(no subject)
Today sucked, every does though so what else is new!
well... okay so it didnt "suck" but it was way dull....
Consiting of doing everything possible to stay away from any grade below c, and worrying my little head off over like everything!
I wish I didn't worry so god damn much this year, but its the only thing keeping me on the honor roll, so its good to worry, yea, yes it is, whats life without worrying?
BUt then again I want carefree, no not the gum, I want to just freakin wake up and do everything and get 100s on everything all the time... who dosn't, but how do I apply myself with that much effort, without growing away from the few good friends I got.... I dunno, Ive always just wanted to be smart, I'm good at all the things I could care less about, like who needs art anyways, but when I do bad at the things I'm good at, I get mad at myself cause I feel like i could be doing much better... so I dunno what the heck is up with me... It use to be so easy..
Just pass for the year and focus on the things I'm good at, Crazy good, even when I deny myself I know that these things are my real talent, but I want somebody elses talent, I want to be all around just flat out smart, I want to be one of those kidswho goes to college a year early, and can do all their math problems in like 8 seconds flat. Or how about some jacked like athletic kid, why can't I friggin be good at some kind of sport or something, I mean I can do karate, big whoop, and other sports I'm fairly descent... I don't think I'm that bad... But art... nobody likes art... art is for boring conservative people.... or frootloopy people who like to make a big mess,,, thats just not me... and I love music to death, but I know its not really a raw talent, its something Ive worked so hard at for years, its just textbook talent, nothing straight from purpose.... where the hell is my purpose... I can see everyone elses?
They all have this raw tlaent that they are so induldged in, so intangled, and they love ever moment of their glory over and overand over...
ying and yang..
there must be something that bugs them everyday also...
so maybe Ive got something I don't know I have, that somebody wishes they had...
Its a farfetched throw... but ying and yang man, ying and yang, lol
Okay ENOUGH for my segment of complaining, its always happens to be about the same thing anyways
I guess the explantion is just.. I dunno I don't feel liek an interesting ... well not that no.
I dont feel...... like the type of guy somebody would date... I feel like a friends type person... I meann , thats a cool thing, I like just hanging out with friends, but I feel alittle, I dunno outta place, where everybody else can date so freely, they like a person and they are dating them within weeks...
am i intimidating? Do i seem like to, i dunno
Or am I weak seeming,, is it that for a person to want to date me, would have to be someone of low standards,
and Do i risk peoples reputation... am I like that obnoxious to be around, do I make people want to just get away from me as quick as possible so nobody notices that Im talkign to them...
I dunno I might be getting alittle bit off on myself... Just impression, just the things I wonder about...
Self doubt is always my main concern
I don't want to be a weak person, I like being a stron "carefree" happy confident person, someone who can just shine out the mean people that hate them and unstable their reputation because they are just such a god damn SHINEY PERSON!
soooo
I dunno if I explain myself very fluently, my own little head language spilled out like a bucket of crazy apes.
So yea today...
Today was just a day,,,, Anatomy I thoguht would never end though, lol, it was weird seeing everyone stare at eachother, I always wonder what people are thinking... I know I'm thinking alot... maybe its BETTER off not to know, lol.::sighs::
Thats all folks
byeee
well... okay so it didnt "suck" but it was way dull....
Consiting of doing everything possible to stay away from any grade below c, and worrying my little head off over like everything!
I wish I didn't worry so god damn much this year, but its the only thing keeping me on the honor roll, so its good to worry, yea, yes it is, whats life without worrying?
BUt then again I want carefree, no not the gum, I want to just freakin wake up and do everything and get 100s on everything all the time... who dosn't, but how do I apply myself with that much effort, without growing away from the few good friends I got.... I dunno, Ive always just wanted to be smart, I'm good at all the things I could care less about, like who needs art anyways, but when I do bad at the things I'm good at, I get mad at myself cause I feel like i could be doing much better... so I dunno what the heck is up with me... It use to be so easy..
Just pass for the year and focus on the things I'm good at, Crazy good, even when I deny myself I know that these things are my real talent, but I want somebody elses talent, I want to be all around just flat out smart, I want to be one of those kidswho goes to college a year early, and can do all their math problems in like 8 seconds flat. Or how about some jacked like athletic kid, why can't I friggin be good at some kind of sport or something, I mean I can do karate, big whoop, and other sports I'm fairly descent... I don't think I'm that bad... But art... nobody likes art... art is for boring conservative people.... or frootloopy people who like to make a big mess,,, thats just not me... and I love music to death, but I know its not really a raw talent, its something Ive worked so hard at for years, its just textbook talent, nothing straight from purpose.... where the hell is my purpose... I can see everyone elses?
They all have this raw tlaent that they are so induldged in, so intangled, and they love ever moment of their glory over and overand over...
ying and yang..
there must be something that bugs them everyday also...
so maybe Ive got something I don't know I have, that somebody wishes they had...
Its a farfetched throw... but ying and yang man, ying and yang, lol
Okay ENOUGH for my segment of complaining, its always happens to be about the same thing anyways
I guess the explantion is just.. I dunno I don't feel liek an interesting ... well not that no.
I dont feel...... like the type of guy somebody would date... I feel like a friends type person... I meann , thats a cool thing, I like just hanging out with friends, but I feel alittle, I dunno outta place, where everybody else can date so freely, they like a person and they are dating them within weeks...
am i intimidating? Do i seem like to, i dunno
Or am I weak seeming,, is it that for a person to want to date me, would have to be someone of low standards,
and Do i risk peoples reputation... am I like that obnoxious to be around, do I make people want to just get away from me as quick as possible so nobody notices that Im talkign to them...
I dunno I might be getting alittle bit off on myself... Just impression, just the things I wonder about...
Self doubt is always my main concern
I don't want to be a weak person, I like being a stron "carefree" happy confident person, someone who can just shine out the mean people that hate them and unstable their reputation because they are just such a god damn SHINEY PERSON!
soooo
I dunno if I explain myself very fluently, my own little head language spilled out like a bucket of crazy apes.
So yea today...
Today was just a day,,,, Anatomy I thoguht would never end though, lol, it was weird seeing everyone stare at eachother, I always wonder what people are thinking... I know I'm thinking alot... maybe its BETTER off not to know, lol.::sighs::
Thats all folks
byeee