(no subject)
Well, since I posted the "cry for help" post, I figured I might as well actually update as well. So here goes...
Life kinda sucks right now. Oh by the way, did I mention that this is going to be kinda depressing? No, oh well. Where was I? Oh, right...
Life kinda sucks right now. I am depressed on many levels, and really can't vent to anybody. I have been quite sad about my lack of a job. Unfortunately, not in that inspiring-to-get-a-job kinda way. I like not having to go to work. I want to write. I have a novel in my head that's just waiting to leak out of my brain, but am troubled by my lack of money. Without money, I can't move out (something I've needed to do for the past two or three years now). Without money, I can't pay for my car. Without money, I can't take Amy out for diner, let alone a movie. Basically, without money, I'm a loser. A big fat loser who lives at home! Can't the government just give me money so I can write my best selling novel and/or spec-script in peace?
I also feel bad, because it's making me a bad boyfriend. No one wants to date a big fat loser who lives at home. Shit, if I met someone like me, I would make fun of me BIG time. I'm not there for Aim. She has been having some pretty hard times lately, and I have not helped. Either I'm making her upset, or I'm not able to help her get out of her depression. I feel like such a failure at this whole relationship thing. Sam was a mind fuck of a relationship, and Aim never seems to be happy with me anymore. I am totally questioning myself on my dating inabilities. Maybe this is just something that some people aren't good at. And maybe I am just one of those people. I feel like every girl I date gets so sick of me sooner or later. And I am so afraid that that is what's happening right now.
There's also something else that many of you might not get. Okay, none of you will get it, but I might as well throw it up (so to speak) since I'm purging my soul. I miss Chucky. I know, I know. How can I miss a puppet? It'll probably sound stupid, but when I was doing Chucky, I was able to get every single ounce of aggression and sadness out through the wonderful therapy that was "Chucky". I was able to take on two or three hundred drunk people five times a night. Not only was I able to rip on all of those people, I felt so strong knowing that I had that ability. I could take on the world a lot easier knowing that in case of emergency, all I had to do was break open the "Chucky" part of my brain. I still have many recurring Chucky dreams. I even get phantom Chucky mood swings when it gets close to October.
Okay, I know I probably just lost all of my sympathy votes by most of you. No one could really understand this one...well maybe Rickles, but he hasn't had to give it up. He'll have that satisfaction 'till the day he dies. Which will probably be pretty soon, come to think of it.
Well, there you go. An update on LJ. And, nothing like ending on a happy note!
Now don't expect another for about five months or so.
Punkass!
Life kinda sucks right now. Oh by the way, did I mention that this is going to be kinda depressing? No, oh well. Where was I? Oh, right...
Life kinda sucks right now. I am depressed on many levels, and really can't vent to anybody. I have been quite sad about my lack of a job. Unfortunately, not in that inspiring-to-get-a-job kinda way. I like not having to go to work. I want to write. I have a novel in my head that's just waiting to leak out of my brain, but am troubled by my lack of money. Without money, I can't move out (something I've needed to do for the past two or three years now). Without money, I can't pay for my car. Without money, I can't take Amy out for diner, let alone a movie. Basically, without money, I'm a loser. A big fat loser who lives at home! Can't the government just give me money so I can write my best selling novel and/or spec-script in peace?
I also feel bad, because it's making me a bad boyfriend. No one wants to date a big fat loser who lives at home. Shit, if I met someone like me, I would make fun of me BIG time. I'm not there for Aim. She has been having some pretty hard times lately, and I have not helped. Either I'm making her upset, or I'm not able to help her get out of her depression. I feel like such a failure at this whole relationship thing. Sam was a mind fuck of a relationship, and Aim never seems to be happy with me anymore. I am totally questioning myself on my dating inabilities. Maybe this is just something that some people aren't good at. And maybe I am just one of those people. I feel like every girl I date gets so sick of me sooner or later. And I am so afraid that that is what's happening right now.
There's also something else that many of you might not get. Okay, none of you will get it, but I might as well throw it up (so to speak) since I'm purging my soul. I miss Chucky. I know, I know. How can I miss a puppet? It'll probably sound stupid, but when I was doing Chucky, I was able to get every single ounce of aggression and sadness out through the wonderful therapy that was "Chucky". I was able to take on two or three hundred drunk people five times a night. Not only was I able to rip on all of those people, I felt so strong knowing that I had that ability. I could take on the world a lot easier knowing that in case of emergency, all I had to do was break open the "Chucky" part of my brain. I still have many recurring Chucky dreams. I even get phantom Chucky mood swings when it gets close to October.
Okay, I know I probably just lost all of my sympathy votes by most of you. No one could really understand this one...well maybe Rickles, but he hasn't had to give it up. He'll have that satisfaction 'till the day he dies. Which will probably be pretty soon, come to think of it.
Well, there you go. An update on LJ. And, nothing like ending on a happy note!
Now don't expect another for about five months or so.
Punkass!