Contemplation of Emotion
It’s easier to think as a dog.
Animals weigh the possibilities, sometimes contemplate the consequences, and then they just react. The entire process takes a split second. The problem goes in and the solution comes out. There’s nothing to it at all.
I can understand at times like these, when all of my thoughts are just getting confused and the answers to simple questions are coming out far too complicated, why Horus chose to spend so much of his life in America as a bird. You can dive down into the simplest form of reflection and consideration, put all of the tangled emotions into neat little rows and force them to make sense. Animals feel everything non-physical in simple terms. There’s joy, there’s anger and there’s sorrow. Every other feeling that humans have given a name to is nothing more than a marker placed on one of those three lines - true depression is nothing but pure sorrow, hatred is merely the most severe anger, love is simply extreme joy.
When looking at everything the way that animals do, one has to wonder why humans, and gods in the form of man, find it so necessary to give the smallest change in an emotion a new name. Once they’ve experienced sorrow or anger or joy to a certain extent, a person is no longer allowed to simply say that they’re sad or angry or happy. Are you sad to see life end or has this loss left you devastated? Are you angry about some past indiscretion or are you enraged by the entire travesty? Are you happy to spend all of your time in someone’s company or do you just not realize that what you’re feeling is love?
I’m no better at this than anyone else. When I’m a beast, I can let go of human thought, let the world be simplified, and everything makes perfect sense. But as soon as I’m a man again, I fall into the trap that mankind has placed for itself and the gods have subscribed themselves to - the mask of myriad emotions.
In terms of dog-thought, I’m angry. Set has always made me angry to some degree. With him nearby, it’s inevitable that I would be. I’m also, however, perfectly happy. Those I care for are relatively safe compared to other times we’ve seen. Horus is happy, if often harassed, and Ibis is here. That’s all that really matters.
It’s in terms of man-thought that things get more difficult to sort through. I can’t explain it well enough to make any sense so I don’t even bother to try. After all, I’m not the one with the words. Those are Thoth’s territory. My place is with the lost and the dead and it’s not the place of the dead to speak. And, even when they do, they still sound like no more than beasts.
The jackal in me tells me that the anger will pass. I’m happy and that happiness needs no more specific name. The man in me, on the other hand, is confused in his attempts to discover exactly what emotions he’s feeling.
Unfortunately, even when in the shape of the former, I believe I may just be stuck in the mind of the latter.
Animals weigh the possibilities, sometimes contemplate the consequences, and then they just react. The entire process takes a split second. The problem goes in and the solution comes out. There’s nothing to it at all.
I can understand at times like these, when all of my thoughts are just getting confused and the answers to simple questions are coming out far too complicated, why Horus chose to spend so much of his life in America as a bird. You can dive down into the simplest form of reflection and consideration, put all of the tangled emotions into neat little rows and force them to make sense. Animals feel everything non-physical in simple terms. There’s joy, there’s anger and there’s sorrow. Every other feeling that humans have given a name to is nothing more than a marker placed on one of those three lines - true depression is nothing but pure sorrow, hatred is merely the most severe anger, love is simply extreme joy.
When looking at everything the way that animals do, one has to wonder why humans, and gods in the form of man, find it so necessary to give the smallest change in an emotion a new name. Once they’ve experienced sorrow or anger or joy to a certain extent, a person is no longer allowed to simply say that they’re sad or angry or happy. Are you sad to see life end or has this loss left you devastated? Are you angry about some past indiscretion or are you enraged by the entire travesty? Are you happy to spend all of your time in someone’s company or do you just not realize that what you’re feeling is love?
I’m no better at this than anyone else. When I’m a beast, I can let go of human thought, let the world be simplified, and everything makes perfect sense. But as soon as I’m a man again, I fall into the trap that mankind has placed for itself and the gods have subscribed themselves to - the mask of myriad emotions.
In terms of dog-thought, I’m angry. Set has always made me angry to some degree. With him nearby, it’s inevitable that I would be. I’m also, however, perfectly happy. Those I care for are relatively safe compared to other times we’ve seen. Horus is happy, if often harassed, and Ibis is here. That’s all that really matters.
It’s in terms of man-thought that things get more difficult to sort through. I can’t explain it well enough to make any sense so I don’t even bother to try. After all, I’m not the one with the words. Those are Thoth’s territory. My place is with the lost and the dead and it’s not the place of the dead to speak. And, even when they do, they still sound like no more than beasts.
The jackal in me tells me that the anger will pass. I’m happy and that happiness needs no more specific name. The man in me, on the other hand, is confused in his attempts to discover exactly what emotions he’s feeling.
Unfortunately, even when in the shape of the former, I believe I may just be stuck in the mind of the latter.