no better
I'm listening to this song that talks about this guy who does all these terrible things to be people and by its conclusion the singer realizing that he isn't any better than this guy. He realized that he had secrets buried within himself. At this point I am hiding a lot more than I can tell for the pure sake that all of my thoughts were not meant to be heard. My innocence has been lost, so has my trust in myself. I feel like I am trapped within myself forced to confide and face this internal figure that won't let me go. How do I escape? How will I find happiness if I am pushing myself further into the darkness? Its the pattern that I have created. Depression, regression, suppression...all these things are what I'm feeling now. Are they the result of self-isolation or is it something deeper? I'm done, so fed up with how things are I just might do something stupid. The pain is intense but will it ever get better? Reflection, I know happiness exist I just don't know where it is right now. its hard to find reasons to keep going. I'm really trying right now, I don't see anything with validity or necessity. I think the world can manage without me, I'm just one more human destroying the atmosphere with my inhumane habits. I guess its time to move on, stop mourning myself and live. But I really don't feel like doing that. I know I shouldn't but dwelling has some twisted satisfaction that I get. I don't know what I'm saying. I just want to stop being for one moment and feel that warm feeling that I get when I see my soul mate. I want to scream so bad right now. Just let it out and think that maybe I'm not as crazy as I feel. I want to drug myself and forget the numbing pain of living with all these pressures. Its building and I don't know how to stop it. One day soon it will explode and I'm scared that I don't know what's going to happen after that. Maybe then I can get over him and find some light, some reason to be.
maybe I can live again.
maybe I can live again.