well im gonna update.. even though i should be cleanin...
HOK so i spent the night at crys's like you read previously lol and had a blast! watchin flash files and t.v. and moooovies lol but during this fun day i was called by josh krause lol and he asked to come over for movies wit Beeca, Tom, George, and himslef of course its his house lol i was a lil bit sceptical about goin... but it turned out awesome! lol but so i call my mom and tell her to pick me up at 4:30 so i could get ready for the party at 6:30... so i get in the car and speak maybe three sent. and that was it... i think it pissed her off cuz later she was pissy... so i get home, jump in the shower and start gettin ready... my curling iron lately keeps picking battles wit me and it ends up winning.. i have burns everywhere... including my hair, ear, neck, and cheek oh and my forehead... lol so im ready but i didnt want to show up early so i showed up 30 min late lol he scheduled the party right when That 70's show started! so i was like im gonna watch some of it lol thats why i was late josh lol we watched naploean dynamite... lets jus say its stupid but some things were funny! especailly the dance routine! lmfao! and then when that finished we watched this bill cosby thing from like 18 years ago or something lol it was fun! lol so i came home and out of the past 2 days i had only been home for a total of 4 hours and i had just gotten yelled and bitched at for every possible problem or mess in the house... gawd! grr i have been goin on caffiene for almost 3 days now... cuz for christmas i got a piano and of course ive been sittin up for hours writing music or prac. or releaning some things.. and then ive been everywhere malls and friends houses... so ive been goin and only a couple of hours of sleep... now to be nice to my parents i thought id try and clean... that didnt go to far... i gave up to come and write in this entrapment of words...
my uncle doesnt have much longer and i guess to get that fact off my mind i have been doin everything possible to keep my and my mind busy... cuz before i find myself asleep ill be thinking about mark... and him dying... i know he's not scared... i know he wont be in pain anymore... but i dont want to loose him... cuz then the death wont stop in my family... both grandpas are gettin to the point of wearing away... my grandpa frank doesnt have long at all... and my other grandpa... hes in soo much pain and is on every pain med. imaginable... im worried if my brothers not careful the alchol will get him... either by consumption or by an accedent caused by the alchol... and my dad... if he doesnt do somethin hes screwed you think wit his brother dying... hed start gettin a move on and if not for him then for me... when i was born he sat there holding me and on the camera said, "well i guess im gonna have to loose some weight." well that was when he was 180 to 200 lbs... well he did the exact opposite and took me wit him... and its true my mom finally slipped up and blamed him for me being overweight... when i was a ballerina i used to be soooo skinny i was always small but as soon as i was taken out she said he introduced me to peanut butter, chocolate, and anything junk and bad for a little girl at the age of 7... and shit i have been tryin soo hard to loose weight.. but wit everything goin on and the stress and depression of the holidays.. i may not eat but i still gain.. its like A FUCKIN CURSE!!!
here i sit and complain... every single entry is so fuckin pathetic... i dont wanna be this way... but i am... what the FUCK IS WRONG WIT ME? GAWD!
my uncle doesnt have much longer and i guess to get that fact off my mind i have been doin everything possible to keep my and my mind busy... cuz before i find myself asleep ill be thinking about mark... and him dying... i know he's not scared... i know he wont be in pain anymore... but i dont want to loose him... cuz then the death wont stop in my family... both grandpas are gettin to the point of wearing away... my grandpa frank doesnt have long at all... and my other grandpa... hes in soo much pain and is on every pain med. imaginable... im worried if my brothers not careful the alchol will get him... either by consumption or by an accedent caused by the alchol... and my dad... if he doesnt do somethin hes screwed you think wit his brother dying... hed start gettin a move on and if not for him then for me... when i was born he sat there holding me and on the camera said, "well i guess im gonna have to loose some weight." well that was when he was 180 to 200 lbs... well he did the exact opposite and took me wit him... and its true my mom finally slipped up and blamed him for me being overweight... when i was a ballerina i used to be soooo skinny i was always small but as soon as i was taken out she said he introduced me to peanut butter, chocolate, and anything junk and bad for a little girl at the age of 7... and shit i have been tryin soo hard to loose weight.. but wit everything goin on and the stress and depression of the holidays.. i may not eat but i still gain.. its like A FUCKIN CURSE!!!
here i sit and complain... every single entry is so fuckin pathetic... i dont wanna be this way... but i am... what the FUCK IS WRONG WIT ME? GAWD!