(no subject)
For the past few days I've felt somewhat... empty. And I really don't know why. I have the most incredible girlfriend I could have EVER asked for, it's not that at all. I just HATE living alone. I hate it. I'm such a social person and I spend so much time alone. As much as I sometimes hated it last year, I miss people always being in the room. I miss living between two rooms of people I could go hang out with. I don't know why I picked this, I wish I had chosen to live near everyone else. I hate that I feel like I need to live near everyone to be happy... but I do. After two years of constant socialization, and even just having another body in the room... I never felt alone. The constant mess and the craziness became home. It was comforting. And now it's not my home, it's a place I visit far too little. I think that's why I miss my parents so much and why I spend so much time at my house this year. I'm still looking for home.
I feel like I lost so many people to graduation, and I haven't found anything near a replacement for the void that was left. I know I just need to suck that up and get over it, and I know I was shooting myself in the foot by getting so close to them last year.
I don't know if going away this weekend is a good idea, but I think I'm gonna do it. Hopefully seeing one of the people who was always there last year, who I miss like crazy, will help. I just hope it doesn't make coming back worse. I think I need to get out of this situation to get out of the hole I've fallen into, and maybe when I come back I can look at all of this in a new light.
And I know whenever something is wrong, I can fix it. I WILL fix it. I always fix it.
Everything in my life is always ok. Always. You can never keep Melly down for too long.
I feel like I lost so many people to graduation, and I haven't found anything near a replacement for the void that was left. I know I just need to suck that up and get over it, and I know I was shooting myself in the foot by getting so close to them last year.
I don't know if going away this weekend is a good idea, but I think I'm gonna do it. Hopefully seeing one of the people who was always there last year, who I miss like crazy, will help. I just hope it doesn't make coming back worse. I think I need to get out of this situation to get out of the hole I've fallen into, and maybe when I come back I can look at all of this in a new light.
And I know whenever something is wrong, I can fix it. I WILL fix it. I always fix it.
Everything in my life is always ok. Always. You can never keep Melly down for too long.