Return to Self-Loathing
Fandom: Boondock Saints
Title: Return to Self-Loathing
Author: black_ladybug/sweetxpoison666 (either/or)
Pairing: Connor/Murphy
Rating: PG?
Disclaimer: own nothing
Summary: Murhy and Connors thoughts/feelings after Rocco's death
Notes: this is my first so be nice.. please? and i'm so not happy with the ending... it's just too... well read it for yourself..
Return to Self-Loathing
Murphy sat in the shower, the hot water rushing over his sore muscles, watching the blood swirling down the drain. He just lost his best friend, Rocco. He and Connor had not spoken since they left Papa Joe’s. There was a sort of tension between them now, as if a wall was building between them. Murphy sighed, carefully rubbing the blood off his left hand. Everything was different now. Da was back, Connor would not speak to him and Rocco was dead.
He rubbed his nose a little and lean back against the shower door, the hot water now pounding on his chest. The night replayed in his mind, as if he were living it all over again. He knocked his hand against the wall before leaning it on his knee and rubbing his chin with his middle finger. He took a deep, jagged breath as he let his head fall back, rattling the glass door. He looked at the drain, no more blood. That was good enough for him. Grabbing the small shelf, he pulled himself up and turned off the now cool water.
He grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist as he walked over to the mirror. He noticed how puffy and red his eyes were. He sighed again, running his hand through his wet hair. He bit his bottom lip a little and left the small bathroom leaving a trail of watery footprints to his bed. He flopped down on his bed and glanced over at his twin.
Connor sighed as he picked up a dark grey shirt. He looked back at Murphy lying on his bed, wet skin glistening just slightly in the moonlight coming through the window. He sighed as he put on his shirt and sat on his own bed.
“M’sorry…” Murphy whispered, barely audible.
Connor raised his eyes to his brother’s motionless figure. “Don’t even start, Murph…”
“No… I brought him into this.” He nearly choked as he sat up.
“Shut the fuck up, Murph!” Connor shouted, jumping up from his bed.
There they were, two identical souls, blaming themselves for a death. A death they could not have stopped as much as they could have anticipated it.
Murphy knew Connor did not blame him, but there was a secret doubt in the back of his mind that deep down Connor blamed him for Rocco’s death.
“Just shut it. There was nothing we could have done!” Connor continued as he walked around the small room.
“I shouldn’t have brought him into this…” Murphy said, putting his head in his hands, holding back hot, painful tears.
Connor sighed a little and sat on the bed next to Murphy, placing an arm around his shoulders. “We both did…”
Murphy turned, wrapping his arms around Connor and burying his face in his chest. Connor ran his hands over Murphy’s soft skin, running his fingers along his spine up to his neck, bringing his hand to rest on his neck. Gently pulling Murphy away to look him in the eye, Connor placed a kiss on his cheek. “It’s not your fault…” He trailed.
Murphy took a jagged deep breath and slowly exhaled, looking deeply into Connors eyes before kissing his lips.
The End
~*~ So? What do you think? It's actually my first m/m fic... *nervous look* So feedback would be appreciated!
Title: Return to Self-Loathing
Author: black_ladybug/sweetxpoison666 (either/or)
Pairing: Connor/Murphy
Rating: PG?
Disclaimer: own nothing
Summary: Murhy and Connors thoughts/feelings after Rocco's death
Notes: this is my first so be nice.. please? and i'm so not happy with the ending... it's just too... well read it for yourself..
Return to Self-Loathing
Murphy sat in the shower, the hot water rushing over his sore muscles, watching the blood swirling down the drain. He just lost his best friend, Rocco. He and Connor had not spoken since they left Papa Joe’s. There was a sort of tension between them now, as if a wall was building between them. Murphy sighed, carefully rubbing the blood off his left hand. Everything was different now. Da was back, Connor would not speak to him and Rocco was dead.
He rubbed his nose a little and lean back against the shower door, the hot water now pounding on his chest. The night replayed in his mind, as if he were living it all over again. He knocked his hand against the wall before leaning it on his knee and rubbing his chin with his middle finger. He took a deep, jagged breath as he let his head fall back, rattling the glass door. He looked at the drain, no more blood. That was good enough for him. Grabbing the small shelf, he pulled himself up and turned off the now cool water.
He grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist as he walked over to the mirror. He noticed how puffy and red his eyes were. He sighed again, running his hand through his wet hair. He bit his bottom lip a little and left the small bathroom leaving a trail of watery footprints to his bed. He flopped down on his bed and glanced over at his twin.
Connor sighed as he picked up a dark grey shirt. He looked back at Murphy lying on his bed, wet skin glistening just slightly in the moonlight coming through the window. He sighed as he put on his shirt and sat on his own bed.
“M’sorry…” Murphy whispered, barely audible.
Connor raised his eyes to his brother’s motionless figure. “Don’t even start, Murph…”
“No… I brought him into this.” He nearly choked as he sat up.
“Shut the fuck up, Murph!” Connor shouted, jumping up from his bed.
There they were, two identical souls, blaming themselves for a death. A death they could not have stopped as much as they could have anticipated it.
Murphy knew Connor did not blame him, but there was a secret doubt in the back of his mind that deep down Connor blamed him for Rocco’s death.
“Just shut it. There was nothing we could have done!” Connor continued as he walked around the small room.
“I shouldn’t have brought him into this…” Murphy said, putting his head in his hands, holding back hot, painful tears.
Connor sighed a little and sat on the bed next to Murphy, placing an arm around his shoulders. “We both did…”
Murphy turned, wrapping his arms around Connor and burying his face in his chest. Connor ran his hands over Murphy’s soft skin, running his fingers along his spine up to his neck, bringing his hand to rest on his neck. Gently pulling Murphy away to look him in the eye, Connor placed a kiss on his cheek. “It’s not your fault…” He trailed.
Murphy took a jagged deep breath and slowly exhaled, looking deeply into Connors eyes before kissing his lips.
The End
~*~ So? What do you think? It's actually my first m/m fic... *nervous look* So feedback would be appreciated!