Speak
Originally it read as follows:
"Silence is deafening. The few words don't really do justice to how true it is. Its too simplistic. Its so loud that your ears ache. You can't even just say anything anymore, it would have to be yelled at the top of your lungs to have the force to overcome the crashing abyss of no sound. Even with all the noises surrounding, the clanking plates, the mumbling chatter of strangers, there was such a lack of sound that it came on like a pounding headache. Say something. Say anything. Just make it stop."
Edited, it now reads:
"Silence is deafening. Words don't do justice to this truth. Its too simplistic. Its so loud your ears ache. Talking isn’t enough, you’d have to yell until your lungs hurt to overcome the quiet’s crashing abyss. Even surrounded by typical restaurant sounds the lack of conversation develops into a migraine. Say anything. Make it stop."
Is concise more effective?
"Silence is deafening. The few words don't really do justice to how true it is. Its too simplistic. Its so loud that your ears ache. You can't even just say anything anymore, it would have to be yelled at the top of your lungs to have the force to overcome the crashing abyss of no sound. Even with all the noises surrounding, the clanking plates, the mumbling chatter of strangers, there was such a lack of sound that it came on like a pounding headache. Say something. Say anything. Just make it stop."
Edited, it now reads:
"Silence is deafening. Words don't do justice to this truth. Its too simplistic. Its so loud your ears ache. Talking isn’t enough, you’d have to yell until your lungs hurt to overcome the quiet’s crashing abyss. Even surrounded by typical restaurant sounds the lack of conversation develops into a migraine. Say anything. Make it stop."
Is concise more effective?