Peach Tree
What's the point of being part of a dying community when they are selective on who they want to fall with them? That's been my dilemma for the past few years, and to this day nothing has changed. I scratch my head and become embarrassed when I think back to why I wanted to be a part of it so badly, it was because I wanted to be accepted for being skilled just like them. That was when I learned that just because you're good at something does not mean that you will be one of them, you could only benefit them if you make them look good. There's no point to be apart something where you'd rather accept those you're not fond of because they're close to your level than those who are good to you, that leaves no room for friends just connections through acquaintances. Attempting to do something I loved doing growing up comes with a imaginary stab to the abdomen because the community tells me I'm not good enough, there's no fun unless I'm skilled like them apparently. At the end of the day instead of being mad or trying to get even I realized that these negligent feelings and words are coming from people that don't grow as people as I'm trying to.
It's sad to admit that when something crashes is a blessing in disguise, no longer feeling like a prisoner to a false world of egos. Some part of me shackled to the community, until I was told I didn't have to return to the scene of crime anymore. I didn't feel relieved until that happened, that was one of best reality checks to see. I don't have to be good to grow, I'd rather see where my life can go without being stuck in one place. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about the community, but the bigger struggle is to get into it again without getting you involved.
Notes
1. "Peach Tree" was a working that I just stuck with. The community had renamed Paris "Peaches" and I didn't like it, the "Tree" came from a symbol of grow. "Peach Tree" is life after the community, finally given the chance to grow.
-naokai/bkaii
It's sad to admit that when something crashes is a blessing in disguise, no longer feeling like a prisoner to a false world of egos. Some part of me shackled to the community, until I was told I didn't have to return to the scene of crime anymore. I didn't feel relieved until that happened, that was one of best reality checks to see. I don't have to be good to grow, I'd rather see where my life can go without being stuck in one place. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about the community, but the bigger struggle is to get into it again without getting you involved.
Notes
1. "Peach Tree" was a working that I just stuck with. The community had renamed Paris "Peaches" and I didn't like it, the "Tree" came from a symbol of grow. "Peach Tree" is life after the community, finally given the chance to grow.
-naokai/bkaii