Inspired from elsewhere...
http://blaggblogg.blogspot.com/2005/03/notes-from-disgruntled-ex-server.html
After reading this, I felt the need to do my own take on...CASINO EMPLOYEES!!!
-THE ANGRY MAINTENANCE DUDE-
Common Aliases: Fred, Ed, Ned, Steve
Vital Stats: These folks are the backbone of keeping a casino in business...or so they think. They think of themselves as a separate entity, and woe betide any who get in their way. They're all typically in their mid-fifties and "don't like piss-pants kids" telling them that something is broken, because "Dammit, I could tell that thing was acting up all damn day just by looking at it...I'll fix that sumbitch when I'm good and ready."
They tend to be incredibly overweight and covered in tatoos, and have been in the line of fixing broken shit (except their marriages) for most of their lives due to the fact that "Nam changes a man..."
Is Sleeping With: The hooker of the evening.
Wants to be Sleeping With: The Cocktail Wench
-THE COCKTAIL WENCH-
Common Aliases: Mindy, Chantelle, Missy
Vital Stats: Poor, poor girls. Between drunk and horny patrons trying to get in their apron and The Angry Maintennance Dudes checking out their asses all night, they have it rough...Maybe. Within the first week of starting their job, they were assigned a certain position in the cocktail waitress pecking order, and were only able to claw their way up the ladder by either sleeping with/flirting with/showing some cleavage to their supervisors, or spreading viscious rumors about the girls ahead of them for doing the same thing and actually getting it to go somewhere. This last tactic usually ends up with the scheming twat getting the parties involved fired or suspended for long periods of time.
They always tend to complain about not making any money, but still somehow manage to bring home insane ammounts of tips at the end of their shift.
Is Sleeping With: The Foreign Dealer
Wants to be Sleeping With: That man on the Craps table with insane ammounts of money.
-THE FOREIGN DEALER-
Common Aliases: Phi, Manuel, Chico, Phui
Vital Stats: Table games are THEIR LIFE! Unless you're talking about Blackjack strategies or how to propperly pay out a bet on a Craps table, your words go unheard. While all departments tend to be a little clique-ish in a casino, The Foreign Dealers set a new standard. While not on the floor, they speak in their native dialects in the breakroom, playing Texas Hold'em for lines on where the next big paying casino is opening up, because all the oil and such used to slick their hair back gets a tad spendy.
Their hands are so dexterous that they could make a living picking pockets in New York City, and like to show off their latest card handling tricks to the next rube to sit down at their table...or the newest Cocktail Wench, because they know that the girls are desperate to get a leg up in the place, and can appreciate a man who is good with his hands...
Is Sleeping With: The Cocktail Wench
Wants to be Sleeping With: Any World Series of Poker winners from the last five years.
-THE BROKEN-DOWN HOUSEKEEPER-
Common Aliases: Fran, Nancy, Marilyn, Bonnie
Vital Stats: These poor women. Some used to be married to Angry Maintenance Dudes, or alcoholics (almost one in the same, really), and now that they have hit their "golden years," all they have to show for it is picking up after the customers and their fellow "co-workers." They endure backbreaking work for little pay, and the lights have gone out in their eyes a long, long time ago. They tend to latch on to some of the younger male employees, in the hopes of thinking that the young bucks might fancy a graying doe for a few nights.
While they may appear happy and bright on the surface, their inner thoughts are a miasma of pain and hatred, mostly directed at sloppy customers or their fellow employees that take their work for granted. The day will come when they will win the lottery, and be able to retire from the hell that is their current existence, but until that day comes, they will continue cleaning bathrooms and emptying trashcans while plotting the demise of the jackasses sitting at the nearest slot machines.
Is Sleeping With: No one at all. And has been for a long time.
Wants to be Sleeping With: Anyone with a penis under the age of 40...or The Cocktail Wench, in a pinch.
-THE NAZI SECURITY BUFF-
Common Aliases: Bruce, Johnny, Chet
Vital Stats: Give these guys a walkie-talkie with an earpiece, and they're in heaven. They like to use and abuse whatever authority is given to them by their casino overlords, and like to boss around the other poor unfortunate fucks that happen to work in the same place as them. The only thing that has kept these guys from turning into Angry Maintenance Dudes is the fact that they bothered to stay in shape after leaving the military, and don't have visible tatoos.
Nothing makes these guys happier than trying to find "those damned terrorists" because they feel that they are working in an environment ripe for an attack of any sort. If you're a male customer of foreign descent and are under the age of 30, they will be watching you. Oh yes, they will be watching you...and you had better not be talking to The Foreign Dealer in his native tongue...it will only make things worse for the both of you.
Is Sleeping With: His walkie-talkie.
Wants to be Sleeping With: The Cocktail Wench.
Well, that's it for now...when I have something else witty to say about other casino employee archetypes, I'll be sure to post them.
After reading this, I felt the need to do my own take on...CASINO EMPLOYEES!!!
-THE ANGRY MAINTENANCE DUDE-
Common Aliases: Fred, Ed, Ned, Steve
Vital Stats: These folks are the backbone of keeping a casino in business...or so they think. They think of themselves as a separate entity, and woe betide any who get in their way. They're all typically in their mid-fifties and "don't like piss-pants kids" telling them that something is broken, because "Dammit, I could tell that thing was acting up all damn day just by looking at it...I'll fix that sumbitch when I'm good and ready."
They tend to be incredibly overweight and covered in tatoos, and have been in the line of fixing broken shit (except their marriages) for most of their lives due to the fact that "Nam changes a man..."
Is Sleeping With: The hooker of the evening.
Wants to be Sleeping With: The Cocktail Wench
-THE COCKTAIL WENCH-
Common Aliases: Mindy, Chantelle, Missy
Vital Stats: Poor, poor girls. Between drunk and horny patrons trying to get in their apron and The Angry Maintennance Dudes checking out their asses all night, they have it rough...Maybe. Within the first week of starting their job, they were assigned a certain position in the cocktail waitress pecking order, and were only able to claw their way up the ladder by either sleeping with/flirting with/showing some cleavage to their supervisors, or spreading viscious rumors about the girls ahead of them for doing the same thing and actually getting it to go somewhere. This last tactic usually ends up with the scheming twat getting the parties involved fired or suspended for long periods of time.
They always tend to complain about not making any money, but still somehow manage to bring home insane ammounts of tips at the end of their shift.
Is Sleeping With: The Foreign Dealer
Wants to be Sleeping With: That man on the Craps table with insane ammounts of money.
-THE FOREIGN DEALER-
Common Aliases: Phi, Manuel, Chico, Phui
Vital Stats: Table games are THEIR LIFE! Unless you're talking about Blackjack strategies or how to propperly pay out a bet on a Craps table, your words go unheard. While all departments tend to be a little clique-ish in a casino, The Foreign Dealers set a new standard. While not on the floor, they speak in their native dialects in the breakroom, playing Texas Hold'em for lines on where the next big paying casino is opening up, because all the oil and such used to slick their hair back gets a tad spendy.
Their hands are so dexterous that they could make a living picking pockets in New York City, and like to show off their latest card handling tricks to the next rube to sit down at their table...or the newest Cocktail Wench, because they know that the girls are desperate to get a leg up in the place, and can appreciate a man who is good with his hands...
Is Sleeping With: The Cocktail Wench
Wants to be Sleeping With: Any World Series of Poker winners from the last five years.
-THE BROKEN-DOWN HOUSEKEEPER-
Common Aliases: Fran, Nancy, Marilyn, Bonnie
Vital Stats: These poor women. Some used to be married to Angry Maintenance Dudes, or alcoholics (almost one in the same, really), and now that they have hit their "golden years," all they have to show for it is picking up after the customers and their fellow "co-workers." They endure backbreaking work for little pay, and the lights have gone out in their eyes a long, long time ago. They tend to latch on to some of the younger male employees, in the hopes of thinking that the young bucks might fancy a graying doe for a few nights.
While they may appear happy and bright on the surface, their inner thoughts are a miasma of pain and hatred, mostly directed at sloppy customers or their fellow employees that take their work for granted. The day will come when they will win the lottery, and be able to retire from the hell that is their current existence, but until that day comes, they will continue cleaning bathrooms and emptying trashcans while plotting the demise of the jackasses sitting at the nearest slot machines.
Is Sleeping With: No one at all. And has been for a long time.
Wants to be Sleeping With: Anyone with a penis under the age of 40...or The Cocktail Wench, in a pinch.
-THE NAZI SECURITY BUFF-
Common Aliases: Bruce, Johnny, Chet
Vital Stats: Give these guys a walkie-talkie with an earpiece, and they're in heaven. They like to use and abuse whatever authority is given to them by their casino overlords, and like to boss around the other poor unfortunate fucks that happen to work in the same place as them. The only thing that has kept these guys from turning into Angry Maintenance Dudes is the fact that they bothered to stay in shape after leaving the military, and don't have visible tatoos.
Nothing makes these guys happier than trying to find "those damned terrorists" because they feel that they are working in an environment ripe for an attack of any sort. If you're a male customer of foreign descent and are under the age of 30, they will be watching you. Oh yes, they will be watching you...and you had better not be talking to The Foreign Dealer in his native tongue...it will only make things worse for the both of you.
Is Sleeping With: His walkie-talkie.
Wants to be Sleeping With: The Cocktail Wench.
Well, that's it for now...when I have something else witty to say about other casino employee archetypes, I'll be sure to post them.