will this story end already
why does this story follow me like a bad dream.
it seems like every time i'm over him he pops up somewhere or something major will remind me of him.
This time, an over night in north west arkansas, ON CHRISTMAS!
No of course i wasnt talking about ryan. it's wes again, it always is.
my heart aches so much for him and i dont understand why.
i mean looking at the pictures of him the other week on facebook didnt phase me. i was thrilled to see him look so healthy again. (and i really hope he is off of the drugs)
and even the fact of knowing that he has a girlfriend doesnt bother me at all. i really dont care about her. it's weird cause most of the time "crazy girl" comes out and cares too much. It's like my soul is telling me she's not a threat. See that's where what wes and i had was way different then any other relationship i've ever had with ANYONE (friend level, love level, business level). We were connected so, so, so spiritually. It's this feeling i cant even describe. i wouldnt even know where to begin to describe it but unconditional love. I know what he did to me. and i dont care. and most say that's stupid and i'm a fool and need to give him up, he's part of the past.
but how do you give up someone that when you looked in his eyes for the first time you felt complete? how do you give up something that when you talked it was like you were the only two people that existed? how do you give up something that when you touched (just hands) you felt like one? And how do you give up something that when you embraced you could tell that everything would be okay?
i would give up so much in my life just to be with him again. just to lay next to him every night and wake up with him every morning.
just to see him one more time i would give up just about everything.
I want to know why he keeps coming into my life. or why things keep reminding me of him. i mean there was a huge stint this year where i didnt think about him at all. it was nice. but then slowly little things would make images of him come to mind. then he friended me on facebook, random news bits of him will pop up now. and then the biggest now is last nights trip to northwest arkansas. I was right there, had he still lived there.
i just wish i could understand what all this means. and why it's so reoccuring.
maybe one day it will make sense and maybe it wont. maybe eventually the pain will go away, and maybe it wont.
i cant say that having a new boyfriend will help, because i know it doesnt. Ryan can attest to that. he used to tell me to stop comparing him to wes. i didnt even mean too. half the time i didnt even know i was doing it.
ha. it's so silly because all this talk and it would seem like wes and i were together a long time. but no. all the magic was only a couple days. and then we were torn apart, not by choice. and that's when one thing just led to another. and then we came back together and it was us again for a couple more days until the drugs got in the way.
i dont know what to do.
all i know is that its now midnight and i have to get up in 5 hrs. to fly around some more.
"goodnight my sweet prince, wherever you are..." that's how those types of chapters end right?
it seems like every time i'm over him he pops up somewhere or something major will remind me of him.
This time, an over night in north west arkansas, ON CHRISTMAS!
No of course i wasnt talking about ryan. it's wes again, it always is.
my heart aches so much for him and i dont understand why.
i mean looking at the pictures of him the other week on facebook didnt phase me. i was thrilled to see him look so healthy again. (and i really hope he is off of the drugs)
and even the fact of knowing that he has a girlfriend doesnt bother me at all. i really dont care about her. it's weird cause most of the time "crazy girl" comes out and cares too much. It's like my soul is telling me she's not a threat. See that's where what wes and i had was way different then any other relationship i've ever had with ANYONE (friend level, love level, business level). We were connected so, so, so spiritually. It's this feeling i cant even describe. i wouldnt even know where to begin to describe it but unconditional love. I know what he did to me. and i dont care. and most say that's stupid and i'm a fool and need to give him up, he's part of the past.
but how do you give up someone that when you looked in his eyes for the first time you felt complete? how do you give up something that when you talked it was like you were the only two people that existed? how do you give up something that when you touched (just hands) you felt like one? And how do you give up something that when you embraced you could tell that everything would be okay?
i would give up so much in my life just to be with him again. just to lay next to him every night and wake up with him every morning.
just to see him one more time i would give up just about everything.
I want to know why he keeps coming into my life. or why things keep reminding me of him. i mean there was a huge stint this year where i didnt think about him at all. it was nice. but then slowly little things would make images of him come to mind. then he friended me on facebook, random news bits of him will pop up now. and then the biggest now is last nights trip to northwest arkansas. I was right there, had he still lived there.
i just wish i could understand what all this means. and why it's so reoccuring.
maybe one day it will make sense and maybe it wont. maybe eventually the pain will go away, and maybe it wont.
i cant say that having a new boyfriend will help, because i know it doesnt. Ryan can attest to that. he used to tell me to stop comparing him to wes. i didnt even mean too. half the time i didnt even know i was doing it.
ha. it's so silly because all this talk and it would seem like wes and i were together a long time. but no. all the magic was only a couple days. and then we were torn apart, not by choice. and that's when one thing just led to another. and then we came back together and it was us again for a couple more days until the drugs got in the way.
i dont know what to do.
all i know is that its now midnight and i have to get up in 5 hrs. to fly around some more.
"goodnight my sweet prince, wherever you are..." that's how those types of chapters end right?