(no subject)
It feels odd, typing this. Posting my thoughts on-line. But driving the kids around, my thoughts just start ricocheting around in my head until it feels like it's going to explode.
This year, I turn 39. I didn't give 30 much thought, I was pregnant with my first child and due within a few weeks so I was suitably distracted. 30 isn't much of a milestone anyhow. But 39 has me thinking - what exactly have I done with my life? I've been a daughter, a wife, a mother. A student, a teacher, a worker and now I own a business that's not setting the world on fire. Maybe it's not my age that's got me thinking about all this. After our youngest daughter was born 5 months ago, we decided our family was complete and I had my tubes tied. Another phase complete, no more big pregnant belly, no more excuses not to lose the extra weight, no more itty bitty babies.
So- after 15 years, I cut my hair. I mean, I've done some trims, but this is serious. I looked down on the floor at my sheared locks and thought, what the hell have I done? I look in the mirror and I'm not sure it's me anymore. I'm so not a girly girl and long hair was so easy - put in a pony tail and forget it. Now I have to try to style this mop. I remember now why I grew it out in the first place - sheer frustration! I think that I'm the wrong person to be the mom to three girls, I have next to no talent for hairdressing. I can do simple braids and ponytails, thank god that the older two seem satisfied with that and that the baby doesn't have enough hair to worry about more than a simple brushing yet.
Obviously, I'm watching way too much What Not to Wear.
This year, I turn 39. I didn't give 30 much thought, I was pregnant with my first child and due within a few weeks so I was suitably distracted. 30 isn't much of a milestone anyhow. But 39 has me thinking - what exactly have I done with my life? I've been a daughter, a wife, a mother. A student, a teacher, a worker and now I own a business that's not setting the world on fire. Maybe it's not my age that's got me thinking about all this. After our youngest daughter was born 5 months ago, we decided our family was complete and I had my tubes tied. Another phase complete, no more big pregnant belly, no more excuses not to lose the extra weight, no more itty bitty babies.
So- after 15 years, I cut my hair. I mean, I've done some trims, but this is serious. I looked down on the floor at my sheared locks and thought, what the hell have I done? I look in the mirror and I'm not sure it's me anymore. I'm so not a girly girl and long hair was so easy - put in a pony tail and forget it. Now I have to try to style this mop. I remember now why I grew it out in the first place - sheer frustration! I think that I'm the wrong person to be the mom to three girls, I have next to no talent for hairdressing. I can do simple braids and ponytails, thank god that the older two seem satisfied with that and that the baby doesn't have enough hair to worry about more than a simple brushing yet.
Obviously, I'm watching way too much What Not to Wear.