibum does, a lot.
The only exception is when they are on bed, naked. Seeing Donghae’s flushed skin beneath him or hearing his husky moans every time Kibum thrusts deep into him, Kibum can’t help but open his mouth and whispers sweet words in Donghae’s ear. And Donghae always succeeds in drawing curses out of him every time he gets Kibum inside his hot silky mouth and milks him for his worth.
Being with Donghae is comfortable, and it keeps Kibum occupied. It keeps Kibum’s mind off things like how new this kind of feeling is for him; or how scary the way Donghae manages to drag him into a deep and intimate relationship without him feeling like drowning; or how Kibum has promised himself to never let feelings and emotions towards anyone gets the better of him.
Being with Donghae makes Kibum forget that he is a host that values no such things as real feelings.
Being with Donghae, all Kibum can remember is how Donghae’s laughter sounds like a chirping bells in Kibum’s ears; how excitedly he ran around the apartment, chasing after Boxer --Kibum’s Siberian Husky-- in his useless effort to bathe it; how adorable his expression is when he clutches Kibum’s arm tightly in fear as they are laying side by side on the sofa, watches late night horror show on TV; how intense Donghae’s eyes are when he gazes at Kibum; and how tight and hot Donghae feels around him as he moves inside him with strength and softness.
But only when the sun rises, as the morning birds are chirping and Kibum wakes up to realize that Donghae has gone sometime around the dawn, Kibum finally remembers to feel afraid.
Beyond the loss of Donghae’s warmth beside him, the fear lingers. And it’ll stay until it is night again and Donghae’s figure appears in Perish, eyes searching Kibum and only Kibum. That’s when the fear disappears.
The cycle is vicious. And it’s a lie if Kibum says he isn’t aware of it. But it’s also the truth that Donghae always manages to make it invisible to Kibum only by a mere gaze.
And for now, there is nothing Kibum can do about it.
----00oo00----
As an active talker in most of their conversations, Donghae is an open book in some ways.
But there are still so many unspoken questions caught up in Kibum’s mind about him.
Like what makes Donghae, a 20 years old male, believe in alien. Or how come, of all those sweet food he enjoys, he loves strawberry cakes the most. Or reasons behind the fact that Donghae never takes off the silver bracelet he is wearing in his right wrist.
Or the one thing that intrigues Kibum the most: why Donghae never shows up in Perish in the weekend.
But Kibum rarely talks. He enjoys listening. He hates interfering with other people’s business.
And there is still that fear.
It clutches him from time to time, forcing him to think that it is one thing for wanting to be with Donghae all the time but it is a completely different matter for wanting to know all about him.
Kibum is still a host. And Donghae is just one of his customers.
So it’s a given that Kibum never, even once, asks about things Donghae doesn’t tell.
Until Donghae shows up one Monday night, and on the next Monday night, and on the next with a grin formed on his torn lips and some visible bruises on several parts of his body. Once he even flinches when Kibum puts a hand on his thigh. But he talks and he laughs and he drinks and he fucks Kibum and he says nothing about it.
That’s when Kibum decides that to smile and stay silent is not an option this time.
“Hae,” Kibum says lightly one night after the fourth time Donghae comes to him after the weekend with smiles on his face and visible wounds on his body. “What’s with the bruises?”
Donghae stops his attempt of telling jokes on hearing Kibum’s question.
Smiling, Donghae pours the Dom Perignon into his glass. “Will you buy it if I say I fell and hurt myself?”
Kibum lifts his eyebrows. “You have a habit of falling and hurt yourself every weekend?”
Donghae laughs. “I guess you won’t buy it, then.” Taking a sip of his drink, Donghae’s expression suddenly turns solemn as his eyes scanning over lines of tables in the club’s main room. “In that case, will you stop asking questions if I say I don’t wanna talk about it, Kibummie?”
Kibum stares for a long time at Donghae, who seems to refuse to stare back. If he does, he will certainly see Kibum’s twitching jaw.
“Will it please you, Sir?”
Donghae’s head turns quickly to Kibum. Surprise is stated clearly on his face as he answers Kibum’s question. “Yes….” He licks his lips nervously. “Yes, it will please me.”
Kibum stops his staring and moves to calmly take a sip of his own drink. “Very well, then.” Kibum fights the urge to relax his tense jaw. It is indeed has been a while since he gave Donghae one of his fake smiles. “Shall we go to my apartment now?”
Donghae stares at Kibum but then just nods quietly.
Kibum ignores one of his co-host’s stare as he and Donghae leave Perish without even finishing their drinks.
---00oo00---
As they both arrived at Kibum’s apartment, Kibum can tell that Donghae has suspected that he is angry.
Hell, how could he not? Kibum doesn’t even try to hide it.
He confirms Donghae’s suspicion by roughly taking off Donghae’s clothes; roughly kissing Donghae’s lips, almost not giving him a chance to breathe; roughly flipping Donghae onto his stomach and thrusting into him hard with a very minimum preparation; roughly biting Donghae in the back of his neck, ignoring Donghae’s writhes and suppressed screams; and roughly gripping Donghae’s hips as he reaches his completion, pays only little attention towards bruises that are even more visible now when there are no clothes covering them.
Kibum is certain that it’s obvious for Donghae that he is furious.
But it’s impossible for Donghae to know the reason behind Kibum’s anger. It’s definitely impossible because even Kibum himself is not sure as to why he feels the need to be angry.
It’s certainly ridiculous to think that the reason is because Donghae refused to share his problem with Kibum.
It’s unlikely for a Kim Kibum to feel pissed off just because a client keeps a serious problem to himself and leaves Kibum oblivious like Kibum is just some stranger that has nothing to do with him.
Right now, lying on his bed, trying hard to catch his breath, regret is starting to creep into his heart as he can see Donghae lies unmoving beside him from the corner of his eyes. But still Kibum doesn’t understand the cause of his fury. And Kibum is sure that Donghae doesn’t understand either.
Or maybe he does.
Because slowly Donghae lifts his body up and sits on his feet. He looks at Kibum and all Kibum can see is soft smiles on his mouth and apology in his eyes. Without words, Donghae moves to lay his body besides Kibum, slipping inside his arms with ease, and closes his eyes to sleep.
Kibum spends the night staring at Donghae’s sleeping face.
Chapter 3
The dawn is breaking and Kibum is still awake when Donghae wakes up.
Wincing as he arises, Donghae steps off the bed to collect his scattered clothes and wears them in silence.
Kibum is about to say sorry, really he is.
But Donghae -now is fully clothed-just stands there, looking at Kibum with gaze so meaningful that Kibum finds his words stuck in his throat.
“I’ll see you tonight then, Kibummie?” Donghae tells him with a smile in the end and Kibum knows that the words also means I know you’re sorry and I’m sorry, too and let’s just forget about this.
Kibum forces himself to crack a smile. “Yeah.” He says, fully realizing that his voice is hoarse and rough.
Long after Donghae disappeared from the room, Kibum is still lying on his bed and staring at the ceiling.
---00oo00---
Kibum has succeeded in bringing himself together by the time Perish is opened for business that night.
Donghae is there with his eyes on Kibum’s, as he promised, and Kibum welcomes him with a smile that is almost genuine.
Because Kibum’s concluded in the end that it’s silly to work himself up over his customer’s problem. If Donghae doesn’t want him to know, so be it. It’s probably for the better.
And that’s how the memory of the incident yesterday is pushed into the back of Kibum’s head, although it is never really gone.
Somehow, it still lingers and when it does, both of them always try hard to ignore it.
Even Donghae seems like he is being more cautious now. Kibum rarely sees him in Monday or Tuesday. And he still never shows up in the weekend.
The fragile balance doesn’t last long.
Donghae shows up one night, face bruised and lips torn.
But Kibum doesn’t ask anything. Not even when they are sitting on one table and Kibum can see Donghae grimaces in pain as his bruised and trembling left hand is lifting his glass.
“Hey,” Kibum says after long silence stretches between them. He gulps his bourbon and imitates Donghae, who is staring around the room full of people in front of them.
Donghae turns his eyes at him.
“I have a friend who has a friend who has a lot of fun things we can use tonight. You know, gags and cuffs and stuff. I heard he even has a nice long leather whip.”
Kibum looks at Donghae’s confused expression and shrugs. “Aren’t you into that sort of thing? It’s fine by me if you want to play rough sometimes.”
Understanding dawns on Donghae’s face before he laughs.
Kibum finds nothing funny so he puts on his solemn face and waits until Donghae stops laughing before asking calmly. “You’re not a masochist then?”
Donghae looks at Kibum long before shaking his head.
Kibum stares at him back.
“I’m worried, Hae.” And it’s all Kibum can say before his self control is back and grips his throat tight, blocking upcoming questions about how or why which are definitely not his business as a mere host.
But apparently it’s enough because he can see Donghae’s eyes get bigger at hearing his words and his lips suddenly trembling.
Donghae’s voice is hoarse when he says, “Will you take me to your place now, Kibummie?”
Kibum answers only by grabbing Donghae’s car key laid on the table and dragging Donghae by his right hand towards the door.
---00o00---
It’s almost 3 o’clock in the morning but Kibum is still wide awake, lying on the big sofa in his living room with Donghae leaning on his chest.
Kibum can feel Donghae’s steady heartbeat beneath one of his arms circling Donghae’s body as he stays silent, listening to a story flowing out of Donghae’s mouth.
The story is about a boy whose life, once, went beyond perfect.
The boy was born in summer and it’s a jolly day for his family because he was the long awaited heir of the glory and richness his family was possessing. And so for the next seven years, with a father who was so proud of him and a mother who was so in love with him, the boy’s life was filled with all the happiness a child could have.
But then his mother had fallen into sickness.
Cancer, they said.
All the money his father had just couldn’t save her and she died three months later.
It was all happened so fast that the boy was left in confusion and sadness of how sudden and unpredictable the event was.
Except that a few years later he found out that his mother’s death was not as unpredictable as he was thought.
His father -with hate in his eyes and a bottle of alcohol gripped so tightly in his hand- had told him that.
“You see, Kibummie,” Donghae says, carefully places his broken left hand on top of Kibum’s before continuing his story
Even in his young age, the boy could tell that his father loves his mother more than anything in the world.
And the day his mother died in his father’s arms on the hospital bed was the day when his father started drinking.
It keeps him at bay of madness, they said, though the boy couldn’t understand what it meant.
He too couldn’t understand why his father suddenly turned his back on him, started to act cold and distant, leaving him lost and craved for love.
Though it wasn’t until the boy turned 13 that his father started to yell at him and beating him black and blue whenever he was drunk.
“You killed my wife!” He screamed, over and over again between his punches and his slaps -and sometimes- his kicks.
His father always felt sorry about that, though.
The boy knew because at night, with traces of tears lined on his cheeks, the boy always tried as hard as he could to pretend to sleep so he could feel his father’s warm hand caressing his hair softly. He even sobbed sometimes, the boy could hear.
So one time, when his father was sober, the boy straightened his back and pushed away his fear.
“Why?” The boy asked him.
With a sigh and frown on his tired face, his father told him. “Your mother…. Actually, she had been diagnosed for having cervix cancer not long after our fifth wedding anniversary. It was almost bad but the doctor said it was curable as long as we treat it well.
But then your mother was pregnant with you and things started to go downhill from there. The doctor strongly advised her to abort her pregnancy because he feared that it’d worsen her condition. But she refused and begged me to allow her to have you with tears in her eyes. We’d waited for so long to have a child and when the chance finally arrived, she didn’t want to lose it. And there was nothing I could do about it. Before long, I found myself dragged into her spirit and happiness of having you, our son, in our family. By the time I finally realized that her disease had become much more complicated due to the labor process, it was already too late .It was easy for her to hide her pain and sickness year by year from me who was always busy, so it was a big shock for me when I found her faint on the floor with blood flowing like mad from between her feet. The doctor couldn’t do anything and the only thing I could do was holding her in my arms as she took her last breath.” His father ended his story and left him to search for drinks.
That night, his father yelled at him again before beating him, punching him, and kicked him hard once in the stomach.
But the boy held back his tears because he finally understood that all of it was his fault. As his father’s hand touched his hair that night, he purposefully opened his eyes wide to show that he was awake and aware; knowing fully that his father would never come to his room again if he did that.
Then the boy lived on his life, carefully covered each and every bruises he got every time from the world’s eyes to protect his father, keeping his feelings inside because that was his consequences.
Even when his father claimed that he couldn’t stand the sight of him and moved to his other house, coming back only on the weekend with reeks of alcohol in his breath and loathe in his gaze, the boy knew that that was nothing he didn’t deserve.
This life of his, is his redemption.
“And the story ends that way.” Kibum can hear Donghae’s thick voice from on top of Donghae’s head.
No one says anything for a while. Because Kibum doesn’t have to ask Donghae about who the boy in the story is and Donghae doesn’t have to explain why he has tears in his eyes.
Kibum also thinks that it is going to be useless to tell Donghae that his mother’s death is not his fault because Kibum knows that Donghae isn’t stupid enough to actually believe what his father has accused him of.
Donghae just needs reason, because it’ll hurt more if he doesn’t have one.
It isn’t something Kibum knows but it is something he can understand so he just tightens his hold over Donghae’s lithe form until they both are lulled to sleep.
---00o00---
Kibum stares at Donghae from behind the counter where he is preparing some sandwiches for breakfast.
Donghae woke Kibum up this morning and instead of leaving like he used to do, he whined and demanded Kibum to fix up something for him to eat.
Kibum is still trying to grasp the fact that:
a. Donghae always leave in the morning, but there he is, sitting over his dining table while playing razzle with Boxer. And,
b. Their nights together always includes -at least once- sex, but he spent last night with Donghae without having any.
Kibum also can’t shake this strange feeling he has because the fear usually haunting him after Donghae leaves him in the morning is still there, but at the same time, watching Donghae laughing at Boxer’s licking him, somehow Kibum can’t erase smile forming on his lips.
It’s bad, Kibum knows, and if it’s not because of Donghae had just spilled his sad story to Kibum last night, Kibum would have politely asked Donghae to go.
But Donghae still has something to say, and Kibum intends to listen, so he resumes on making sandwiches without a word.
---00o00---
“It’s not like I want your pity, you know.” Donghae suddenly blurts out between his chews on his sandwich.
Kibum stops halfway from putting his own to his mouth. His eyebrows are lifted questioningly at Donghae’s words.
Donghae looks at him and shrugs. “I guess I’m just not as strong as I thought.”
Kibum says nothing because, really, what can he say to that? It’ll be a lie if he tells Donghae that he understands and It’s okay, Hae. You can lean on me.
Though he finds it hard to not reach over the table and puts his hand over Donghae’s.
This thing between them, Kibum wants to think, is just not that kind of thing.
Kibum knows he is being unfair because although he didn’t force Donghae to tell him everything, but he can’t bear to not know the reason. And now that he does, the urge to step back and runaway is so overwhelming.
This contradiction is just so scary and the fact that Kibum never, even once in his life, feels this kind of thing doubles the fear.
“Actually it’s not like he drunks and beats me every time he’s home. It had been happened much rarer than it used to be ever since he moved out.” Donghae says again.
Kibum can see Boxer wagging his tail under the glass table and he really wants to ask Donghae to take Boxer out for a walk. Anything to stop this conversation which Kibum is sure will drag him deeper into Donghae’s life.
“I think part of the reason why he is so mad lately is because of you, Kibummie.”
See?
Kibum suppresses a groan and chews his sandwich slowly instead. It feels awful.
“Why?” Kibum coughs.
Donghae grins. “I told him about a certain host I know who always make my nights.” Then his expression turns grim. “It has always been hard for him, knowing that I am a gay. And the fact that I spend most of my nights in a guy’s place lately doesn’t impress him at all.”
Kibum watches as Donghae swallows his last bite.
“At first I didn’t even want to show up at Perish with all the bruises I was sporting. But apparently you are too big of a temptation for me.” Donghae teases and as he smiles and licks some sandwich crumbs left all over his lips, Kibum has to hold the urge to lean forward and licks it himself.
Donghae seems to notice that though, because he leans back on his chair and lifts his arms to stretch his body up.
He is moaning as he does that. And it’s on purpose, Kibum is sure.
“So, Mr. Host,” Donghae says between his stretching. “I’m a bit sore after spending the night on you last night.”
Kibum can see a glimpse of his slim waist under his shirt and he puts down his half-eaten sandwich in a useless effort to calm himself.
“I am wondering if you know some massage tricks you can use on me.” Then Donghae stands up and walks towards the bedroom, definitely expecting Kibum to follow him.
All the fear and doubt leaves Kibum’s mind completely, replaced with wants and lusts, as he stands up to meet Donghae’s expectation.
---00o00---
It’s already night when they finally just lay down side by side, Donghae is inside Kibum’s arms as usual.
Lying there, listening to Donghae’s slow breathing, Kibum starts to recall all the things Donghae told him.
“What are you thinking?” Donghae asks sleepily.
Kibum looks down at him and he can see that some of the bruises on his arms and face beginning to turn angry blue.
Kibum doesn’t answer. He is afraid that the words that’ll come out of his mouth will be a proposal for Donghae to just leave his miserable life and live with him instead.
Kibum has nothing to offer.
He is too afraid to offer anything and Donghae’s life won’t be better even if he stays with Kibum.
Donghae never asks to be saved anyway and Kibum feels relieved because he can’t afford to be a knight in a shining armor for anyone.
But he can’t stop his fingers from moving to caress Donghae’s cheeks.
“This thing happened to you,” Kibum says softly when his fingers reach Donghae’s torn lips, emphasizing his words. “This is just not right, Hae.”
Donghae only stares at Kibum’s eyes long before his lips form a smile beneath Kibum’s touch. Then he lifts his head up and kisses Kibum long and deep.
“I love you, Kibummie.” He says the second their lips part.
And if Donghae didn’t see Kibum’s expression hardened a moment after hearing that, it is not because Kibum tries to hide it.
It’s just because Donghae has fallen asleep.
Chapter 4
“Kibum-sshi, Donghae-sshi is here.”
Kibum looks at the new host standing in front of him. He’s another new face in Perish whose name once again Kibum hasn’t been bothered to know.
“Tell him that I am fully booked tonight.” Kibum says dismissively and reaches his glass.
The newbie hesitates a bit and Kibum knows that the reason of it is because he can see that Kibum is obviously in the middle of a break, sipping some liquor in the workers lounge, which means that he is totally client-less at the moment.
But Kibum pays no attention to him and after a moment the newbie bows at him and leaves.
Kibum sighs.
It’s not that he lies. Kibum is indeed always fully booked. But he always made time for Donghae.
Made is being the keyword.
It’s been a week and a half since their last night together and it’s the seventh time he refuses to accompany Donghae.
This thing he does to Donghae, is a cowardice act and it’s vicious and rude and now that he has done this, Kibum knows it makes him an official bastard.
But Donghae said that he loves Kibum. What else can he do but backing away?
What Donghae had said and and all the things that he had wordlessly asked from Kibum that night; those are definitely not in Kibum’s territory.
Kibum never loves anyone. He isn’t even sure he can love anyone. And it scares him to imagine about loving someone so he doesn’t want to be in love with anyone.
He likes how he is right now: using people for their money and his pleasure. Never uses his heart and when they bore him, he dumps them.
That is his modus operandi and it is what he is doing to Donghae.
Except Donghae never bores him and judging from the way Kibum feels so restless right now proves that this time, his heart has been taking to account.
“Fuck!” Kibum curses out loud and finishes his drink in one gulp.
---00o00---
“Kibummie, what the hell do you think you’re doing?”
Kibum groans. He really doesn’t want anyone’s interference into his problem he has with Donghae, and Heechul’s nagging is the last thing he needs.
But Donghae is a customer, and Heechul is his boss. So Kibum knows that facing Heechul is inevitable.
“I don’t do anything, hyung.” Kibum says ignorantly, hoping it’ll shut Heechul up.
Yeah, right.
“I hired you to accompany our clients without exception. I thought you’ve understood the concept that your time belongs to whomever rich enough to pay you.” Heechul moves to stand in front of Kibum, his hands on his waist. “I know that the boy waiting for you out there has more than enough won to buy your time even for a whole month. So why are you hiding here?”
Kibum doesn’t answer.
Heechul looks at him long before sighing. “You, little brat. Haven’t I told you before to never fall in love to a customer?”
Kibum can sense concerns in his tone and his remark is right on the spot so Kibum fixes his gaze down.
Heechul sits beside Kibum and snags his glass, filling it again, half full. “I thought you’ve learned your lessons from me.”
Heechul empties the drink and Kibum knows that he talks about him and Siwon, the Head of Police.
“Did you feel this scared the first time, hyung?” Kibum asks; eyes still on the floor.
Heechul laughs. “Worse than you can imagine. You do realize that I was much more heartless than you are back then, don’t you?”
Kibum laughs a little too because he just can’t agree more to that statement.
He looks at Heechul. “Then why you do it?”
Heechul lifts one of his eyebrows. “Falling in love, you mean?”
Kibum nods. “Yeah, that.”
The older man shrugs. “I am always a bitch and I hate being chained. Even my mom knows it. But then he came: a perfect example of everything I hate. He’s clingy; his job is the worst in the world; he is one of those closeted homosexual bastard with wife and child, and he really hates rough sex. Well, at least at first, anyway.”
Heechul giggles. “But the fact remains: he turned my life upside down. And at one point, he was just becoming too much for me. So I cast him aside. He did everything he could to get me back and I did the same to get him out of my life. But then I was finally alone and I realized that my life feels shitty without him. So I came back to his side.”
Kibum watches in awe when he sees Heechul’s rare smile formed on his lips.
“Love can fuck us up if we are not ready for it. But the thing is: we will never be ready for it. That’s why I told you to be careful. If you can’t escape it, then just jump down head first because trust me, running away is not a solution. Even for me, the fear is still there and sometimes I am this close to strangle his neck. But somehow I am happier than I was. I guess that’s the most important thing.” Then Heechul puts one of his hands on Kibum’s thigh.
“Kibummie,” Heechul smiles and it makes Kibum suddenly feel the need to swallow his saliva. “If you don’t take care of this mess after making me telling you this old cheesy advice that makes me want to gag myself, then you and I will have so many things to talk about.”
Satisfied with his threat, Heechul stands up and leaves Kibum alone.
---00o00---
The middle aged guy in front of Kibum keeps on trying restlessly to catch his attention and Kibum swears absentmindedly, client or no client, this guy’s nose will be broken if he keeps squeezing Kibum’s crotch under the table that way.
But Donghae is there on the corner table, and the host accompanying him is Kyuhyun. He is a new young host whose popularity rises fast and he tails Kibum tightly behind in host ranking. With handsome looks and cold personality, he is a lot like Kibum.
The only difference is this kid has too much brain, and along with it, a smart mouth.
He can see Donghae is chatting with him and fuck if Kyuhyun isn’t sitting too close to Donghae. Kibum’s hands are fisting unconsciously.
Then Donghae’s eyes meet his, and Kibum looks away instantly.
Turning to his client with a fake smile and gritted teeth, Kibum politely shakes off the guy’s hands and spends the night trying hard to be professional.
---00o00---
Kyuhyun stops beside Kibum who is trying to take off his bow tie in the locker room. “Kibum-sshi, if you have time, I would like to give you a message from my earlier client, Lee Donghae. I’m sure you know him.”
Kibum’s fingers stops for a moment before resuming their movement, faster this time. “Spill, then.”
Kibum watches from the corner of his eyes as Kyuhyun folds his arms on his chest and leans his back on the locker beside his.
“He asked me to tell you that he’s sorry for giving you troubles for these past months. He also asked me to tell you that he won’t come to Perish anymore and he wants me to give you his thanks for everything you’ve done for him.”
Kibum throws his bow tie into his locker and closes the door with a bang before turning to Kyuhyun. “He said that?”
Kyuhyun shrugs. “He did.”
“What else did he tell you?”
Kyuhyun smirks. “Now, now, Kibum-sshi. You know perfectly well that what’s been said by a client shouldn’t be heard by others, don’t you?”
Kibum grits his teeth and glares at Kyuhyun, but the younger man doesn’t show signs of budging. So Kibum turns his back, determined to walk out of the room, away from the host as quickly as he can. But Kyuhyun’s next words stop him.
“He just asked me some questions.” Kyuhyun says and moves to sit on a bench close by.
Kibum stares at him behind his shoulder. “Yeah? What are they?”
“He asked me what did I feel when I sat beside him.” Kibum gives no reaction and Kyuhyun continues. “I said that I felt lucky to be able to sit beside such handsome guy as him.”
Kibum finally turns with eyes narrowed dangerously at that. Kyuhyun grins.
“He smiled, saying it was nice of me to say that. Then he asked me if I’d ever get close to someone who was sensed like he’s drowning. You know, those kinds who always make you just a bit uncomfortable, even though they are good people. You sense they are struggling, but you’re afraid to get too close lest they ‘pull you into the water’ with them. Consequently, no matter how much you want to help, you always hold back.”
Kyuhyun returns Kibum’s glare. “I told him that no, I had never met that kind of people. Then he looked at me in the eyes and said that yes, I’d met one now. So he wanted me to tell you that he understood perfectly if you chose to stay away from him because of that. He wanted you to forget everything he had said because all of that just didn’t matter anymore.” Kyuhyun says before standing up and starts to walk towards the door.
He stops when he reaches Kibum’s side. “I personally think that it’s a shame to let that kind of adorable person to feel such thing. So I gave him my number and told him to call me if he ever needs anything. Considering how eagerly you avoid him lately, Kibum-sshi, I’m sure that you wouldn’t mind it one bit, aren’t you?” Then he resumes on walking without waiting for Kibum’s answer.
Kibum finds that he just can’t figure out what to say to that anyway.
---00o00---
Kibum wants to believe that he doesn’t know what makes him stand in Donghae’s front door.
But he does.
As cliché as it is, Heechul is right: Kibum feels shitty and Donghae has everything to do with it.
And Kyuhyun, though Kibum hates to admit, has a little bit to do with it too.
Because likes it or not, Kibum has fallen in love with Donghae. And all he can do right now is just jumping down, head first.
The bell rang twice before finally the door opened, revealing a young man who seems to be the same age as Donghae with red hair and skin as white as snow.
He smiles politely and Kibum can see his gum peeking beneath his upper lips. It would have been looked ridiculous on most of people, and on the young man, it is not an exception. But most people won’t look as cute as that in their ridiculous state.
Kibum wonders if he is one of the Lee families. Donghae’s cousin, perhaps. Maybe the cuteness is genetics.
Just a cousin, Kibum hopes.
“Yes?” He says.
“Is Donghae home?” Kibum asks, pasting one of his charming smiles on his face.
“And you are…?”
“I’m Kibum.”
And just like that, the young man’s smile disappears.
“Donghae is not here at the moment.” He folds his armss on his chest as he says that, and Kibum can see that he tries to look as menace as he can, which would have been successful if he removes the adorable pout he has on his face.
“Hyuk?” Donghae’s voice suddenly heard from behind the half opened door. “Who is it?”
And Kibum can’t help but smiling as he watches the young man’s face turns red.
“It’s just some annoying salesman, Hae. I’ll take care of him.” He says before glaring at Kibum, daring him to say something.
Kibum takes the dare, of course. He is here on a mission after all.
“It’s me, Hae.”
For a moment, nobody says anything. Then Donghae appears from behind the door. His eyes widens as he sees Kibum.
“Kibummie…” Donghae gapes.
Kibum’s stomach starts to twist as he nods to Donghae. Damn, but even with black circle around his big eyes Donghae still looks perfect and Kibum feels nervous as hell.
“I need to talk to you.” Kibum blurts and he can hear the young man beside Donghae snorts.
Donghae stares at Kibum.
“Um…” He glances at the young man beside him. “Kibummie, this is my friend, Lee Hyukjae. Hyuk, this is Kim Kibum. He’s…”
“The bad-ass host you’ve told me about, I know.” He cuts Donghae, ignoring Kibum’s raised eyebrow.
Donghae glares at Hyukjae. “Hyuk, don’t be rude.” And he throws apologetic look at Kibum before dragging Hyukjae inside, out of Kibum’s hearing range.
Kibum is watching as they both seem like they are being involved in a serious argument. Whatever it is about, a few minutes later, Hyukjae walks out the door with glares fixed on Kibum on every step he takes.
“I’ll call you later.” Donghae yells behind him before turning his attention on Kibum.
“Come in.” He says after a while and turns around.
Donghae leads him into a magnificent living room with antique furniture seen here and there.
Kibum has heard that Donghae’s father is filthy rich, but looking at this room -and the house as a whole- Kibum finally understands just how wealthy Lee family is. And it puts another obstacle in Kibum’s plan.
“Listen,” Donghae says, gaze to the floor, as he stops and turns to face Kibum. “If it’s about the last night we’re together, I am really sorry. I forgot to pay you. I can fetch the money right now if you want.”
Kibum frowns. “No.”
Donghae looks at him with a lost look and Kibum holds the urge to step forward and hugs him for all his worth. “God, Hae, it’s not what I came here for.”
“I missed you.” Kibum tells him.
Donghae looks perplexed and Kibum can’t blame him.
“Your friend is right. I am a bad ass and to tell you the truth, it never bothered me before but it does now.” Kibum’s hands fist on his side. “The feelings I have for you… it’s just so new to me. And I thought I wasn’t ready for it. But…”
Kibum brushes his hair roughly because he suddenly feels so frustrated. He really hopes Donghae can understand what he is going to say. What he finds so hard to say.
Hell, Kibum is never good with words and to talk about his deepest feeling always makes him feel lost.
Donghae stares at him for a long time before a soft smile formed on his lips.
“But, here you are.” He says and Kibum really wants to cross the room and kiss Donghae hard because understanding a Kim Kibum is nearly impossible but Donghae always has this ability to read him like an open book.
Kibum loves him; there is no doubt about it anymore. So he says, “Hae, will you leave this place and live with me?”
Kibum’s heart is beating like mad and it hurts as he sees Donghae smiles sadly at hearing his words.
“I know, I know. Your house, compared to my apartment: no brainer. But you can be free from your father and you don’t have to suffer anymore.” He is blabbering, Kibum is aware. But he is panic and Donghae keeps giving him that heart-wrenching smile.
“My room is upstairs.” Donghae finally says and offers his hand at Kibum. “Come with me?”
And Kibum takes it because all his words suddenly stuck inside and it’s the only thing he can do.
Upstairs, on Donghae’s silk sheet, Kibum makes love to him, slowly and tenderly, and for once there are no words said between them as Kibum kisses, caresses, and takes them both so high, leaving them out of breath in the end.
It’s already morning when Kibum awakes and finds Donghae already up and sitting beside him, his gaze on Kibum.
“I’m sorry, Kibummie.” He says and Kibum can see his eyes glazed with tears as he continues. “But he has no one left but me.”
Kibum can only watch him helplessly as he shakes his head slowly. “I can’t leave him. Not like this.”
Kibum holds the urge to look away from Donghae. He really wants to tell him that he understands but the thing is: he doesn’t.
So he just gives Donghae a smile. A real smile, because no matter how much it hurts, Kibum still loves him.
“I’ll wait for you in Perish.” Kibum tells Donghae as he stands outside the front door, ready to leave the house.
Donghae laughs a little. “You do that.” He says.
---00o00---
But Donghae doesn’t come. Not on Tuesday, not on Friday, not on the weekend. Not for weeks.
At this rate, Kibum has fallen too deep to go back and it has been to hell with professionalism for him.
At the end of the month, Kibum can’t even bring himself to care when Heechul is throwing disappointed glare at him as he removes Kibum’s picture from the #1 spot on Perish wall and replaces it with Kyuhyun’s.
No, he simply blames it all on Donghae.
And Kibum has tried his best to get over him.
But when one night Kibum hears his door bell rings and opens the door to find Donghae standing in front of him with three fully packed canvas bags in his hand, it amazes him how his heart is still beating faster and how it begins to be filled with warmth of renewed hopes.
Donghae stands there with a grin and God, how Kibum missed him.
That’s why when suddenly Donghae puts all his bags at once with a thud and throws himself into Kibum’s arms, mouth demanding and wild, Kibum can only responds with the same intense kisses.
As their mouth part, there is nothing Kibum wants more than to just strips them both and makes love to Donghae right there on his apartment entrance. All the neighbors can just go to hell.
But Donghae’s appearing in his apartment tonight changes many things.
For one, as much as Kibum likes it, both of them really need to stop communicating with only sex.
And judging by Donghae’s constant groping and searching mouth, it looks like Kibum has to be the one with the common sense here.
Because secondly, he needs an explanation and he can’t get it with Donghae distracting him, clinging and rubbing his lower body on Kibum.
So he gives Donghae one last peck before he untangles himself.
“We need to talk, Hae.” Kibum tells Donghae, then with his left hand on Donghae’s and his right one grabbing and dragging Donghae’s bags inside, Kibum kicks his door closed.
---00o00---
But five minutes later -as Donghae’s lips continues their assault on Kibum’s sensitive nape- Kibum decides that a serious talk can wait because, really, both of them have all the time in the world now.
He always thinks that words are overrated anyway.
And his sofa looks so tempting with Donghae beneath him.
And damn, but Donghae really knows how to use his teeth.
Besides, the most important thing is: Donghae is here now and he loves Kibum as much as Kibum loves him.
EPILOGUE
“Go, my son.”
Donghae stares at his father’s glazed eyes. It’s been so long since he allowed himself to look at his father’s tears and regrets but now he takes it all in, because in truth, this is what he always craves and needs.
And when his father’s hand reaches out to touch his cheek, Donghae has to hold back a flinch because the feel of his father’s calloused hand is just so alien to him.
But his father notices it, and his smile is so sad as he drops his hand and says, “I’ve been ruined by my own feelings and emotions and I can’t change it. Stay here and I’ll just keep hurting you.”
And it takes long minutes before Donghae finally smiles back to his father and turns around to leave this place he has called home for so many years, Kibum’s face fleeting in his mind.
---00o00---
Kibum is growling. He can’t stop it and he grips Donghae’s hips tighter to bring himself deeper.
“But Kibummie,” Donghae whines, his voice is hoarse in his effort to try to catch his breath between Kibum’s wild thrusts inside him. “I just want to say thanks to him.”
Kibum simply ignores him and reaches his hand forward to jerk Donghae.
The older man moans but Donghae is persevering. “I mean, we can be like this partly because of Kyuhyunnie, right?”
So Kibum kisses him hard to shut him up.
---00o00---
“You know,” Donghae says as he splashes some water on his hands. “I really prefer your bathtub than mine.”
Kibum is mesmerized as he watches a bead of water runs down Donghae’s smooth back. “Yeah?” He says distractedly. “But isn’t yours are bigger than mine? Don’t forget the Jacuzzi stuff you have in there.”
Donghae laughs, huskily. “Sure, it is. But in my bathtub, I can’t do this.” And Kibum gasps as he feels Donghae’s naked butt wriggling, rubbing on him underneath the foamy water.
It’s going to be another long bath, Kibum thinks, letting out a groan before using his hand to turn Donghae’s face to him so he can eat up his luscious lips.
Kibum knows Donghae says this kind of thing not just because he means it but because Donghae understands how much Kibum needs it: a confirmation that he can bring a complete happiness to the one he loves.
---00o00---
“Hyukjae and me?” Donghae asks with a giggle.
“Yes.” Kibum tries to keep his voice stern and he frowns when Donghae just laughs.
“Oh, Kibummie. Don’t be silly.” The older man grins and fixes his position on Kibum’s lap.
They are currently watching Sesame Street and somehow it has become one of their routines in the morning.
“Kangin-hyung will kill me if I ever dare to touch his property.”
Kibum stares at Donghae who ignores him and keeps watching the program.
“Who’s Kangin?” Kibum asks again.
“Hmm?” Donghae hums; obviously distracted by Elmo and another puppet Kibum doesn’t recognize doing something funny on screen. He turns to Kibum. “Oh, he’s my father’s most trusted man. I played matchmaker for him and Hyukkie and look how nice it works. Kangin is a bit over-territorial when it concerns his belonging.” Donghae smiles teasingly. “Just like someone I know.”
“Who? Me?” Kibum acts stupid and grins at Donghae rolling his eyes.
“Yeah. Just like you.”
---00o00---
“So, does this mean I have to stop being a host?”
“Well, if you want to remain alive then yes, you have to.”
“Fine, then I’ll just start to leech from my rich boyfriend from now on.”
END