UPDATE
Skool today...wow. Ummmm lets see I only gave Loki 1/2 a hug today instead of the usual 4 or so hugs a day. Stephanie and Kyle helped me out 2day, thanks a lot you guys :-)
During guitar class we were back in the classroom. I didnt say barly a word to him all hour. Then near the end while everybody was goofing around waiting for dismissel, Loki startes to pace round the room. After a little bit he askes me a question,
"Do you ever feel like your in a cage, and there is nothing holding you back from getting out of the cage, but yet you cant get out?"
"You mean you feel really mad or irritated about something and you wish you could just go and punch some1 in the face, but yet your holding your self back?"
"Yeah."
"Of course I feel like that alot." (At that moment thats how I was feeling!)
He nods. Joe startes playing the piano really loud and Loki says something else. I had to ask him to repeate himself like 3 times b4 i heard him clearly say "I do not want to be married right now." (so whats that mean? are you regretting it??)
During World Religions I was eves-dropping on some of Loki's conversations to see what was going on. Hunt said that ppl were saying that he only got married to "get some" and Loki got all mad b/c ppl are saying that and so many ppl know already. Well what the fuck did you think ppl were going to say when they found out that you married a girl EIGHT YEARS OLDER then you?! Because I was upest, angry, and under so much stress cause of all this shit, it resulted in snezzing and a runny nose last night and today :-( So Kyle came over to me and told me all that was being said and tryed to make me feel better :-D
Loki got suspious and came over wondering why Kyle was comforting me. I lied saying that we were talking about how boring it was today and how ever1 was so gloomy. I think he saw right through my lie, I dunno :-/
Then Hunt and Loki started taking stuff outta by bag. I didnt care it was funny which made happy. Then he started playing some sorta game of footsie with me. I was like, good now I can kick his foot back. So after I kicked his feet, I sat there with both feet on one of his foots trying as much as i could to hurt his toes lol. Then he started staring at me. So, I STARED BACK.I LOOKED REAL DEEP INTO HIS EYES, for about 3 minutes asking all these questions to myself trying to see if i could tell what he was thinking. I knew it was hopeless, but I wish he saw all the anger and hurt that I felt show through my eyes.
I still think this whole marriage thing is FUCKED UP. I didnt cry today, hopefully my eyes have dried out and i wont any more, I hate crying. I hope they get a divorce. He is ruining is life! I thought he was smarter then that. He told me on the phone that he just has so much stit going on and that he really does love this girl b/c out of all his g/f she has never hurt him, and vise-versa. WHAT, DO YOU THINK MARRIAGE IS CURE TO ALL YOU TROUBLES? ITS NOT A GAME LUCAS, ITS REAL!
Its like, I love him soooo dearly as a friend, and he means so much to me, but then I hate him for all the shit he did :-S
Its going to take a while for me to over all this...
During guitar class we were back in the classroom. I didnt say barly a word to him all hour. Then near the end while everybody was goofing around waiting for dismissel, Loki startes to pace round the room. After a little bit he askes me a question,
"Do you ever feel like your in a cage, and there is nothing holding you back from getting out of the cage, but yet you cant get out?"
"You mean you feel really mad or irritated about something and you wish you could just go and punch some1 in the face, but yet your holding your self back?"
"Yeah."
"Of course I feel like that alot." (At that moment thats how I was feeling!)
He nods. Joe startes playing the piano really loud and Loki says something else. I had to ask him to repeate himself like 3 times b4 i heard him clearly say "I do not want to be married right now." (so whats that mean? are you regretting it??)
During World Religions I was eves-dropping on some of Loki's conversations to see what was going on. Hunt said that ppl were saying that he only got married to "get some" and Loki got all mad b/c ppl are saying that and so many ppl know already. Well what the fuck did you think ppl were going to say when they found out that you married a girl EIGHT YEARS OLDER then you?! Because I was upest, angry, and under so much stress cause of all this shit, it resulted in snezzing and a runny nose last night and today :-( So Kyle came over to me and told me all that was being said and tryed to make me feel better :-D
Loki got suspious and came over wondering why Kyle was comforting me. I lied saying that we were talking about how boring it was today and how ever1 was so gloomy. I think he saw right through my lie, I dunno :-/
Then Hunt and Loki started taking stuff outta by bag. I didnt care it was funny which made happy. Then he started playing some sorta game of footsie with me. I was like, good now I can kick his foot back. So after I kicked his feet, I sat there with both feet on one of his foots trying as much as i could to hurt his toes lol. Then he started staring at me. So, I STARED BACK.I LOOKED REAL DEEP INTO HIS EYES, for about 3 minutes asking all these questions to myself trying to see if i could tell what he was thinking. I knew it was hopeless, but I wish he saw all the anger and hurt that I felt show through my eyes.
I still think this whole marriage thing is FUCKED UP. I didnt cry today, hopefully my eyes have dried out and i wont any more, I hate crying. I hope they get a divorce. He is ruining is life! I thought he was smarter then that. He told me on the phone that he just has so much stit going on and that he really does love this girl b/c out of all his g/f she has never hurt him, and vise-versa. WHAT, DO YOU THINK MARRIAGE IS CURE TO ALL YOU TROUBLES? ITS NOT A GAME LUCAS, ITS REAL!
Its like, I love him soooo dearly as a friend, and he means so much to me, but then I hate him for all the shit he did :-S
Its going to take a while for me to over all this...