Where the heck have you been - and why can't you walk anymore??

[bklyngirl]

Been out of touch far too long - I tried to hit on the highlights, but a lot has changed.

Comments

[cjsmith]

Oh, my friend, you have been through the wringer. I hereby vow that I will not say ONE WORD of complaint about my own idiopathic peripheral neuropathy (the one that makes me unable to run, hike, square dance, bicycle, etc, but DOES leave me able to WALK short distances). Not ONE complaint. For, um, what's a good time limit? I'll figure something out

[bklyngirl]

Thanks CJ! Complain away though my friend - if nothing else I have gained tremendous empathy in the past few months. I guess some good has to come out of all of this.

Do you find the whole endless quest for an explanation to almost be the worst part of this? I keep thinking that if I had an explanation I could either a) find a cure or at least a treatment or b) accept that this is it - and always will be. But even if it turned out to be "b" at least there would be a little closure. As it stands now I find myself postponing a lot of things by saying "When I get better, I will..." Although recently I've been doing that a little bit less and just trying to figure out how to get on with things even though there is no end in sight. Part of me feels like that's defeatist. The other part thinks it's just realism.

If you do come to New York, be sure and let me know - I'd love to meet for dinner or a drink. I haven't read that book - but it sounds intriguing so I'm going to go take a look on Amazon for it.

Good luck to you too!((

[cjsmith]

Oh yes, empathy is a big thing I have learned, too. It's amazing how much I've changed! I might even have been the type of person to be annoyed because I was stuck behind the slowpoke. How spoiled and self-centered can you get?? I'm glad I'm not that person any more

[bklyngirl]

I am embarrassed to say how much I was that person who was annoyed being stuck behind the slowpoke. And I'm kind of disgusted with how much of a whiner I used to be about things that seem relatively silly now. Even now, I try really hard to tell myself that while things may suck for me, there are people with worse problems. And I feel bad that my friends and family feel like they can't come to me with their problems or complaints - they always seem to be saying "I shouldn't complain to you though..." I think that's silly - everyone has problems and to each of us it's only natural and right that we all focus on our own crap

[cjsmith]

And I'm kind of disgusted with how much of a whiner I used to be about things that seem relatively silly now.

Isn't it awful? The way I phrased this in my LJ a while back was "I used to complain about things that were CURABLE! Can you IMAGINE?"

And you're absolutely right that we still do focus on our own crap. Just because someone has it worse doesn't mean we aren't also in pain. I want my friends to be able to rant and vent in front of me, even if they just got off a marathon finish line and I'm sitting down because I couldn't stay standing. They're still my friends, I still want to hear what's bothering them, and the existence of my problems doesn't take theirs away.

I guess all of that just adds up to: when I'm having a Rage Against The Universe day, I will try not to offer to be a sounding board for other people to vent. On a day like that I probably WILL call them whiney spoiled little brats, and I don't want to be that kind of friend. So I can offer to hear them out on the following day. :-)

The day I figured out

[cjsmith]

Well, um, sheepish look here... I ran out of boxes that fit books, and I got started reading the darn thing again, and it was ultra cheap on Amazon, so I, um, er, just bought you a copy. :)

[bklyngirl]

Awww - that's so sweet! You didn't have to do that! We should have a book club meeting to discuss now that we'll be reading it at the same time LOL!

[cjsmith]

Hah, yes! What did you think of page 39? ;-)