a letter to willow who is hiding in costa rica, or some shit like that.
dear willow,
i miss you. i am so glad you are having a good experience, and it is lovely as always to read anything you have to say, as you are a master of the written word, my little word smith.
you will be happy to know that coke has ceased its presence in my life, i guess its just not the same without you around to feel like shit about it with.
so much has changed i don't even know where to start. i guess at the beginning, no?
i will start with the first time i got a hold of mark after his lovely break-down and subsequent check-in at ye old neighborhood nut house. he got diagnosed as bi-polar rapid-ascending or some shit like that, which basically means he goes through the whole cycle of mania and depression at an accelerated rate. this is the first time in his thirty five years that he even knew he had a condition that he can now gain control over. he was in the crazy farm for a week before he checked himself into a half-way house of sorts, that he has coined "club meds". The people there are really supportive and really nice, and the good thing was visiting hours happen twice a day, every day, and i made my way out there more times than a girl with a boyfriend should. i got to know him really well in a short period of time. he was better and more stabalized every day. this went on for a week or so, until last friday night (not today, this would be last week) i went to see him and he tried to kiss me and i let him.
not exactly model girlfriend behavior. i made my way home to meet up with the boyfriend. so i could break up with him. he had decided to swim around in a bottle of tequila for a while, so i deemed the evening a loss and went home, figuring i would have the much needed talk with him the next day when he would no longer be seeing double. its bad enough to get broken up with, let alone to get broken up with by two melissas.
i spent the whole next day waiting for him to get his shit done, finish band practice, et cetera, and bided my time by throwing up three times in anticipation, and finally headed to his house at 6:05.
i was home by 6:45
i was so scared that he would be floored by fact that i wanted to end it, but it turns out we were on exactly the same page, we both didnt want to hurt each other but didnt see one another as "the one" it was all very mature and un-melissa like.
just like that. a half hour to end a year long relationship.
i waited a few days and went to see mark, and kept going to see him every day since then. i have never made out with someone so much in so little time. he told me i taste like graham crackers. he gave me a flower and told me "welcome to my heart" he holds my hand and rubs my back and kisses me the way a girl should be kissed. he told me he wants to spend three days straight naked in my bed. he tells me i am smart and loyal and lovely and wonderful. i told him i want to rip his clothes off.
this morning i dropped him off at rehab, he will be in "lock-down" for three weeks, can't have visitors, cant get or make phone calls. he has been off drugs for three weeks. i am so proud of him. he could have come home, but checked himself into this hell hole because he knows he just isnt ready and doesnt trust himself yet.
here comes the shocker.
he whispered "i love you" in my ear, and ran away from me, then ran back and grabbed me and kissed me and said "its small right now, but its growing, and i need you to know i love you"
i told him he could stay with me when he gets out of there in six weeks, and he asked me if i would get an apartment with him.
i cried and hugged him and kissed him fervently and he said "i will be stronger when i get out of here, for me, and for you"
i am absolutely in love in a way i didn't know was possible. i have never felt so sure about something and someone. he feeds my soul, willow.
who knew you could fall in love in the smoking section of a half-way house.
yeah i know, i am nuts, go ahead and make fun of me.
i wish you were here, i miss our monday nights. please come home safe.
when do you come home, anyhow? your crazy friend needs someone to blab at about her crack-head boyfriend.
love,
melissa lynn
i miss you. i am so glad you are having a good experience, and it is lovely as always to read anything you have to say, as you are a master of the written word, my little word smith.
you will be happy to know that coke has ceased its presence in my life, i guess its just not the same without you around to feel like shit about it with.
so much has changed i don't even know where to start. i guess at the beginning, no?
i will start with the first time i got a hold of mark after his lovely break-down and subsequent check-in at ye old neighborhood nut house. he got diagnosed as bi-polar rapid-ascending or some shit like that, which basically means he goes through the whole cycle of mania and depression at an accelerated rate. this is the first time in his thirty five years that he even knew he had a condition that he can now gain control over. he was in the crazy farm for a week before he checked himself into a half-way house of sorts, that he has coined "club meds". The people there are really supportive and really nice, and the good thing was visiting hours happen twice a day, every day, and i made my way out there more times than a girl with a boyfriend should. i got to know him really well in a short period of time. he was better and more stabalized every day. this went on for a week or so, until last friday night (not today, this would be last week) i went to see him and he tried to kiss me and i let him.
not exactly model girlfriend behavior. i made my way home to meet up with the boyfriend. so i could break up with him. he had decided to swim around in a bottle of tequila for a while, so i deemed the evening a loss and went home, figuring i would have the much needed talk with him the next day when he would no longer be seeing double. its bad enough to get broken up with, let alone to get broken up with by two melissas.
i spent the whole next day waiting for him to get his shit done, finish band practice, et cetera, and bided my time by throwing up three times in anticipation, and finally headed to his house at 6:05.
i was home by 6:45
i was so scared that he would be floored by fact that i wanted to end it, but it turns out we were on exactly the same page, we both didnt want to hurt each other but didnt see one another as "the one" it was all very mature and un-melissa like.
just like that. a half hour to end a year long relationship.
i waited a few days and went to see mark, and kept going to see him every day since then. i have never made out with someone so much in so little time. he told me i taste like graham crackers. he gave me a flower and told me "welcome to my heart" he holds my hand and rubs my back and kisses me the way a girl should be kissed. he told me he wants to spend three days straight naked in my bed. he tells me i am smart and loyal and lovely and wonderful. i told him i want to rip his clothes off.
this morning i dropped him off at rehab, he will be in "lock-down" for three weeks, can't have visitors, cant get or make phone calls. he has been off drugs for three weeks. i am so proud of him. he could have come home, but checked himself into this hell hole because he knows he just isnt ready and doesnt trust himself yet.
here comes the shocker.
he whispered "i love you" in my ear, and ran away from me, then ran back and grabbed me and kissed me and said "its small right now, but its growing, and i need you to know i love you"
i told him he could stay with me when he gets out of there in six weeks, and he asked me if i would get an apartment with him.
i cried and hugged him and kissed him fervently and he said "i will be stronger when i get out of here, for me, and for you"
i am absolutely in love in a way i didn't know was possible. i have never felt so sure about something and someone. he feeds my soul, willow.
who knew you could fall in love in the smoking section of a half-way house.
yeah i know, i am nuts, go ahead and make fun of me.
i wish you were here, i miss our monday nights. please come home safe.
when do you come home, anyhow? your crazy friend needs someone to blab at about her crack-head boyfriend.
love,
melissa lynn