(no subject)
A lot has happened... and I meant to update about it all as it happened.
But then I didn't have any time. Or energy.
My grandma died on Jan 1. The funeral was the hardest I've been to yet, but seeing the family was nice... and reliving my childhood weekends and holidays spent in the middle of nowhere West Va was also nice.
Some other things have happened since then, but I feel so numb to life right now that I don't really want to talk about it. I feel very tired, drained, and numb. I'm not happy the way I am right now, but I know that this needs to be done. I need time, I need to grow up. I need to know that I can be ok alone. I need to learn how to be not quite so selfish. I need to find myself because I don't really know where my head is now. Everything is so cloudy.
I'm very up and down... and I don't know exactly which direction to go. I think I'm waiting for a more permenant state of 2nd semester to happen before I make any actions. Right now I'm just going through the motions.
I think I'm afraid to turn my feelings back on because there's been so much hurt in the past couple of weeks. I'd rather feel nothing than hurt.
I don't even know.
But then I didn't have any time. Or energy.
My grandma died on Jan 1. The funeral was the hardest I've been to yet, but seeing the family was nice... and reliving my childhood weekends and holidays spent in the middle of nowhere West Va was also nice.
Some other things have happened since then, but I feel so numb to life right now that I don't really want to talk about it. I feel very tired, drained, and numb. I'm not happy the way I am right now, but I know that this needs to be done. I need time, I need to grow up. I need to know that I can be ok alone. I need to learn how to be not quite so selfish. I need to find myself because I don't really know where my head is now. Everything is so cloudy.
I'm very up and down... and I don't know exactly which direction to go. I think I'm waiting for a more permenant state of 2nd semester to happen before I make any actions. Right now I'm just going through the motions.
I think I'm afraid to turn my feelings back on because there's been so much hurt in the past couple of weeks. I'd rather feel nothing than hurt.
I don't even know.