no really, I'm serious, I did
so i quit smoking pot, and now i don't get crazy anxiety and panic attacks.
damn.
was really hoping pot was the medicine for the illness, not the illness for the medicine. this after years of talking about how pot isn't harmful at everyone. argh.
actually i am really happy. i feel better than i have in months, maybe years. i feel waaay more socially competent, and have waaay more energy. i also do not miss having to track down weed, and the money savings are paying off back bills. ok, some of the money savings are going to new CDs.
working on a documentary project about adult children of drug addicts. doing research into this subject is frustrating. the media only talks about parental drug use in the inner-cites, where it's treated as if only non-white people have drug-addict parents, or it's tied into the current meth boom with the whole "tiny-tots-in-danger-from-toxic-chemicals" story. don't get me wrong, those are both important stories. but no one wants to admit that this country produced more hard-drug addicts in the late seventies and early eighties than any other time, and those addicts had a lot of kids. those kids had real crappy times in their childhood (I suddenly realize I'm speaking in the third person plural, but could/should be talking in the first person singular) and now they're adults and have a lot of unresolved issues regarding family, mental/physical health, and yes, drug use. anyway, i need to get some focus on this project, i feel like it's still all wrapped up in personal, emotional stuff right now. maybe i should start by documenting my own story before I go off and start grilling other people. i need to really talk to my dad about his drug use. i've kind of tried to ignore it for a long time, kind of like, oh-he-went-to-rehab-and-meetings-so-now-let's-just-focus-on-good-things.
i can remember when my mom told me the reason my dad wasn't around was because he was in the city, using cocaine. i think i was around eight. at that age, all i knew about drugs was that they were b-a-d bad. i was just crying and crying, yelling no! at her, trying to imagine she was lying, but realizing from her face and voice that this was indeed telling the truth. my dad did coke and speed until i was in junior high and he finally got into rehab, probably at the requests of my mom and his mom. later i found out all sorts of other terrible stuff he did/didn't do because of the drugs. blew all our FEMA aid money after the '89 quake on coke, didn't show up to court to try and get joint custody of me because he was getting high.
wow, this is getting long and depressing. i try and avoid these kind of livejournal entries. anybody know of a good way to get your own website where I can set up this project? i want it to be web-based.
p.s. i work at a video store now.
damn.
was really hoping pot was the medicine for the illness, not the illness for the medicine. this after years of talking about how pot isn't harmful at everyone. argh.
actually i am really happy. i feel better than i have in months, maybe years. i feel waaay more socially competent, and have waaay more energy. i also do not miss having to track down weed, and the money savings are paying off back bills. ok, some of the money savings are going to new CDs.
working on a documentary project about adult children of drug addicts. doing research into this subject is frustrating. the media only talks about parental drug use in the inner-cites, where it's treated as if only non-white people have drug-addict parents, or it's tied into the current meth boom with the whole "tiny-tots-in-danger-from-toxic-chemicals" story. don't get me wrong, those are both important stories. but no one wants to admit that this country produced more hard-drug addicts in the late seventies and early eighties than any other time, and those addicts had a lot of kids. those kids had real crappy times in their childhood (I suddenly realize I'm speaking in the third person plural, but could/should be talking in the first person singular) and now they're adults and have a lot of unresolved issues regarding family, mental/physical health, and yes, drug use. anyway, i need to get some focus on this project, i feel like it's still all wrapped up in personal, emotional stuff right now. maybe i should start by documenting my own story before I go off and start grilling other people. i need to really talk to my dad about his drug use. i've kind of tried to ignore it for a long time, kind of like, oh-he-went-to-rehab-and-meetings-so-now-let's-just-focus-on-good-things.
i can remember when my mom told me the reason my dad wasn't around was because he was in the city, using cocaine. i think i was around eight. at that age, all i knew about drugs was that they were b-a-d bad. i was just crying and crying, yelling no! at her, trying to imagine she was lying, but realizing from her face and voice that this was indeed telling the truth. my dad did coke and speed until i was in junior high and he finally got into rehab, probably at the requests of my mom and his mom. later i found out all sorts of other terrible stuff he did/didn't do because of the drugs. blew all our FEMA aid money after the '89 quake on coke, didn't show up to court to try and get joint custody of me because he was getting high.
wow, this is getting long and depressing. i try and avoid these kind of livejournal entries. anybody know of a good way to get your own website where I can set up this project? i want it to be web-based.
p.s. i work at a video store now.