Remembering Milton (again)
Back in January, I posted this over at iy_flashfic for parsnip_chan. She felt it needed a more definitive ending, and so did I, but I was in a huge slump at the time. Since I'm trying to kick my muse in the pants these days, I thought I'd finally revise and finish it.
Remembering Milton
The Suitor
“I’m sorry, young man, but Kagome isn’t home right now. I’ll be sure to tell her you stopped by to see her.”
The face of Kagome’s mother is wreathed in a friendly smile, but I can see the faint edges of worry leaking into her eyes. The smile that is so much like Kagome’s is false, a trait pasted on by habit. It is a mask that she presents to the world, meant only for public consumption.
Beneath the mask, I somehow know that Higurashi-san is feeling old and vulnerable. If I press the issue, I can probably get her to break down and tell me where Kagome really is; and not some lame story about her being at a restorative health spa, either. She will tell me the truth, tell me where Kagome spends her time when she is supposedly ‘ill.’
She will tell me these things because she is growing tired of keeping secrets, just as I am growing tired of hearing lies. In a few short sentences, she will tear down the illusions and the subterfuge and tell me tales of a girl I really don’t know. And because I’m not stupid, I know that there will be a rival lover in this story as well. There always is.
I keep my mouth shut and don’t press for information. Maybe I am stupid.
The Mother
“Thank you, Higurashi-san. Please tell your daughter that I was sorry to have missed her. Oh, and the package contains a special blend of tea. It’s supposed to bring balance to her soul and calm restive spirits.”
I watch Hojo make his way down the steps, marveling at his persistence. I hate to see him go. Sometimes, when he’s looking at me so earnestly as if any news of my daughter is a gift from the heavens that only I can bestow, I am tempted to tell him everything. You don’t really know this girl, I want to say. You don’t know what she does, how she constantly risks her life over a responsibility that shouldn’t have been hers in the first place. You don’t know this woman-child who is changing so much that I hardly recognize her when she’s home.
You don’t hear her screaming from the nightmares.
You don’t know how many times I watch her go down that well and wonder if it’s the last time I’ll ever see her.
Blind devotion is so often an unappealing trait, but in Hojo it merely seems…right. The boy loves her with a stubbornness of heart that nothing but the truth can ever alter. And as lonely as it is to be the keeper of secrets, I’ll refrain from giving him those truths. This isn’t my story, and it isn’t his. This is Kagome’s story, and the ending lies with her.
The Suitor
Kagome is back at school, looking awfully tanned and tired for someone who has been bedridden. As usual, I keep this observation to myself and instead inquire about her health. I hope she is feeling well enough to go to the movies with me on Sunday, I tell her. I make this offer with an air of resignation, knowing she’ll either accept (with the intention of breaking the date at a later time) or she’ll turn me down with some flimsy excuse.
To my surprise, she does neither. “What I’d really like is for you to help me study for the exams,” Kagome tells me. “You’re my only hope of passing the tests.”
Oh yes, I’d forgotten about her third option - agree to spend time with me because she needs to finish school. This should make me feel angry and used, but it doesn’t. I’m content to fill any small part that she gives me. It’s not the lead role, for she gave that to the other guy, but this doesn’t bother me.
I know what I’m up against; I’ve heard whisperings from Kagome’s friends. The guy in her life is jealous and passionate, a stormy, exciting man who can sweep a woman off her feet. That’s okay, though, because the one thing about a storm is that it always spends itself out. At some point, Kagome is going to tire of the sleepless nights and the crying that leaves her eyes red-rimmed and dark-circled. (Does she realize that I notice these things about her? I doubt it.)
Extreme patience is a Hojo family trait. Some might call it stubborn thick-headedness, but we call it devotion - a Hojo always outlasts the competition. At some point, Kagome is going to wish for loving calm, and when that day arrives, I’ll be there for her.
The Mother
“That nice boy, Hojo, was here to see you earlier this week,” I tell Kagome. “I do wish your grandfather would stop inventing such wild illnesses. I mean, really, malaria? I think that’s a package of quinine…”
Kagome isn’t paying attention, as she’s too busy arguing with Inu-Yasha about having to leave so soon. I return the favor by ignoring the both of them. This argument is old and familiar, and nothing ever changes. Inu-Yasha will drag her back to the well - no matter how much he’d rather leave her here where it’s safe - because he can’t do this without her. Kagome will go with him - no matter how pressing her life is on this side of the well - because she is bound by her sense of duty and responsibility.
When Kagome was a little girl, her father would catch her up in a hug and tell her she was the bravest, smartest little girl in the entire world. A secret part of me regrets him having done that, for it’s obvious that she was listening carefully. My daughter doesn’t lack courage, but sometimes I wish she did. A more fearful child wouldn’t chase monsters, leaving her worried mother to fret for weeks on end.
Seeing the direction my thoughts are taking, I chastise myself for lacking faith. My daughter knows her path and her calling, and she has the determination to follow it. If my own courage falters, who will Kagome have to lean on? In her world of the chaotic and the abnormal, she needs something steady and constant to call home.
There will come a day when everything Kagome seeks will be found. All she wishes to accomplish will come to pass, but my experiences in life tell me that the price to pay will likely be unbearably high. She’ll come home to search for the calm after the storm, and when that day arrives, I’ll be there for her.
The Girl
“Goodbye, Mama!” Kagome calls out her farewells to her mother and ruffles her brother’s hair as she rushes past him out the door. She knows she has to hurry, for if she doesn’t get back to the village by sundown, Inu-Yasha will come looking for her. He always waits for her, an impatient silver-haired sentry by the ancient well. More than once, she has arrived in the past just as he was preparing to jump into the future.
She climbs into the well and allows the familiar magic to surround her. Normally, she thinks of the adventures in the past that lie ahead of her, but this time is different. This time, she finds herself thinking of the people in the future she leaves behind.
Kagome knows they wait for her return, and she clings to that promise because right now, it’s the only thing in her life that is guaranteed. And in that brief moment between yesterday and tomorrow, she remembers something from an English class and a guy named Milton, a line from a time when school was her biggest concern and monsters weren’t real.
“…They also serve who only stand and wait.”