Because I love you-[toraxsaga]

Oct 23, 2009 17:04

TITLE: because i love you - oneshot
AUTHOR: ME as bl4ckston3
PAIRING(s): ToraXSaga, hints of ShouXHiroto
BAND(s): Alice Nine
GENRE: drama, romance, angst?
RATING: PG/G
DISCLAIMER: just in my imagination
EDITOR: saerashi thank you ne for being such a burden you ^^
SUMMARY: “Yes, I am blind indeed.” The smaller man said, but not in anger, instead a friendly smile graced his lips. The brunette gasped in disbelief when he knew the truth. The smaller man must be really offended by what he just said. But he didn't seem angry and that smile was still there. Now he felt really guilty for what he did and said.
a/n : comment made me happy~~~~


___BECAUSE I LOVE YOU___

“ Get away from me. I don’t wanna see you ever again! I hate you.” Saga’s scream echoes through the not so large room in the hospital.

“Jezz…Saga, calm down. You may wake all patients here. They will be disturbed by your screaming.” The taller raven-haired guy said in an almost inaudible whisper, desperately trying to calm his lover.

“ I don’t care! All I care is that you must leave me. I HATE YOU TORA!!! Leave me alone! And I don’t need these fucking flowers!” Saga threw the bouquet of red flowers which Tora had brought for him.

The flowers scattered around the floor because Tora didn’t bother to catch them. A pained expression appeared on Tora’s face upon hearing those hurtful words which just escaped from Saga's lips. It’s true he was the reason the brunette was in the hospital in the first place and being in a state of unconsciousness for three days. He blamed himself for the accident and would not come to forgive himself if his lover were to close his eyes forever. And when Saga’s doctor said that there was no serious injuries on his lover, he felt so relieved. He had waited patiently for his love to pen his eyes, to snatch the opportunity to tell his love that he was sorry. But his hopes was dashed when Saga screamed and hurled the flowers and pillows at him the moment his eyes laid on the raven-haired man. Tora couldn't even let a word pass his mouth before Saga began throwing a fit at him.

A moment later, the nurses hurriedly entered the room, afraid that something had happened to their patient. When they saw that Saga was agitated by Tora's presence, they had to lead Tora out of the room and convinced the distraught man to come back later, when Saga was more stable.

Tora took a glance in Saga's direction for the last time before exiting the room. murmuring a ‘see you’ that the other didn’t hear.

After Tora left the room, the nurses cleaned up the mess that Saga had made. they threw the scattered petals and broken twigs in the trash can while the pillows were plumped and placed behind Saga. Saga just sat on his bed, hugging his knees and burying his head in the nook, sobbing uncontrollably. He ignored the nurses questions and just curled deeper to drown in his sorrow.

Saga continues his sob, letting it become louder and louder. Then he heard the curtain which separated his bed and the other patient bed being pulled with ascratching sound. But he didn’t bother to lift his head. he anticipated a scream or curses to fly in his direction since he knew damn well that he had disturbed the other patient with his outburst with Tora and his loud sobbing. Instead, he heard a gentle low voice reaching out to him.

“Ano… Saga-san isn’t it?” the voice sounded so low and weak. But Saga kept still, ignoring the voice despite the fact that he heard the person.
“What happen, Saga-san?” his roommate kept asking.
“If you need someone to talk to, I will be glad to listen. Maybe if you do tell me the reason, it might lessen your burden and lift your spirits a little.”

NNow Saga was starting to get annoyed by this guy. Is he trying to act like a saint or something, trying to help lessen peoples burden by giving a listening ear. And they don't even know each other.

“Saga-san…” Now saga couldn’t care less anymore. This fellow is just persistent, oblivious to the fact that he was being ignored by Saga.

“WHAT! Can't you just see that I am crying? Why can't you just be quite and leave me alone? Are you blind!?” He snaps. He looked up from his coccon with red eyes. The other, a little guy, smaller than him had fallen silent but Saga could see the look of irritation entering the small face. Somewhere inside his heart he is feeling guilty. Maybe he just over-reacted. Besides the other guy was just trying to be nice to him. Then after seconds of silence passed, the smaller open his mouth.

“Yes, I am blind indeed.” The smaller man said, but not in anger, instead a friendly smile graced his lips. The brunette gasped in disbelief when he knew the truth. The smaller man must be really offended by what he just said. But he didn't seem angry and that smile was still there. Now he felt really guilty for what he did and said.

“I am sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

“ Ah no problem. I am used to it. Besides I am happy with my condition.” The smaller cut Saga in mid-sentence.
“By the way, my name is Hiroto. Ogata Hiroto. You are Saga, right?” the smaller guy sticks out his right hand with the smile still plastered on his face, a genuine one.

Saga grabs the smaller man's hand hurriedly to shake it and nodded. When he realized that the other couldn’t see his nod, he said

“Yes, Saga. Yoroshiku gozaimasu.”

“Ne, Saga-san. Mind to tell me what happened? Maybe I could help you. Besides that guy named Tora, if I am not mistaken is really love you. I feel bad for him about what you just did. What mistake did he do to you till you said such words to him?” Hiroto asked hesitantly, afraid that the question might anger Saga again. But the outburst never came.

“No. It’s me who’s wrong. I am not good enough to deserve him. I just hurt him. Being the selfish guy that I am. I just want him to myself and myself only. I’m a bad lover, I know. So before our relationship goes any deeper, I must end it.” Saga said, burying his face again in his knees.

Hiroto nodded in understanding.
“If may I know, what made you think like that? Did you know that all the while that you were unconscious, he never left and his tears and his self hatred always accompanied him. I was here before you were here, so I'm telling the truth."

“Yeah. I thought so. Because he always over reacts when something happened to me. Like when I get a cold, just a slight fever.” Saga answered, Smiling remembering a month ago when he got a fever and Tora skipped his part time job to just visit him. Tora had stayed and flustered around Saga, totally oblivious to Saga's Mum's words that the boy was going to be okay. His Mum even got annoyed when Tora messes up the kitchen in his attempt to help.

“Then, what was the real cause?”

“Like I said before. It’s me. Day after day my feelings toward him just grows. I feel scared that someday I’ll lose him. That he’ll getting bored of me and find another lover and that my jealousy would annoy him.” The smaller man kept listening and looked directly at Saga. Although he couldn't really see Saga, the man kept on going.

“This accident was my own fault. It happened when I saw him hugging a girl in front of his work place. And when he shifted his gaze towards me, I just ran instantly, I ignored his frantic calls. When I tried to cross the street, a car hit me and so here I am.” Saga smiled bitterly.

"You know, It was indeed your mistake.” Said Hiroto. Saga turned to Hiroto upon hearing the unexpected comment.
“It’s ok to have that kind of feeling. It was because you love him so much. But you must give him a chance. Don't just see this in your own perspective only, don’t just judge him like that. Who knows that he might have had the same thoughts like you did.” Hiroto said, the smile which was on his face was replaced by a serious one.
“You don't understand this until you are in my shoes, Hiroto.” Said Saga.

“Really? You don't know, Saga-san. I have experienced worse than you. Did you know that I was scared of the same things that plague you right now? Scared of that someone whom I love so much would just leave me after I lost my vision and my ability to walk?” A gasp left Saga's lips when he heard the last sentence.

“Yes, Saga-san. I lost my ability to see and walk after an accident three months ago. Lucky for me, I am still here. My parents died in that accident. I have no family to support me anymore. But Shou, my lover, he keeps supporting me. I did the same as you did before towards him, said that I didn’t need him anymore. That he was better off without me no matter how much my heart needed and ached for him. But I was so scared back then, scared that I would be a burden to him. But he said I am important to him. That he needed me as much as I needed him. He said he’ll be my eyes and my feet. He’ll complement what I lost. And he truly did what he said, Saga-san. He means the world to me. I don't know what i'd do without him.” Tears began to roll down Saga's cheeks unconsciously. he was touched by what Hiroto just said and he felt so small, comparing to what had happened to Hiroto and the determination that just exudes from the guy.

“Ne Saga-san. Don’t cry, i know you're crying even though I can't see you. What you need now is to just give him a chance. Let him explain his feeling towards you and maybe you will be surprised.” Hiroto smiled.

“Thank you, Hiroto. You can call me just Saga.” Saga wipes his tears, smiling and nodding. The talk with Hiroto had lifted his spirits. He was aware that he had acted so silly. If he didn’t want to lose Tora, his lover, what he needed to do is just prevent him from leaving by making him happy always.

A knock on the door diverted their attention to the person who was entering the room.

“Mah, it seems that you two had a nice conversation now ne~~~ mind if I join in?” a tall brunette guy entered the room with a bouquet of white lily flowers in his hand. He handed the flowers to Hiroto when he get closer and pecked Hiroto’s lips. Even though it was just a small peck, it made the petite guy blush and Saga’s giggle.

“Shou~~~ don’t do that in public.” Hiroto punched his lover's chest playfully.

“Eh, is this considered public area?” Shou pouts, although Hiroto couldn’t see, the smaller smile.

“Shut up~ Ok, Shou. Let me introduce you to my new friend. He’s Saga. And Saga, he’s my lover whom I told you about.” Said Hiroto, he tugs Shou’s left arm, signaling to give his right hand so that Saga can shake.

“Waa, so you just told him about me? What did you just say, Pon? Is it bad things? Although I knew there’s nothing bad on me.” Said Shou. He moved closer to Saga’s direction to get his hand.

“Btw, nice to finally see you with your eyes open, Saga.” Said Shou, with his gentle smile. Saga nodded and murmured a‘hai’ before relieving their hands.

“And where’s that guy who’s always here?” Shou shifts his gaze from side to side, looking for a certain someone who apparently wasn't there.
“Really he’s such a crybaby, always crying in here every time I see him.” Hiroto nudged his lover.
“What? It's true. He’s always here, crying. Like the world ws ending or something.” Said Shou, rubbing the spot where hiroto nudged before. Saga just giggled and stared at the two lovers before his ayes.

“No problem, Hiroto. He indeed acted like such a crybaby.” Said Saga.

“See. He is indeed a crybaby, Pon.” Said Shou, pouting.

“Yeah, like you were not. It’s funny, I seem to remember how you resembled a crybaby only three months before in this hospital. It seems that you more vocal than Saga’s lover ne~~” Hiroto teased. But Shou's face immediately transformed.
“It’s because I almost lost you, Pon. You mean the world to me.” said Shou slowly.

Then for a moment the atmosphere in the room became awkward. No one dared to make any voice until a doctor entered the room.

“Shou-san, right? Hiroto-san can leave the hospital today. But make sure he must come back every month to check up on his condition, okay?” said the doctor and give Shou some paper to get his signature. After discussing some things, the doctor left.

“Ne, Pon. I already packed your things. So we’ll left soon when you’re ready.” Shou opened the conversation again.

“Sadly, I just met Saga and talk to him today. But I must leave.” Hiroto said, and true there’s a sad expression on his face.

“Me too, Hiroto. I’m glad that I met you. And I really want to meet you again later.” Answered Saga.

“Really? So, if you don’t mind, we can meet here next month. I hope you’ll visit me. Hear what the doctor said, I’ll be here, the same room every month. It’s funny, because I’ll never be able to walk and see again, so what the point, ne?” said hiroto, he thought it was a joke but no one seemed to laugh.

“Pon, I told you not to say such a thing ever again. I said I’ll be your feet and your eyes, right. So don’t ever say it again, understand?” Said Shou, a little bit angry. Hiroto bit his lower lip and lowered his head. A ‘yes’ managed to squueze tiself out from the smaller man's mouth.

The door suddenly slammed loudly. The three startled men in the room were startled then shift their gaze to the door showing a raven-haired guy there, who was panting like he just finished a triathalon. He steps inside, scratching his head and feeling guilty for make the others startled.

“Oh, that’s your lover, Saga.” Said Shou.

“Ok, we have to go now, Shou. I miss our home already.” Said Hiroto. Shou nodded and lifted his lover up, seeming understand to give the other couple their privacy.

“Remember what we said before, Saga.” Hiroto said. Then Shou and Hiroto left the room after saying their goodbyes.

“ Ano, Saga. I am, I am so sor-” before finished his line, Tora was cut short by Saga who just launched himself at the guy in a hug. Saga buried his face on Tora’s neck soaking the man with his tears. Tora was cinfused by the act and all he coould do was wrap his arms around his lover's waist. The only thing in his mind right then was that Saga had forgiven him and that was all he needed.

They sat in silence for a few moments, the only sound was coming from Saga's sobbing.
“I am the one who should apologise.” Saga said softly. Then Saga captured Tora’s lips who immediately open his mouth so that Saga could explore his warm cavern.

__THE END__

alice nine

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