Can't live with them, can't live without them
so i feel like absolutely everything in my life is flipped upside down, backwards right now. I'm going in circles and im about to throw up because im so dizzy.
My big problem is boys. When are they not a problem?
So there's three.. We'll call them J, C, and A. And each one is complicated. We'll start with C because he's the oldest.
We met last summer. Hung out a lot, never "dated" but we might as well have been. Neither of us were seeing anyone else. So January comes around, and i texted him to see if he wanted to do something one night. and I got a text back that basically said "i cant. i met someone else. im sorry." and i cried.. first guy i've EVER cried over. That was a tuesday. I decided right then and there fuck it, if it didnt really mean much to him at all, then i wasn't going to be upset about it.
Thursday, I met J online, and we met Saturday. And we hit it off right away. Completely comfortable together, never awkward... He was the first guy I ever brought home to meet my family. (I think he even said 'i love you' one night, but i dont know for sure. I don't know if i was awake or dreamed it.. but im leaning towards i was awake.) So everything was going well, then I randomly went home to CT for a weekend. And I came home and J had disappeared.. I messaged him once, called him twice.. nothing. So again, i figured fuck it.
After that happened, i started talking to C again. And he basically said that he really liked me, but didnt want something serious, just fwb.. but if he was looking for something serious, then he wouldnt hesitate to take it further with me. And like a sucker I am, i fell for it. So i start sleeping with him again.
Then I meet A. Again... i hit it off with him. He made me laugh a lot, we had a really good time. So we started hanging out.. maybe once a week. He kept askin me to sleep over, but with my work schedule I really couldnt. So he calls me up one day and asks if i wanna come over for dinner, watch a movie. So i go over and it was all good. I leave and he said he'd call me the next day and we'd do something friday night. Well he texts me in the morning with "im sorry, i dont think we should see each other again. im not ready for something serious, and its not fair to you." (are you seriously kidding me??) So i texted him back with basically a "ok, whatever." and that was that. we didn't talk again.
So in the meantime, i was still talking to C. I think we hooked up once or twice while that was going on with A. I am so insanely emotionally involved with C that it SUCKS. So for the last few weeks i've been hanging around with C once in a while. (hooking up with C once in a while.)
Then it gets better.
I see J online last weekend, and i was a lil drunk, a lil hurt, a lil pissed, a lil curious. So i IMed him. Basically said that i dont care at this point why he stopped talking to me so suddenly, but it was a really shitty thing to do. He didnt answer, i left. He IMed me later with "hey. sorry." So again i figured fuck it =)
We'll he's online again Monday night and i don't know why, but i IMed him again. So we start talking. And he explains what happened before. And how much he misses me, and how i'm the "best part of VA." and a bunch of other stuff. And I, of course, fall for it. I agree to see him Wednesday night. Well C texts me wanting to hook up, but i told him i was busy. Then i get a call from J.. he got called into work and can't hang out. Okay.. so we'll do something later on. I go shopping, on my way home i get a text from A.
Why the hell is A texting me? He asks if he's a jerk for texting me. So i answer him with "no, why would you be?" and he said something like "just realized i was a dick. and there was no reason for it. and now im sorry." then he said something about being insecure and thinking he doesnt deserve to be happy. And that he wants to see me again, and am i free weds or thurs night?
What do i do?????????
This is how i think of these guys.
C- Player. Just wants to hook up. But knows the right things to say and do. He's flat out said he doesnt want anything serious, but then he gets all sweet and acts like he does. I feel like i need to confront him with "I want something serious, and i can't do that if I keep seeing you." And im kind of hoping he'll say he's ready for something serious.. but at the same time i fear he'll do "okay, see ya." and i'd be really upset.
J- I really like. And I could see myself really getting serious with him. I dont see anything serious lasting with C.. But i do with J. But im just so confused by him and his disappearance before, and would he do it again? Does he want something serious now?
A- Partier. I had fun with him because we partied. I wasnt really upset when he said what he did about not seeing each other anymore. I was considering doing the same thing, only he beat me to the punch. And now, I'm tempted to see him again just because im bored. But he really seems the type to fall in love quick and become obsessed. And thats the last thing i need.
I guess i just need to be told what to do. I know what i really really should do (drop all 3 of them), i know what i want to do (be with jason) and i know that I can't just bring myself to do that. And it's absolutely eating me up.
My big problem is boys. When are they not a problem?
So there's three.. We'll call them J, C, and A. And each one is complicated. We'll start with C because he's the oldest.
We met last summer. Hung out a lot, never "dated" but we might as well have been. Neither of us were seeing anyone else. So January comes around, and i texted him to see if he wanted to do something one night. and I got a text back that basically said "i cant. i met someone else. im sorry." and i cried.. first guy i've EVER cried over. That was a tuesday. I decided right then and there fuck it, if it didnt really mean much to him at all, then i wasn't going to be upset about it.
Thursday, I met J online, and we met Saturday. And we hit it off right away. Completely comfortable together, never awkward... He was the first guy I ever brought home to meet my family. (I think he even said 'i love you' one night, but i dont know for sure. I don't know if i was awake or dreamed it.. but im leaning towards i was awake.) So everything was going well, then I randomly went home to CT for a weekend. And I came home and J had disappeared.. I messaged him once, called him twice.. nothing. So again, i figured fuck it.
After that happened, i started talking to C again. And he basically said that he really liked me, but didnt want something serious, just fwb.. but if he was looking for something serious, then he wouldnt hesitate to take it further with me. And like a sucker I am, i fell for it. So i start sleeping with him again.
Then I meet A. Again... i hit it off with him. He made me laugh a lot, we had a really good time. So we started hanging out.. maybe once a week. He kept askin me to sleep over, but with my work schedule I really couldnt. So he calls me up one day and asks if i wanna come over for dinner, watch a movie. So i go over and it was all good. I leave and he said he'd call me the next day and we'd do something friday night. Well he texts me in the morning with "im sorry, i dont think we should see each other again. im not ready for something serious, and its not fair to you." (are you seriously kidding me??) So i texted him back with basically a "ok, whatever." and that was that. we didn't talk again.
So in the meantime, i was still talking to C. I think we hooked up once or twice while that was going on with A. I am so insanely emotionally involved with C that it SUCKS. So for the last few weeks i've been hanging around with C once in a while. (hooking up with C once in a while.)
Then it gets better.
I see J online last weekend, and i was a lil drunk, a lil hurt, a lil pissed, a lil curious. So i IMed him. Basically said that i dont care at this point why he stopped talking to me so suddenly, but it was a really shitty thing to do. He didnt answer, i left. He IMed me later with "hey. sorry." So again i figured fuck it =)
We'll he's online again Monday night and i don't know why, but i IMed him again. So we start talking. And he explains what happened before. And how much he misses me, and how i'm the "best part of VA." and a bunch of other stuff. And I, of course, fall for it. I agree to see him Wednesday night. Well C texts me wanting to hook up, but i told him i was busy. Then i get a call from J.. he got called into work and can't hang out. Okay.. so we'll do something later on. I go shopping, on my way home i get a text from A.
Why the hell is A texting me? He asks if he's a jerk for texting me. So i answer him with "no, why would you be?" and he said something like "just realized i was a dick. and there was no reason for it. and now im sorry." then he said something about being insecure and thinking he doesnt deserve to be happy. And that he wants to see me again, and am i free weds or thurs night?
What do i do?????????
This is how i think of these guys.
C- Player. Just wants to hook up. But knows the right things to say and do. He's flat out said he doesnt want anything serious, but then he gets all sweet and acts like he does. I feel like i need to confront him with "I want something serious, and i can't do that if I keep seeing you." And im kind of hoping he'll say he's ready for something serious.. but at the same time i fear he'll do "okay, see ya." and i'd be really upset.
J- I really like. And I could see myself really getting serious with him. I dont see anything serious lasting with C.. But i do with J. But im just so confused by him and his disappearance before, and would he do it again? Does he want something serious now?
A- Partier. I had fun with him because we partied. I wasnt really upset when he said what he did about not seeing each other anymore. I was considering doing the same thing, only he beat me to the punch. And now, I'm tempted to see him again just because im bored. But he really seems the type to fall in love quick and become obsessed. And thats the last thing i need.
I guess i just need to be told what to do. I know what i really really should do (drop all 3 of them), i know what i want to do (be with jason) and i know that I can't just bring myself to do that. And it's absolutely eating me up.