Apr 02, 2006 15:33
Don't you fucking hate it when you feel like shit and all you want to do is sleep and never wake up again, but you have to wake up because you have fucking work due and a papers to write and class to attend and people who want to see you..not necessarily the people you want to want to see you...but people are there who want to see you nonetheless and you have to wake up and be chipper and "o.k" because thats what people expect thats what they hope that it's all ok and peachy and everything is beautiful and smells nice when inside you, nature food and love has lost all appeal all beauty and all comfort but you know it will come back...those feelings and the desire to feel again...you know it will come back so you force yourself past it all and smile and say its ok so people dont get the wrong idea about you...that you're weak...which you know they wouldnt think that you know they would understand but you would feel weak in their eyes so you hold it all in and play "happy" on the outside when in reality youre falling...you had already fallen hard...but this is a whole other type of falling...negative and depressing...much more so that the other one...but you still play "happy" because you know one day youll believe it and mesh with the feeling and everything will then be ok....
but not now...
all you want to do now is curl up in a dark corner somewhere...crying...until youre dehydrated enough to need a trip to the emergency room....and have someone sit there with you...maybe even in a rocking chair....holding you until you fall asleep?
I know I hate that...