love hurts....
i feel so bad for josh and so helpless at the same time. (FYI: by posting this, i am NOT trying to bash abby or make her look bad at all.)
midge843: hey
ChillinKitten13: hey
ChillinKitten13: whats up?
midge843: nm you?
ChillinKitten13: not much...reformatting my lj
midge843: kk
...cut some...
midge843: im not feeling too bad right now
midge843: a little bit better
ChillinKitten13: well thats good
midge843: yeah
midge843: i just dont see what boda and andrew smith had that i dont
midge843: oh well
ChillinKitten13: aww
ChillinKitten13: im so sorry
midge843: its ok, its probably something ill never really understand
midge843: i honestly dont know what happened
ChillinKitten13: i think that shes thinking that guys are dicks (no offense) and just doesnt want to get into a relationship
midge843: yep
midge843: so im a dick
midge843: awesome
ChillinKitten13: no i dont mean it like that
ChillinKitten13: what im saying is that she might think that all guys are
midge843: well i feel bad for her then
midge843: because she truly missed out on something
ChillinKitten13: because she likes you
midge843: oh well
midge843: probably not anymore...
midge843: at least not in that sense
ChillinKitten13: why do you say that?
midge843: because she doesnt
midge843: why else would she have just cut me off like that
midge843: she doesnt like me like that
ChillinKitten13: she probably does
ChillinKitten13: she wouldnt lead you on
midge843: nah
ChillinKitten13: shes probably just afraid of being used and getting hurt
midge843: she told me she didnt have her feelings straight or something
ChillinKitten13: im not saying you would do that
ChillinKitten13: its just what girls are always afraid of
midge843: and that she finally got them straight and realized she doesnt like me like she thought she did
midge843: i just dont see how feelings can be "deceptive"
midge843: you either like someone or you dont
midge843: i dont get it
midge843: i guess so
ChillinKitten13: well im truly sorry for the way things turned out
midge843: i really dont know what happened
midge843: or what went wrong
midge843: i just hate it when people do this
ChillinKitten13: nothing went wrong
midge843: absolutely hate it
ChillinKitten13: you didnt do anything
ChillinKitten13: it is not your fault
midge843: then why would she mislead me like that
midge843: to that extenet
midge843: *extent
midge843: it wasnt just a little bit
ChillinKitten13: just because one girl doesnt like you in that way doesnt mean other wont
midge843: i mean i really thought something completely different then what she finally ended up telling me
ChillinKitten13: what did she say?
midge843: eh nothing worth repeating
midge843: hurt too much
ChillinKitten13: im sorry josh
midge843: don't be
midge843: you have no reason to be sorry
midge843: im fine now
ChillinKitten13: but i feel bad when one of my friends is hurt
midge843: i did bust up my hand pretty bad though
ChillinKitten13: how so?
midge843: umm punching things repeatedly
ChillinKitten13: what kind of things...
midge843: mostly mad at myself more then anything
midge843: a shelf
ChillinKitten13: josh, you didnt do anything wrong
midge843: anything i found
midge843: just not the wall
midge843: i didnt want to make holes in the wall
ChillinKitten13: dont do that...
ChillinKitten13: when i was in a psychiatric hospital, some kid punched a window and he was all bloodied up
ChillinKitten13: im not saying youre psycho
midge843: nah, it was one thing
midge843: im fine now
midge843: it was how i got rid of my anger
midge843: and being hurt
midge843: and pain
ChillinKitten13: im just saying that you need to find another way to deal with anger...i stead of a shelf, pucnh the bed or a pillow
ChillinKitten13: punch*
midge843: i know but it doesnt feel satisfying
midge843: not that i want to hurt myself
midge843: i just wanted to feel some sort of physical pain
midge843: to get rid of everything
ChillinKitten13: i totally understand
midge843: and now im better
midge843: now listen
ChillinKitten13: and thats how cutting works
midge843: i would never hit a person
midge843: if it came to that
midge843: ever
ChillinKitten13: oh i know
ChillinKitten13: i never said or thought you would
midge843: yeah
ChillinKitten13: but when i was in the hospital, they taught us something called "coping skills"
ChillinKitten13: like instead of trying to receive physical pain, think of something the opposite......if youre sad, do something happy... if youre angry balst some music then do something soothing
midge843: hmm i guess so
ChillinKitten13: id give you my list of coping skills, but theyre kind of girly
midge843: lol doesnt bother me
ChillinKitten13: bubble baths
ChillinKitten13: candles
midge843: i think ill be able to cope alright
ChillinKitten13: well if youre ever in a situation like that again, just try a coping skill...if not, at least you tried
ChillinKitten13: ***if it doesnt work, at least you tried
midge843: yeah true
midge843: thanks
midge843: i just dont know why she waited this long to tell me
ChillinKitten13: anytime
midge843: she said it took her this long to figure it out or something
midge843: which i really dont get
midge843: but whatever
ChillinKitten13: well, if you havent noticed, girls are weird and emotinal thinkers
midge843: i wish she would have just said something
ChillinKitten13: i wish i knew her point of view, so i could bring some understanding, but ive always been the one being led on and used
ChillinKitten13: so i can really relate to you
midge843: why, how often has she done this to people?
ChillinKitten13: but at least you werent waiting for 7 months like i did
midge843: waiting for who for 7 months?
ChillinKitten13: matt
ChillinKitten13: and then steve
ChillinKitten13: both were lost causes
ChillinKitten13: i kick myself for thinking that i could one day be their girlfriend
ChillinKitten13: but that was all in the past
midge843: yeah well now look who you hav
midge843: *have
midge843: ten times better
midge843: then both of them
ChillinKitten13: i know
ChillinKitten13: and im happy that im with him
...cut some more...
...got on the topic about height and how nichole was short...
midge843: i just look at the inside of people
ChillinKitten13: its a very good qualtiy
midge843: and thats what i see in people
ChillinKitten13: wow, i cant type
midge843: and abby didnt see it in me apparently
midge843: haha its ok
ChillinKitten13: youre great on the outside and even better on the inside
midge843: eh i dont know why she doesnt see it
midge843: i see it in her
ChillinKitten13: abbys just unsure of herself...shes really young
midge843: i just feel like there's something wrong with me
ChillinKitten13: there isnt
ChillinKitten13: any girl would be lucky to be your girlfriend...you have so much to offer
midge843: eh i guess ill just have to give up on her
midge843: :'(
midge843: oh well
ChillinKitten13: im sorry
midge843: eh well
midge843: maybe one day she'll come around....if i'm really lucky
ChillinKitten13: pr
midge843: but im not looking foward to it
midge843: or anything
midge843: but it could happen, who knows
ChillinKitten13: youll meet a girl that is beyond what you ever wanted
midge843: eh i dont know
midge843: thats all i wanted
midge843: and i would have been completely happy
ChillinKitten13: well when the one youre meant to be with comes along, youll be like "abby who?"
midge843: yeah i dunno
ChillinKitten13: time will heal this wound
midge843: man it feels worse then breaking up with someone
midge843: and nothing even happened
ChillinKitten13: find something else to concentrate on
ChillinKitten13: like a hobby
ChillinKitten13: or something
midge843: ill try
midge843: i mean im not like
midge843: extremely upset anymore
midge843: i just wonder what went through her mind
midge843: i guess
midge843: thats all
ChillinKitten13: one may never know...
midge843: yeah which is the most annoying part
midge843: haha
ChillinKitten13: unfortuneately
midge843: i guess she's just not ready for a real relationship
ChillinKitten13: i dont think she is
midge843: and maybe got scared by me or something
midge843: and felt intimidated
midge843: who knows
ChillinKitten13: maybe she was afraid of attachment or losing you
midge843: i would never let her go
midge843: and i would be so much better to her
midge843: then dumb old andrew smith
midge843: and boda the fucker
midge843: who treated her like shit
midge843: so those guys turned her in to thinking all guys are like them
ChillinKitten13: i know...
midge843: and its not true
ChillinKitten13: and it takes awhile for a girl to realize that
midge843: and now she never got the chance to learn more about me
midge843: or even give me a shot
midge843: because of that
ChillinKitten13: life is far from fair...
midge843: i mean theres so much there
midge843: or at least i feel like it
midge843: man i think it could have worked out
ChillinKitten13: and she probably knows that...
midge843: how dumb
ChillinKitten13: i think its best that you try to move on instead of wondering "what if" because youll pay too much attention to her and will miss it when your future bride walks by
ChillinKitten13: you shouldnt dwindle on abby too long, youll miss out on other things
midge843: i dont know
ChillinKitten13: i know youre still upset...but the less time you think about her and what couldve been, the quicker and less painful getting over her will be
ChillinKitten13: h/o a min
midge843: yeah i guess
midge843: i mean i want to get over her
Auto response from ChillinKitten13: making chickin nuggets
midge843: but i also dont want to get over her
midge843: i dont know
midge843: i just think that fucker changed her whole outlook on guys
midge843: and me
midge843: fucking boda
midge843: when she started dating him she IM'd me and she was sooooo happy
midge843: and after she broke up with him, she hasnt been the same at all
midge843: not even a month later
ChillinKitten13: it takes time to recover
midge843: well yeah
midge843: i just mean
midge843: his whole idea of treating girls like tools
midge843: and not like other human beings
midge843: probably greatly affected her
ChillinKitten13: well many guys are like that
midge843: yeah, and now the problem is that she thinks all guys are
midge843: and probably thinks i am too
ChillinKitten13: i dont think so
midge843: i was just willing to try anything to make it work
midge843: and she just didnt care
ChillinKitten13: theres a characteristic that sometimes a girl can sense if the guy will be a dog
midge843: well she did
midge843: but over and over she would say
midge843: i want this to work
midge843: dont let go
ChillinKitten13: but i am a girl too (in case you hadnt noticed)
midge843: because she still needed her time
midge843: and then she just stopped
midge843: haha yes i know
ChillinKitten13: andi know that you are not a dog
ChillinKitten13: you dont womanize girls
ChillinKitten13: and she knows that
midge843: i know i dont, because thats awful
ChillinKitten13: and fortuneatley
ChillinKitten13: you are one of the few guys that ive come along that isnt like that
ChillinKitten13: but
midge843: yeah
ChillinKitten13: they say
midge843: well apparently im not good enough for her
ChillinKitten13: no josh, listen
ChillinKitten13: they say that it takes just as long to get over someone than the amount of time you were with them
midge843: apparently
ChillinKitten13: sometimes its sooner
midge843: well she had no problem just shipping me away
ChillinKitten13: but one has to be patient
ChillinKitten13: she has her guard up
midge843: well hopefully she finds someone better then me
ChillinKitten13: dont say that
ChillinKitten13: you mean something to her
ChillinKitten13: just because she doesnt like you as a boyfriend now, doesnt mean she doesnt care for you
ChillinKitten13: guys hound her
midge843: and girls have hounded me
midge843: but that doesnt mean i put up a guard or anything
ChillinKitten13: and although i know you are worth more than any other guy..
midge843: i dont allow myself to get overwhelmed
ChillinKitten13: she just sees guys as all the same..."oh another guy likes me. i dont want to get hurt, but i want a break from a relationship"
midge843: yeah and im just another gray guy in the big picture
ChillinKitten13: to her right now
ChillinKitten13: but that does NOT mean that she doesnt care for you
midge843: eh just as well
ChillinKitten13: she probably just wants a break from having any relationships so she can clear her head and realize that not all guys are dogs, and some love her for whats on the inside
midge843: yes i know
midge843: thats exactly what brought me to her
midge843: but she doesnt see that
midge843: unfortunately
midge843: :-(
ChillinKitten13: it will take time
midge843: if she were ugly as hell, i really wouldnt care
midge843: i dont put looks up there
midge843: they are nice but they arent the most important thing
ChillinKitten13: and thats a wonderful quality
ChillinKitten13: but dont let abby ruin your love future
ChillinKitten13: i know that she means a lot to you
midge843: yeah no kidding, lol
ChillinKitten13: but you need to start moving on
midge843: i know
ChillinKitten13: show her that you can function just as well without her
midge843: i will
ChillinKitten13: and she'll see that youre emotionally strong and will find that quality in you
midge843: yeah
midge843: alright well i have to go, aaron needs the computer
ChillinKitten13: ok
ChillinKitten13: please feel better
midge843: ill try
midge843: ill get over this
ChillinKitten13: i have faith that you will
midge843: and whatever happens in the future will happen
ChillinKitten13: there you go
midge843: alright ttyl
ChillinKitten13: good boy
midge843: haha
ChillinKitten13: cya
midge843: yup ill be on later
ChillinKitten13: ok
anyways...if anyone does read this...do you have any advice for josh?