Megamind Fic: The Seduction Master Plan: Or What to Do With The Girl Once You've Got Her
I've been following a lot of fun fan fiction at the megamind_movie community. There was a call for more smut. Being a perv an obliging sort, I tried to take up the challenge. I can't say I was entirely successful smut wise. My characters seem to have a little trouble quite going there. I think its probably Teen for Adult Concepts rather than Explicit , but it's a wee bit explicit. Sorta. I've tagged it conservatively and I warn that what follows is NOT WORK APPROPRIATE. Thanks to excelaunt for a supportive beta read. Oh and sorry about the confusing icon. I have really limited space.
“You know it happens to a lot of guys,”
“Roxanne, I don’t think this is happening right now,” Megamind said taking her wrist in hand and removing her other hand from his hip. She rolled aside, pulling the coverlet to her bare chest.
“You know it happens to a lot of guys,” she said brushing a stray hair out of her eyes.
Looking up at the canopy above the bed, she slid her hand down to take his. They looked odd together, he thought. How very alien the blue of his skin looked against her flesh.
“I did an article on it…” She began, and then trailed off, mercifully. They lay their side-by-side in the flickering light of the remaining dozen or so candles. Classical music played softly. The scent of vanilla was heavy in the air, mixed with the harsher chemical smell of burnt drapes and fire retardant foam. They had held hands like this on the picnic blanket that day at the park. The grass had smelled fresh, clean, and gloriously innocent.
“What part happens to a lot of guys, Roxanne?” He asked, turning to her. “Do you mean the part where the room caught fire from the match-bot malfunction? Maybe it was when I slipped on the foam from the fire extinguisher and knocked my enormous, bulbous head into your face?”
She winced and rubbed her red and swollen cheek. “Accidents happen. I know you wanted things to be just right.” She turned her head to look at him, but he had once again fixed his gaze on the canopy. “But you know I don’t think it has to be such a big deal. You put too much pressure on yourself. On us. On this.” She waved her free hand at the candles. “I mean I care for you, M. I don’t need a string quartet playing. It’s not us.”
“Music off!” He commanded with an elegant snap. It played on. “Instruments off!” He tried again in an exasperated tone. “Cease! Desist!” He clapped. He whistled. Yet it continued. “I’m sorry Roxanne,” he said with a sigh, sliding off the bed. “The voice recognition software is still a bit buggy.” He grabbed his pants off the floor on the way across the room. He hopped some, trying to pull the tight fabric up over his long legs as he walked. The pant legs tangled and tripped him. He steadied himself on the edge of the dresser, then picked-up the remote and clicked a button. A small door opened above the side table and two champagne glasses lowered. Unfortunately, he hadn’t planned on her purse being there too. The mechanical shelf retracted rather abruptly and the wine sloshed over the rims of the glasses. He clicked again, and the music stopped.
Roxanne stared into a dark corner, the coverlet wrapped tight around her. She was beautiful, even with her brows furrowed and her jaw set. She shook her head abruptly and turned a sympathetic gaze his way. “Not everything can go according to plan, you know,” she said firmly.
“Tell me about it,” he said rolling his eyes and throwing his arms wide dramatically.
She laughed.
“Maybe I should have gone with the kidnapping,” he mused. “I did wash the bag.” He sat at the edge of the bed next to her. “It’s hard to go wrong with the classics. We had a good rhythm with that.” She was blushing, staring hard at the covers. He leaned close, and whispered into her ear, “Did you ever wonder just what I might do, if Metro Man hadn’t rescued you from my lascivious clutches?”
She turned to look at him with a steady frank gaze. “I might have thought about it,” she admitted with a half grin, “but I didn’t wonder after the first time or two.” She tossed her hair, and continued, “You were going to do exactly nothing. For all your purported evil ways you never laid an inappropriate finger on me.”
“I might have thought about it,” he said. “I might have thought about it a lot.” He traced the edge of the coverlet, barely brushing her skin where it swelled above the tight line of the fabric. Her breath caught a little. She looked him in the eyes questioningly. His hand dropped to his side. “But of course I had absolutely no idea how to proceed.”
“I don’t care about that, you know.”
“So you tell me. ‘ Let nature take its course.’ 'There is no rush.’ You knew I was a bumbler when you fell for me.”
“I did not say that last part.”
“It’s true though.”
“You are making way too much of this,” she said impatiently. “I’m here. I want to be right here--with you,” She stared at the covers though, after a moment.
“I’m not so sure. Roxanne, do you know why I never, uh, ravished you.” That got her attention. He blushed at her raised eyebrow. He continued more heatedly, standing suddenly, “Yes I said ravish. You know, that’s what evil villains do to defiant captives who flirt too much for their own good.”
“So, are you blaming me for your kidnapping me?” She challenged him with that familiar indignation. She held his gaze steadily now.
He was the one to turn away, waving a hand in the air. “Yes, yes, it’s entirely your fault, you are too adorable. I’m trying to make a point here though.”
“Oh, well, do continue then,” she prompted as she took his hand and pulled him down to a sitting position. She leaned in close and found his ear. “Tell me all about your thwarted plans to ravish me.”
“I wouldn’t say plans. It’s not like I have any schematics or anything,” he said a bit too quickly. He pulled himself a bit straighter (not that she seemed to notice). Her eyes were distant once again. He fell silent. Again, he noted the set of her jaw, the way her brows pulled together. He ran a finger along her jaw and she met his gaze again with a start. He continued, “I never tried anything because I was not a thug. I was a super-villain. We aspire to a little higher standard of misconduct. It’s not my style to force myself on an unwilling woman.”
“What are you trying to say?” She demanded.
“Where have you been all evening?”
“What?” She said raising her had to her forehead, hiding her face in her palm.
“Where is your head? You walked smack into the invisible car when I came to pick you up. You pushed your peas around during dinner, and laughed at only the least amusing of my anecdotes.”
“Are you the only one allowed to have nerves?”
“Technically I don’t think I have them. We discussed this, though the system is very physiologically similar. Roxanne, please stop changing the subject. Look, you don’t do calculus well. I don’t have your nosy reporter skills. I’m trying to ask you a question. Cut me some slack. You were the one hinting that you thought maybe… You were asking if we were physiologically compatible. What changed?”
“Nothing changed. I just had a bad day.”
“I think you had a terrible day. I think your lead on The Syndicate fell through and you don’t know how to pick up the thread.” The startled look on her face told him all he needed to know. He had her. He couldn’t help grinning that he’d got something right.
She snorted at the expression on his face. Then her look softened and she admitted, “Yeah, my editor wants me to drop it. No reliable corroboration, not enough proof. Six months of ‘nosy reporter’ investigations for zilch. Sorry. I knew you wanted… You’d clearly obs…put a lot of energy into today.”
“Yeah, years of criminal plotting develop certain habits. Things tend to go better--less wrong at least--when I put the right planning in ahead of time.”
“I’m not sure that, uh, an evening together, is quite the same as stealing Fort Knox.”
“Yes, you’ve made that abundantly clear. Scoot over. It’s much harder, plainly.”
She scooted and let the coverlet drop to her waist. “Nonsense. You got the girl, come get the girl.”
Her skin was golden in the flickering candles. He took a long look and his cheeks flamed. Never less, he mustered an almost believable nonchalance and told her, “No, I think we should watch something.” He raised the remote and a hidden terminal slid into view. Roxanne’s back stiffened and she leaned forward as she saw the men on screen. “Isn’t that, what’s his name, you know, the head of The Syndicate?” He asked, tracing a finger up her arm.
“Sshh” she hissed, absently covering her breasts again. Barely.
He continued to trace the finger over her shoulder, then down the valley of her spine. The edge of the coverlet slipped a little in her fingers. She listened intently, her eyes glued to the screen.
“Nanocameras?”
“Mmm, yes, exactly,” he bent to nuzzle her neck.
“How did you…” She gasped. “Wait rewind, you have this on tape right.”
“Of course,” He trailed a hand over her hip.
She dived for her purse and grabbed a notepad and pen. “Back it up. One more time. I want to be sure I get the address and time for the rendezvous.”
“Certainly. You know by my calculations, we have three hours before you need to pick-up the camera truck, even if you stop to notify the police.”
“Oh?” she said, glancing down at his still bare chest. “I guess we do. Did you have something in mind?”
“Well, I’d like to offer a little back-up. Those guys have guns, you know.” His cheeks were purple, as he stared at his knees.
“Yes, I know.” She kissed his cheek, “I’d like that.” He waited for her return to her thoughts again, but she didn’t. She kept kissing his cheek, and then moved down to his jaw.
“Uh…That’s nice” He took a quick breath. “I know how the pursuit of truth and justice gets your juices going. Metaphorically speaking, of course.” She raised her head to roll her eyes at him. He slid back onto the pillow and raised his long blue arms to cross them behind his massive head. With a grin he continued, “You can ravish me now or later. But be gentle if you want to do it now. I won’t be much at the scene of the crime if you…”
“Yeah, sorry I am not going to be gentle at all,” she said pinching the tip of his dusky purple nipple. “I am going to ravish you before and after. And maybe after that.”
“I’m at your mercy.” He said as she slid over his lap. It was very good day indeed when a plan came together so well.
“You know it happens to a lot of guys,”
“Roxanne, I don’t think this is happening right now,” Megamind said taking her wrist in hand and removing her other hand from his hip. She rolled aside, pulling the coverlet to her bare chest.
“You know it happens to a lot of guys,” she said brushing a stray hair out of her eyes.
Looking up at the canopy above the bed, she slid her hand down to take his. They looked odd together, he thought. How very alien the blue of his skin looked against her flesh.
“I did an article on it…” She began, and then trailed off, mercifully. They lay their side-by-side in the flickering light of the remaining dozen or so candles. Classical music played softly. The scent of vanilla was heavy in the air, mixed with the harsher chemical smell of burnt drapes and fire retardant foam. They had held hands like this on the picnic blanket that day at the park. The grass had smelled fresh, clean, and gloriously innocent.
“What part happens to a lot of guys, Roxanne?” He asked, turning to her. “Do you mean the part where the room caught fire from the match-bot malfunction? Maybe it was when I slipped on the foam from the fire extinguisher and knocked my enormous, bulbous head into your face?”
She winced and rubbed her red and swollen cheek. “Accidents happen. I know you wanted things to be just right.” She turned her head to look at him, but he had once again fixed his gaze on the canopy. “But you know I don’t think it has to be such a big deal. You put too much pressure on yourself. On us. On this.” She waved her free hand at the candles. “I mean I care for you, M. I don’t need a string quartet playing. It’s not us.”
“Music off!” He commanded with an elegant snap. It played on. “Instruments off!” He tried again in an exasperated tone. “Cease! Desist!” He clapped. He whistled. Yet it continued. “I’m sorry Roxanne,” he said with a sigh, sliding off the bed. “The voice recognition software is still a bit buggy.” He grabbed his pants off the floor on the way across the room. He hopped some, trying to pull the tight fabric up over his long legs as he walked. The pant legs tangled and tripped him. He steadied himself on the edge of the dresser, then picked-up the remote and clicked a button. A small door opened above the side table and two champagne glasses lowered. Unfortunately, he hadn’t planned on her purse being there too. The mechanical shelf retracted rather abruptly and the wine sloshed over the rims of the glasses. He clicked again, and the music stopped.
Roxanne stared into a dark corner, the coverlet wrapped tight around her. She was beautiful, even with her brows furrowed and her jaw set. She shook her head abruptly and turned a sympathetic gaze his way. “Not everything can go according to plan, you know,” she said firmly.
“Tell me about it,” he said rolling his eyes and throwing his arms wide dramatically.
She laughed.
“Maybe I should have gone with the kidnapping,” he mused. “I did wash the bag.” He sat at the edge of the bed next to her. “It’s hard to go wrong with the classics. We had a good rhythm with that.” She was blushing, staring hard at the covers. He leaned close, and whispered into her ear, “Did you ever wonder just what I might do, if Metro Man hadn’t rescued you from my lascivious clutches?”
She turned to look at him with a steady frank gaze. “I might have thought about it,” she admitted with a half grin, “but I didn’t wonder after the first time or two.” She tossed her hair, and continued, “You were going to do exactly nothing. For all your purported evil ways you never laid an inappropriate finger on me.”
“I might have thought about it,” he said. “I might have thought about it a lot.” He traced the edge of the coverlet, barely brushing her skin where it swelled above the tight line of the fabric. Her breath caught a little. She looked him in the eyes questioningly. His hand dropped to his side. “But of course I had absolutely no idea how to proceed.”
“I don’t care about that, you know.”
“So you tell me. ‘ Let nature take its course.’ 'There is no rush.’ You knew I was a bumbler when you fell for me.”
“I did not say that last part.”
“It’s true though.”
“You are making way too much of this,” she said impatiently. “I’m here. I want to be right here--with you,” She stared at the covers though, after a moment.
“I’m not so sure. Roxanne, do you know why I never, uh, ravished you.” That got her attention. He blushed at her raised eyebrow. He continued more heatedly, standing suddenly, “Yes I said ravish. You know, that’s what evil villains do to defiant captives who flirt too much for their own good.”
“So, are you blaming me for your kidnapping me?” She challenged him with that familiar indignation. She held his gaze steadily now.
He was the one to turn away, waving a hand in the air. “Yes, yes, it’s entirely your fault, you are too adorable. I’m trying to make a point here though.”
“Oh, well, do continue then,” she prompted as she took his hand and pulled him down to a sitting position. She leaned in close and found his ear. “Tell me all about your thwarted plans to ravish me.”
“I wouldn’t say plans. It’s not like I have any schematics or anything,” he said a bit too quickly. He pulled himself a bit straighter (not that she seemed to notice). Her eyes were distant once again. He fell silent. Again, he noted the set of her jaw, the way her brows pulled together. He ran a finger along her jaw and she met his gaze again with a start. He continued, “I never tried anything because I was not a thug. I was a super-villain. We aspire to a little higher standard of misconduct. It’s not my style to force myself on an unwilling woman.”
“What are you trying to say?” She demanded.
“Where have you been all evening?”
“What?” She said raising her had to her forehead, hiding her face in her palm.
“Where is your head? You walked smack into the invisible car when I came to pick you up. You pushed your peas around during dinner, and laughed at only the least amusing of my anecdotes.”
“Are you the only one allowed to have nerves?”
“Technically I don’t think I have them. We discussed this, though the system is very physiologically similar. Roxanne, please stop changing the subject. Look, you don’t do calculus well. I don’t have your nosy reporter skills. I’m trying to ask you a question. Cut me some slack. You were the one hinting that you thought maybe… You were asking if we were physiologically compatible. What changed?”
“Nothing changed. I just had a bad day.”
“I think you had a terrible day. I think your lead on The Syndicate fell through and you don’t know how to pick up the thread.” The startled look on her face told him all he needed to know. He had her. He couldn’t help grinning that he’d got something right.
She snorted at the expression on his face. Then her look softened and she admitted, “Yeah, my editor wants me to drop it. No reliable corroboration, not enough proof. Six months of ‘nosy reporter’ investigations for zilch. Sorry. I knew you wanted… You’d clearly obs…put a lot of energy into today.”
“Yeah, years of criminal plotting develop certain habits. Things tend to go better--less wrong at least--when I put the right planning in ahead of time.”
“I’m not sure that, uh, an evening together, is quite the same as stealing Fort Knox.”
“Yes, you’ve made that abundantly clear. Scoot over. It’s much harder, plainly.”
She scooted and let the coverlet drop to her waist. “Nonsense. You got the girl, come get the girl.”
Her skin was golden in the flickering candles. He took a long look and his cheeks flamed. Never less, he mustered an almost believable nonchalance and told her, “No, I think we should watch something.” He raised the remote and a hidden terminal slid into view. Roxanne’s back stiffened and she leaned forward as she saw the men on screen. “Isn’t that, what’s his name, you know, the head of The Syndicate?” He asked, tracing a finger up her arm.
“Sshh” she hissed, absently covering her breasts again. Barely.
He continued to trace the finger over her shoulder, then down the valley of her spine. The edge of the coverlet slipped a little in her fingers. She listened intently, her eyes glued to the screen.
“Nanocameras?”
“Mmm, yes, exactly,” he bent to nuzzle her neck.
“How did you…” She gasped. “Wait rewind, you have this on tape right.”
“Of course,” He trailed a hand over her hip.
She dived for her purse and grabbed a notepad and pen. “Back it up. One more time. I want to be sure I get the address and time for the rendezvous.”
“Certainly. You know by my calculations, we have three hours before you need to pick-up the camera truck, even if you stop to notify the police.”
“Oh?” she said, glancing down at his still bare chest. “I guess we do. Did you have something in mind?”
“Well, I’d like to offer a little back-up. Those guys have guns, you know.” His cheeks were purple, as he stared at his knees.
“Yes, I know.” She kissed his cheek, “I’d like that.” He waited for her return to her thoughts again, but she didn’t. She kept kissing his cheek, and then moved down to his jaw.
“Uh…That’s nice” He took a quick breath. “I know how the pursuit of truth and justice gets your juices going. Metaphorically speaking, of course.” She raised her head to roll her eyes at him. He slid back onto the pillow and raised his long blue arms to cross them behind his massive head. With a grin he continued, “You can ravish me now or later. But be gentle if you want to do it now. I won’t be much at the scene of the crime if you…”
“Yeah, sorry I am not going to be gentle at all,” she said pinching the tip of his dusky purple nipple. “I am going to ravish you before and after. And maybe after that.”
“I’m at your mercy.” He said as she slid over his lap. It was very good day indeed when a plan came together so well.