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I never thought that I could get this far. I never thought that I could be so unstable that even I am scared. Today I wanted to leave, I felt another impulse to leave everything behind me. Today, I didn't feel like a friend. Today I didn't feel human. How is that possible? Have I lost my humanity? But I am not sadistic and mentally insane, I am just normal. I am just like everyone else, even the ones that hide behind the smiles and laughs. I am the person who is the party host, but secretly hates all his guests. I am the person who gets annoyed when other people have a problem and they go on and on about it. I am the prick who thinks that nothing matters to him. This sounds so familiar, then again this tone is less hostel and more heartbreaking. How did I get out of control? Who pushed me over the edge? The very idea of existing is too much. To be alive every moment that you hate yourself is torture. I deserve it. What a monster, how did I get this way? The rhetorics are pouring out: no specific outlet to channel them and organize them. I have stopped dead in my tracks and faced reality. I saw the evils that are layered into my existence. I saw how everyone around me has changed.....things are so different now...how can this truly be my high school experience? Why am I so emo? How did the spectrum change so quickly. I guess this is apart of life....I guess I don't want anything to do with it. I am tired...so very tired of everything around me. I become sick and fatigued everyday that I change and go to ballet. I'm tired of routine. The ordinary and mundane is so dull; how do my friends do it? These cruel comments are not my daggers but really the person inside my me that is coming to this mortal exterior. How cruel of me to think mean thoughts...how cruel of me to be honest. Honestly is a joke now: no one really cares about telling the truth, everything has gone to hell and we are left trying to repair the corruption that was brought no by humanity. I am my own worst enemy. I am the mirror image of my mother and the dark side of my own goodness. What happened to enjoying these moments? They have blended into one big fraud, deceit that has no clear end. Memories are what makes you change, makes you bad. Am I a bad person now? Am I still here...or is this some external force driving me? Who am I? Who are you? What's the point?