(no subject)
Am starting to wonder why I did this Scotland adventure thing. Besides the derby, which has been SO AMAZING, it's just been a big waste of money. I kind of feel like a failure in terms of jobs too... the restaurant job is fine, but the shop just kills my soul. And it would be impossible to change jobs now... I'm only here for another 2 months and January is a really hard time to find a job, especially with this credit crunch stuff. As for reasons for doing this, I think I just really really really wanted to get out of the self-loathing and feelings of failure engendered by school. I almost wish I'd have dropped out when I had second thoughts Sophomore year, and then continued when I actually figured out what I wanted to do. At the time, I thought I'd just finish it to get the degree. But now I've ended up with a degree I don't feel like I've really earned in a subject that I don't really want to pursue. Which is better? Now I'm in Scotland with no money, my dad is paying my monthly student loan interest until I get back (and says ''we can talk about repayment when you get back''... he's so nice... I really don't deserve it), I'm in debt with my American credit card (though not as bad as some people my age), I'm lonely, and I can't hear in my right ear. Oh yeah, that's another story.
I've been sick for the last few weeks. Probably from a combination of working a lot, not sleeping enough, and being around sick employees of both jobs. I had a really bad sinus thing which meant that I couldn't hear very well, but it's started draining. When I blow my nose though my ears pop loudly and painfully, but I started hearing normally again for a while yesterday. Then I went to a concert last night (the Rezillos, it was amazing) and have since been pretty much deaf in my right ear. I think it's getting better though... will see in the morning.
The Rezillos were great. And ridiculous, and amazing. They're a Scottish 70s punk band who did songs about science fiction and stuff. Their lead singers are a guy and a girl, which means that one does lots of dancing around in their crazy outfits while the other is singing. Think tight teal pants with cowboy boots, a pleather miniskirt with a green haired doll attached to it, giant rainbow earrings, skinny sunglasses, etc. Since this was their last gig on the tour and so close to Christmas, they did their entire first album (pretty much the only album they ever did) plus a few songs, then did FIVE ENCORES where they even re-played some of their songs. It was all good though. The ''last'' song they did (pre-encores) was a cover of ''River Deep, Mountain High'', which was a pleasant surprise. It was a good time. The people watching was amazing. Lots of old punks, a few young punks, some hipstery types, etc. I went with Courtenay, the nice girl from the shop.
Saturday the 20th was our roller derby fundraiser as well. I got off work at the restaurant (yess) but went in from 3 to 8 to help set up anyway. Two waitresses called in sick (or ''sick'') that night, but thankfully they didn't ask me to stay because I would've felt le guilty. The fundraiser itself was really fun... not many people besides roller girls and thier friends showed up, but we didn't do much publicizing (oops). There was some good burlesque though, and one act reminded me of Dykes Do Drag at Bryant Lake Bowl in Mpls. My derby finace Danger Mouth did an act with her friend too, and it was all good. I had planned to buy a new skirt or something to wear to the party (I have no money but I haven't bought anything for myself in a really long time, and nothing I brought with fits me well since I'be lost weight), but ended up going in the dress I wore to Jeffrey's wedding. I quickly changed though and had some fellow roller girls help me make a skirt out of wrapping paper. It was amazing, but quickly came to pieces when I got into a booty blocking battle with Anarchick. I went through like 3 paper skirts that night... good times. Also I think this big ginger guy in Anarchick's husband's punk band was trying to chat me up. He showed me a picture of his guitar and said that he's an Anarchist and thinks people should ''blow up banks and shite.''
Also the girls from the shop want to set me up with the cute Spanish guy who works outside. I might not say no, although I would be painfully awkward if sober.
And am still thrown by the Nazi thing. WTF?
Am looking forward to this anyway:
It's our first interleague public bout. We're selling tickets and everything! The venue has a capactiy of 600, although I doubt we'll fill it. It'll be ARRG with some guest skaters from London. We've divided ARRG into 2 teams, the Highland Heathens and Celtic Chaos (stupid names I know... I suggested the Medieval Knievals...) and I'm on Celtic Chaos. My team is so badass, I can't freaking wait. For costumes, we're going for the classic metal look (lots of studs and black eyeliner) and will probably skate out to Motorhead or something.There's fun banter going around between us and the Heathens (hence the booty checking battle with Anarchick), but we're still all ARRG all the time. AAH I LOVE ARRG! EXCEPT NOT THE NAZI PARTS! AAAAH!
I'm really going to miss seeing my family around Christmas, and having some sort of break. I have Christmas day off, but I work full days at the shop the day before and after. I'm going to a vegan feast on Christmas Eve held by a Canadian friend of a friend on the derby team, and I might go for drinks with another team member that night. On Christmas day my Australian roommate is making Crhistmas dinner for some friends who are visiting him, and I'm invited to that too. So it's not like I'll be totally alone...
Can not wait for Mom and Elli to get here on the 30th though. Perfect birthday present. Am SO PISSED about working while they're here... shop manager makes it out like it's all my fault but I'm tired of listening to her passive agressive shit. I really want to quit, but also really need the money. I wanted to take my family to Inverness, but it looks like that won't happen. I could tell my sister was kind of disappointed on the phone. Should I just say fuck it and quit? Just go traveling like I've wanted to do? If I give my landlord a month's notice I can be out of the flat on January 31 and just travel... maybe crash at a rollergirl's house... go farther into credit card debt. It might be worth it. Thoughts?
I'm also kitten sitting for a few weeks, which is nice. It sucks that my two friends who I like to hang out with and seem to want to hang out with me too are gone for the holidays (1-2 months for both of them), but since one of them left me a kitten then I guess it's OK. I have keys to her flat and she has lots of DVDs and the internet, so I'm all set. Mmm kitten time. Right now I'm moving the mouse arrow around the screen and she's batting at it. So cute!
But even kittenlove isn't lifting my mood that much, since I know I have to go to the shop at 9:30 tomorrow morning. Bleh.
Should I quit the shop without giving notice? Spend all my time with my family while they're here? Spend lots of money I don't have? Be happy?
I really miss you guys. Having actual friends who actually know me... not having to be reserved because most people don't get my humor... really can't wait to get back to the states actually. I might've just left early if it weren't for the derby events coming up and my Dylan Moran tickets in February. Will be in New York for a while in late Feb... want to meet up Manderly? And when I get back to MN I'll be staying with my mom in White Bear Lake, but I should be able to get into the cities via the wonderful Metrotransit (<
Now the kitten is batting at the cursor when I type. He. Hehe. Okay so I giggled once.
Maybe what I'm missing from my life is not just friends, but good TV shows? Escapism on demand? I mean I'm still reading that gargantuan Tad Williams series but it's not the same as putting on a few episodes of Black Books.