-[ hello ]-
i remember my happiest high. it was a day at grace's house and me & natty had come over for a smoke. i started doing my algebra homework cuz i cared back then, and following that we passed the joint around. dude i could NOT stop laughing. her dog kept on bringing me a sock and i tried for hours to rip it out of her teeth just to throw it for her to repeat the same story over again. i was so happy that day. happy not to be affected by alex. happy not to be bothered by my mother. happy to be out of school with 2 awesome girls who were fuckin as weird as me...everything was so damn peachy that day.
i dont remember what its like to let yourself free and laugh but thinking of that day at least i know that i was once capable of achieving such a high in life. growing up is bullshit. all it means is being born all over again. getting different, "new & improved" ideas developed and incorporated in your daily life. what the fuck does it matter thou? even if i incorporate them into this bulsshit life of mine who the fuck is gonna share my joy? everyone is too wrapped up in their own shit to share joy. they just envy and hate people who are happy. and even though i havent been happy for years, they still manage to make me feel like i should just hate them all. why do i love the world if it hates me back? who the fuck cares...
eric was supposed to show up in jersey today but i wouldnt have been able to see him anyway so maybe its better that he didnt come down this weekend. he's a cool person. i deno how much shit he hides behind his eyes, but he acts very convincing. i love being tricked into laughter. haha. he's the type of person that can do that. alex used to be like that...but then all that E shit happened with me being uncommitted and everything went.........frownie-face? lol im s0 gay. .. . .
i havent gone to sleep in a while. its 4:20.......AM...why the fuck am i awake? sleeping isnt fullfilling anymore. im supposed to chill with rochelle tomorrow but what in the bloody hell will we do? this whole fucking state blows. its not even the town anymore. its the whole freakin state. who fucking willingly lives in new jersey for over 5 years? its my 6th year and im getting spasmatic about livin here. rock n roll baby.
lets talk shit about people--->so that girl julia got eaten out while she had her period. why the FUCK do people care? does it really make their day to know a useless disturbing piece of information about a person they only said hi to twice over the 4 years they went to school with her for? tisk tisk dumb people...
how come evrything in life fails? and and and...why cant someone make themselves truely happy? how do u find out what really makes u happy? ahhh how nice to be certain of your future...right...
My December by Linkin Park is the most beautiful song i've ever heard in my life. it is my permanent escape from everything that went wrong when for the first time my life wasnt perfect. it was the song i fell in love to and the song that brought me down to reality. it comforted me when i was alone far away and it played in the background when i was building my bestest memories with a person i didnt know at all yet loved with all my heart from the first day i saw him. and now i listen to it with no feeling at all. honestly the only reason i say that is because i have no idea what this feeling is. is it disappointment? regret? is it the same feeling i get when he takes a step backwards indtead of going foward? i wish i knew what this feeling was called.
i painted my nails black! they look puuurty. and since i had nothing better to do from 3 to 4 in tha morn, i braided my hair and lotioned my body. wow i wish i had a fuckin sibling so i can bother them. i hate being an only child. makes you fuckin learn to talk to yourself. wow this song thats on SUCKS....imma go on AIM now and bother random insomaniacs in hoped they dont run away from me...love and peace to all <3
i dont remember what its like to let yourself free and laugh but thinking of that day at least i know that i was once capable of achieving such a high in life. growing up is bullshit. all it means is being born all over again. getting different, "new & improved" ideas developed and incorporated in your daily life. what the fuck does it matter thou? even if i incorporate them into this bulsshit life of mine who the fuck is gonna share my joy? everyone is too wrapped up in their own shit to share joy. they just envy and hate people who are happy. and even though i havent been happy for years, they still manage to make me feel like i should just hate them all. why do i love the world if it hates me back? who the fuck cares...
eric was supposed to show up in jersey today but i wouldnt have been able to see him anyway so maybe its better that he didnt come down this weekend. he's a cool person. i deno how much shit he hides behind his eyes, but he acts very convincing. i love being tricked into laughter. haha. he's the type of person that can do that. alex used to be like that...but then all that E shit happened with me being uncommitted and everything went.........frownie-face? lol im s0 gay. .. . .
i havent gone to sleep in a while. its 4:20.......AM...why the fuck am i awake? sleeping isnt fullfilling anymore. im supposed to chill with rochelle tomorrow but what in the bloody hell will we do? this whole fucking state blows. its not even the town anymore. its the whole freakin state. who fucking willingly lives in new jersey for over 5 years? its my 6th year and im getting spasmatic about livin here. rock n roll baby.
lets talk shit about people--->so that girl julia got eaten out while she had her period. why the FUCK do people care? does it really make their day to know a useless disturbing piece of information about a person they only said hi to twice over the 4 years they went to school with her for? tisk tisk dumb people...
how come evrything in life fails? and and and...why cant someone make themselves truely happy? how do u find out what really makes u happy? ahhh how nice to be certain of your future...right...
My December by Linkin Park is the most beautiful song i've ever heard in my life. it is my permanent escape from everything that went wrong when for the first time my life wasnt perfect. it was the song i fell in love to and the song that brought me down to reality. it comforted me when i was alone far away and it played in the background when i was building my bestest memories with a person i didnt know at all yet loved with all my heart from the first day i saw him. and now i listen to it with no feeling at all. honestly the only reason i say that is because i have no idea what this feeling is. is it disappointment? regret? is it the same feeling i get when he takes a step backwards indtead of going foward? i wish i knew what this feeling was called.
i painted my nails black! they look puuurty. and since i had nothing better to do from 3 to 4 in tha morn, i braided my hair and lotioned my body. wow i wish i had a fuckin sibling so i can bother them. i hate being an only child. makes you fuckin learn to talk to yourself. wow this song thats on SUCKS....imma go on AIM now and bother random insomaniacs in hoped they dont run away from me...love and peace to all <3