i know the pieces fit because i watched them fall away

[black_asininity]

This week I feel like a hermit. Out of my own karma i got ditched on my date. Not really his fault because i made him think i was going to ditch but his fault because he didn't give me indication that he expected me not to show up. He told me hed call and reschedule but its thursday and I've heard nothing. I am not surprised and I'm not sad. I suppose it just makes me sink a little knowing I am trapped in my own skin and there really isn't a way out. If harvard guy calls me it will be tonight. It would be nice to know if im getting myself into something or if im just rotting. I think I'm just rotting creatively. Roseanna is out a lot now so I spend most of my time by myself. Sometimes i wander into Adams room who i happened to hook up and now he just want to be friends. Which is good i suppose because I think dating him would have disgusted me. I dont tell him that. I read a lot. My roomates smoke pot. I live in a drug den, for serious. I'm trying to work creatively but I don't feel it. I'd rather just read and whine. I whine a tremondous amount. Mostly because i can. Mostly because I find conversation uselss so I am bi9tter and sarcastic or a whole lot of nothing. I'm waiting for my friend Doria to get back. She is my favorite person here and I never hang out with her. It makes me feel odd knowing that. Something's really wrong with this place. There are other people that i really like talking to and enjoy seeing and I feel like I'd almost rather be with them. But i almost dont belong. I just got a text message and i thought it was harvard boy because i couldn't think of who else would text message me. It was Aisha. My heart sunk a little. I don't mind aisha. I mind boring ordinary people. I think I'm turning boring and ordinary

oh well
maybe im better off this way