Writer's Block: Fixing the past.
I would have never spoken to her. Never.
It was fourth grade. I would have never, ever even given her a second thought, had I known what she would do to me.
If I had known by looking at her then, when we were so young and innocent, that I would have fallen in love with her five years later, I would have never even glanced across the room at her. If I had known that her facade of well-read cosmpolitain ways masked a borderline personality disorder with the emotional age of two, I would have ignored her.
But I didn't.
I fell in love with Sophia Elizabeth Harris at the tail end of eighth grade. I didn't do anything about it until the end of Freshman year.
We lasted over a year. It was the worst year of my life, a year of fights and repressed resentment drowned in sex. A year in which I severed all ties and cut off all contacts to appease her, to spend my time devoted to her. The summer after Sophomore, she met Joon.
And then she was done with me.
She didn't need sex with me anymore, she had fanfic, so she broke up with me. She didn't need to confide in me, so she told me we couldn't be close. Then she decided I was too superficial.
This past Tuesday she had the nerve to tell me she wasn't speaking to me anymore.
I wouldn't have been in St. Anthony's, wouldn't have had the breakdown I did, had it not been for her.
She feigns innocence, I am always the one at fault. She never upholds her half of what happened.
And it takes every ounce of energy I have not to hate her for it.