(no subject)
Blah I'm sooooo hot, no ac in my car or my house right now and it's pretty much 90 out and humid as hell..I'm tempted to strip down and lie naked on my cold porcelain kitchen floor with my cat lol
So now it's time to figure out what to do. I'm done with school pretty much, I just have one math test to go take but I have all year now apparently to do that. I'm waiting for a call back from my work, they want to give me more clients and thats good for me. I'm at a crossroads of what I really wanna do though..I suppose I should just go with the flow and figure it out from there. I think way too much, and it only gets the better of me.
I notice time heals most things now, but it doesnt change people if they dont want to change and it doesnt make you forget. I've built myself up so much to have thick skin because I've just had to with dealing with the way my life has been the past few years, and I've forgotten a lot of who I used to be. I've pushed my emotions away when they should be there, and let them out when I probably shouldnt so much, and lately I just think I'm overloaded with it all. I'm learning though..we're all learning, and you can't learn unless you take risks and let yourself out-the real you and your real emotions.
Writing is theraputic for me, and I stopped writing for a while and closed myself off. Even if no one reads what I have to say I could care less, it's meant for me. I've filled up my last journal, I suppose I need to start on the one that was given to me recently..the irony in that one.
I'm hoping it doesnt storm tonight, I really wanna hit the course with Joe..he's one of those people who can cheer you up and make you laugh no matter what kind of mood you're in. Same with my brother, very few people can do that for me. I think my solemness today stems from my realization of my stupidity in the past year and not acting strong enough to move on from things. Being lost is a big part of it and I probably still am some but at a lesser degree, atleast I can recognize what I enabled to take place that was just dragging me down further. I will always wonder if there is such thing as perfect unconditional love and understanding and if I've ever experienced it.
So now it's time to figure out what to do. I'm done with school pretty much, I just have one math test to go take but I have all year now apparently to do that. I'm waiting for a call back from my work, they want to give me more clients and thats good for me. I'm at a crossroads of what I really wanna do though..I suppose I should just go with the flow and figure it out from there. I think way too much, and it only gets the better of me.
I notice time heals most things now, but it doesnt change people if they dont want to change and it doesnt make you forget. I've built myself up so much to have thick skin because I've just had to with dealing with the way my life has been the past few years, and I've forgotten a lot of who I used to be. I've pushed my emotions away when they should be there, and let them out when I probably shouldnt so much, and lately I just think I'm overloaded with it all. I'm learning though..we're all learning, and you can't learn unless you take risks and let yourself out-the real you and your real emotions.
Writing is theraputic for me, and I stopped writing for a while and closed myself off. Even if no one reads what I have to say I could care less, it's meant for me. I've filled up my last journal, I suppose I need to start on the one that was given to me recently..the irony in that one.
I'm hoping it doesnt storm tonight, I really wanna hit the course with Joe..he's one of those people who can cheer you up and make you laugh no matter what kind of mood you're in. Same with my brother, very few people can do that for me. I think my solemness today stems from my realization of my stupidity in the past year and not acting strong enough to move on from things. Being lost is a big part of it and I probably still am some but at a lesser degree, atleast I can recognize what I enabled to take place that was just dragging me down further. I will always wonder if there is such thing as perfect unconditional love and understanding and if I've ever experienced it.